Small, white clouds glided across the sky to mix with the grayness until nothing was left but a dark intimidating sky. The trees shook as the wind blew powerfully. Distant rumbles were heard, a warning of the oncoming storm.
A tiny drop of water fell, plopping softly on his stomach, his shirt absorbing the moisture.
But he didn�t move.
So small, he thought.
More drops of water fell yet he didn�t move. Thoughts, moving as fast as the clouds, cascaded through his mind. Emotions flowed throughout his body and his face dampened with moisture, part rain and part tears.
He licked his lips, tasting the saltiness of tears, and watched as the rain began to fall more heavily. It looked as if millions of tiny needles were falling to pierce his skin, to spill the sadness inside of him out to mingle with the dreariness falling down upon him.
His clothes stuck to him wetly, his hair curled over his forehead, matting there, and water clung to his eyelashes, blurring his vision. The ground began to soften, his body sinking deeper into the earth, as if trying to hide.
Yet, he didn�t move.
He closed his eyes and hummed, a deep, melodic resonance in the back of his throat.
Water flowed down his face; he didn�t know if it was just the rain of if his own tears mixed in. He didn�t care. He was tired of caring, of holing it in anymore, pretending it was all ok. He was just tired. So very tired.
Suddenly the steady flow of rain against his face stopped and he opened his eyes to see Justin standing over him, umbrella in hand and worry etched across his face. He blinked and Justin sighed.
�Josh, what are you doing out here?�
JC opened his mouth to reply but let it fall shut. He had no answer to offer, because truthfully, he had none.
Justin hauled JC to his feet and wrapped the blanked he had been holding around him. JC sniffled and trudged alongside Justin, refusing to meet Justin�s questioning gaze.
When they reached the sliding glass door JC paused and looked back.
The sky was pitch black now, no signs of light anywhere, save for the silver streaks of lightening that sketched across the gloomy sky, lighting it up for a brief moment before a blanket of darkness folded over. The trees moved back and forth as the wind picked up speed and intensity.
JC felt Justin tug on his arm and he reluctantly followed, clutching the blanket around himself as a child would its beloved toy. The air, now cold and harsh, whipped through his drenched frame, chilling him to his very bones.
When they were sitting at the kitchen table, mugs of tea steaming before them, Justin looked over at JC and studied his best friend, the man he once called his lover.
JC�s head was bent at the neck, his long, curly hair hiding his facial expressions. One hand held onto the mug while the other clutched at the blanket draped over his shoulders like a cape. Shortly after retreating into the house his body had begun to shake violently, but now that they had been inside they had subsided to tiny tremors.
He hadn�t said a word and Justin suspected he wouldn�t, unless provoked.
Justin took a sip of the warm tea and studied the liquid intently. Slowly he rotated his wrist and watched as the contents swirled. He moved his wrist again and watched it move the other way until it collided with the ongoing stream and just sloshed together. He sighed and lifted his eyes to gaze at JC.
Nothing had changed. Not one part of his body had moved. Justin was pretty sure he hadn�t even blinked. It was like he had turned to stone. His face, from what Justin could see, was expressionless, void of any emotion at all.
Justin traced the rim of the mug with his finger absently. Patiently, he waited for JC to offer up something. Anything. Even if he told him to fuck off, that would make him happy.
After a few moments of silence he raised his head, defeated, and asked, �Josh, what�s going on?�
JC merely shrugged.
Movement, thought Justin triumphantly.
�The guys are worried about you,� he said. It was true, too.
Joey and Chris had tried calling multiple times but they were always forwarded to JC�s machine or voice mail within three rings. Lance called long distance from Russia but he was treated with the same disregard.
Chris finally called Justin, worried sick beyond belief. It took Justin ten minutes to calm him down before Chris explained. Immediately, Justin cancelled all of his engagements, despite Johnny�s protest, and flew back to LA.
�I�m worried about you,� added Justin softly.
JC snorted, his whole body shaking in disagreement. His fingers flexed around the cup handle, as if enraged by Justin�s confession.
�What,� asked Justin. �You don�t think I care?�
�I know you don�t, �came the soft, toneless answer.
Justin sat back, hurt.
�What makes you think that we�I don�t care?� JC shrugged and Justin shook his head, emitting a short bitter laugh. �No, you can�t just say that� say that I don�t care and not give me a reason why.�
Slowly, JC raised his eyes until they met Justin�s. Just as soon as they locked gazes, JC looked down and squeezed his eyes shut.
