World's Craziest Road Trip (Part Deux)

World's Craziest Road Trip (Part Deux) 6:07AM 5/27/05 - 12:45 AM 5/31/05
Touchdown Jesus (IN)	Fallen Timbers (OH)	Rock N Roll HOF (OH)	Pittsburg PA
Harrisburg PA	Baltimore MD	Annapolis MD	Washington DC
Dover De	Philladelphia PA	Trenton NJ	New York NY
Albany NY	Hartford CT	Providence RI	Boston MA
Concord NH	Augusta ME	Montpelier VT	Montreal QC
Ottawa ON	Toronto ON	Detroit MI	Lansing MI
Bonus-Beantown	Bonus-Tang	Bonus-B&J	Bonus-Spider

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Things We Learned:

• Planning is still Fundamental.
• No Matter how much you plan, your planning will be fundamentally flawed and grossly inadequate.
• Joining a convoy,(especially if the lead car is chasing a hot chick) is the only way to drive
• Fries and Coleslaw on a sandwich, while sloppy, is regoddamndiculously tasty
• Pennsylvania is full of hot tunnel action
• The Police department of Harrisburg PA can kiss my harry butt for their horribly conceived sobriety checkpoint, learn how to execute traffic control a-holes!
• Onz has no earthly buiness sitting in the navigator chair, henry the navigator, he aint.
• Baltimore is tough as nails and the streets ar poorly marked. (Not a good combination)
• They drag race at Fedex Field
• Washington DC is blighted, apperently all security messures must be tremendously unsightly.
• You cannot get close to anything in DC, other than 4 million romaneque columned buildings.
• Sunrise over the Chesapeake Bay, while painful, was gorgeous.
• The only thing Delaware has to hang its hat on is Tax Free Shopping.
• Being in Philly brings new meaning to the line from 1776, "Foul, fetid, fuming, foggy, filthy...Philadephia!"
• With the above being said i would eat at Pat's every day of the week if i could.
• Trenton, wins the annual "Springfield Award" for, crappiest town with the nicest capitol.
• If you have to go from Trenton to NYC, take the turnpike, its worth the money.
• Onz can give the NYC cabbies a run for their money.
• Parking signs which warn that your vehicle is in mortal peril, are the size of a postcard and behind a tree in NYC.
• The Queensboro bridge its the most frightening bridge we have everbeen on.
• Joey, He makes a tasty cheesecake.
• Onz has the ablity to curse MLB teams (i.e. New York Yankees)
• The drive from NYC to Albany makes Indianapolis to Chicago like Toledo to Cleveland.
• You too can trash as room like a D-list Rock star.
• The gold leaf on the dome of the capitol building in Hartford CT is courtesy of Mrs. Johnson's 3rd grade class.
• Gillette Stadium is in the middle of nowhere.
• No mapmaker has a detailed map of Boston's Downtown.
• No one in Boston has heard of a Cream Pie.
• Augusta is not so cool with a couple of guys casing the capitol grounds at midnight.
• Pissing in a bog with snakes, bears and moose gives one performance anxiety.
• You cannot buy fresh maple syrup at 3AM in Vermont.
• The Ben and Jerry's Factory is unguarded.
• French civil servants have the warmth and humanity of an horned toad.
• Memorial Day is not a holiday in Canada.
• The stereo type of French people being rude and snotty, its kind of true.
• Canadian bilingualism does not apply to the Quebeqois.
• Ontario has some of the nicest people on Earth (it was a breath of fresh air after Quebec.)
• Detroit is America's Beruit.
• Indiana still refuses to end.

Crazy Things We Saw:

• Pink Baskin Robbins VW Bug(Kennedy Expressway Chicago IL)
• Fangboner Rd (Ohio Turnpike outside Toledo OH)
• A Hearse (outside of Youngstown OH)
• Meatwad Graffiti (Bridge near Pittsburgh PA)
• A Roadside waterfall (PA Turnpike)
• A Sobriety Checkpoint (Which we drove the wrong way down a one way street into)
• We had a gun pulled on us at the aforementioned checkpoint (police brutality?)(Harrisburg PA)
• BJ's Wholesaler (Its always better to buy BJ's at retail rather than wholesale, IMO(Building in Boston MA)
• A capitol security guard with more guns than teeth(Actualy a nice guy with the Augusta captiol security (Augusta ME)
• Giant Moose (Lonely strech of foggy highway in Vermont)
• The House of Tang (Montpelier VT)
• Statue of Lord Admiral Nelson (Square in Montreal,Take that Frenchie)
• Giant Metal Spider(Museum in Ottawa)
• The Ho-lee-Chow Restaraunt (Between Toronto & Hamilton)

