"Pocahontas, come and help me please!" Nakoma's voice rang out as she struggled with the heavy basket of corn.
Sighing, Pocahontas stood and walked over to her friend, "Here, I'll take it for you." It has been two weeks since John Smith's departure for England and Nakoma, Powhatan, and just about anyone in the village were beside themselves, trying to cheer Pocahontas but it was no use. They all knew that a part of her had gone to London with him, no matter how much she insisted she was happy with the decition she had made.
******
Pocahontas sat on a tree stump near Grandmother Willow's tree, deep in thought.
"Pocahontas?" A soft voice made her jump from her trance.
"Thomas, wingapo," she said as she stood and extended her hand.
"Wingapo, may I sit with you?"
"Yes, of course," she replied sitting down cross legged on the ground infront of him. Thomas sighed and sat on the stump, trying not to glance over to where he had killed Cokoum just weeks earlier.
"How are you?" He inquired instead, focussing his eyes on the woman infront of him.
"I'm fine Thomas..."
"You're lying," he said abruptly, cutting her off.
"What?" She said, standing to her feet, "I'm not lying Thomas!" Her voice rose, like a child confessing
to a petty crime, "Don't presume to tell me how I feel you don't know me!" Thomas sat stund, though he knew the truth he could see it.
"You're lying," he repeated softly.
"You're a fool," she retorted and turned away from him, "You all are, tell that to whomever sent you!" She screamed and disappeared into the forest.
In Pocahontas's mind, it seemed that nothing was going right since he had left.
"Why did I not go?" The question ran through her head as she thought about her answer, "I'm needed here," she had replied. Sinking to her knees at the bank of the river she layed her head in her hands.
"I'm sorry I was harsh," Thomas said as he knelt beside her.
"Please, leave me," she whispered, "I just want to be alone." 'I am alone' she thought as she stood up and faced Thomas.
"What you-what everyone has done means a lot to me but I just feel alone;lost," she said as she hung her head. Feelings of gilt and the constant saying ran through her head, 'not him, why not me'?
"I understand," Thomas replied gentley placing his hand on her shoulder, lowering his head to see the flash of gilt in her eyes.
"No, no you do not," she retorted, lifting her eyes in order to meet his gaze, "no one knows what it's like."
"I do," Thomas said, so quietly that she barely heard him.
She sighed, "Care to tell me what happened?" She guestured for him to follow her as she walked over to a stump and the two sat down together. The young man sat down with one hand on his knee and the other underneath his chin. 'Should I tell?' he thought as his young mind went back just three years before.
***Flashback***
"Son?"
Sixteen-year-old Thomas heard his mother's voice through the door of his room.
"Yes, mother, I'm coming," Thomas replied as he ajusted his hat and opened the door.
"The young lady is waiting Thomas, she's in the sitting room."
He silently followed his mother, Martha, toward the small outlit that served as a sitting room. Thomas sighed before his mother moved aside to allow him to enter the room.
"Miss Winters?"
Thomas inquired of the young red-headed woman that sat neatly on the sofa.
"Yes?"
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Thomas said, walking across the room and took the girl's hand in his. He briefly kissed it before letting go.
"Would you like some refreshments Miss Winters?"
It was set just a few weeks later, Thomas and Catherine Winter's were to be married.
"It's a fine match," Thomas's father said, "a good prodastent girl, comes from a good family, and you two seem to get on well enough."
"Yes father," Thomas replied, "tis a fine match."
In truth, Thomas was not lying; Catherine was a cheerful, beautiful woman of fifteen years. She would make a good bride and the dowry had already been payed. The wedding date had been set for June Tenth. The couple had courted for two months and both families had gotten together and decided their children's future.
"Thomas, are you ready?"
Martha's voice rang through the door, waking Thomas from a night of fitful sleep.
"Son?"
Thomas stumbled out of bed and crossed the room to the wash stand that stood in the corner of his room.
Today, was June Tenth.
"It's simply beautiful Thomas," Catherine said as he carried her tiny frame over to their wedding bed.
"So are you Cate," he whispered as he gentley lowered her to the soft bedding beneath them. He removed her night dress and heard her gasp as he gazed at her virgin body.
"Cate?" He whispered, "are you alright?"
"Yes Thomas, I am fine," she replied, her voice no more than a whisper over the light rain that fell outside. He quietly undressed in front of her and gentley held her. He knew the pain that he was about to inflict on his sweet wife.
"I love you Cate," he whispered as he kissed the softness of her red hair.
She made no reply as he gentley kissed her again.
It wasn't long before Catherine began warming up to the fact that Thomas was her husband, and even less time before she had become with child. Thomas was overjoyed at the news of his new wife already giving him a child. Over the months, Thomas and Catherine had begun to fall in love.
"Thomas, can you help me please?" Catherine inquired as she knelt by there garden in the back of the house.
