1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Children’s Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Abusers
In attendance: Margaret Conway, Jackie Pierce, Jeff Pickett, Joan Scott, Sr. Catherine Marie Loew, Lois Robinson, Buff Fallon, James Granger, Therese Baronowsky
Summary of Stories:
Dawn:
Hispanic, 20-30 year old, abused and neglected as a child. Dawn was exposed to drugs at an early age (5th grade) by her mother. She developed an on-going habit and addiction to drugs (crack cocaine and alcohol). She became involved in prostitution, drug selling and promoting prostitution in order to support her addiction. She had a son a little over a year ago and neglected him – she “chose drugs over my son”. The son is now in foster care. She is dealing with her guilt over the neglect, and is currently in rehab and attempting to get her son back. The situation began when she delivered the child and was found to be on drugs. They gave her the option of going into voluntary rehab since the child was born free of drugs (she was high during her pregnancy and during the birth). She left the rehab program concluding, “It was not for me” and continued her drug lifestyle. The welfare department eventually catches up with her and conducts a blood test. The results are positive and they take the son away from her and place him in foster home. During this past year, she’s been in and out of drug rehab and being given “second chances” to get her life together. The welfare system has finally threatened her with possible termination of parental rights, and this has gotten her attention (she feels they should have threatened this earlier). They placed her in jail and she is now actively participating in treatment (including 12 step program). She speaks highly of treatment programs and the shock of being placed in jail. Now with the threat of permanently losing her child, she appears committed to staying clean. She has not used drugs in the last 3 months and, for her, this is quite an accomplishment. She is concerned about breaking the cycle of abuse and now “smothers” her son with love. She seems to have come to terms with her own mother, “forgiving” her for getting her started on drugs (she also helped get her into counseling). She appears to have found strength in spirituality and a relationship with God.
Shelly:
White, 24 years old, father was abusive and an alcoholic. Mother was “co-dependent” and not nurturing. There was a pattern of incest within the family. Her father sexually molested her at age 5, and she tells of an older brother molesting her sister. A stranger also sexually molested Shelly at age 8. Her mother was not supportive of her during any of this abuse. She considered her mother “neglectful” and feels she should have removed her from that home environment after the 1st abuse from her father. The mother was also constantly berating her and damaging her self-esteem. Shelly states that because of this lack of love she always wanted to have her own child – “somebody to love”. She had her 1st child at age 18 (father unspecified). She talks about having drugs during the delivery and this preventing her from “bonding” with her daughter. When the baby begins to “cry a lot” she realizes she can’t handle it. She begins leaving the child with the family childcare provider for extended periods of time. Her daughter ends up being sexually molested by a male in family daycare home. Her sister and mother are concerned about her neglecting the daughter (which she feels is ironic coming from her mother), and she eventually gives up parental rights and the sister adopts the daughter. However, the daughter experiences a lot of trauma and confusion about who is “mommy” and develops a number of psychological problems – including an attempted suicide at age 5. Shelly married Frank (other participant) and they have a son. She did not use drugs during delivery and felt she bonded with him. However, he cries a lot and Shelly cannot handle the stress. She voluntarily gives the child up and places in foster care setting. She and her husband want the child back but must attend marriage and domestic violence counseling before he is returned. During the two-year period while son was in foster care, the stresses of dealing with the welfare system result in her becoming involved with crack. Her son is also experiencing many psychological problems. The welfare department in now threatening termination of parental rights, and they are doing everything to get him back. Shelly talks about attempting to “break the cycle” of abuse, but states she was never taught how to nurture a child and so it was difficult caring for her children – she had no experience upon which to draw. She and her husband were living in public housing and drugs were readily available – “you could buy pot out of the back door”. They left that neighborhood and she is now attempting to stay clean. She does indicate, however, that the temptations and desires are still there. She stopped attending her 12-step program because she doesn’t want to admit that she’s “powerless” against the drugs and to seek “God’s help”. She thinks she can do it on her own. Her husband has been very supportive during the process and takes some of the blame for the neglect. She also defends him in a “domestic violence” situation she feels the welfare department “blew out of proportion” – she has been more physical in their arguments than he, and often she attempts to inflame him. She admits to being attracted to abusive men in the past and attempting to get him to do the same. She thought the system was unfair when it forced him into treatment yet left her blameless.