Shit, he thought.
Justin looked so incredibly young, younger than he had looked in a very long time. His eyebrows were knitted together and his eyes held a sadness that someone his age shouldn�t hold. One look into those eyes and JC was ready to break down.
JC bit his lip and squeezed the coffee mug. He wasn�t going to break down.
He wasn�t.
�I deserve an answer,� exclaimed Justin, his voice soft and vulnerable.
�I don�t owe you shit,� JC spat out. His azure eyes flashed with anger and his knuckles whitened from holding the mug so tightly.
Justin flinched.
JC stood up, pulling the blanket around him more securely, glared down at Justin, and said, �You can tell the guys I�m fine so that you can leave and go back to your new album.�
Justin�s head snapped up just in time to see JC stalk toward the stairs, the blanket flowing behind him. He rose from his chair, so quickly that it clattered to the tile floor, and ran after JC.
�Wait! JC, stop!�
JC kept moving, almost tripping on the blanket, and it took Justin jumping the stairs two at a time to catch up to him. He grabbed him by the shoulder and JC stopped, head bowed in surrender.
�Is that what this is about?� asked Justin. �I thought you were ok with it.�
�I was,� he replied softly. JC�s shoulders began to shake. �Until everyone left me,� he choked out.
Justin turned JC by the shoulders and he felt a stab of pain deep inside his chest. JC�s eyes were bright blue, shimmering with tears, face completely broken. Justin reached out to wipe the tears away but JC jerked out from under his touch, backing into the wall.
�We didn�t leave you.�
�Yes, you did,� JC said, voice straining. He slid down the wall, knees to his chest and head bowed. His shoulders began to shake as his control slipping away.
Justin fell to his knees, his own eyes shimmering with tears, and cupped JC�s face. He forced JC to look at him and he let out his own sob at the utter despair that met his eyes.
�Chris is off doing the whole trip around the country thing, Lance is in Russia, and Joey�s got Kelly and Bri to worry about.� JC scrubbed the back of his over his face and his voice cracked when he said, �And I�m left here all alone while you�re doing your solo thing.�
�No, baby, no.� Justin pulled JC tightly to him, cradling him in his lap, a mirror image of when he was younger and homesick in Germany and so exhausted from the rigorous schedule that all he could do was cry. Only this time, the tables were turned.
JC fought for some last semblance of control before giving in completely. He clung to Justin like he was his lifeline, and began crying, shoulders wracking violently. He sobbed until he had no energy left. Until all he could do was sniffle softly.
Justin pulled back until their foreheads were touching. �Look at me,� he said softly, voice thick and wavering.
JC looked up and saw Justin�s eyes; deep blue and shimmering with a few unshed tears. Dried, twin paths of moisture shone on his cheeks, revealing that he had been crying.
�I left, yes,� admitted Justin. �But I didn�t leave you,� he added, tightening his fingers around JC�s neck to strengthen his point. �I thought you knew that.�
�I do�at least I did,� sniffled JC, hiccupping a bit.
�I thought you were so mad at me,� confessed Justin, voice soft and insecure. �You stopped calling and you didn�t return any of my messages. I thought I�d done something to piss you off so I figured that I�d just let you simmer about it.� Justin sniffled and he began crying, �If I had known that you thought�that you thought.� He swallowed thickly. �I�d have dropped everything if I had known. Everything.�
�I�m sorry,� cried JC, fresh tears glistening down his cheeks. �It�s just�that you left and I was here�and you�re getting so popular and�I�m so sorry.�
Justin wrapped his hands around JC�s neck and pulled until their lips met softly, salty and warm. JC made a high, soft sound in the back of his throat and pressed back, kissing desperately. He needed this. So badly. After doubting so long he needed this reassurance.
Justin�s thumbs swept under JC�s eyes, wiping away the freshly shed tears, and his mouth fell open a fraction of an inch, extending his tongue until it grazed JC�s. JC let out a small sob and pressed back, hands grasping desperately at Justin�s neck, needing to taste him. Their lips slid together as their tongues touched and prodded, reacquainting with one another.
Reluctantly they parted, gasping for breath. JC opened his mouth but Justin must have known what he was going to say, because he just shook his head and muttered, �It�s okay,� against his lips before kissing him again.