We were doing so well, at least I thought we were. The fans had finally gotten used to the fact that we were together and had stopped harassing us, hell they even started to support us at some point in time. The reporters had calmed down a bit. Of course, there were your average pieces of shit articles but it wasn�t like it was in the beginning.
Hell, you were the one who wanted to come out to the public. You kept pushing and nagging about not wanting to lie to the fans anymore. You hated the fact that we had to be at the same award show or in the same city and have to sneak around just to see each other. You hated the fact that we couldn�t hold hands or even share a small kiss of affection in public. I hated it too but I wanted to protect you. Protect you from the animosity and the cruel things that I knew would be said and done your way. Eventually, I relented and we told the world about us.
They had reacted just as we expected. The fans were outraged that we had kept it secret for so long, that their hopes of being with the illustrious Justin Timberlake were now dashed. Hate sites were made, death threat letters were received, and even harsh words were said our way when we showed up somewhere, hand in hand. The press had a field day. Spreading all sorts of lies about our relationship and even tarnishing our names, separately and collectively.
Eventually things calmed down. The sites were ignored and neglected, hate letters were seldom received, and the fans even warmed up to the fact that we were even together, hell, they even started supporting us. The articles about us, if you can even muster up enough respect to call them articles, came few and far between. The one�s that did get published were shit and we often spent nights on the phone laughing at them. Yeah, the first few weeks were hard but we emerged from that stage in our relationship stronger, together as one.
Of course, our jobs got in the way sometimes. That was one of the biggest hurdles in our relationship. I�d be in one place doing a charity even and you�d be miles away presenting at some awards show. We could never get it where we were in the same place at the same time. It was extremely frustrating. I�d go home to a hotel room to an empty bed, falling asleep, wishing that you were there with me. Some nights I�d call you just to hear your voice and I�d fall asleep to the sound of that sweet angelic voice that I treasured so much.
We soon learned how to bend our schedules for each other. If you had an odd day off, you�d fly out to wherever I was just to spend a little time with me, even if that was only a few hours, just to get back on another plane to go back to your career. Of course, I�d do the same. The award shows were our favorite. We�d be able to spend the whole night together in the audience in our own little world. Heads together, smiles shared, a kiss here and there, and whispered conversations. It became our normal routine, one that would normally drive other couples apart but seemed to draw us together.
Then one day my whole world crashed. This world of complete and utter bliss crumbled that I had come to know and love crumbled, just as a gust of wind would knock over a house of cards. As quickly and sturdy as I thought we built it, it came tumbling to the ground.
I didn�t even get the courtesy to find out from you. I had to hear it from him. Fuck, I considered him one of my brothers, one of my best friends, family. I was shocked when he told me. I even started laughing because I thought it was some sick and twisted joke he was playing on me, good but sick and twisted. I stopped laughing when I saw the grim look on his face. I froze in place when he explained it all to me, thankfully leaving out all the gory details.
I would have forgiven you because everyone make�s mistakes. Everyone is entitled to fuck up every once in a while. But when he told me it happened more than once, I just couldn�t bring myself to think of anything except that I wasn�t good enough for you. I didn�t blame it on the job because it couldn�t have affected us after we�d been together in this industry for so long. I didn�t blame you and I didn�t blame him; I blamed myself.
I should have been angry with him. I should have kicked his ass right then and there but I didn�t. I went right to you. I had interviews that day and a show the next night but I still flew out to you. I couldn�t ask something like that over the phone; I had to see your face and how you reacted in person. When I asked you, you didn�t deny it, you came right out and admitted to cheating on me with him. You didn�t even seem to regret it at all.
That hurt the most, the fact that you didn�t regret it, the fact that you didn�t care about hurting me. You weren�t drunk and you weren�t taken advantage of, you did it of your own free will. The only thing I could do was to break it off.
You know they say that you don�t know what you have until it�s gone. It�s true, you know. I didn�t realize how much I loved and cherished you before you were gone. I cried myself to sleep for days afterward, locked myself in my house without taking anyone�s phone calls, and didn�t eat. I tortured myself; asked why. Why you cheated on me? Why you hurt me so easily? Why you didn�t care or cry at all? Why I wasn�t good enough?
Then one night, when I was asking myself those questions for the millionth time, I realized that if you could stray so easily that I never really had you in the first place. It wasn�t my fault, it wasn�t his, it wasn�t even yours. It�s just the way things were meant to be. Fate. Destiny. It wasn�t my destiny to be with you; it wasn�t my fault.
So instead of relishing on why or whatever else I could ask myself, I wrote. I sat down in a studio and wrote everything that came to my mind. I was finally starting to get over you and then it happened. You called, wanting to get back together. I almost said yes but something made me stop. Something in my mind told me that we weren�t meant to be. I agreed to meet you, though.
We met at some odd little diner and talked. I explained how I was feeling, what I went through, and what I thought, often times having to reach over and brush away a tear that strayed from underneath your sunglasses; tears that you were shedding over my pain. Pain that you had caused. Then I did what made me realize that I was truly over you, I got up and walked away. Not without making sure we�d still remain friends, because although I couldn�t be with you in the relationship sense, I still cherished your friendship.
I had hurt and cried, my ego had been hurt, and my pride had been dragged through the mud. But I came out stronger than before, just like we did in the beginning. I didn�t let it overpower me and bring me down, I didn�t let the hurt rule my life. In fact, I let it leak into my writing and I wrote this song; many songs, in fact. Songs that will make up my first album, songs that will show the world who I truly am.
I don�t hate you, I never did. Not even when I was at my lowest point did I hate you; I just couldn�t bring myself to do it. In fact, I should thank you. Thank you for making me stronger, for inspiring me to write all those songs, and most of all for making me realize that my angel is still out there. So, thank you.