Shelly does make some suggestions: efforts to detect at an early age any possible child abuse or alcohol/drug involvement (the need to break the cycle); concerned about parents who open up to the welfare department about their situation and then have it used against them – suggests the creation of a “trusting” relationship; believes forcing people into drug treatment is the only way to address the issue; believes there should be more community activities for parents and their young children.
Frank:
Married to Shelly for 3 years. [Much of Frank’s story is actually communicated by Shelly]. He feels he was emotionally abused or neglected as a child, but not much physical abuse. His father was an alcoholic who died at early age, and his mother was into drugs. He never experienced Christmas, Easter, birthdays or other “normal” exchanges of presents or gifts from his parents and family. Frank appears calm but also says he has trouble expressing his emotions. After the domestic violence incident, he is forced into counseling (domestic violence and marriage), where he does not feel comfortable but nevertheless seems to have appreciated parts of the content. The welfare department has evidently made his mandated participation part of the terms of getting son returned. Frank takes some of the blame for the neglect as he recounts how he worked long hours and was not there to help Shelly deal with her parenting problems.
Common Issues:
1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Transcript Review:
Victims
In attendance: Margaret Conway, Jackie Pierce, Jeff Pickett, Joan Scott, Sr. Catherine Marie Loew, Therese Baronowsky
Summary of Stories:
June:
White female, over age 60, divorced, 2 children, a recovering alcoholic. Her mother was not “nurturing type”. June spent a lot of time with her “favorite” uncle and aunt, who ended up sexually molesting her. It began at early age (5-6 years old) with her aunt and uncle exposing her to others while she pretended to sleep. She believes it was beginning of desensitization to sexual behavior. When she was 12 or 13, the uncle took her into the woods and took suggestive pictures of her – made her feel “sexy” and entered into a conspiracy with him against the other “fuddy-duddy’s” who wouldn’t understand. Also recounts story of a group of kids and adults lying around during the summer (without air conditioning) and applying powder to naked bodies – again she believes it was part of desensitization about their bodies and sexual behavior. When she became pregnant with her first child, she sexually consummates her relationship with her aunt and uncle to “clean out her pipes”. There does appear to be a family pattern of sexual orientation to younger family members: she also has another uncle who was a pedophile, even though the favorite uncle said, “he is as normal as me”. There are positive family influences in her life, however, and she appears to feel safe and relatively happy in her family environment. Although she now believes, in hindsight, that some of those experiences were inappropriate, it appears that at the time things were seemingly normal. She believed that sex was equated with love. June’s stepfather was a good role model. She adored him. There was an incident where she was playfully wrestling with him on the bed and the mother came in and made her feel like she was doing something wrong. She also talks about her stepfather taking her to the park and she eventually engages in sexual acts with older men in the park. It’s not clear whether the stepfather had any knowledge or involvement in these experiences. June stated there was a lot of drinking at that time (right after WW II), it was glamorous and she liked it too because it lowered her inhibitions and made her feel “sexy”. She eventually went to AA meetings and treatment and discovered that her problems were not “just drinking problems”, and has began to realize the effects of her childhood experiences on her life. She believes that the little love she received from her parents made her susceptible to other forms of love from her relatives, some very inappropriate and abusive, in hindsight.
