You know what you are? You're such a wonderful individual. And we don't even KNOW why you're single. Maybe if you spend more time on the Net you'll meet that Special Person. No, really.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Go to one of those online personals columns type things that partner-ness losers use. Now use it.
Put in your specs, and when it asks for 'a little information about yourself', cut and paste one of the following profiles. Instant relationship.

PROFILES:

--------

Nickname: COUNTwRaTh
Sex: Male
Info: Elvin queen? Dark Beatuyu? i amn a sensitive guy who needs tio be understood..if u got the time.. and the toleranse to be a bit different..then maybe we can email..i like walking..listening to music..hanging out in dark places.. i wear lot of black and the pagan rights really interest me im goint o get daddy to buy me a black coat like ther garmans used to wear and i like nin inch nails and 80s music too. i dont do stupid things like ride bikes off ramps like dumb jocks and.

--------

Nickname: GenuinelySweetSingleGuy
Sex: Male
Info: Hey, I want someone to share special moments with. I like poetry, slow walks on beaches and sunsets. I'm not too frightened to cry and am into classical music, creative film and sometimes I even try the odd bit of gardening - I have the green thumb to prove it :)
Prefer girls with low alcohol tolerance and little to no knowledge of date rape legal issues.

--------

Nickname: b_REAL
Sex: Male
Info: HEY CHICKIIIEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ I LIKE GOING TO THE GYM 4 TIMES A WEEK AND CARS AND CLUBBING LOOKING FOR HOT MOMMA TO BOOGIE WITH HOPE YA LIKE R&B AND THE PARAMDEICS KNOW HOW 2 START UR HEART AGAIN WHEN IM DONE WITH U HEHEHE MAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plz

---------

Nickname: Odysseus
Sex: Male
Info: And so out into the rain,
        Borne again of people's pain,
        Not knowing where to go, when to stop,
        Or the true knowledge of man being Enough.

I'm not an average man, I enjoy jazz, social drinks and intelligent discussion. Fate will guide me, on my diverse quest for life. Perhaps you'd like to be there too. Mail me with the titles of the five most recent books you've referred to in conversation.

--------

Nickname: CrazyMonstAR21
Sex: Male
Info: Hey I'm a little bit WAKY :) BOOOING! See, I warned you :) I'm into cool stuff like movies and making jokes and having a fun time and hanging out and everyone I know actually hates me please email me with either your phone number or a quick easy way of dying.

--------

Nickname:SeXXXyViXen2
Sex: Female
Info: Well HELLO there :) I like taking hikes, going out for drinks and having a par-t afterwards if you know what I mean ;)~ Hope you like this picture of me in my underwear. Don't worry, when we start a relationship, I'll be faithful to you alone.

--------

Nickname: alexis_chick
Sex: Female
Info: I used to be tourist assistent at monteluca Bay but now i'm a beauty technician in Harvmore. i like watching movies and doing whatever's cool and making whoevrs dating me seem superior.

--------

Nickname: Goddess_Sylvya
Sex: Female
Info: Tal. I'm a great believer in the power of the Dryad Sylph Water Tree Moon Spirit, and She empowers my daily life, teaching me true harmony. Need nonjudgemental male for relationship and to pretend he cares about my crystals. Send mail and starsign.

--------

Nickname: MemoryGal
Sex: Female
Info: hey i like clubbing and partying and hiking and going round and cool stuff and going to bars and squealing and wearing high heels that make me 3 feet taller and listening to club house music and just kicking back and being cool and going and doing that thing and doing it again sometime later. email me with either your ICQ number, would prefer Pharmacy student so he can prescribe for me.

-------

Nickname: Blood_Countess_33
Sex: Female
Info: Don't pretend to understand me.

-------

Needle & Thread wish you the best in your online dating experiences. We HOPE you end up with someone like the above. Aren't we sweet? Mail us with online dating stories. Back to the Index.