1999 - 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Health
Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Parents with Problem Teens
REVIEW TEAM
SUMMARY
In attendance: Mojgan Bailey, Marg Dennis, Marg Soyugenc, Marianne Peltier, Vic Chamness, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Dorothy:
Middle-aged mother of two children. Father was alcoholic, she married an alcoholic (now divorced), and has her own problems with addictions (she’s now in “recovery”). Children in their 20’s. The daughter was athletic and was part of sports until about age 16. She began having problems with drugs and alcohol. Growing up her daughter was a tomboy and used to “protect” older brother from other boys. Daughter has some “sexual orientation issues”. Daughter has had a number of run-ins with law enforcement (DUIs, public intoxication, resisting arrest, etc.). On one occasion, daughter called from jail and threatened suicide if Dorothy didn’t bail her out. Dorothy is now involved in parent support group and recognizes that she and her ex-husband have “enabled” her daughter: bailing her out when in trouble, supporting her even with her “bad choices”. The son also has had a number of legal problems. The most significant was causing an accident while intoxicated which resulted in the death of a person in another car. He spent time in prison for it. Dorothy is having a hard time “detaching” from her children, letting them feel the full brunt of their “bad choices”. She no longer wants to “enable” them, but it causes her pain. She does end on optimistic note, citing her supportive friends, good job, and her hobby of raising dogs. She does worry about the effects her own lifestyle and drug habits had on her children. She seems to have a certain degree of guilt.
Married, 3 children, “happy family”, older girl, younger girl, and middle son with alcohol problem. Close to son until around the 7th grade, he became withdrawn, and had a lot of anger and resentment. Had some problems with depression, was under medication for it. Depression on Tom’s side of family. They became aware of his problem when he attempted suicide when on drinking bout with friends. Son has mental abilities but was ashamed and embarrassed by his good grades. Like his mother, doesn’t like to draw attention to himself. Problems with son began in elementary years – not fitting in with other kids, not allowed to be himself. Tom and Marge both believe that drinking problem is epidemic on west side of Evansville: parents approve of and sometime provide teens with alcohol. They even lowered their standards and allowed drinking at home on New Year’s Eve, concerned about their safety on the roads that night. Both are convinced that their son’s problems is biologically based, they believe they did everything they could to provide safety, comfort, support, nurturance. Tom also believes that peer pressure can be equally addictive. Some indication of alcoholism in Tom’s family.
Peggy:
Married with daughter who was “perfect child” up until about the 7th grade. Tried a private school for a while, but didn’t seem to help. Started having anger fits, lost motivation for school, skipping school often. She and her husband struggled trying to find out why their daughter turned “bad”, felt like she was going “insane” trying to understand it. Doctor diagnosed her as ADD. Daughter ran away, police found her, parents admitted her to treatment center. Daughter is evidently doing better now, she got married, has a child, seems well adjusted. Peggy believes that facing the reality of life helped to straighten her out; she and her husband “enabled” her by supporting her needs. They too had to “detach” from her to change her behavior and have her accept responsibility. There does not seem to be a history of alcoholism in their family.
Judy:
Recently widowed, with 4 children. She and her husband adopted one child who was friends with their daughter. One of the sons was also using drugs/alcohol but wasn’t the major focus of her story. They were concerned at one time that the adopted daughter might negatively influence their daughter (there seemed to be alcoholism in the adopted daughter’s family). Natural daughter involved in sports and did well in school up until age 16. She then got her own car and around that time other changes were noticeable. Her grades went down, negative attitude, and began skipping school. Concern that her car became a private “spare room”. Judy tried to figure out what was happening: studied child development books, hoping it was all normal growing pains. Started family conferences and discovered daughter “just” wanted to smoke in the house, this was the supposed source of her family agitation. They acquiesced but didn’t stop the negative behavior. Daughter kept skipping school. Judy finally calls police, find her at friends house, and threatens to take car away if she doesn’t get drug tested. “Fortunately” the test is positive and Judy forces the daughter into treatment. Judy also becomes involved in family support group and is able to deal with the guilt she has about her daughter’s behavior. Some of the guilt is about being a “bad parent”, some about her belief there is alcoholism on both sides of the family and they may have given her daughter “bad genes”. Her daughter neglected her own children and Judy helped them when needed. She now believes that she should not “enable” her daughter and rather than taking care of the grandchildren she makes sure her daughter provides for their needs. Daughter is clean now but has relapses.