Tina:
White female, 30-40 years old, parents divorced when she was 17. Parents seemed to be in love during the early parts of their life. The father was a strict disciplinarian. He became very violent when upset. Tina ran away from home twice (13-14 years old) because she was scared of her dad. She states that they were doing just “typical kid things”, like stealing his trucks for joy rides. She sometimes “takes the rap” for her older siblings with the belief the younger kids would get punished less severely. The father berates the children and tells them “they will never amount to nothing”. The father leaves the mother who begs him to come back. He responds that he won’t come back unless “She gets rid of those GD kids”. The mother refuses. Later, Tina forgives her father and goes to live with him. He eventually throws her out of the house when he finds drugs in her room. She says she got into drugs (around age 13) because “it made her feel like an adult”. She recounts how all her boyfriends have been abusive to her, they, like her father, have low opinions of women. Her current boyfriend is “the worst of them all”. Tina has not sought any help for her problems. She says her happiest times in life were when “she was by herself”.
Sue:
White female, 20-30 years old, recovering alcoholic, college degree, never married, no children. Her father owned a strip club and married a woman 30 years younger. The mother left when she was 7 years old. The father was evidently physically abusing the mother, and when she left he seemed to turn his anger on the children. He had no respect for women, thought they were either “junkies or whores”. Sue’s sister was “mentally handicapped” and received a lot of abuse from the father. He was vicious in his beatings, making them feel they were somehow “holding him back”. At one point, social services took her sister out of the home but eventually brought her back – she was terrified for her sister. Her brother became protective of the girls and took the blame for some things – the father did not physically abuse or discipline him. The father was also emotionally abusive constantly telling them “they will never amount to anything”. She developed low self-esteem. During this period, Sue became a surrogate mother/wife in the family – caring for her sister and the dad. At age 15, she began to experiment with drugs and men. When the father found drugs in her room he beat her severely – breaking her nose and ribs. He kicked her out of the home and she was homeless for 3 years. She turns to prostitution and relationships where the male is abusive towards her. In recounting her relationships, including her father, she seems to explain the abuse and how they were doing it “for her own good”. She believed she was partly to blame for the abuse. She was trying to meet their needs, but failing and thus the abuse was deserved and expected. She goes back and forth between her father and boyfriend, each abusing her in turn. She does state that the father and boyfriend “hate each other”, but were very much alike. The mother also contributes to the “blame” when she returns and explains that the reason she left was because the kids caused him so much stress that he became abusive to her. Sue has received counseling (and part of abuse support group) and is now aware of the issues regarding the abuse/guilt. She can now spot “an abusive man” and has stayed away from relationships for the last 4 years. She believes she will not repeat the same mistakes.
Common Issues:
1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Transcript Review:
Abuse Victims
In attendance: Chris Rutledge, Cathie Bennett, Erin Ramsey, Tricia Lavore, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Chloe:
Black single mother of 3 young children. Chloe was abused as a child: physically, emotionally and sexually, and neglected. Her abuse began at age 2. Her mother severely beat her and her brother on regular basis. At one point they were put in a foster home because mother left them alone for long periods of time. Her mother was heavily involved in drugs and alcohol. The mother beat the son so severely he lost an eye and eventually had to be put up for adoption. Chloe’s grandmother was her support and salvation as a child. At around age 13-14, she was raped by either a stepfather or boyfriend of the mother. The mother told authorities Chloe was willful partner so the man got a light sentence and she was sent to a youth home for the next 3-4 years. While there, she finished her high school education. When she left at age 18 and returned home, the boyfriend/stepfather again tried to sexually abuse her. She resisted and her mother kicked her out. She attempted to find a place to stay by contacting her biological father (in prison). She tried to live with his wife but didn’t work out. She began to become involved in alcohol and drugs, moved in with girlfriend. She began having children (fathers unspecified), and with first she began her own pattern of abuse. She could not handle the stress of caring for a crying baby….physical abuse occurred. Child was taken away and she enrolled in parenting classes to get child back. She then had a second child (a boy) and began to have sexual urges for the baby. She feels guilt (had suicidal thoughts) and detaches herself from the boy (showing little physical contact). Her children are now removed from her and she is in therapy. There is an upcoming hearing about reunification but she is ambivalent about their return. She is not sure she wants them back. She is fully aware of the trauma inflicted upon her by her mother, but seems unable to prevent this pattern with her own children. She accepts blame for the abuse she inflicted upon her children, but has resolved her own guilt from the abuse she endured as a child (it was not her fault). She appears to have received a lot of counseling and has come to terms with her past. But also doubts her ability to be a good parent. She does want to go back to school to improve her job prospects.
