They rode for awhile, talking about mundane things in between long silences. The radio played constantly and the tension started to disipate. Shay actually started to relax and enjoy the drive. Joey was a good driver and it was kind of fun, navigating for him. The day passed slowly and by the time they reached their next hotel, they were both tired of being in the car. They drug their things inside and Shay flopped down on the bed. Her stomach growled loudly and Joey chuckled.
"Okay, okay," he said grinning, "Let's get some grub." Shay giggled and they decided to just order some pizza. Neither one of them wanted to get back in the car just yet. Joey called and ordered for them and they sat on the bed, flipping through the channels on the tv.
"Umm......Joey," Shay asked softly, "There's something we haven't decided yet." Joey looked at her, confused. Shay patted the bedcover, "Sleeping arrangements."
"You take the bed," Joey immediately responded, "I'll sleep on the floor."
"I don't want to do that to you," Shay nibbled on her bottom lip, "No, we can do this, you just stick to your side of the bed, and no funny business." She pointed a finger at him, looking stern. Joey laughed and saluted her.
"Yes, ma'am."
~*~
The pizza showed up a few minutes later and they sat on the bed, eating and watching a movie. Just as they were finishing and Joey picked up the box to throw it away, the phone rang. He glanced at Shay, stalked over and picked it up.
"Hello," he said. He'd been waiting for this moment.
"Heeeeeyyyy.....Joey," JC's voice was chipper and Joey could just see him grinning on the other end of the line.
"I've got a bone to pick with all of you," Joey snarled into the phone, "Just who the hell do you think you are?"
"Now, Joey," JC admonished, "We did this because you've been miserable lately and we figured you two needed some time to work things out."
"You thought wrong," Joey replied and Shay moved closer, wanting to hear the conversation, "It won't work. I'm taking her back to Florida, but then I'm coming straight home." Joey heard a click and then the rest of the guys all chattered at once, each trying to be heard.
"Oh, now you have me on fucking speakerphone," Joey yelled above all the noise, "Good, I can tell all of you that when I get back, I'm gonna kick each and every one of you square in the ass!" All he heard was laughter and he gripped the phone tighter, feeling his neck and ears get hotter. Shay'd finally had enough and grabbed the phone from him.
"You little sons-a-bitches think you're funny," Shay all but growled, "Not only is Joey taking me back to Florida, but I've decided to put that plane ticket to use. I'm coming with him and there is no place that will be safe for you." With that, Shay slammed the phone down, cutting off their howls of laughter. She paced back and forth, even angrier now.
Joey was shocked. She was coming with him? No.....he had to talk her out of that one. This trip was going to be hard enough. He didn't need the extra torture of her flying with him to California. After she calmed down and quit storming through the room, Joey went to change for bed. He grabbed a pair of shorts and closed the bathroom door behind him.
He ran his hands through his hair then placed them on each side of the sink. Being with Shay today had been wonderful. It was tearing him apart though. Her smile, the way she threw back her head when she laughed wholeheartedly. And Lord.....the way she smelled, like vanilla and.......woman. He couldn't describe it. So many times today, he just wanted to reach over and touch her cheek or wrap his arms around her, pulling her close. He could barely stand it. Glancing at himself in the mirror, he turned on the faucet and splashed the cool water on his face. It was bad enough that they were thrown together like this. He didn't know if he could sleep in the same bed with her without touching her. It was going to take everything he had not to. Finished, he turned off the water and dried his face. Taking one last look in the mirror, he walked out of the bathroom. Shay was laying on the bed, her back to him. He leaned over and checked; she was sound asleep. Joey walked over to a chair and sat down.
For a long time, he just sat there, watching Shay sleep. His mind was too wound for him to even think about sleeping right now. Yes, he had realized that he loved her while she was visiting him in California. What really bothered him though, was that he still did. He couldn't help it. Seeing her again had confirmed it. Now, he just had to figure out what to do about it.
Chapter Fourteen
Shay awoke feeling refreshed and she stretched leisurely. She felt wonderful. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes, stretched again and looked around the room. Immediately her eyes locked on Joey. He was asleep in the chair he'd been sitting in last night. Shay smiled softly and got up off the bed, walking over to him. She just stood there, staring at him while he slept. He looked so peaceful, even though he was slumped in what must be an uncomfortable position. He looked like the younger Joey. The one that Shay had first fallen in love with. She itched to reach over and run her fingers along his jawline, feeling the tickle of his whiskers. Her hand started to act on her wish, but she caught herself and dropped it quickly. Instead, she leaned toward him and shook him gently.
"Joey," she said softly, "Joey, wake up."
His eyes flickered and opened slowly, focusing on her. A smile pulled it's way across his face.
"Hi beautiful," he greeted her. Shay blushed and looked away. She didn't know how to act when he said stuff like that to her. She watched as he stretched, working out the kinks he got from sleeping there all night.
"How come you didn't sleep in the bed," Shay asked him. Joey looked at her a long time before he answered.