"Here," he said as he lifted her into his arms, "I'll carry you back towards the house."
She giggled as he sat her down in a chair by the fire and went to fix her a cup of tea.
"I am the wife," she chited, "that's not your duty."
"Tis not yours either," he said as he handed it to her, "careful with that."
He sat at her feet, watching her as she took a few tentative sips, "the babe's been moving a lot."
"Oh?"
Thomas asked as he placed a hand over her swollen middle, "you are going to make a wonderful mother."
Thomas said and kissed her as she smiled lovingly up at him.
"Thomas? Thomas?"
Catherine's frightened voice shook him from sleep one cold Febuary night.
"What is it?" He inquired as he rubbed his eyes from sleep.
"Cate?" He inquired again when she didn't answer.
"My time's come early," she stated as another pain gripped her.
As quick as lightening, Thomas got dressed and ran out into the bitterly cold night in search of the local midwife.
Thomas sat in a chair in the kitchen of his house while Catherine labored just a few feet away in there bedroom. His mother had come bye and offered for him to spend the night at his old home but Thomas refused. He had to be here, in case she needed him.
A blood-curdling scream brought Thomas out of his thoughts as he raced to the bedchamber door, unseen by the midwife.
"That's it ma'am, keep bearing down and push now!"
The midwife said as Catherine let out another high-pitched scream, followed by a long, drawn out wail of a baby. Not caring if the midwife shoed him away, Thomas burst through the door.
"Sir!"
The woman shouted but Thomas wasted no time in going to his wife's side.
"Thomas," Cate said, her voice weak and face and hair wet with sweat.
"I'm here Cate, I'm here," he said as he knelt by her, gathering her close to him. Her once pink skin was ghostly pale as beads of sweat ran between her eyes.
"Meet your son," she whispered.
"How is he?"
"He is small sir," the elder woman replied handing him to Catherine to be nursed.
"You did well ma'am," the woman praised her as she rose and cleaned off Catherine.
"I want to sleep," Cate said, bringing Thomas back to reality.
"Yes, darling," Thomas said as he kissed her cheek. Before he pulled away, her small hand reached up and touched his cheek.
"Thomas, I love you to, I always have."
He stood and patted his son's head, "Thomas, please move on with your life. Do not grieve so over me."
"Don't say that, you'll be alright, you need rest."
She gripped his hand, "go on with your life."
"I will Catherine," he said, his voice choked with unshed tears.
He kissed her again as she closed her eyes.
Cold, a heavy cold awoke him the next morning, along with a soft knock on the bedchamber door.
"Sir," the midwife, Anne said.
"How is she?"
"She's gone sir," Anne replied, her eyes somber.
"No, I spoke to her last night--" He said as he swallowed back the lump that formed in his throat.
"Our son?"
"He's past on as well, she was to young, to tiny for the birth."
A soft but cold rain fell as they barried Catherine's and Thomas's son. Thomas stood quietly as the families said final preyers and turned away from the cold grave.
"Thomas, come back to the house," Martha said, lying a comforting hand on her son's shoulder.
The man just shook his head, "Go on mom, I'll be along."
Once everyone had left, the boy fell to his knees and wept over Catherine's fresh grave.
"I-I'm so I'm so sorry Cate, I love you, I'm sorry!"
Thomas sobbed, "Why Lord why?!" He cried for what seemed like hours begging Catherine to forgive him. He was always taught that things happened for a reason; but, as Thomas dried his tears and heavily got to his feet, he prayed that God would show him the reason why soon.
*****End of flashback****
"I wanted to end it all, I went down to the inn that was at the docks,"
"What happened there?" Pocahontas asked, looking in Thomas's blue eyes.
"I met this whore, I was tempted to have her for the night but I didn't instead, I drank until there was no more pain to feel. The next morning, I made my way down to the docks and signed up for whatever ship was leaving England. I spent a year in Europe, and when I was back in London and heard about the Virginia company I took the chance."
"Why do you feel gilty?"
"I could've waited to make love to her, she was to small to give birth, I should've waited I should've done something to help her I..."
"Thomas, it was not your falt, you could not have known."
"That's the same thing for you Pocahontas."
"Thomas, it's different."
"How?"
Pocahontas hung her head in thought, "I know you are right but, how did you get over Catherine?"
"She wanted me to move on and I did, John would want the same for you Pocahontas, he would not want to see you like this."
He stood up as he glanced towards the sun, "I must leave for JamesTown."
"Shall I walk with you?"
"No, have a good day Pocahontas, think about what I've said." He left her then as she looked at herself in the river below.
********
A few more days past and everyone began to notice a slight change in Pocahontas's attitude. She spent more time with Nakoma and was less distraught. Even her father was surprised to learn that she had agreed to court Mojag.