Tracy:
White, single, has a 1 year old son, currently attending college. She was sexually abused by an older brother as a preschooler. Her memories are vague but strong nevertheless. She’s very emotional in recounting her story. Brother also involved a neighbor boy in one incident. She told her parents but they seemed to do nothing. The abuse stopped for a while but then started again. Her older sister was abused much more than she, and possibly also involved her other brother. Her dad was very concerned about strangers coming onto their property and doing something bad to the children… even built a fence around the property to protect the kids. The parents never told anyone about what was going on. She’s not sure what they did, but the abuse continued until they caught him with her sister. After that it stopped. She now talks with her sister and brother about it. The brother feels very guilty about it and is concerned he may abuse his children. Her sister seems to be attracted to men who abuse her. Tracy does not have a relationship with her son’s father, and was recently involved with a boyfriend who appears to have a temper. They have disagreed over proper discipline for her child (he is more strict), and she has discontinued the relationship. She appears to have received some counseling, although its not clear what type, but there are still many unresolved issues with Tracy and her past. Very tearful. She did talk about her challenges in high school and how she was picked on and didn’t have any friends, but things seemed to turn around in college where she has friends and receives some type of counseling. She is still very confused about her experience and somewhat ambivalent about receiving help.
Common Issues:
1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Children
Subcommittee
Review Team 2
Transcript Review:
Abusers
SECOND TRANSCRIPT
REVIEW SUMMARY
Summary of Stories:
Gary:
White male, around 30 years old, high school degree, married to Audrey. He has an 8-year-old daughter who does not live with him (but visits and has some contact); and has 2 children (sons) with Audrey. Gary was adopted as a child, and there was some form of abuse, possibly physical, at least emotional: his mother threatened to “give him back” if trouble continued. Had physical confrontations with his mother. He was put into a youth home for 60 days and had a good experience, loved the safety, the ability to talk confidentially about his problems, and developed some friendships while there. He “dreaded” going home. Evidently his grandparents provided some care as he considered them his “real parents”. Gary was married at an early age but was soon divorced. Alcohol and drugs are not an issue with him. He had some abuse problem with his wife, but, according to Audrey, it wasn’t physical but verbal. The two children from his marriage with Audrey have been removed from their home, but he refuses to talk about it – “don’t want to go there”. But believes his story could make a movie, or be subject of talk show. He and Audrey are currently unemployed (he worked for mortgage broker for a while) and are homeless living in a friend’s house. He believes he is a good Christian; they took their problems to some pastors but some “didn’t want to deal with it”, but finally found a pastor and church which provides some support. Stated that he and his wife loved pets, it relaxed them and gave them something in common to care for. He believes there should be more support groups for people to share their problems, but in confidential surroundings.
Audrey:
White female, late 20s, 10-year-old daughter who lives with her mother, married to Gary – with two children. Audrey grew up in a nice home with a comfortable lifestyle. But her parents started having trouble when she was 14 and they eventually divorced. Little contact with her father. Her parents often told her “she would not amount to anything”. After father left, mother began inviting friends over and she was raped many times by one or more of her mother’s friends. She blames her mother for letting it happen. She has strained relationship with her mother, and there doesn’t appear to be much contact, even though she is caring for her daughter. She feels her mother is “high strung and controlling” and she gets “aggravated” when around her. Lived with her sister for a while, but felt she was too much like her mother. She attended local university for a while and was raped there. Told authorities but they didn’t believe her. At age 16 she became depressed and went into counseling, but didn’t consider it a positive experience. She, like her husband, is more interested in peer support groups than professional counseling. They are part of support group with church. She and husband living in a friend’s house, were recently kicked out of a homeless shelter.