Liscense Plates We Saw*:

• Wisconsin
• Minnesota
• Ontario
• Ohio
• Nebraska
• California
• Illinois
• Maryland
• Florida
• North Carolina
• Nevada
• New York
• Michigan
• Massachusetts
• South Dakota
• Oregon
• Washington
• Alberta
• Indiana
• Pennsylvania
• Kentucky
• Virgina
• Missouri
• West Virgina
• Georgia
• Colorado
• Utah
• New Jersey
• Delaware
• Texas
• Vermont
• Rhode Island
• Conneticut
• New Hampshire
• Quebec
• New Brunswick
• Maine
  *(Not counting plates from the state we were in at the time)

Misc Factoids:

• Number of parking tickets we recieved: 3 (apprx $177.00 total)
• Number of times we handed our licenses to authority figures: 4 (2 Border guard, one capitol security, one dickwad in Harrisburg)
• Traffic jams we got caught in: 6(Chicago, Cleveland, Harrisburg, Montreal, Toronto, Windsor)
• Amount spent on tolls: (apprx $45)
• Different road kills spotted: 5 (Deer, Skunk, Cat, Rabbit, Unidentified Smear)(actually we gave up looking since 90% of roadkill falls into the last catagory.)

Approx Timline:

(Day One)
• 5/27/05 6:07 AM CST- Left Madison
• 5/27/05 6:52 AM CST- Entered Illinois
• 5/27/05 9:00 AM CST- Entered Indiana
• 5/27/05 10:30 AM CST- Touchdown Jesus
• 5/27/05 12:41 PM EST - Entered Ohio
• 5/27/05 3:30 PM EST - Cleveland
• 5/27/05 5:40 PM EST - Entered Pennsylvania
• 5/27/05 10:30 PM EST - Haarisburg
• 5/28/05 12:00 AM EST - Entered Maryland
• 5/28/05 12:30 AM EST - Baltimore
• 5/28/05 1:30 AM EST - Annapolis
• 5/28/05 3:00 AM EST - Entered District of Columbia
  (Day Two)
• 5/28/05 7:00 AM EST - Entered Delaware
• 5/28/05 9:00 AM EST - Re-Entered Pennsylvania
• 5/28/05 9:30 AM EST - Philadelphia
• 5/28/05 12:00 PM EST - Entered New Jersey
• 5/28/05 12:30 PM EST - Trenton
• 5/28/05 3:30 PM EST - Meadowlands
• 5/28/05 4:30 PM EST - Entered New York
• 5/29/05 12:00 AM EST - Albany
  (Day Three)
• 5/29/05 9:30 AM EST - Left Albany
• 5/29/05 10:10 AM EST - Entered Massachusetts
• 5/29/05 10:57 AM EST - Entered Conneticut
• 5/29/05 1:05 PM EST - Entered Rhode Island
• 5/29/05 1:48 PM EST - Re-Entered Massachusetts
• 5/29/05 6:52 PM EST - Entered New Hampshire
• 5/29/05 9:02 PM EST - Entered Maine
• 5/29/05 11:15 PM EST - Augusta
• 5/30/05 12:40 AM EST - Re-Entered New Hampshire
• 5/30/05 1:45 AM EST - Entered Vermont
• 5/30/05 3:05 AM EST - Montpelier
• 5/30/05 5:00 AM EST - Entered Canada
  (Day Four)
• 5/30/05 6:30 AM EST - Montreal
• 5/30/05 9:30 AM EST - Entered Ontario
• 5/30/05 11:45 AM EST - Ottawa
• 5/30/05 3:30 PM EST - Toronto
• 5/30/05 7:15 PM EST - Entered United States
• 5/30/05 8:30 PM EST - Lansing
• 5/30/05 9:45 PM CST - Re-Entered Illinois
• 5/30/05 11:30 PM CST - Re-Entered Wisconsin
• 5/30/05 12:45 AM CST - Madison

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