Common Issues:
1999 - 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Health
Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Parents with Teens Under Age 20
SECOND TRANSCRIPT
REVIEW TEAM SUMMARY
In attendance: Bill Wooten, Marg Dennis, Marg Soyugenc, Marianne Peltier, Vic Chamness, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Jane:
White, middle-aged, 1 teenage daughter, and 3 grown step-children. She and husband are professionals, he’s involved with religion. Volunteers with youth group at church. Stepchildren were all involved in alcohol and drug abuse, “not a good situation”. She and daughter go to Alanon and Alateen (support groups for family members of abusers). Is a bonding experience for them. Says her daughter told her she tried marijuana but didn’t like it, didn’t like “not being in control”. Her daughter is an artist, and she is concerned about the friends she associates with. Daughter wears a lot of dark clothes. Her daughter tells her that friends lie to their parents all the time, but Jane feels like she’s honest with her. She believes she models appropriate drinking behavior by only drinking in moderation, at home, and never while driving. Jane believes she can tell when her daughter is telling the truth. Believes that kids must be shown the consequences of their behaviors – their church group took the youth through the jail, as an example. Believes that the anti-drug commercials are realistic and effective.
Della:
White, married, 3 adolescent children. She works as a housekeeper, husband works two jobs. She works her schedule around kids to be at home. Other parents come to her house to complain about their kids – who are doing drugs. She smokes and takes offense when kids come home from school and give her hard time about it (thinks they should focus on alcohol and drugs). Is trying to quit smoking. Tries to relate to her children, keep communications open. Della also talks with other kids about their problems. She drank and smoked marijuana when young, but realizes it was a mistake. Beginning to see drug and alcohol problems at her middle school. Sees parents who do drugs and alcohol and the effect this has on their children. Believes that some kids are not taught respect for others, and given no discipline at home. She’s trying to teach her kids responsibility. She has a strong commitment to education for her children. Concerned about husband’s family and their get-togethers: alcohol is everywhere. She believes alcohol and drug problem not just a “poor person’s problem”, it is everywhere.
Carol:
Single, 3 adolescent-teen children. Employed in job placement. Her house is gathering place for neighborhood kids, she’s a “Kool Aid Mom”. Concerned about kids wanting expensive clothes and being able to go to expensive activities – feels she can’t keep up. Feels there is a lot of peer pressure to get involved with drugs. Likes to dance and have fun with her kids. Friends of her kids come over even when they’re not there. Plays games with them. Has open communication with her children. They have told her about experimenting with alcohol and drugs, she doesn’t condemn them, wants to keep communication open, and doesn’t’ punish them. Son was involved in incident at school, accused of bringing drugs to school – was eventually cleared but had to attend alternative school for a while. Wishes they had more activities for teens – an under 21 club. Also should be more activities for younger kids, affordable ones. She experienced a lot as a teenager (sex and some marijuana), so tries to relate to her kids experiences, while guiding them in the right direction. Tries to teach her children not to judge others by their appearances. Found out her daughter was having sex with boyfriend and put her on birth control, and encourages use of condoms.
Sally:
Black, single mother, 2 children and 3 foster children (ages 9 through 20). Employed. Involved with her church. 16 year old daughter aspires to be pediatric neurologist, grades are important. Older son smokes, but not in front of her. Three younger ones are nieces and nephews whom she has taken in as foster children. They smoked cigarettes, and were exposed to other drugs, but are into sports and want to stay away from it all. Foster kids were pretty wild at first, but she gave them structure. Feels she gives her kids a good environment.
