Team Schlitzkrieger
Founder and President of Team Schlitzkrieger Richard H. Schmelzel IV esq. explains our philosophy.
"First thing you have to remeber are the The Five "C"s of Team Schlitzkrieger"
- Caffinate
- Compute
- Check
- Call
- Caffinate
"Second thing you need to know, is that you have to consume large amounts of beer. Our scientists have discovered that beer contains special chemicals called"Alchomotons" which help the intoxicated person know evrything
"Third, we answer those questions. You probably saying to yourself how do we answer questions with all that beer, well Ms. prissy not answer questions degerate, I... um wait what number was I on?
Fourth, We stay up a very long time, no matter how comfortable or inviting that... couch looks...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...42!
Fifth, and most inportabtly, we out Schlitz our competators. How, well I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you.
Team Schlitzkrieger Dossiers
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Classified |
101214131251228 |
Space / Music |
Last Spotted in Florida |
| Weakness |
Fire, Swanky Moustaches |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Active |
147201186020202200 |
Wed Devo / Triviaist |
When all is lost, Can pull an answer out of his ass. |
| Weakness |
Red Heads, Shiny Objects |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Reserve |
105131108116252139 |
History / Sports |
Best damn fool to have in the passager seat |
| Weakness |
College Football / Good Books |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Reserve |
233162110115165213222 |
Psyche Warfare / Musicals |
Poor Judd Fry is Dead |
| Weakness |
Co-workers, Movie popcorn |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Reserve |
131108116252139233 |
Pop Cultre/ Computers |
A bundle of energy |
| Weakness |
Unknown |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Active |
176163143228227164126 |
Medical / Morale |
Keeps us from killing ourselves. |
| Weakness |
Dopey Men, People in Need |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Active |
177167179116033 |
Online Research / Communications |
Saved our asses on more than one occasion |
| Weakness |
Large Teddybear Men |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| MIA |
170141199196183242 |
Surfing / Firefighting / Damage |
Happy...Tree! |
| Weakness |
Bitching Waves |
Strength
|  |
 |
| Status |
Serial # |
Specialty |
Comments |
| Active |
108232056183207 |
Computing / Location Procurment |
Good in a Taco Bell fire fight |
| Weakness |
Large Trucks, Packer Loses |
Strength
|  |
|
