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Are you tired of constantly being beaten by n00bs in Counter-Strike matches and having to wait and watch other people play until the round is over? For those of you who are not familiar with the game, Counter-Strike is an online multiplayer first person shooter game based on the hugely successful game Half-Life. In the game, which is played by millions of teenagers across the country, you join either the counter terrorist forces or the terrorist team and either try to kill the opposing team or complete an objective. Although this may sound easy at first, it is actually much harder than you may think. Many of the Counter-Strike servers are filled with very experienced players who have deadly accuracy and work together as a fully functional team. For the average Counter-Striker, this may make the game frustrating if you are always being killed or if you never get any kills because your teammates are of the 1337 (elite) type of Counter-Strike player. Believe it or not though, becoming a 1337 Counter-Strike player is actually not that difficult at all. You may be thinking to yourself, “But I’m awful at Counter-Strike and I always get killed early in the round.” If this is the case, you are truly an awful Counter-Striker because the game is in fact so easy to master. To become a 1337 CSer, just follow these simple and straightforward steps. While playing the game, always keep in mind this simple rule: if you follow the steps outlined below carefully and you somehow still die, it is not your fault. Since you will be so good at the game, it is fair to place the blame of your death on someone else by labeling them as a hacker.

            The first step in becoming a CS master is to actually acquire a copy of the game if you don’t have one already. Unlike many other games, Counter-Strike is not actually its own game, it is an add-on to Half-life so you have to buy Half-Life first. Since HL was first released almost 8 years ago now, it can be acquired for a very cheap price at any computer store or online. After obtaining HL, you have to download a special program called Steam. Steam is basically the gateway program that allows you to play any of the multiplayer HL games with other gamers around the world. Once you have Steam, you simply select that you would like to download Counter-Strike.

            Now that you actually have the game, you have to configure it and set up all of your options. Enter the options menu and begin by choosing a name. In order to be a 1337 CSer, you need a name that look intimidating so people think you are good. To do this, make your name in 1337 and include other weird symbols to make it look crazy. An example of a good name is -=1337=-[-]4X0|2, though don’t use this name as it is surely already taken. After you have done this and played around with the audio and video settings a little bit, it is time to actually play the game and own some n00bs (people who are new to the game and not very good, the opposite of 1337). To enter a game, you must first choose a server to join. When you go to view the server list, you will notice that there is a ridiculous number of servers that you can join. So how exactly do you go about picking a server? Picking a good server is fairly easy. First of all, sort the list of servers by what map the server is currently on. You can now narrow down your server choices by only looking at the servers with the map cs_assault since this is the only map worth playing. Next you find a server with the appropriate number of people. A server with 11/12 people is usually a good choice. Finally, before actually joining a server, it is a good practice to glance at the servers name to see if it offers any additional information. A server with a name such as “24/7 Assault” is a good choice because it only hosts the only good map, assault.

            Once you get into a server, it is finally time to kick some n00b @55. Before you get to play though, you need to pick a team. Although many will say be a rebel and join the terrorists, the Counter Terrorists are a far better team because they have the better weapons. After selecting a team, you are prompted to select your character skin. For all the women out there, unfortunately there is no woman skin on either team; however, the hostages in some maps are women. Although many may pass off the character skins as unimportant, any real CSer will choose a skin that is appropriate for the specific map. For assault, the best skin to use is GIGN as it tends to blend in with the surrounding environment.

 Once the current round is over, you will finally get to play! When you spawn in the start area, immediately and quickly enter the buy menu by hitting “B”. For the first round, if you do not have a lot of money, enter the pistol menu and buy the Desert Eagle and ammo. In following rounds when you have more money, buy the m4a1 assault rifle, which is the best gun in the game, body armor, ammo, and grenades. When you are fully equipped with this arsenal, you are one step closer to becoming the ultimate CS player.

After the Buy time is over, when the round actually starts, quickly run to the large entrance to the Terrorist warehouse on the left side of the map but do not actually enter the warehouse. In the very unlikely event that a terrorist runs out of the warehouse before you get there (the Terrorists tend to “camp” in the warehouse since they know they are going to lose anyway) kindly greet him with a few shots to the head from your m4a1 rifle. When shooting, crouching and remaining still greatly increases your accuracy and increases your chances of getting a headshot. When shooting, aim at the head region and shoot in short bursts to help maintain accuracy. With a little practice, you will soon become a head shooting pro. When you reach the warehouse gate, crouch next to the building slightly away from the entrance. Quickly take out a flashbang grenade and throw it into the opening to the warehouse and look away as it explodes so you are not blinded. After the flashbang detonates, while still crouching make your way over to the entrance so you can see inside, quickly scan the immediate area and take out any of the terrorists with a few short bursts to their heads. If a terrorist happens to see you and opens fire, quickly side step behind the wall of the warehouse before you are killed. Next, climb one of the ladders to the warehouse roof and make your way over the roof vent. If you at any point encounter a terrorist out in the open during any of this, a good tactic is to bunny-hop. To bunny-hop you simply tap the space bar rapidly so you jump repeatedly. Not only does this make you a harder target to hit, it also makes you look silly. Once your enemy has run out of ammo, stop hopping and give him a few shots to the head or if you want to be fancy, whip out your knife and slash him to death. If you are able to knife kill an enemy, you know for sure you are a CS master. 

At this point you should still be on the roof near the vent. Before entering the vent, toss in a high explosive grenade to clear out any terrorists that may be hiding in there. After clearing the vent, ready your rifle and quickly jump into the vent and proceed to walk to the end of it. Before leaving the vent and entering enemy territory, it may be a good idea to throw another flashbang to stun the terrorists so they can’t see anything. As soon as the grenade detonates, jump out and using the skills described above, take out the remaining terrorists. Once all the terrorists are dead, congratulations, you win!

Now that you know all the steps to be a super CS player, just keep on practicing. As the saying goes, “practice makes perfect.” If you follow these steps exactly as they are laid out for you, you should be a CS master in no time. If you are somehow killed in one way or another while following these steps, something is definitely wrong. There is no way you can possibly die if you follow these steps correctly. If you do die, you should automatically assume that the terrorist who killed you is a hacker since this is the only way to explain how you were killed. Upon being killed, you must exclaim, “(enter name of killer here) is a [-]4><0|2 and must be banned from this server!!!” Make sure you place the blame for your death on someone else so it will not appear to others that you are a n00b. This last step is undoubtedly the most important step in the entire game; always blame others for your deaths, even if it was your fault. By following these simple steps, you too will be an unstoppable 1337 CSer in just a few days.