"I couldn't," he said simply.
"But.....why not," Shay was confused, "We had agreed that we could be mature adults about this."
"It's not that," Joey said, getting up from the chair, "I just can't."
"I don't get it Joe," she argued, "It's not like you would have tried anything." God, he thought, she doesn't know anything. He tried to think of a way to explain it to her, but nothing sounded right. Frustrated, he ran his hand through his already messy hair.
"Just drop it ok," he pleaded, "I just can't and that's all there is to it."
"Oh, I get it," Shay spat, mad now, "I know why you can't and frankly, I'm disappointed. I thought you'd changed some, but I can see you're still the same jerk I left in California." Spinning on her heel, she stalked to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Joey sighed.
"No," he whispered, "You don't get it."
~*~
Their trip today was mostly in silence. Even when they stopped to eat, Shay was not talkative and just picked at her food. Joey felt really bad about not telling her the real reason he couldn't be in the same bed with her, but how could he explain? He didn't even know how to explain it to himself. Joey watched her through his lowered gaze and found himself wanting more and more to have the old Shay back. The one that joked with him and slammed him with sarcastic jibes. This Shay was solemn and heart-wrenching. He didn't like it. Nope. He didn't like it one bit. Unable to eat anymore, he pushed his plate aside and drank his iced tea.
Shay was miserable. She couldn't take this much longer. All she kept thinking was that she'd be home tomorrow and things would go back to normal. Joey would go home and she could go back to her boring, lonely life. Daring a glance at Joey, she saw he was staring at her again. Why the hell did he keep doing that? She fidgeted constantly, not knowing what to do. Thank God he finally asked for the check and they got up to leave. At least in the car, she could stare out the window and ignore him while he concentrated on driving. They drove back onto the interstate and resumed their silence, the radio playing in the background.
~*~
This time when they pulled into the hotel parking lot, they each grabbed their own bags and there was no banter back and forth, entering the room. Shay felt so much like crying, her throat ached. She murmured something about cleaning up and locked herself in the bathroom. Turning on the water, she finally let the tears fall freely. Shay slid down the wall, sobbing quietly. She couldn't take it anymore. He didn't love her. He never would. She had to accept it and move on. It was so hard though, when she loved him so much. Shay sat there until she was gasping for breath and completely wrung out. Even though she'd changed on the outside, he still didn't want her. She knew that she'd gone to California to get back at him, but she'd secretly hoped he'd see her for who she was and want her so bad, he'd make her stay. He hadn't. She should have learned from that. Now, he was so turned off by her, he had to sleep in a chair because he couldn't stand to be in the same bed with her. What was wrong with her? Shay slowly pulled herself up and got in the shower, washing off quickly and turning off the lukewarm spray. She toweled herself dry and got dressed.
~*~
Joey cringed when she slammed the door. Aggravated, he paced back and forth. She just couldn't understand that if he slept in the same bed with her, he wouldn't be able to keep himself from touching her in every way possible. Joey was lost in thought when the phone rang.
Great.
"Joe Joe," sang Chris into the phone, "How's the weather?"
"Not too good Chris," Joey sighed, "Right now, I'd say it's the quiet before the storm."
"Whaddya mean by that," Justin's voice piped up from the background.
"What I mean is we're not gettin along too well," Joey said. Jesus, he hated being on speakerphone.
"Well, that's why you're there," Lance chimed in, "You're supposed to fix that."
"I don't think that's gonna happen," Joey replied, "I don't know how much longer I can take this."
"Awww.....it can't be that bad," Chris offered.
"Trust me, it can," Joey said, "I'll just be glad when this is over and I can come home."
"You'd better not fuck this up even more," Justin said sternly, "We went to a lotta trouble to set this up."
"Yeah," Joey growled, "Well, who asked you to? I told you to leave it alone and you just couldn't do that could you? Who gave you the right to fuck with my life?" Joey was yelling now, but he didn't care. He had to get away from Shay. He had to get her to Florida and get his ass back home so she wouldn't occupy every second of his thoughts. Justin apologized, though grudgingly. They said their goodbyes, Joey telling them that he'd see them in a couple of days. He put down the phone and went to the window, staring out at all the people busily rushing from here to there. What he failed to see was Shay's crestfallen face peering from the open bathroom door.
~*~
A couple hours later, they decided to go ahead and go to bed so they could get an early start in the morning. Shay again offered one side of the bed to Joey and was surprised when he sighed and crawled under the covers. He lay there, stiff and unmoving. Saying goodnight, Shay turned on her side, away from him and squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to go to sleep. It was no use though. Her mind wouldn't shut off. she kept replaying his words from the phone conversation earlier. Well, what she'd heard. She didn't realize how badly he wanted to get away from her until she heard him say the words himself. Choking back a sob, she curled tighter into herself and tried to go to sleep.