Beth:
Married, white, 3 sons (ages 9 – 20). She runs a daycare. Hasn’t had a problem with her kids, the 17 year old has done “really well”. Kids attend parochial school. Appreciate the Officer Friendly program. Sons are into sports and know that drinking and drugs will get you kicked off the team. She is worried about her 19 year old in college. Hopes she has instilled the right values to keep him clean. Knows he smokes cigarettes, find lighters in his pockets and throws them away…feels like he gets the message. Feels like she has trust with her children.
Beverly:
Recently married, 3 adopted children. They all live in her parent’s house. She had foster children too but had some problem with a drowning death. All of her kids are on some type of medication, possibly hyperactivity. Problem with her children lying. Wishes someone could put them in jail for an experience to scare them straight. Sent kids to private school for a while, but now concerned about “someone else’s belief” being taught in school. Knows a father who smokes pot with his sons, and they get into all kinds of trouble. Believes kids want limits and structure. Beverly feels it’s important to let kids know you love them and will be there for them when in trouble. Feels she was raised in dysfunctional family – wasn’t told she had an older brother until she was 30 years old. Her mother was upset when she became pregnant at age 18, brought back her teenage pregnancy. Beverly gave up her daughter for adoption. Sad about that, but realizes it is consequence for her poor decisions – which she tries to teach her children. Wishes there were other ways to discipline her children besides “taking stuff away”. Wants more fun activities for youth.
Common Issues:
1999 - 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Health
Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Teens with Alcohol/Drug Problems
In attendance: Mojgan Bailey, Garvin Senn, Diane Clements, Jacklyn Kloehn, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Ricky:
White male, lives with both parents. Started smoking pot freshman year. Even though adults told him pot was bad none of his friends believed it, seemed like just a good time, good laughs. Neighbor youth kept pressing him to try it. When he turned 16 and got his drivers license he starting selling pot, and advanced to other drugs and alcohol. Has a friend working in pharmacy who helps supply him with prescription drugs for sale and use. Liked the “buzz” of other drugs, which didn’t have the smell associated with alcohol. He would get high during the school week, and drunk and high on the weekend. Grades started to drop. Parents began to suspect his drug involvement when police searched his car for drugs, but he lied to them and they bought it. Until he was pulled over later and hit the police officer, and put into jail. Charged with DUI and got 2 year driver’s suspension, and 2 years Antabuse. Parents didn’t feel comfortable talking about his abuse problem. Feels that smoking pot is looked down upon in small town school, not the norm. Is in treatment now and feels he can better communicate with his parents about his problem.
Russell:
White male, older teen. Took first drink at age 16, right after he got his driver’s license. Parents seemed to be positive influence. First started with cigarettes, then to alcohol. Would get sick after drinking, at first, but started building up a tolerance, and began drinking 2 or 3 times per week. Realized he was drinking too much because he was “making a lot of people mad”. He drank a lot more than friends. Cut back on drinking and started smoking marijuana. Started on “smoke out day” on April 20. Tried pot because he was bored and curious. When he played sports he got off everything, but then picked it up again afterwards. Went out of town with friends and got so drunk he passed out in car. Later that night, he attempted suicide. Parents brought to treatment center. Is in recovery, but still craves to drink. Concerned about becoming labeled a “pothead”.
Melissa:
White female, small town, cheerleader, popular student at high school. She tried marijuana when in 8th grade but didn’t like it – thought it made her “stupid”, same with alcohol. Mother was physically abusive and didn’t let her out much, but she was “daddy’s girl”. Started using cocaine and loved it, made her forget her problems at home or school. Got caught using cocaine at school. Her dad made her get into treatment. She is concerned about being labeled as a druggie” now, very traumatic. She was a good student, cheerleader, popular, and now she couldn’t even graduate with rest of her class. Feels that getting caught has helped her straighten out her life, especially being more open with her father about her problems, although has not changed things with her mom, she has no respect for her.
