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The Dating Game

Your Questions Answered!

1. Can I Learn To Date Again?
After a divorce, many people are worried about starting to date again. It is common for individuals to feel like starting over is helpless. Others ask themselves, "would someone really want me?" To this I suggest that you take some time to make yourself the best you can be. Work on improving your own self and self-esteem. Do things that lift you up and make you feel more confident. Once you have done this you will be more prepared to start dating. Dating requires confidence in self.
2. How To Get A First Date
If you want to get a first date, I recommend that you consider the following ideas.

1st) Get a little information about the person you are interested in (i.e. are they dating someonelse?).
2nd) Find a way to interact with them before you ask them out.
3rd) If you can find a way to flirt a little with them to see if they respond.
4th) Be confident when you ask them out.
5th) Be creative in how you ask them out (Just a suggestion this isn�t always necessary).

Dating is something that takes confidence. Be confident in your ability to be a good date.
3. Dealing With Personal Fears
Do you have fears about dating? Many people have fears about dating (some fears are known and some are unknown). As you deal with individual fears such as saying the wrong things or not knowing what to say or do, you will begin to gain confidence. The best way to prepare yourself is to think about possible situations that may arise and think how you would respond. If you have made mistakes while dating in the past think through ways you could have effectively responded in the same situation. Learning to be a fun date does take practice.
4. Avoid Intentional Hurting
When couples break up it is important for each person to respect the others decision. However, if you are going to break up with someone remember they have given you a part of their life. As such it is important to value them and tell them without criticizing them. In most instances your breaking up with them is your issue and not theirs. If they ask you why your are breaking up with them, try being honest without being too critical. Remember everyone is of great value.
5. Compassion
Finding the ideal dating partner seems hopeless at times. Many people date one person after another in search of finding the "right" person. One characteristic that seems to matter the most is finding someone who shows us compassion. Compassionate people show care. They are kind and respectful of your opionions and feelings. Compassionate people realize that you have had pain and some suffering and still accept you for what you are.
6. Becoming Serious
When a relationship becomes serious, talk about where your relationship is going often. This helps both people so they are on the same page in the relationship and it also makes each person talk about their feelings. This will help a couple become closer and will help them better communicate.
7. Being On Time
Being on time is part of showing proper etiquette. By being on time we are showing our date that we respect their time. Being on time includes, picking your date up on time (if it is not possible call and don�t make it a habit) and taking your date home on time. It is a good rule of thumb to ask your date if they need to be home at a set time.
8. If You Don�t Want To Go Out
Sometimes women struggle to tell men no when they are asked out on a date. Many women have told me that they are afraid of hurting the man�s feelings. If you don�t want to go, I recommend that you don�t go. It is much easier to tell a man in the early stages that you aren�t interested than it is to go and have a man bugging you for the next few days, weeks, or months.
9. The Value of Finding Someone with Similar Interests
While many people believe opposites attract, researchers are finding that the exact opposite is true in terms of having long term success. Dr. J. Rushton a professor has summarized a considerable body of research regarding similarities, he said, "several studies have shown that not only the occurence of relationships but also their degree of happiness and stability can be predicted by the degree of matching of personal traits." The more similiarites a dating couples has the more likely they will find success in marriage.
10. Feeling Free To Be Yourself
Have you ever wondered if there are some fundamental keys to avoiding a bad dating relationship and ultimately a bad marriage? I believe one of the first keys to a healthy dating relationship is the feeling that we can always be ourself while dating. One of the most common "red flags" in the dating relationship is not being able to be yourself. Therefore, I suggest to all those who are dating that one of the first questions they should ask themself is, "Can I be myself in this relationship or do I have to mask some of my feelings?"
11. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Showing your love while dating is very helpful in improving a relationship. Relationships advance as love is shown, not just words. If you want to express love to your dating partner the best way is to show the person you are dating. This is done by acts of kindness, going out of your way to show that you care, being patient, and being gentle. Remember if someone is assessing if you love them they will probably look at your actions more than what you say.
12. What Are Your Instincts Telling You?
Listen to your inner voice when you�re in a relationship. You should feel happy and confident in this relationship. If you constantly feel annoyed, angry, or depressed, or put down, then it�s time to move on. Your feelings should be on the positive side. If they are not, it�s time to let them go.
13. Anger Mismangement
While dating many individuals try to show their best side. However, in dating it is important to observe your potential spouse in their anger. If watched carefully many people will show their anger in one form or another. Anger problems will only intensify in marriage. So if you are observing anger now watch out. Some of the signs include: 1)getting angry over small things; 2)putting others down; 3) flying off the handle and then quickly apologizing; and 4) blaming others for their anger.
14. The Importance of Premarital Assessment
Premarital assessment tools aren�t just for couples having problems. Many researchers and educators have worked hard to develop good programs to increase couples awareness as they enter into marriage. Many studies have found that marital satisfaction and success can be predicted on the basis of the quality of the premarital relationship and that marriages can be enhanced and stabalized through premarital intervention (Fowers & Olsen, 1992).
15. Be Honest
If you want to be trusted in your relationship you need to be honest with the person you are dating. Hidden secrets find a way to come back to haunt people in the future. Therefore, if you have a past that is not glaring find a way to discuss the relevant issues that would hurt your relationship in the future if things were discovered. This isn�t easy, but learning to be honest will improve your self-esteem and improve your relationship skills.
16. How Can I Be Better At Dating?
Dating is a skill. It takes practice. It takes confidence. And it takes having a desire to be a better person. The better you are the better dating partner you can become. The following questions are designed to have you evaluate what you can do to be a better dating partner.

