Everybody has right
Hodja was once a judge. One day a man came to his house to complain about his neighbor. Hodja listened carefully and then said to him,
- My good man, you are right.
The man went away happily. In a little while the first man's neighbor came to see Hodja. He complained about the first man. Hodja listened carefully to him, too, and then said,
- My good man, you are right.
Hodja's wife had been listening to all this, and when the second man left, she turned to Hodja and said,
- Hodja, you told both men right. That's impossible. They both can't be right.
Hodja listened carefully to his wife and then said to her,
- My dear, you are right, too.

                Price of a hit on the neck
Nasreddin Hodja had visited a town for some personal business. When he was walking on the market, a man hit him on the neck. Hodja turned around to see the man who hit behind him.
- Please, forgive me, said the man. In appearance from behind, you resemble someone I hate.
- I dont't think so! replied Hodja with pain on his neck, We should report this event to the judge of the town.
The judge listened carefully both Hodja and the man and said to Hodja,
- Let me punish him to pay a hundred akche (coin) to you. Are you agree with this?
Hodja accepted the payment but the man had no money to pay. The judge decided to leave him go to bring the penalty. Hodja did't like the idea of letting him free. He waited a long time and understood that the judge helped his citizen to run away. Hodja had neither time nor desire to wait the man. He went up to the behind of the judge and took a very strong hit on his neck.
- Dear mister Judge, said Hodja. Since the price of a hit on the neck is a hundred akche, you may receive that money from the man who hit me instead of my penalty. You are look like familiar with this kind of compensation but I got lots of business to do before turning back to my village.

 

                            Mortal's way
One day four boys approached Hodja and gave him a bagful of walnuts.
- Hodja, we can't divide these walnuts among us evenly. So would you help us, please?
Hodja asked,
- Do you want God's way of distribution or mortal's way?
- God's way& the children answered.
Hodja opened the bag and gave two handfuls of walnuts to one child, one handful to the other, only two walnuts to the third child and none to the fourth.
- What kind of distribution is this? the children asked baffled.
- Well, this is God's way, he answered. He gives some people a lot, some people a little and nothing to others. If you had asked for mortal's way I would have given the same amount to everybody.

                            Bitten ear
Two men came before Nasreddin Hodja when he was magistrate. The first man said,
- This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation.
The second man said,
- He bit it himself.
Hodja withdrew to his chambers, and spent an hour trying to bite his own ear. He succeeded only in falling over and bruising his forehead. Returning to the courtroom, Hodja pronounced,
- Examine the man whose ear was bitten. If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself and the case is dismissed. If his forehead is not bruised, the other man did it and must pay three silver pieces.

                    Smell of the food and sound of money
One day a poor and hungry visitor took a piece of bread from his pocket and hold it over a hot cauldron food at a open restaurant window. The dry bread became softer and he began to eat it but the restaurant keeper stoped him for fee of the food steam. The poor visitor had no money and they decided to go to judge.
Our Hodja was the judge of the town and listened carefully both men. Hodja took some golden coins from his purse and show them to the restaurant keeper.
- Come here, please! said to him.
When he came to receive coins, Hodja jingled the coins in the palm of his hands to the man's ear.
- Now the fee was paid, said Hodja.
- What is that all about? the restaurant keeper wondered and asked.
- Justice! Hodja replied, the sound of money is a fair compensation for the smell of the food.

 

                            Cat tale
One day Hodja bought three okes (an oke is 2.8 pounds) of meat and took it home to his wife. Then he returned to work. Immediately, his wife called her relatives and prepared a superb dinner. In the evening, Hodja returned for supper, and his wife offered him nothing but bread and onions. He turned to her and said,

- But why haven't you prepared anything from the meat?
- I rinsed the meat and was going to put it on the stove when this damn cat came up and took it away, she said.
Hodja at once ran to get the scales. Then he found the cat and weighed it. It was exactly three okes!
Then he turned to his wife and said,
- Look here! If what I have just weighed is the cat, then where's the meat? But if this is the meat, then where's the cat?

                        Nine months journey in seven days
The Hodja's first wife had recently died. The state of single blessedness was not to Hodja's taste. So he decided to marry again. With some help from his neighbours he had no difficulty in finding a suitable widow.
Exactly seven days after the wedding the woman gave birth to a baby. Hodja immediately ran to the market, bought some paper, pencils, books and on his return put these objects beside the newborn baby. His wife seemed surprised and asked :
- But Effendi, surely the baby won't have any use for these things for a long time yet! Why the hurry?
- You are mistaken my dear, replied Hodja. A baby that arrives in seven days instead of nine months, is sure to need these things in a couple of weeks at most.

                        Beauty unveiled
One day Hodja was tired to be a widower, so he met a widow woman with an arrangetment of his neighbours. According to social rules existing during Hodja's day, brides didn't show themselves to their future husbands prior to marriage. Hodja and the woman talked with each other a while and they decided to get married. The woman behind black veil had a beatiful and young sound but unfortunatelly, she was both old and ugly.
On Hodja's wedding day, his wife unveiled her face to him and asked,
- Tell me, which of your relatives and friends can I see without covering my face?
- Show your face to whomever you want; so long as you don't show it to me! Hodja replied.

                    Going around too much
Neigbors were worried about Hodja's young and beatiful wife;
- Hodja, your wife is out all the time, going around in the village.
- It is not possible! Hodja replied, If she should be keeping on to go around all the time, she might be visit our own house, too.

                    Forty year old vinegar
His neighbour asked Hodja,
- Do you have some forty-year old vinegar?
- I have, answered Hodja.
- Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication said the man.
- No, I won't, replied Hodja If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years!

                            Kazan died
On one occasion, Hodja borrows a kazan (large cauldron) from his neighbour. When Hodja returns the kazan, the neighbour sees that there is a small cooking pot in the bottom. He asks
- Hodja, What is this? Hodja replies:
- Apparently the kazan had been pregnant and it has given birth to this small pot.
The neighbour unquestioningly accepts the kazan and the pot. Some weeks later, Hodja wishes to borrow the same kazan. The neighbour is only too happy to oblige. This time, a month passes. The neighbour calls on Hodja to inquire about his kazan. Hodja, with a concerned look, announces:
- I am sorry, but your kazan died.
The neighbor is puzzled. Then becoming angry, he demands:
- How could it die?
- You believed that it gave birth, why do you not believe that it died

                        Mirror or picture
Nasreddin Hodja was walking down the street one day when he noticed something shining in the dirt. He walked over and picked it up. It was a small mirror. He looked in it, saw himself, and then threw it away, saying to his neighbor who was watching him,
- It is not surprising, my friend, that someone threw that thing away. Who would keep such an ugly picture?"