*****In the morning you wait for the sun, And secretly hope it won't come.*****
I am utterly reluctant to wake when I begin to feel warmth on my face. I want to ignore the rising sun; or rather vent all my anger, all my insecurities, all my confusion, and all my sorrows at it. Even after a night of sleeping, full to the brim of fresh souls, I am still so torn apart by my emotions that I am unsure of where I am at first. The Afterworld...or still imprisoned in this world of the dying living? I smirk at my wit, for I thought it had dissipated long ago. The dying living. What a gorgeous oxymoron.
But I am unable to enjoy myself for long, for the memories of the night freshen themselves in my mind with a vengeance, seeming to punish me for attempting to be happy. I still refuse to move from my sleeping place in the tree. I feel safe off the ground, and cringe when I remember yet another trait of yours, InuYasha--your inability to sleep comfortably anywhere else but in the canopy of a tree.
I finally open my eyes and shift in the branch where I perch, eager to get away from the place that surfaced the memory of you. You seem to be everywhere. In everything. I seem to be unable to escape you. And I wonder to myself if you realize this.
How strange everything was--how strange everything is. Then and now. There and here. Past and present. So many words to describe where we once were and where we are now. So confusing. So depressing.
I drop to the soft grass below the tree, and let its morning coolness soothe me and my ruptured soul for a moment. There is fog hanging in the air, adding a mythical feel to my surroundings. I allow that to comfort me as well. I have missed this place, I realize. The land of the living. All that is in it may be dying, but they are also living--something that I am not. Well, somewhat I guess. This body of mine still baffles me. How real it appears and even feels, but how empty I know I truly am. I am eager to be rid of it. I am eager to return to that place that I was torn from. Even though you are here, constantly calling to me inside of my head, I lust for the comforts of the Afterlife. The peace.
*****But time washes everything clean. Honey, now don't bail on me. Don't bail on me. No, don't bail on me.*****
Almost like a wave of the ocean, I feel it all at once. Washing over me, enveloping me, consuming me wholly and comfortingly. And I feel peace that I was only able to feel in that place where I journeyed after my death. But my eyes are open, and I can see that I am still very much here on the earth. But I feel the peace that I have longed for so hungrily since my resurrection.
Can you see me, InuYasha? Can you see this wave of peace that has drowned me so lovingly in its waters? Can you see her as well? That girl that you cling to so honorably and loyally? Is she there with you?
I feel myself smiling in spite of my confused emotions tangling together in a web inside of me. But why do I smile? I can see the two of you there, together. Holding and breathing each other, so full of the things two people should be full of. All the things that I am empty of. So why do I smile? Is it the peace that I am happily drowning in?
Dear gods, where did this come from? Are you calling me back? Please tell me that you are. Please tell me that I am returning to the place where I belong. Please. I beg of you. Take me. Let me leave behind this anger and lust for vengeance. Let me realize that it wasn't you, Inuyasha, who took my life all those years ago. If it was the demon that girl and my sister spoke of, them let it be him. Let it be the devil himself. For I know it wasn't you. I loved you. You loved me. Both of us knew--and still know. We were innocent. It was our fault for not seeing it sooner, for not acknowledging it. Forgive me for not telling you so long ago that I loved you. Forgive my cowardice. Forgive me. Forgive me, my darling, for making you sleep for so long. All alone, pinned to that tree. Forgive me so that I may return to this place in the wave of peace that I float in.
Can you see me, InuYasha? If you can, then you must be able to hear me also. Listen well, then. Listen to me. Stay and be happy. I knew when I saw you after I came into this world a second time that you had been changed by her, that strange girl who holds a part of me inside of her. Let her continue to change you. Let her do for you what I longed to do myself. And let her love you, and let yourself love her--but as herself-- and not me. She freed you from the prison I put you in; now let her free all that is left of you to be freed. You soul, your heart, your mind.
Remember all that is to remember of us; for I knew you as no other, and you knew me as no other. But understand this, my darling. My time came and went many years ago. But yours, InuYasha--and her's--has just begun. Together. And if you know and embrace that, then peace will find you someday as well--just as it did me.
Farewell, InuYasha. Be happy.
The End
A/N: Alrighty all you Kikyo fans out there, don't you dare flame me!! *Iseult stands her ground with her long lost machete brandished* I like Kikyo of course, but I love InuYasha and Kagome. And I chose this ending because I believe it's what Kikyo deserves. She said herself that she was awakened from a sleep that she never had a desire to leave. So I took that one line of hers and created a fic where she gets her wish.
Ok, you can flame if ya want...just please let it be contructive, not a piss and moan type. ^_^ Anyways, I really hope all of you loved reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. I've never really poured so many emotions into one story (not to mention only one character), but I think I got what I planned for. Also, this is the shortest fic I've ever written, and the first fan fic (of any series) that I've finished!!! Yaaaayy!!
Oh, and I'm thinking of a sequel for this. A quick peep into InuYasha's mind. ^_^ Hmmm? Tell me your thoughts 'cause I'm already on the look-out for a good song to convey the emotions I want expressed. Man, it's hard to find a good song for a good song fic!!!! ^_^