You Breathe : Last Kiss

 

       I’m lying beside you again. Even if you don’t feel me here, I know how many times we’ve both imagined this to be true. Your skin upon mine; your breath is mine. Once upon a time this would have been what our dreams were made of.

 

       The once upon a time came and went and all that is left to us is the ever after. It is not happy, it has been sad actually. But it will never be forgotten. The story, from beginning to the bitter end, it’s written inside my heart, never to be erased. A story that will never be told again, lest it open up too many scars and too many questions avoided and answers buried.

 

       You are still so beautiful to me. Your ebony eyes which are hiding behind the heavy lids of the Sandman’s embrace haunted me for nights long after we ended. Tendrils of your sea-kissed hair awoke a faint sense of seasickness in me, like your waves were something that could take me away. Lips that I once lost myself into, a doorway to a state of non-thought. Looking at you now, lost in the land of dreams, I feel the ache that I know will stay with me far longer that you can imagine.

 

       We were bitter when it ended and I could imagine your mouth drawn into a line as we spoke on the phone. The last phone call in which you would say that you loved me. Did you hate me then, when I couldn’t find any reason to say to you? Did you hate me then, when I hadn’t the guts to tell you that I did not have any reason to end it? Did you hate me then when I couldn’t face you afterwards? Did you hate me then, when it looked like I was doing fine?

 

       Will you hate me now, now that you know I am just as torn up as you are?

 

       But it is over. And it is somehow reached a finality that is deeper, and more powerful  than death. I have lost you and your ebony night sky eyes and your sea wave hair. I shall no longer have an angel in the sea, even if I drown myself in search for you.

 

       The sea that once loved us, the sea that we loved.

 

       The sea that I can no longer go back to for fear of drowning in memories that I never had any right to have or to hold.

 

       I wish I can stay here still, forever. Not in your embrace, just here beside you.

 

       But in this finality, I find myself being hindered by a thin wall.

 

       Who put that wall up, when it was put up; I can never find the answer to. Especially since I don’t want to know the answer to it.

 

       And so I stand.

 

       And I bow to kiss your soft, immobile lips.

 

       And for a moment, I could hear the sea. I could hear it and I shut my eyes.

 

       It shall be the last time I shall hear it.