Footsteps are easy to retrace,
taking the first step is the challenge
Oceans
I need to curl up foetal
hide somewhere dark
so only the ocean is all I hear
marbling mother of pearl somewhere above my thoughts
I need to be alone
so alone
So only my heart beat defends me
and I scream for insanity
where only the insane understand
what went wrong.
Only in immagination reigns
reality is an angry banality I cringe from
Here in the dark I am alone
I can't upset others
I fail only myself
We never apologise to our selves do we?
Maybe I should start,
forgivness
of the soul and heart,
as rain slices away my facade
and not this human form I wear
so awkwardly
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icq 16864429
Hauntings
His face...
the only one I ever traced
with finger tips.
Memoriizing each feature,
olive skin so tanned from the sun
and eyes so dark brown.
I would have drowned in them had you let me,
at 17, you were 21, you joked with me saying...
'you'd marry me if I asked you?' with that laconic grin.
I would have, but you never asked did you?
You left and went over seas with work
...my heart broke, I carried that flame for so long
...the pain...
On my 21st you returned
drunk...rolling bloody drunk
...in uniform...
2am in the morning we talked
I bummed a smoke
and you took that deep breath,
as you did when you wanted to say something important.
You were still the same
and I still loved you.
I looked at the red glow at the end of that cigarette
and without your question spoken I said
'the answeres ...no...'
I still trace you in my mind
...you know what?
you should have asked me sober
...i know the answere...
it would have been
...yes...
As the light seeks out the mariner in warning
So does the soul seek out the lost and torn on the path of life,
May your soul light shine in the darkest of storms
Realization
You left
and somewhere
in the litter of my thoughts
in that box
I found
me...
My dependancy gone
again I search
for thoughts
scratched quickly
they date my heart coldly
and too readily.
Emotional tattoos
that never can be erased
there
in ink
diped in tears
staining my soul
...god...I curse
...how I love you.
Men in 'Can't see me' greens.
A sigh escapes your lips as shoulders slump,
a frown furrows deep in your
sleeping thoughts
with faces and events...
Clandestine images flicker unrelenting
as soldiers in 'can't see me' Greens walk on in silence.
Cicaders scream monotonously into their combat fatigued thoughts
Sweating you smell the pungent smoke of damp cigarettes with the sweet muskiness of Asiain rainforestes in the 'Wet'.
Silent faces of mates who never knew the rules...
of coming back
...alive...stare past you.
Body bags line jungle tarmaces in the heat,
with 'choppers' forever in the sky.
You pinch your eyes to stop the tears.
Muscles tense and knott, kunckles turn white and you fight the rage....
as tears fall in the night.
I wonder at the legacy of Vietnam
and why it took young boys to die as men because men in 'can't see me' greens
....aren't suppose to cry like boys...
in the dark of night
...are they...
Copyright Jeanine Turner
1 May 2003