Mindy:
White female, lives in small town. Started smoking pot in the 8th grade out of curiosity. Quit using in freshman year for sports. Parents smoked “cigarettes with scissors” when she was young. Neighbor got her involved with pills. Started smoking and taking drugs every day, really liked crank, started using crack, losing weight, became heavily involved in drugs. She lost weight, bad hygiene, was with people she hated, fought with her boyfriend, and had suicidal thoughts. Her dad finally confronts her at crack house and insists on a drug test. He strikes her in the face, she gets out of the car and calls him a “crippled bastard” (he has disability). Friends eventually convince her to go in for treatment. Is remorseful about her behavior and the fact she’s now known as a “crack head” at school. Is now in recovery and hanging out with different friends. She states her mom is addicted to pain pills and her dad “is a wino” because there’s just nothing to do where they live. Mindy loves to rock climb, but it costs too much money. Hates school , its like a “nightmare”.
Cindy:
White female, 14-16 years old. She started smoking cigarettes in 5th grade, pot in the 6th grade. When she got high for first time, was “so much fun, laughing all night long”. Was a “good” kid prior to that, but started hanging out with the “potheads”. Smoking pot every day by the 8th grade. Parents were divorced, dad lives in another state. Went to live with him, starts using again and selling drugs, but quit after she got a “conscious attack”. Not many drug users in dad’s town, she became a leader in the drug scene there. Her dad sexually molested her and she returned to local area. Began smoking heavily, trying to escape and make her feel better – she “just wanted to die”. Goes to dances and parties and becomes highly intoxicated, ends up lying naked in tub of ice – doesn’t remember how she got there. Party was at hotel where parents provide the alcohol. Cindy starts doing cocaine, every day, including before school. Parents caught her smoking pot and grounded her, but she always found ways to still get high. Eventually her brother tells her parents about drug problem and parents took her to treatment -- but was still smoking pot every day. Went home drunk just 3 weeks ago and made her mom real mad, grounded her. Says the pot and drugs are around her everywhere, she can not escape them. Goes to AA meetings, but nobody is her age. Talks about “raves” – 3-day, anything-goes parties. Says that everybody, including the popular kids, are doing drugs. She feels like she’s biologically predisposed to alcohol and drugs.
Common Issues:
1999 - 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Health
Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Teens with Substance Problems
SECOND TRANSCRIPT
REVIEW TEAM SUMMARY
In attendance: Mojgan Bailey, Jaclyn Kloehn, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Joe:
20 year old white male. Long history of alcohol and drug addictions in family. Older brother also struggling with drug addiction. He started using alcohol around 6th grade – broke into parent’s liquor cabinet and drank so much he got ill. About a year later he begins smoking marijuana, and by the time he is in high school, he’s smoking pot daily. Also begins experimenting with other drugs, but seems to like alcohol, pot, acid and cocaine. He indicates there were no major “stresses” in his life, he was bored, everybody was doing it, and he liked getting high. By the time he’s a Junior he’s doing acid and cocaine heavily. Indicates that all the drugs are readily available at school, that it’s “mainstream”. Joe says that his grades were always pretty bad so he didn’t notice a falling off when he started regular drug use (later on when he quits using drugs, he does notice an improvement). Was pulled over by police for speeding (was out buying condoms) and arrested for DUI, and is mandatory treatment at center. He is urine tested weekly. Now states that he’s off the drugs, is not addicted, but will probably still drink alcohol, but not while driving. Does believe that drinking is more socially acceptable, and has began to switch friends (even though he also still associates with his “drug” friends – but they don’t pressure him because “they know”). Does realize all the negatives of his drug use. Feels like before he couldn’t control his drug use, but now can (?). Now believes his only addictions are “cigarettes and women”.
Dale:
Started smoking cigarettes in the 8th grade. Parents were divorced. He lived with his dad who had been arrested twice for DUI. He doesn’t know much about his mom and her family, but knows “they’re drinkers”. Dale was very active in sports in elementary school, very successful, playing on All Star teams. Also started drinking and smoking pot in 8th grade. Lost interest in sports and did not continue into high school. He believes that pot use is pervasive in high school, that “everybody does it”, including athletes, cheerleaders, the preppy. Has problems at school, and gets expelled almost every year. He begins stealing to help support his drug habit. When asked about studies which showed only a minority of kids used drugs in high school, Dale and all other participants laughed and stated they lied on those surveys. He believes some kids could control their use, he couldn’t. But he states that he now wants to stay clean. Was arrested for DUI, and in mandatory treatment. Dale feels that parents and society should have warned him better about the consequences of alcohol and drug use.
