This work is copyrighted to Yuki Fanel.

 

The Silence of A Mobile

by Aeon the Guardian of the Dungeons

 

 

        I lay on my bed, watching how the stars and the moon hang from the mobile. The cold wind blew gently from my open window, reminding me of the shivering loneliness I once felt a few months back. The small star figures hit the moon, producing a sound I used to hear before. A sound of silence that I long for...

 

        "Rain, are you asleep already?"

 

        My mother's voice made my heart thud in my ribs heavily. The faint sound of footsteps came from the corridor outside her room. I closed my eyes and refrained from moving, hoping that she wouldn't see that I was awake and pondering.

 

        "Goodnight, honey."  she said,  her voice seemingly content with the lack of response.

 

        I opened my eyes again and watched the stars bump into each other like disorganized ideas waiting for someone to put them together and get something productive. Or maybe, pieces of a shattered heart that wishes to be put back into one piece. Or maybe, pieces of a life that needs completeness.

 

        The idea struck me.

 

        It was similar to my own life when something entirely left me to be alone again. When he came to me, he was a child, seemingly a puzzle needed to be solved under time pressure. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't able to solve him early enough. I didn't have enough skill and experience to declare myself an expert in life. I didn't have anything to start with. Start with scrap, as they say.

 

        I did start with scrap. There were some from pain, some from life, some from death.But no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to fit. Nothing would come to its right places. It was as if they refused to be manipulated, that they wanted to have their own way. But still I was determined to finish it. Unfortunately, like a new toy in the hands of a child, they ended up broken. They gave up, not me.

       

        He did, not me. But somehow it was more or less, falling out of love. From love to hate. From affection to hating. I knew it was normal for teenagers to go through such but what struck me most was he didn't tell me face to face. It would've been better if he told it to my face.

 

        I didn't realize that tears were already flowing from my eyes. I've been crying the whole day, hoping I could find some consolation from the tears. But I was wrong. It made my heart weigh even more. This is what I really hate about life and love. They lift you from the deepest and darkest worlds and drop you all of a sudden. It was as if the only purpose of love is to hurt me even harder.

 

        If you face things outright, you'll get lifted by an angel and when they get burned by your skin, they'll let go. Possibly without remorse. Ah, Iris. Goo Goo Dolls, I agree. It seems better to watch from afar. That way you don't face the risk of getting hurt at all. That way, they won't notice you. Like someone who didn't really exist.

 

        But I began thinking about the sudden turn of events. Maybe, before all the arguments, he lied about loving me. He lied about not leaving me. That he was afraid of losing me so he lets me go the most painful way to make it look as if it was my fault.

 

        Maybe it was my fault. Maybe he was really afraid. Maybe he lied. Or worse than that, maybe he really didn't care.

 

        I don't care as well. All I want is to taste him from afar.

 

        I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would come. But it seemed improbable. My ideas still don't fit together, like my life.