1st) What can I do to be a better person?
2nd) What character traits are my strengths?
3rd) How can I use my strengths to get dates?
4th) How can I meet people with similar values to mine?

Once you have completed this list, create a game plan to follow through so you improve in each of these areas.
17. Know Your Boundaries
All people dating should have boundaries. For instance, most people don�t have sex on a first date. In fact most people don�t kiss on the first date. Researchers have found that people who have boundaries are more likely to be asked out by people that have values similar to their own. If you want people to respect you, have boundaries. Know what you will do and what you won�t do.
18. Why Don`t Guys Just Say What They Are Thinking?
Question: Why don`t guys just say what they are thinking?

Not all guys are as you say. However, you are probably right many guys don�t say what they are thinking. It is a good thing for you to know that you want to date someone who can tell you what they are thinking. Again there are guys like that. Sometimes it takes time for guys to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with girls. Other guys simply don�t dare. Still others say too much. The most important part of your question in my opinion is that you want to date someone who can share their thoughts and emotions with you. Never give up on your desire to find someone who can talk with you.
19. Advanced Planning
Before you ask out your date it is a good idea to make your plans. For example, if you are going out to eat make reservation in advance. Once you have made your plans tell your date what you have planned so he/she can prepare in advance. It is good to tell a date what time you will pick them up and what time you expect to have them home. If your dating is more serious it is still a good idea to discuss your plans with your date.
20. Expressing Love In Appropriate Ways
Our society has taught us that SEX is the most vital way of expressing our love. However, in his book "Finding the Love of Your Life", Dr Warren suggests that, "When sexual expression is not kept in check, the emotional, cognitive and spiritual aspects of the relationship become slaves to the physical desires". It is important of express love in many ways rather than in just one dimension, SEX.
21. What Women Look For In Men
Many men have asked me, "what do women look for in men?" There are many things that women want in a man. Below are a few suggestions.

1st) a man that will talk with them
2nd) a man who respects their opinions
3rd) someone who will treat them kindly
4th) someone who works to please her
5th) someone who is gentle
6th) someone who is confident but not overbearing
7th) a man who is not critical
8th) a man who shows love
9th) a good listener

If you can do the above many women would love to be your girlfriend or wife. Unfortunately, many men do not treat women with this kind of love and respect.
22. First Date Wisdom
First date? Be safe. If you are meeting someone through a personal ad face-to-face for the first time, be sure you do it in a public place for a limited period of time, like a coffee shop or a deli. Be sure it is at a time when there are a good amount of people around. Never have the person pick you up at your home.
23. What Are Some Fun First Date Ideas
There are many things that you can do on dates that are fun. Below is a short list of activities that could be fun on dates. 1) playing card games 2) playing games (Scattegories, Clue, Scrabble, etc.) 3) outdoor games--soccer, tennis, basketball) 4) going to plays, musicals 5) attending sporting events 6) going to a local college and attending some of their on campus activities 7) bowling 8) pool These are just a few ideas that could be fun activites for a date.
24. You Are A Person Of Worth
Too frequently we give a lot to the person we are dating. Then when they break up with us we feel rejected. Sometimes the person who breaks up does so in a rejecting way. In such circumstances, it is probably better that they broke up with you rather than leading you along. Furthermore, it is important to realize that if they broke up with you they probably wouldn�t have treated you as you should be treated. In far too many situations, the person breaking up will start acting unkind when they are going to break up. This shows their true colors and in many instances should be a warning sign. Remember you are a person of worth and should be treated as such.
25. When Love Begins
Harry Stack Sullivan a wise psychologist once said, "Love begins when a person finds another person�s needs to be as important as his own." This statement is as true as they come. True and deep love comes from finding others needs to be as important as your own.
26. What Attitude Will You Have?
Some people like blind dates because they get the opportunity to meet new people. Other people avoid blind dates because of the myth that blind dates are always bad. If you are willing to go on blind dates you do give yourself a better chance of meeting new people. If you are going to go out on a blind date make sure you have fun. Your attitude may determine whether a blind date goes good or bad.
27. Getting A Date
Sometimes just getting a date is a success story for some people. If you fit in this category consider the following thoughts. First, what are you doing to increase your chances of getting a date? Second, are you preparing yourself to be a good dating partner? And third, do you have confidence in you? As you work on these three issues you will be more likely to succeed.
28. What Words Should I Use To Talk With A Girl?
Sorry it isn�t the words that will make you successful. Much more important than the words you use is the actions you display. For example, being a gentleman or showing kindness will make you successful.

In addition the words you use have to be your own. If you are stuggling to find the right words practice what you might say. However, it is more important to learn to say what is in your heart rather than what is in your head. If you worry about what you are going to say you are thinking too much...let your heart talk and you will be more successful.
29. Until You Know Someone
Dating is something that must be taken serious. Most people don�t just go out with anyone. A good idea to avoid a dating disaster is to date someone who has similiar values to you. If you are unsure of someone�s values be cautious. Until you know a persons values it is wise to be in public places or in places you are safe.
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