Bill:
Started using marijuana at age 15, crack at 16, and soon using it every day. Also liked acid. Lot of his friends were using it so he tried it, liked it, and “just kept using”. He believes that his use was also related to the desire to “be part of something, to belong”. Eventually starts having legal trouble – 3 counts of criminal mischief, minor consumption, and a battery charge. Eventually ends up in jail and the Youth Community Corrections facility. He was supposed to go to Boys School but they sent him to classes and treatment instead. There is a family history of alcohol and drug addictions and legal troubles. His uncle is in prison. Believes that parents should be more supporting and “be there” for kids when they get into trouble. Now believes that drugs “are a waste of time”. He doesn’t do drugs but is also tested weekly as part of treatment program.
Sam:
Started drinking in 5th grade at his friend’s house, and got sick. In 6th grade, started smoking pot with some friends after a baseball game (curiosity). In 7th grade, started smoking cigarettes on a daily basis. By the time he reaches high school he’s smoking pot a couple of times a day. Parents worked a lot and he was left alone a lot to use drugs. The parents didn’t approve of his use but also didn’t harass him about it. Accepted his stories. When he’s a junior there is a change in his behavior, he’s angry a lot. Arrested for possession and assault and is put on house arrest. Parents understood the battery charge because of his anger problem, but didn’t know how to deal with his drug charge – he denies it and says it belonged to somebody else. During his high school years, he progresses to other drugs (valium, mushrooms, cocaine, etc.). He liked trying new things – tried crank 6 times but “didn’t like it”. Was arrested recently for DUI and quit everything but alcohol. Is tested weekly. States that nothing would have changed if not for the DUI. He does realize changes now: he can think clearer and has future goals (going to join a union job that also requires drug testing). So, he believes he will stay straight, except for alcohol. He has changed friends, away from the drug crowd and into the drinkers.
Nikki:
White female. Started using cigarettes around age 13. She lived around some older youth (20, 28) and a crack house, and so drugs were readily available. She starts smoking pot at age 14 which she gets from a friend’s uncle. Also starts using variety legal prescriptions (Xanax, etc.). She likes the high she gets from the drugs. Her father is absent from her life, “He just doesn’t care”, and she has some conflicts with her mother but “She cares”. Nikki is angry a lot. Has problems at school, sleeping during class. Drug dogs sniff out pot in her locker and she’s expelled from school. Mom couldn’t control her anger and drug use and so puts her into treatment. The professionals didn’t feel she had severe enough problem for inpatient, and put her in outpatient program. She gets hooked up with other drug users in treatment program, and they begin doing drugs together. She does eventually graduate from high school. Was recently arrested for DUI and placed into mandatory treatment. She says she now realizes drugs were “messing up her life”.
Common Issues:
Compare &
Contrast with First Transcript:
1999 - 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Health
Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Elderly with Problems
SECOND TRANSCRIPT
REVIEW SUMMARY
In attendance: Jean Dremstedt, Faye Camp, Ginny O’Connor, Martha Thomas, Pearlie Miller, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Felix:
59 year old white male, born in Evansville around “High Street”. Father was very abusive, and eventually divorces his mother whom he calls “unfit”. Father has child taken from home and put in youth home. Some of his siblings run away first and he is sad about that. Felix was involved in sports and excelled at basketball. Teacher catches him smoking cigarettes and he gets kicked off the team, and his life goes down from there. He quits school (around age 16) and goes on a drunken armed robbery spree up to Chicago. Was caught and sent to the state farm on three occasions. He finally leaves Indiana and moves to California where he marries a woman and has several children. He works as a truck driver and continues his drinking during this time. He gets upset with his wife because she was a bad housekeeper, and blackens her eyes. She divorces him, they eventually get re-married, and the divorced again. She goes on to marry someone else and he seems happy for her. He goes into rehab a couple times while out in California, but returns to local area to be with his mother. He hated his father but always felt loving towards his mother. However, she recently dies and he goes on alcohol binges. He works at roofing jobs, even though he worked recently while drunk. He recently had an incident where he almost burned down apartment because he was drunk. Is now in treatment and hopes to overcome his problem. His kids are all doing drugs and he’s concerned about the effects on his grandchildren. He believes that if he would have had support at early age, his life would be much different.