Common Issues:
1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Children
Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Abuse Victims
In attendance: Nancy Sieben, Al Corbett, Gini Combs, Kevin Gibson, Beth Koleszar, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
June:
White female, over age 60, divorced, 2 children, a recovering alcoholic. Her mother was not “nurturing type”. June spent a lot of time with her “favorite” uncle and aunt, who ended up sexually molesting her. It began at early age (5-6 years old) with her aunt and uncle exposing her to others while she pretended to sleep. She believes it was beginning of desensitization to sexual behavior. When she was 12 or 13, the uncle took her into the woods and took suggestive pictures of her – made her feel “sexy” and entered into a conspiracy with him against the other “fuddy-duddy’s” who wouldn’t understand. Also recounts story of a group of kids and adults lying around during the summer (without air conditioning) and applying powder to naked bodies – again she believes it was part of desensitization about their bodies and sexual behavior. When she became pregnant with her first child, she sexually consummates her relationship with her aunt and uncle to “clean out her pipes”. There does appear to be a family pattern of sexual orientation to younger family members: she also has another uncle who was a pedophile, even though the favorite uncle said, “he is as normal as me”. There are positive family influences in her life, however, and she appears to feel safe and relatively happy in her family environment. Although she now believes, in hindsight, that some of those experiences were inappropriate, it appears that at the time things were seemingly normal. She believed that sex was equated with love. June’s stepfather was a good role model. She adored him. There was an incident where she was playfully wrestling with him on the bed and the mother came in and made her feel like she was doing something wrong. She also talks about her stepfather taking her to the park and she eventually engages in sexual acts with older men in the park. It’s not clear whether the stepfather had any knowledge or involvement in these experiences. June stated there was a lot of drinking at that time (right after WW II), it was glamorous and she liked it too because it lowered her inhibitions and made her feel “sexy”. She eventually went to AA meetings and treatment and discovered that her problems were not “just drinking problems”, and has began to realize the effects of her childhood experiences on her life. She believes that the little love she received from her parents made her susceptible to other forms of love from her relatives, some very inappropriate and abusive, in hindsight.
Tina:
White female, 30-40 years old, parents divorced when she was 17. Parents seemed to be in love during the early parts of their life. The father was a strict disciplinarian. He became very violent when upset. Tina ran away from home twice (13-14 years old) because she was scared of her dad. She states that they were doing just “typical kid things”, like stealing his trucks for joy rides. She sometimes “takes the rap” for her older siblings with the belief the younger kids would get punished less severely. The father berates the children and tells them “they will never amount to nothing”. The father leaves the mother who begs him to come back. He responds that he won’t come back unless “She gets rid of those GD kids”. The mother refuses. Later, Tina forgives her father and goes to live with him. He eventually throws her out of the house when he finds drugs in her room. She says she got into drugs (around age 13) because “it made her feel like an adult”. She recounts how all her boyfriends have been abusive to her, they, like her father, have low opinions of women. Her current boyfriend is “the worst of them all”. Tina has not sought any help for her problems. She says her happiest times in life were when “she was by herself”.
Sue:
White female, 20-30 years old, recovering alcoholic, college degree, never married, no children. Her father owned a strip club and married a woman 30 years younger. The mother left when she was 7 years old. The father was evidently physically abusing the mother, and when she left he seemed to turn his anger on the children. He had no respect for women, thought they were either “junkies or whores”. Sue’s sister was “mentally handicapped” and received a lot of abuse from the father. He was vicious in his beatings, making them feel they were somehow “holding him back”. At one point, social services took her sister out of the home but eventually brought her back – she was terrified for her sister. Her brother became protective of the girls and took the blame for some things – the father did not physically abuse or discipline him. The father was also emotionally abusive constantly telling them “they will never amount to anything”. She developed low self-esteem. During this period, Sue became a surrogate mother/wife in the family – caring for her sister and the dad. At age 15, she began to experiment with drugs and men. When the father found drugs in her room he beat her severely – breaking her nose and ribs. He kicked her out of the home and she was homeless for 3 years. She turns to prostitution and relationships where the male is abusive towards her. In recounting her relationships, including her father, she seems to explain the abuse and how they were doing it “for her own good”. She believed she was partly to blame for the abuse. She was trying to meet their needs, but failing and thus the abuse was deserved and expected. She goes back and forth between her father and boyfriend, each abusing her in turn. She does state that the father and boyfriend “hate each other”, but were very much alike. The mother also contributes to the “blame” when she returns and explains that the reason she left was because the kids caused him so much stress that he became abusive to her. Sue has received counseling (and part of abuse support group) and is now aware of the issues regarding the abuse/guilt. She can now spot “an abusive man” and has stayed away from relationships for the last 4 years. She believes she will not repeat the same mistakes.
