Mai Lynn
Life is most certainly like a box of chocolates; you never know what will happen next. Unfortunately, there is someone who knows exactly what will happen all the time. Every day is the same for him, just one repeating, never ending cycle of angst and torture. Almost every morning, a terrible nightmare which freezes his heart and forces tears to dry on his cheeks awakens him around three o�clock (sometimes five, if he�s lucky). After taking a shower and getting dressed, he trudges down the stairs, only to have his father curse at him for reasons which are out of his control. At school, he is constantly bullied by his peers for his looks and behavior. Thankfully, the few friends he has are always there to cheer him up a little. He relies on us to allow him a small smile, though he will never tell us what is bothering him for fear that he will be a hindrance. Afterward, he attempts to stay away from his house as much as possible, even going so far as to sneak in at midnight, only to be haunted by the same nightmares that scare him awake to endure the same routine. Sounds like a story, doesn�t it? Regrettably, it is not the case. My friend, who will remain unnamed, lives this kind of life. Up until a few days ago, I only sympathized from afar, never exactly understanding what he meant when he said his life was like �one long, never ending road�; this viewpoint changed drastically as I finally understood what he stands for from the perspective of a depressing film.
About two days ago, my sister and I watched My Own Private Idaho deep down in our dreary but warm game room. The movie was not exactly Oscar material, but a few of the stunning camera shots and the breathtaking scenery were rather pleasing to the eye. It was filmed mostly in Portland, but also went to Idaho and Italy. All of the places were very interesting to see, especially the long road in Idaho surrounded by wheat fields. I cannot describe what the movie is about without giving it away, but I can say that the main character, played by River Phoenix, reminded me greatly of my depressed friend. In this movie, River Phoenix portrays a narcoleptic prostitute who appears to have no clue about how to live his life or what he is supposed to do with the life he was thrown into. The protagonist merely lives day by day, allowing things to happen while he simply watches what occurs after letting those things take place. Though he had friends, he seemed out of place and lost all the time. He never truly pursued any goals, other than to find his estranged mother who haunted his sleeping spells continuously. After receiving a hint of where she might be, he followed her trail for a few months with his close friend. However, he did not have enough courage or resources to continue the search after coming to a dead end in Italy. Throughout the darkly poetic movie, horrible things repeatedly happen to him, causing him to be intensely depressed and miserable as he blindly feels his way through a calloused world of colorful lies and fantastic deception.
In the end, he is alone on a highway in Idaho; to the left are forest green fields of something (Grass, maybe?) while on the right are golden wheat fields. He is mumbling incoherently before whispering audibly, �One long, never ending road� before collapsing into a deep sleep, twitching as his erratic breathing filled the silence of the Idaho highway. After a few minutes, two cars will pass him. The first is an old pickup truck housing two grimy and dirty men. The truck stops and the two men stagger out of the truck and search the narcoleptic sleeper before stealing his shoes and what little luggage he had. The second car, a rusted yellow Volkswagen, picks him up, drags him to the passenger side of the car, loads him in and drives him away. The person in the second car is never seen. We are left to wonder if the person is going to help the poor protagonist or only assist him in his enduring torture of living as an abandoned prostitute. This ending left a bad taste in one�s mouth as well as a heavy weight pulling at the chest.
My eyes were blurred from unshed tears while my throat felt constricted and tight. My sister next to me arched an eyebrow and questioned if it was the end. Both of us began to discuss the movie as horrible music filled our ears while the credits scrolled down the screen. Throughout our discussion, I realized that, though I thought the movie was inadequate in supplying me with decent entertainment, it left a lasting impression upon me. For a brief second, I thought about what life would be like if it were a lonely, never ending road. Life would only be a mere walk that stretched onwards forever, into the deepest, darkest recesses of the mind. In steps, life will unfold in front of you. You are born, crying and screaming as your mother caresses you. You will hopefully survive elementary, middle and high school as well as attaining a few friends and trying to find out who you are and what your purpose in life is. After that, if you are lucky, you carry on to college then get a job in the degree you had graduated with. If you can�t get to college, then you can find a job without a college education, go the army or pursue nothing and live at home with Mom and Dad. Or you could attempt to live a life alone. If you can survive out on your own and still manage to keep a social life, you will either get married and live a life of marriage or live the single life until retirement. Then you die, hopefully with friends, family and people who care about you. Actually, there is always someone to care about you, whether that someone is a life long friend or a passing cat, he or she will care.
While the road I had just described is usually what life contains, my friend�s road is not as fruitful as ours with the delightful choices. He was born crying and screaming while his mother lay bleeding and cold. He will continue to endure the last year of 12 years full of violence, name calling and domestic abuse while feeling utterly lost and confused. With his current self esteem and ambition, he will probably not make it college and be forced out of his house to attempt a life alone. Either he will find help, or he will not. Then he will die. To my friend, his life is bleak; he sees nothing great happening to him in the future. He does not see a job or security and he doubts if he will keep what little friends he has now. With no desire to live, he will merely exist day by day, allowing these horrible things to happen to him. �Why bother to fight it, if it will just happen again?� is his poor reasoning. Fortunately, I understand. My friend believes that there is no purpose to life; he exists only to die.
With this understanding, maybe I can help him before it is too late. With his other friends and I (Actually, all five of my friends are his friends� We�re a close group), we can let him know that with loved ones he can find a genuine purpose in life and fulfill it. Whether that purpose is to be a good friend, a loving husband or find a stellar job in some career, I want to help him understand it and achieve it. Apparently, My Own Private Idaho did have a meaning; People who do nothing about their life and decide to just endure it, amount to nothing and achieve artificial happiness. People who decide to accomplish goals and desires amount to greatness with true happiness and satisfaction. Instead of achieving artificial happiness, my friend has chosen ultimate and truthful suffering by staying and enduring. Though it is always decent to attain something that is not fake, depression and suffering is not exactly a good truth to bestow upon oneself. Therefore, my friend will have his few good friends to support him and hopefully lift him out of his desperate and purposeless life. Maybe we can guide him towards a greater future, filled with happiness and the feeling of being whole and wanted. It is not virtuous enough to finally understand what my friend stands for and believes in; it is imperative that his friends, including me, give him directions to a better road and stay with him until we reach the dead end known as death. I have understood his feelings; now is the time for him to understand the feelings of his friends.
