Author’s notes : Happy birthday to me and
Ran-kun. *snorts* not that my birthday is happy at all.
Weiss Kreuz is not owned by me. So don’t sue.
I’ll whack you. The white text is Alanis’ lyrics. NOT
owned by me.
Pride That Won’t Fall (Movement 1 : Mercy)
Song By Alanis
Weiss Fic By Jericah Helios
I could say that there is nothing else that can touch me. Emotion, or my enemies or even my friends. I’ve shut myself
up so far away that sometimes the people in the world called reality seem like
pinpricks in the distance. Little black spots against a blinding
white horizon.
I could say that, but that would be lying. And I hate lying. Especially
if I’m lying to myself.
We have slaughtered
In the garden of beauty
Blood gathers outside the wound on my hand and I watch it, momentarily
mesmerized by the seeping of the blood from the inside of me into the outside
with such silent intensity.
Even if I’ve given up saving myself, my internal, my infernal internal
system seems intent on saving me, whether I like it or not.
No, I don’t like it one bit.
“Aw shit Aya, that’s disgusting” I had
forgotten about Kudou. We were working on an
arrangement when I cut my hand. Now he’s traveled the width of the table and
kept on making ‘tsk-ing’ sounds. If I could, I would
have laughed out loud. Tactics like that
would’ve worked on Omi, or even Ken. Not Fujimiya Ran.
Just as he was reaching for my hand, I turn away and make for the sink.
He stood there, with an arm outstretched for a while. I guess it finally
registered in his brain that he looked like a jackass,
he straightened up while I was cleaning the wound. “That cut outta be cleaned with something other than water Aya. I swear that’s not healthy at all.”
Digging graves instead of
planting
Nothing's healthy anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore. You just live
each day as if there is no tomorrow, no yesterday. Only now now
now now now
and you watch, helpless, as your life slips through your fingers and the more
you try to hold on, the more your fragile sanity breaks apart…
“What breaks apart?” came Kudoh’s
voice. I couldn’t stop the surprise that registered as a jolt. I must have said
the last part of my thoughts out loud. “Hunh? Aya?”
I turn back to the arrangement and continue what I was doing. I don’t
have to explain myself, much less to Kudou who cared
for nothing more than getting laid every other night.
A hand shot out and I suddenly found both my hands held still by the
aforementioned heartbreaker. Fathomless emerald eyes held my gaze for a moment.
“Will you stop being such a prick and bandage that up at least?”
I pull away. How dare he touch me…?
God he is so full of himself. I pull away roughly and give him my worst
glare. It doesn’t work on him, not anymore. He’s been the recipient of it for
so long I think he’s immune.
“Stay away from me.” He raises an eyebrow.
“You’re overreacting Aya” he responds with a
small smile. He’s amused. He got a reaction from me. How shallow can this man
get?
“NEVER” I snort, “and I mean NEVER touch me” and I stalk off.
These are times I wish I could deny everything, my life, my past, my
future, my present. And most importantly, my emotions and my
humanity. It is my humanity that is telling me as I enter my room and
close the door behind me that I wanted him to touch me.
For the sake of affirming that I am still alive. That I
am still a living breathing creature, a creature of the night, but breathing
nonetheless. For the sake of telling me that my hands can feel something
other than the rough handle of my sword or the warm, sticky metallic blood of
the guilty.
I lie on my bed, and if I just turn my head slightly to the side I could
see my katana where I had placed it the night before, after polishing and
cleaning it. My sword, my talent, my salvation; a bitter smile crosses my
features, my occupation, my shovel.
I am digging my own grave and there is nothing else I can do about it.
Because it is the only thing I can do.
Mercy for the crucified
A bitter justice
The mission from last week comes back with a vengeance and I cannot help
but remember and wince. The prostitution ring that ‘recruited’ direct from the high schools
nearby. When we had moved in, one of the girls tried to escape, and got
killed in the process. She jumped from their small room, whether she didn’t
know she was in the 10th floor or didn’t care, she had died in my
arms. Her eyes opened for a second and locked with mine, questioning. Nothing bitter in those deep blue eyes.
I looked away first.
When I looked back at her, she had died already.
Right now, I feel like that girl. I want to jump, out of Weiss, out of
my life, out of my skin. I don’t care if the fall would kill me. I need to
escape, jump of the window and just….
Fly away.
Then again, all of us want to jump. Who would want to spend their
lifetime killing all these filth. Even if they were
guilty, even if they died instantly, we’re still stained.
Forever stained.
Begging eternity for love
Should Aya awake, will she be able to
recognize me, as her brother? Would she still love me, if, she found out that
to save her life…I took others? Will I be able to face her again…?
She is the only one who could love me. Driven by blood ties, she would
love me again only because I was her brother, Ran. Once.
But I am not Ran anymore.
I am Abyssinian. Creature of the night, branded with flame and blood. Waiting an eternity to wake
an angel…only to slink back into the shadows once she does.
How can an angel love a murderer like me?
We're nothing
We're everything
Balinese.
In the end, we would only be instruments. Of death, of
justice, of history. And in the
end, we will be the only ones who can look at each other and know that there is
nothing judgmental in the gaze of the other.
I am nothing
Yet I am everybody
I am a murderer. I am an angel in black. I am a demon of the night. I am
a sinner. I am a saint.
I have no idea as to who the hell I am.
We're nothing
And yet we are
“Aya-kun!” Omi’s voice cuts through my thoughts. I can hear him come up to my door
and repeat. “Aya-kun!”
I grunt in reply and the boy, who’s used to it by now, continues, “The
orders are here! I need you to sign it!”
“Get Kudou” I reply.
“He won’t sign it.” He sighed. Obviously, the blond has been shirking
his duties again and Omi hasn’t the heart to tell me.
Wisdom lights up life's
road
I clamber down and take the order slip from the nameless delivery man.
Omi and Ken are busy going back and forth from the storage to the truck and I notice
with displeasure that Yohji is nowhere around.
Or so I think for he suddenly appears, smiling as if we never had the
earlier argument. “Ei bishonen”
he calls out to Omi who was trying to haul a bunch of Morning Glories into the
storage. “Need help?”
Omi rolled his eyes. “Oh duh Sherlock. Maybe no?”
I know you
Yohji’s laughter echoes in the storage room and Ken comes to Omi’s rescue and
hits the heartbreaker’s head. Watching them from the corner of my eye as I watch
the shop, I let their voices blend into a sort of unintelligible harmony at the
back of my mind.
I know that perhaps, there are things that can still touch me, despite
the coldness I feel inside and show outside. They, Weiss, are one of them.
And perhaps, for now, they are the only ones I will allow to do so.
**OWARI**
Author’s notes : This is actually not supposed to be that hopeful. But
when I fused in the song, it sorta went that way. Oh
well. Send all C & C to [email protected] or to my new email [email protected]