Shirley:
White female, over age 60. She lived in small town and was married at age 16. Growing up her father drank while he worked and fought a lot with her mother. Had 4 kids with her husband. They start drinking when she is around 32, and she leaves her kids, divorces the husband, and moves to California to be with her sister. They have a good time drinking and driving on back roads. Says the reason she began drinking was because she was bored, and drinking was fun. She marries a truck driver in California and they drink and fight a lot. She goes with him on the road, but they don’t drink while he’s driving. He abuses her and breaks a lot of bones. They eventually are driving close to her small town and she tells him she hates him and she wants out. He stops the truck and that’s the last time she’s seen him. She is in treatment now because people at her public housing apartment accuse of her of being drunk and they put her into outpatient services. She doesn’t believe she has a problem, she can quit drinking when needed. She wants to stay sober now because graduation is coming up and she doesn’t want to embarrass her grandchildren. Also is working at child care center. She feels she’s not addicted, only drinks for social purposes. In hindsight, she now wishes she would have stayed with her first husband.
Common Issues:
1999 - 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Health Subcommittee
Review Team 4
Transcript Review:
Parents with Problem Teens
TRANSCRIPT REVIEW
SUMMARY
Summary of Stories:
Bill & Sue:
They have four grown kids and seven grandkids. Daughter started having problems at age 19, went on for 6 years, she checks herself into treatment. Started noticing changes in behavior in 7th grade. Had a ‘vacant’ look, grades dropped, seemed depressed. They got her into counseling. Evidently had been using marijuana and by the time she was 15 she got into heavy metal and wearing black. Sue believes that biological father’s family has many drug addicts and alcoholics, believes her daughter “has the genes”. Doctors and insurance companies do not agree the daughter has an addiction, believe her behavior is typical teenager patters. Mother enrolls her in group counseling. Daughter would run away, and mother would find her and bring her home. Parents in local support group, and learning to detach from their daughter. Bill talks about the embarrassment caused by his “troubled kid”, and their dissociation from others in community, and their family. They begin fighting among themselves, blaming each other for problems. States that the counseling and therapy since the 8th grade has amounted to between $50,000 and $100,000. Bill believes the problem is more pervasive among youth than adults realize.
Kelly:
Two sons, youngest son is addict. She has a lot of medical and mental health issues. He just turned 23. Started noticing changes around 15 or 16. Dropped out of band and joined football to impress girlfriend. Started skipping school. Got worse as senior in high school, a lot of lying and deceit. She decided to “take control”. Had him secretly tested for drugs, was positive, then enrolled in treatment program. Son was drinking a lot before then. Got picked up by the police. Also doing NyQuil and sniffing gasoline. Police, father and other relatives thought he was just “being a teenager”. She seems to be battling alone in her concern about his addiction. Came home once hallucinating from sniffing computer cleaner. Kelly believes that addiction is an inherited trait. Alcoholism on her dad’s side of family, some indication on husband’s side too. Evidently son had experimented with No-Doz. Son was missing several days, but when he returned voluntarily admitted himself to treatment program; has been clean now for 5 years. Still blames others for his problems, even though she believes he remains clean, working two jobs and going to school. He has an AA sponsor whom he believes God put into his life. She is concerned about him missing his AA meetings. Kelly and husband both smoke, and Kelly has depression and panic attacks.