Common Issues:
1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Children
Subcommittee
Transcript Review:
Abusers
In attendance: Nancy Sieben, Al Corbett, Gini Combs, Kevin Gibson, Lynn Hert, Martha Halterman, Beth Koleszar, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Gary:
White male, around 30 years old, high school degree, married to Audrey. He has an 8-year-old daughter who does not live with him (but visits and has some contact); and has 2 children (sons) with Audrey. Gary was adopted as a child, and there was some form of abuse, possibly physical, at least emotional: his mother threatened to “give him back” if trouble continued. Had physical confrontations with his mother. He was put into a youth home for 60 days and had a good experience, loved the safety, the ability to talk confidentially about his problems, and developed some friendships while there. He “dreaded” going home. Evidently his grandparents provided some care as he considered them his “real parents”. Gary was married at an early age but was soon divorced. Alcohol and drugs are not an issue with him. He had some abuse problem with his wife, but, according to Audrey, it wasn’t physical but verbal. The two children from his marriage with Audrey have been removed from their home, but he refuses to talk about it – “don’t want to go there”. But believes his story could make a movie, or be subject of talk show. He and Audrey are currently unemployed (he worked for mortgage broker for a while) and are homeless living in a friend’s house. He believes he is a good Christian; they took their problems to some pastors but some “didn’t want to deal with it”, but finally found a pastor and church which provides some support. Stated that he and his wife loved pets, it relaxed them and gave them something in common to care for. He believes there should be more support groups for people to share their problems, but in confidential surroundings.
Audrey:
White female, late 20s, 10-year-old daughter who lives with her mother, married to Gary – with two children. Audrey grew up in a nice home with a comfortable lifestyle. But her parents started having trouble when she was 14 and they eventually divorced. Little contact with her father. Her parents often told her “she would not amount to anything”. After father left, mother began inviting friends over and she was raped many times by one or more of her mother’s friends. She blames her mother for letting it happen. She has strained relationship with her mother, and there doesn’t appear to be much contact, even though she is caring for her daughter. She feels her mother is “high strung and controlling” and she gets “aggravated” when around her. Lived with her sister for a while, but felt she was too much like her mother. She attended local university for a while and was raped there. Told authorities but they didn’t believe her. At age 16 she became depressed and went into counseling, but didn’t consider it a positive experience. She, like her husband, is more interested in peer support groups than professional counseling. They are part of support group with church. She and husband living in a friend’s house, were recently kicked out of a homeless shelter.
