The ride home was strained to say the least. Shay talked about anything she could think of just to keep the subject away from what had happened. When Joey pulled in the drive, Shay was out of the vehicle and waiting by the front door before he'd even shut it off. They both went inside and Shay announced she was going to bed. Joey let her, knowing that she wasn't going to talk tonight. He would get her to eventually though and find out what the hell was going on with her.
The next few days passed rather quickly. Joey took Shay sight-seeing and they hung around with the guys. They took to her very well and before long she was trading wisecracks with all of them. It amazed him how she could change so much and still be the same person. He'd known her most of his life, but he'd never seen her so animated. She was just positively lit up and everytime she smiled at him, his heart seemed to beat a little faster. Since she had come to visit he couldn't think of anything but her. Everytime the guys got together to work on more details for the tour, he'd end up off in a daze and one of them had to nudge him to bring him back to the present. He didn't know what was going on with himself lately. All he knew was that he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. In fact, he'd planned for them to stay at home that evening and he was going to cook dinner for her. He couldn't wait and as soon as they got back to his place, he sent her off to take a bath and pamper herself while he started things in the kitchen.
Mmmmmmmmm........this is heaven, Shay thought as she sunk down into the steaming water. Laying her head back, she closed her eyes and stretched out, luxuriating in the vanilla scented bubbles. She didn't know why Joey wanted her to do this, but she wasn't arguing. Letting herself slide further down in the tub, she started to think about Joey. He had been treating her like a princess ever since she'd gotten there. He'd spent all his free time with her and anything she suggested she might want to do, they did it. He was making it harder and harder for her to do what she came to do. If only things could be different. If only he hadn't done what he had. This would be so much easier and she could enjoy being with him. Well, she did enjoy it, but everytime he looked at her, she remembered.
4 Years Ago
There he was, flirting with all the skinny, beautiful girls again. The ones that look like models. She was sitting in the darkest corner as usual. She didn't know why he had invited her to come along or for that matter, why she'd agreed. She hated these parties that everyone gave when he was back in town to visit. She never fit in, but he always invited her because he wanted her included. Sipping her drink, she watched him. He was so smooth and every woman, available or not, flocked to him, hanging on his every word. Shay was disgusted with the way they acted. Didn't he see that they didn't care at all about him? All they cared about was that he was famous. They didn't know or love the real Joey like she did.
Seething, Shay pushed back her chair and made her way to the restroom. She'd had enough of these simpering airheads tonight. Entering the room, she locked the door behind her and walked over to the sink. Shaking, she turned on the faucet and splashed a little cold water on her face. Why couldn't she tell him how she felt about him? She looked in the mirror. Staring back was a girl she hated. Overweight with short, spikey black hair and plain features, she couldn't attract a guy if she wanted to. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips. Opening them again, she glared at her reflection, willing it to change. Tears sprung to her eyes and she blinked them away quickly, turning away from the mirror. God, why did she have to love him so much?
Shay turned quickly and unlocked the door again. She had to get out of there. Coming to the end of the hall, she stopped when she heard a woman giggling and Joey's smooth laughter following. Shay could tell he'd had quite a bit to drink and she pressed up against the wall, listening.
"Oh, she's just a friend of mine," he slurred.
"Well, why on earth would you keep her around," the woman asked, "She's hardly the kind of person you normally hang around with."
"She's shy, but once you get to know her, she's a trip," he defended and Shay smiled to herself. Joey always told her how much he loved spending time with her.
"Oh don't tell me you're starting to go for chicks like that Joe," the woman purred, "She's hardly your type. She's frumpy and so dark and depressing. She gives me the willies." Shay smirked. Like giving a simpleton like that the willies was so hard to do.
"Trust me baby," Joey replied chuckling, "That's not even a possibility. She's just someone I hang around with on occasion. I can't imagine ever being with someone like her." Shay slumped against the wall. She waited until she heard their voices fade down the connecting hall and she made a run for the stairs. She ran blindly for the front door, her tears blurring her vision. She couldn't believe it. Her Joey. He thought the same thing everyone else did, including herself. Reaching her car, she fumbled for the keys before finally getting them in the lock and throwing open the door. Inside, she jammed her key in the ignition and started the car, squealing her tires before catching the road and jolting forward. When she was a good distance away, she pulled over to the side of the road, shaking uncontrollably. Sobs overtook her and she leaned her head down on the steering wheel, letting them course though her until she was spent. Her Joey had done the one thing she'd never thought him capable of. He'd hurt her.
BAM BAM BAM!! Shay opened her eyes and realized someone was banging on the bathroom door.
"Are you okay in there sweetie," Joey's voice, muffled by the door, sounded worried.
"Yeah," she called back quickly, "I'm almost done. Let me get dressed and I'll be right down." She hoped her voice sounded steadier to him than it did to her.
"If you're sure," he offered, "I was gettin kinda worried."
"I'm fine Joe," Shay shot back, "I'll be down in a minute I said." Irritated now, Shay pulled herself out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her already chilled body. She heard him mumble an okay and listened for him to head downstairs before coming from the bathroom. Renewed by her little visit to the past, Shay smiled to herself. Moving to the closet, she picked out her sexiest outfit and slipped it on. She walked up to the full-length mirror, studied herself and laughed. Oh yes, she was going to be in control this time. He was never going to get the chance to hurt her again.
Chapter Five
"Boy, somethin sure smells good," Shay waltzed into the kitchen and leaned up against the cooking island, trying to see what was giving off that heavenly aroma. Joey looked up at her and smiled.
"I take it you enjoyed your bath," he said, turning and stirring something on the stove.