Sara:
Two children – one teen and one over age 20. She noticed some behavioral changes in oldest son around age 15. Was a “model” student until then. Grades started to drop, became withdrawn, changed friends, some agitation. Sara believes some of the emotional turmoil was due to not knowing his biological father (Sara’s husband was stepfather from age 2). Son started drinking and smoking marijuana. Stepfather confronted him and physically extracted bag of pot from his pants, regrets that action now – stepson has a lot of anger towards him. Had doctor do a secret urinalysis test for drugs, was positive for cocaine. Tried to get committed to inpatient treatment program, but was told only intensive outpatient available. Son comes home, high on drugs, walking around naked, parents call 911. Son takes whole bottle of Loratab pills in hospital rest room, fearing police would find them. Becomes deathly ill. He goes into treatment center for 2 weeks. Has a cycle of trouble and treatment, with a “summer” pattern developing. Sara is dealing with her son’s support by herself, stepfather doesn’t know how to deal with him. Sara’s mother and father were blaming them for his problems. Son has another overdose and is admitted to hospital with tubes down his lungs and the doctor says ‘so, you’re going to try treatment again?”, and Sara says yes but son says “no, no”. At that point, Sara realizes she must “detach” from her son, to allow him to feel the consequences of his decisions. She tells him he can’t live at home anymore. Son puts his fist through door glass on way out. He goes to live with his grandmother, but that didn’t last long – was injecting drugs. “He’s struggled since then”. Son does not seem to accept treatment; they put him in for a while but stopped short of taking out a second mortgage for a 6 month stay. Son has violated his probation and can’t get a job because “they would find him”. Lives with his girlfriend. The younger daughter now is angry with him, feels like his abuse robbed her of a normal childhood. Sara also feels problem is genetic: “father did drugs, biological grandmother was an alcoholic, brother is functional alcoholic”.
Jane:
Three adopted children – older teens. Middle child “is my addict”. Took two years to convince anyone he had a problem, including his doctors. Son had drinking problem, would drink mouthwash, vanilla extract, sniff gasoline. Adoption papers indicated that biological parents were heavy alcohol and drug abusers. Started noticing problem around age 13 or 14, anger started. Son didn’t have friends, was a loner. Not a very good student. Thinks this son was very strong willed, and battled him up until age 14, and then became “out of control”. Went to private Christian school and by junior high was having problems. Son goes on Ritalin, and he just hates it – “the stigma of taking medicine”. Started on it in the 5th grade, and seemed to improve his grades. Around 13 or 14, anger got worse, knocking holes in walls. She suspects he was high at the time (in hindsight). Things got worse in high school, alcohol more available. They put him in class for learning disabled, but son did not graduate from high school. They put him in a treatment center for abused children and he does well, likes the structure. He seems to go in three month cycles. Goes to live with his uncle at age 16, which doesn’t work out. Comes back home and continues his fighting. Parents give up custody of their son at age 17 and he goes to facility for troubled youth. Runs away, stealing for money, gets thrown out, goes to treatment, and eventually to “boys school”. On a home visit, he gets drunk and they restrict his home visits. In and out of treatment. Son gets arrested, Jane and husband refuse to bail him out. He refuses to admit he is an alcoholic and is not open to counseling.
Common Issues:
1999 - 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Transcript Review:
Parents with Teens Under Age 20
SECOND TRANSCRIPT
REVIEW TEAM SUMMARY
In attendance: Barbara Michels, Barb Gaisser, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Marie:
Over age 20, married nursing student with 4 young children. Has a teen niece who lives with her – there was some drinking problem with her parents and they sent her to Marie for a respite. Marie believes that some parents enable their children to use/abuse substances, also feel like too much negative media influences. Marie believes parents should let their children know they love them, as does God. Believes there is some family dysfunction with most punk rock kids, the kids already feel like misfits. Believes there needs to be more activities for kids. The community should give them more activities where they can all fit in (skate boarding park). Believes alcohol is too accessible (in many retail and convenience stores). She believes drugs and alcohol are pervasive in schools, with the rich kids supplying the poor kids. Husband’s father killed his stepmother and threatened him as a child; his father eventually sent to prison, and came out a changed man, gave talks to school children about how alcohol/drugs ruined his life – “lost the love of my children”. Her husband has not reconciled with the father, but through all these tragedies, the husband and his sister remain chemical free. The niece who lives with her has changed now that she has a career goal (hair dresser), now has new friends and stays out of trouble.
