In the Wake
i still can't fully open my eyes
and i only laugh to not seem suicidal
my body won't relax
my nose is sore and red
when the day isdone
i lay there and cry
holding my pillow, like in a movie
to my stomach in pain
when my alarm goes off
i roll over and plant my tears
on the pillow i should wash soon
in the shower these past couple days
there's been no water pressure
so as the water slowly wets my hair,
i just stand there
naked and scared
my eyes are still red and slightly swollen
i walk with my head down
and only look up when i hear familiar sounds
staring at the walls, i lose all focus
and i drift to times
where i skipped when i went to class
and always had a smile on my face
i drift to times of love
and then the bell rings
and i walk out of the door
bumping into the running crowd
make my way to the bathroom
and cry
i look for signs of hope
but i know, even as i look,
that i'm fooling myself
there is no hope left
for what i need and want
there's a cloud above the sun
and it makes me shiver
i see you in everything
imagine how you're dressed
what you're saying
my eyes squint even more
when the sun protrudes
i'm trying to find hope
but i'm having trouble
even smiling
� neda hakimi
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