Common Issues:
1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Transcript Review:
Abuse Victims
In attendance: John Browning, Shellie Deffendall-Kyle, Cynthia Custer, Mary Topper, Patti Ellsperman, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Chloe:
Black single mother of 3 young children. Chloe was abused as a child: physically, emotionally and sexually, and neglected. Her abuse began at age 2. Her mother severely beat her and her brother on regular basis. At one point they were put in a foster home because mother left them alone for long periods of time. Her mother was heavily involved in drugs and alcohol. The mother beat the son so severely he lost an eye and eventually had to be put up for adoption. Chloe’s grandmother was her support and salvation as a child. At around age 13-14, she was raped by either a stepfather or boyfriend of the mother. The mother told authorities Chloe was willful partner so the man got a light sentence and she was sent to a youth home for the next 3-4 years. While there, she finished her high school education. When she left at age 18 and returned home, the boyfriend/stepfather again tried to sexually abuse her. She resisted and her mother kicked her out. She attempted to find a place to stay by contacting her biological father (in prison). She tried to live with his wife but didn’t work out. She began to become involved in alcohol and drugs, moved in with girlfriend. She began having children (fathers unspecified), and with first she began her own pattern of abuse. She could not handle the stress of caring for a crying baby….physical abuse occurred. Child was taken away and she enrolled in parenting classes to get child back. She then had a second child (a boy) and began to have sexual urges for the baby. She feels guilt (had suicidal thoughts) and detaches herself from the boy (showing little physical contact). Her children are now removed from her and she is in therapy. There is an upcoming hearing about reunification but she is ambivalent about their return. She is not sure she wants them back. She is fully aware of the trauma inflicted upon her by her mother, but seems unable to prevent this pattern with her own children. She accepts blame for the abuse she inflicted upon her children, but has resolved her own guilt from the abuse she endured as a child (it was not her fault). She appears to have received a lot of counseling and has come to terms with her past. But also doubts her ability to be a good parent. She does want to go back to school to improve her job prospects.
Tracy:
White, single, has a 1 year old son, currently attending college. She was sexually abused by an older brother as a preschooler. Her memories are vague but strong nevertheless. She’s very emotional in recounting her story. Brother also involved a neighbor boy in one incident. She told her parents but they seemed to do nothing. The abuse stopped for a while but then started again. Her older sister was abused much more than she, and possibly also involved her other brother. Her dad was very concerned about strangers coming onto their property and doing something bad to the children… even built a fence around the property to protect the kids. The parents never told anyone about what was going on. She’s not sure what they did, but the abuse continued until they caught him with her sister. After that it stopped. She now talks with her sister and brother about it. The brother feels very guilty about it and is concerned he may abuse his children. Her sister seems to be attracted to men who abuse her. Tracy does not have a relationship with her son’s father, and was recently involved with a boyfriend who appears to have a temper. They have disagreed over proper discipline for her child (he is more strict), and she has discontinued the relationship. She appears to have received some counseling, although its not clear what type, but there are still many unresolved issues with Tracy and her past. Very tearful. She did talk about her challenges in high school and how she was picked on and didn’t have any friends, but things seemed to turn around in college where she has friends and receives some type of counseling. She is still very confused about her experience and somewhat ambivalent about receiving help.
Common Issues:
1999 – 2000 Comprehensive
Community Assessment
Children
Subcommittee
Transcript Review: Child Abusers
In attendance: Jack Kirwer, Shellie Deffendall-Kyle, Cynthia Cusler, Dan Hayden
Summary of Stories:
Dawn:
Hispanic, 20-30 year old, abused and neglected as a child. Dawn was exposed to drugs at an early age (5th grade) by her mother. She developed an on-going habit and addiction to drugs (crack cocaine and alcohol). She became involved in prostitution, drug selling and promoting prostitution in order to support her addiction. She had a son a little over a year ago and neglected him – she “chose drugs over my son”. The son is now in foster care. She is dealing with her guilt over the neglect, and is currently in rehab and attempting to get her son back. The situation began when she delivered the child and was found to be on drugs. They gave her the option of going into voluntary rehab since the child was born free of drugs (she was high during her pregnancy and during the birth). She left the rehab program concluding, “It was not for me” and continued her drug lifestyle. The welfare department eventually catches up with her and conducts a blood test. The results are positive and they take the son away from her and place him in foster home. During this past year, she’s been in and out of drug rehab and being given “second chances” to get her life together. The welfare system has finally threatened her with possible termination of parental rights, and this has gotten her attention (she feels they should have threatened this earlier). They placed her in jail and she is now actively participating in treatment (including 12 step program). She speaks highly of treatment programs and the shock of being placed in jail. Now with the threat of permanently losing her child, she appears committed to staying clean. She has not used drugs in the last 3 months and, for her, this is quite an accomplishment. She is concerned about breaking the cycle of abuse and now “smothers” her son with love. She seems to have come to terms with her own mother, “forgiving” her for getting her started on drugs (she also helped get her into counseling). She appears to have found strength in spirituality and a relationship with God.