Sam:
White, single, with 2 sons, one died last year from AIDS, other is a teenager. Older son contracted AIDS using dirty needle. Younger son is now alcohol and drug free, he’s “seen what it can do”. His mother died of drug abuse about a year ago. Oldest son’s mother was Woodstock hippie who was murdered 2 years ago. He moved close to her in another city and Sam believes that’s why son got into drugs. Mother didn’t have strong family history, parents never accepted her, she started drugs and drinking at age 17. Believes that a lot of teens give in to peer pressure, and seeing drugs glorified on TV and movies. Most teens don’t want to be individuals, they want to be like the group. A friend’s father in high school would buy them alcohol – believes parents set the tone for their kid’s use. Feels that parents are not “role models” but do set examples for youth. Younger son is now involved in sports, and he believes that will keep him “on the straight and narrow”. Older son was not into sports. Says there are two groups: those clean from drugs and the users. Believes sports can keep kids clean. Believes that building self esteem is important preventative measure. Recognizes that around 15 or 16 kids start withdrawing from parents – and the need to watch them closely. Tries to keep communication lines open to younger son, that everyone makes mistakes, what is important is what “you do now”. Feels its important to be a parent, but also a friend. Believes that activities for older teens are OK, but drug and alcohol use behavior starts much earlier. Skating rinks won’t stop use/abuse. But thinks more young kids need to get involved in community at early age; programs will benefit society in long run.
June:
Married with 3 young girls. She home schools her children. Brother just got out of prison for dealing drugs. Her husband’s parents died early and his other relatives wanted him to stay so they could use social security check to buy alcohol. Husband can’t stand being around it now. Husband was in band during youth, but didn’t do drugs, was “real square”. June drank and was typical wild teenage kid. At least her mother and father loved her, although mother wanted to be her “friend” and kept her home from school to drink and go shopping. Aunt comes around the house drunk. They use it to educate their children about the dangers of alcohol. Knows the problem is “thick” in their family, but plays down the genetic predisposition argument. She’s trying to make sure her kids don’t go down her path of drug use. But if they do, knowing she will be there for them. Believes people can drink responsibly, it’s a matter of “self control”. Seems to want to control her children’s lives. They have lived in some bad neighborhoods and feel their kids get plenty of exposure to society – maybe too much. Tries to keep communication lines open with her kids. Husband’s mother was murdered when he was 9. His stepfather beat her to death. As result, he becomes addict and serves 16 months involuntary manslaughter. Now back in prison. His real dad died in car wreck when husband was an infant. Only one of his four sisters is not an alcoholic or drug user – they all use mother’s death as their excuse for drinking. June’s grandmother is an alcoholic. June was brought up in a violent home. They try and teach their children morals and values. Praise them all the time. Let them know its all right to be different. Feels like she has made mistakes with her kids, and apologizes to them. Thinks its important to have activities to build their self-confidence. Religion and spirituality now big part of her life – has given her meaning and prevents her from abusing drugs. She’s concerned about the lack of morality in our advertising and how men stray from their wives. Sometimes struggles with her past and emotions, and their struggles, but keeps up a happy face for their children, even though kids seem to see through it. She and husband struggle with their self-esteem. Sad about the condition of the world.
Jim:
Black, has 1 teenage daughter. Is single but dating a girl with 2 children. He is a recovering alcoholic, and has done some research on parenting. His daughter saw him struggle with alcoholism, and he hopes she has learned from it. Believes after you drink enough, it becomes a disease. Daughter seems typical, interested in boys, but does her homework. His drinking affected her, grades went down. But is doing better now that Jim is in recovery, appreciates the effect he has on her. Tells his daughter he loves her every day. She likes to stay around the house. He tells her its okay to be different, to not cruise around and drink. Thinks its important to be a friend to her, not punish her for doing drugs, wants to keep lines of communication open. Believes education about addictions is important for kids, and consequences: jails, institutions and death. He believes most alcoholics won’t change until they’re forced to. Also recognizes importance of self-esteem in preventing abuse.
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