~*~
Joey lay there, staring into the darkness, aching to reach out to Shay. He'd heard her muffle her crying and it was gut-wrenching for him to just lay there. He didn't know what to do though. Did he try and risk her hating him even more? Did he leave her alone and let her walk out of his life again? He was bogged down by indecision, but when he heard another muffled cry, he couldn't stop himself. He turned toward her and reached out to touch her cheek. On contact, her resolve broke and she moaned as if in pain. Gathering her into his arms and pulling her close, he whispered to her in the night.
"It's ok baby, I'm here. Shhhhhh.......it's ok Shay Bear."
She cried even harder and Joey swallowed past the lump in his throat. This was killing him to see her so unhappy. Through most the night, he held her, stroking her hair and whispering to her. Eventually, near morning, she finally fell asleep and Joey snuggled into the crook of her neck. A tear slid it's way down his cheek and disappeared into her hair.
Chapter Fifteen
When Shay awoke, she was still held tightly in Joey's comforting arms and she snuggled deeper into him. She sighed, enjoying the feeling of having him hold her like this. She knew it wouldn't last, but she wanted this moment imprinted in her mind so she could pull it up whenever she wanted to.
"G'morning beautiful," Joey's voice whispered in her ear, making Shay jump. She tensed, but slowly turned toward him. He looked down at her, the corners of his mouth pulled up in a half-smile. Shay attempted a smile back at him, but she knew it came out as more of a grimace. She started to speak and Joey laid a finger on her lips, silencing her. He kissed the tip of her nose.
"I've been doing some thinking," he said, "And there are a lot of things we need to talk about, but right now, I want to do the talking." Shay was half afraid to hear what he wanted to say, but she knew she had to hear it. She nodded and he continued.
"I know you think badly of me right now," he began, "That's ok. I understand why. What I want to tell you, is how I feel about you." Joey looked so sincere and so nervous that Shay was even more anxious.
"I love you Shay," he said simply and her eyes widened in misbelief, "I know you don't believe me right now, but it's true. I've thought about what you said.....about that conversation you overheard and I do remember it." At that, Shay lowered her eyes and Joey crooked his finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him again.
"I said that because I never thought that I could get a girl like you," he said evenly, "I always thought that I had to have a certain type of woman by my side, but I've realized that no matter what she looked like, she was always lacking something." Propping himself up on his elbow, Joey was serious now, "She just wasn't you."
It took a minute for what he said to sink in. He loved her? He really loved her? It couldn't be. Looking deep into his eyes though, she could see it was. Shay struggled to breathe at this revelation.
"I didn't come after you when you left," he continued, looking embarassed, "Because I knew you were partially right. I had acted like a jerk." He traced a path down her cheek with his hand.
"I want to say I am sorry. So sorry Shay," he sat up and looked down at his hands, palms up and open in his lap, "I hope that you can forgive me and that we might be able to at least become friends again. I don't know what I would do without you in my life Shay Bear." Tears were streaming down Shay's smiling face as she reached out to touch Joey on the arm. He looked so hopeful and so much like a little boy that Shay couldn't resist him. She tugged on his arm, pulling him back down till he was laying beside her again. She took her fingers and ran them across his lips, which instantly pursed to kiss them. Her hand moved to cup his cheek and he leaned into it, eyes closed. Shay had never loved him more than she did at this moment.
Joey's eyes were still closed when Shay leaned up to kiss him. her lips touched his and the sound that came from him was one of sheer happiness. Shay pulled away from him and smiled when he opened his eyes. Joey smiled back, widely now and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Shay laughed at his exhuberance and before she knew it, he had moved so he was overtop her, grinning from ear to ear. Shay looked up at him, letting everything go. She was free now. He loved her. That was all she needed. She reached up and clasped her hands behind his neck, pulling him in to kiss her again.
Their lovemaking was unhurried and the tenderest thing that either of them had experienced. They stayed in bed for most of the morning, rediscovering one another again and again. Around one, they both knew they had to get up and get something to eat before starting out on the road again. They showered together, not able to leave each other' side for a minute. By the time they were done in the shower, the water had run ice cold and they had been satisfied yet again. Dressing quickly, Joey and Shay gathered their things and hurried to the car, laughing and acting like teenagers finding their first love.
It didn't take long for them to eat and return to the highway. They chattered constantly, their banter playful and comfortable. By the time they reached her apartment, it was dark and Shay had fallen asleep. Joey parked the car and shut off the engine. He woke Shay and they grabbed their bags, heading up to her floor. When they entered the small apartment, they put their things down and Shay went to the bathroom. Joey walked around, looking at the pictures and little knick-knacks she had laying out everywhere. Shay found him in the little kitchen, pouring them each a glass of wine. It was from the bottle she'd opened only about a week ago and Shay sipped from her glass, happily savoring the flavor. Joey led the way to the bedroom and Shay followed him silently, a smile playing on her lips. She entered the bedroom, stopping at the foot of the bed to look back at Joey shyly. He smiled at her again and shut the door behind them.