Shelly:
White, 24 years old, father was abusive and an alcoholic. Mother was “co-dependent” and not nurturing. There was a pattern of incest within the family. Her father sexually molested her at age 5, and she tells of an older brother molesting her sister. A stranger also sexually molested Shelly at age 8. Her mother was not supportive of her during any of this abuse. She considered her mother “neglectful” and feels she should have removed her from that home environment after the 1st abuse from her father. The mother was also constantly berating her and damaging her self-esteem. Shelly states that because of this lack of love she always wanted to have her own child – “somebody to love”. She had her 1st child at age 18 (father unspecified). She talks about having drugs during the delivery and this preventing her from “bonding” with her daughter. When the baby begins to “cry a lot” she realizes she can’t handle it. She begins leaving the child with the family childcare provider for extended periods of time. Her daughter ends up being sexually molested by a male in family daycare home. Her sister and mother are concerned about her neglecting the daughter (which she feels is ironic coming from her mother), and she eventually gives up parental rights and the sister adopts the daughter. However, the daughter experiences a lot of trauma and confusion about who is “mommy” and develops a number of psychological problems – including an attempted suicide at age 5. Shelly married Frank (other participant) and they have a son. She did not use drugs during delivery and felt she bonded with him. However, he cries a lot and Shelly cannot handle the stress. She voluntarily gives the child up and places in foster care setting. She and her husband want the child back but must attend marriage and domestic violence counseling before he is returned. During the two-year period while son was in foster care, the stresses of dealing with the welfare system result in her becoming involved with crack. Her son is also experiencing many psychological problems. The welfare department in now threatening termination of parental rights, and they are doing everything to get him back. Shelly talks about attempting to “break the cycle” of abuse, but states she was never taught how to nurture a child and so it was difficult caring for her children – she had no experience upon which to draw. She and her husband were living in public housing and drugs were readily available – “you could buy pot out of the back door”. They left that neighborhood and she is now attempting to stay clean. She does indicate, however, that the temptations and desires are still there. She stopped attending her 12-step program because she doesn’t want to admit that she’s “powerless” against the drugs and to seek “God’s help”. She thinks she can do it on her own. Her husband has been very supportive during the process and takes some of the blame for the neglect. She also defends him in a “domestic violence” situation she feels the welfare department “blew out of proportion” – she has been more physical in their arguments than he, and often she attempts to inflame him. She admits to being attracted to abusive men in the past and attempting to get him to do the same. She thought the system was unfair when it forced him into treatment yet left her blameless.
Shelly does make some suggestions: efforts to detect at an early age any possible child abuse or alcohol/drug involvement (the need to break the cycle); concerned about parents who open up to the welfare department about their situation and then have it used against them – suggests the creation of a “trusting” relationship; believes forcing people into drug treatment is the only way to address the issue; believes there should be more community activities for parents and their young children.
Frank:
Married to Shelly for 3 years. [Much of Frank’s story is actually communicated by Shelly]. He feels he was emotionally abused or neglected as a child, but not much physical abuse. His father was an alcoholic who died at early age, and his mother was into drugs. He never experienced Christmas, Easter, birthdays or other “normal” exchanges of presents or gifts from his parents and family. Frank appears calm but also says he has trouble expressing his emotions. After the domestic violence incident, he is forced into counseling (domestic violence and marriage), where he does not feel comfortable but nevertheless seems to have appreciated parts of the content. The welfare department has evidently made his mandated participation part of the terms of getting son returned. Frank takes some of the blame for the neglect as he recounts how he worked long hours and was not there to help Shelly deal with her parenting problems.
Common Issues: