Ol' Rambling Drunk Guy in April '04

My Ashen Complexion and Bulbous Red Nose make me an Autumn(Week of 4/25/2004)

So I fall asleep in a vent on 7th and some punk teenagers went all Mary Kay on my ass and done me up all pretty. It took me half a newspaper to wipe off the lipstick and eye shaddow. Which incidentally princess is totally the wrong shade for me. If you are going to waste perfectly good rendered animal fat I could have walked over to the Del Taco and suck on their grease trap. Still nice job on the rouge it highlights my delicate bone structure. What you don�t think so? I�ll cut you jerk I have a shiv made from an old lipstick tube. Why did god have to give me combination skin OH WHY! Sweet Lord a guy can�t get a decent moisturizer in this town.

I Love it When a Plan Comes Together (Week of 4/18/2004)

So the 23rd and me Street Militia got us a plan. Toothless Tommy, our recon, went deep cover into and AA meeting. According to him the local chapter does in empowerment exercise that involves bringing in the alcohol in your house and symbolically dumping it out. The plan was simple the Red Skelton Middle School is lightly guarded. We snuck in through the loading dock and down to the basement. Through a little Hobogenuity we diverted the pipes into our high tech collection grid. Oh lordy we will be rolling in the sweet delicious mutt beer motherload. Flip the Switch!�Wait a minute ABORT! ABORT!. Four Finger Joe you Moron that�s the sewer pipe! OH the Zumanity!!!

Survey Says(Week of 4/11/2002)

So here I am minding my own business staggering down D Street. When some khaki panted little pantywaist comes up to me with a clipboard. Asking me if I want to take a survey. Like I give a damn about the price of dildos in Dusseldorf. "How much does it pay?" I asked. The little puppy just stared at me so I kicked him in the balls and ran. Shazam!

Coma C-O-M-A Coma(Week of 4/4/2004)

I bet you can't drink that. Ah the Six most dangerous words in the English language. Many a man had died that night but thanks to my sterner liver that liquefied solid rocket fuel couldn�t touch me. What year is it? 2004, hmm God do those Bengals suck HA, I bet we that Iraq thing is all easy as a red-light pie. What. Aww crap who the F*** is Paris Hilton. That�s it I am going to the hobby store

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