"It was divine," Shay replied.
"Good, because dinner's almost ready and I'm starving." Joey had already set the dining room table and even had lit candles setting off the atmosphere. Shay asked if there was anything she could do to help and Joey told her no and to go sit and let him pamper her. Shrugging, she went to the dining room and sat down at the table. She hadn't noticed at first, but there was soft music coming from every corner of the room. Oh Lord, she rolled her eyes. He's really pulled out all the stops for this one. Shay turned as Joey emerged from the kitchen pushing a cart with an array of covered dishes on it. Well, she thought, at least I'll get a good meal out of the deal. Joey served them both and opened the bottle of wine, pouring generously into their glasses. They ate slowly, talking and laughing about the guys and old times. By the time they were finished, they were on their third bottle of wine and Shay was definitely feeling the effects.
Leaving the table, they moved to the living room and sat on the sofa, Shay tucking her legs up underneath her. They talked more and before long, she felt herself enjoying the "old" Joey. Suddenly, Joey stood up and put his glass down on the table, extending his hand to Shay.
"My lady," he purred, May I have this dance?" Giggling, Shay shook her head no. Joey was not to be disuaded though. He took her glass from her, set it down and grabbed hold of her hand, pulling her up from the sofa. Shay wobbled a little and started to protest that there wasn't any music, but she could still hear it coming from the dining area. Turning, Joey led her to the middle of the room and faced her. The light reflected in his eyes, making them sparkle. Taking her hands, he placed one on his shoulder and held the other, curling his fingers around it. He put his other hand on her waist and gently pulled her toward him. A small smile crossed his lips and Shay smiled back before leaning her head on his shoulder. She had him right where she wanted him. They swayed back and forth, Joey singing softly in her ear.
God she smells good, Joey inhaled again and the scent of vanilla took over his senses. He didn't know if he could keep control of himself tonight. She looked beautiful as ever in the black, form-fitting pants, and low-cut peasant top she was wearing. She had her hair down again and he just wanted to shove his hands up into it, letting the silky curls get tangled around his fingers. She didn't realize what she did to him. That was the amazing part about her. She did not know how beautiful she was. Pulling back a little, Joey looked down into her eyes. He could see the flecks of gold shining in the mixture of colors. She was everything he'd ever wanted. Everything he'd ever needed. Before he lost his will to do it, he lowered his head and kissed her. Softly. Gently. His lips barely floating across hers. He pulled back again, searching her face for approval.
Oh yeah, Shay thought, this is working just the way I wanted it to. When he pulled back from the kiss, Shay could see that he was unsure. She couldn't believe it. She'd thought he was always confident. Smiling, she ran her hand up the back of his neck, letting her fingers tickle the fine layer of hair there. Feeling him tremble, she knew she had him hooked and she pulled him in for another kiss. This time when their lips met, it wasn't so gentle. Crushing his lips against hers, Joey held her tightly in his arms. Shay had always wondered if he'd be a good kisser and as his lips worked over hers, she hoped her legs wouldn't buckle underneath her. He was amazing. He deepened the kiss even more, lightly tracing her lips with his tongue. Shay's mouth opened in response and his tongue flicked out tasting the roof of her mouth. She shuddered in response and he pulled away from her again. Looking down into her hooded eyes, Joey smiled. Shay watched as he grabbed the bottle of wine and led her down the hall to his bedroom.
Shay's stomach was turning cartwheels. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever think that Joey would look at her like that. She knew though that it was only because of how she'd changed on the outside. That's what hurt the most. If she had come here looking like she had before, he never would have kissed her like that and they wouldn't be in his bedroom right now. Shay started shaking and hugged herself tightly. This was not a good idea. He didn't care about the "real" her. What the hell what she thinking? Just as she was turning to leave, Joey seemed to materialize directly in front of her. She started to speak and he pressed a finger against her lips, shaking his head. Shay couldn't look away from him. He lifted his hand and traced his fingers over her cheek and down across her jawline. Shay worried her lower lip, wanting to tell him that this was her first time. She had never been with a man like this before. Again he shushed her, this time with another kiss. Realizing he'd find out soon enough, Shay let herself be swept into his arms and carried over to the bed.
Joey set her down gently and stepped back. His eyes never left hers as he pulled off his shirt and started to undo his jeans. Shay could feel her heart jumping in her throat. She was actually going to go through with this. She was going to have sex with Her Joey. She watched him as he stripped himself of the rest of his clothes and stood before her. Her eyes strayed over his body appraising it. He was beautiful. Slowly, he strode over to the bed and leaned down to her, "Your turn," he whispered.
Shay, emboldened by his little show, decided to give one of her own. Making him sit on the bed, she got up and turned to face him. Shakily, she undid the ties on her blouse and let it drop, revealing the fact that she had nothing on underneath. Joey sucked in a sharp breath and nodded for her to keep going, his lips pursed together. Slipping down her pants, Shay kept her eyes averted from his, not as confident as with her body as he was with his. When she had shed the last bit of clothing, she stood there, waiting for Joey to say something. She heard him get up from the bed and walk over to her. He lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger and looked into her eyes, "You are stunning," he said, "Absolutely perfect."
This time, when he kissed her, he worked his way down her jawline and across her neck to the hollow at the base of her throat. Lifting her up again, Joey turned and set her back down on the bed, this time laying her back. He lay beside her, facing her, with his elbow supporting him. He reached his right hand out and splayed his fingers across her belly. Shay felt tiny jolts of electricity at each little movement. She closed her eyes and let his lips and hands wander all over her body, leaving nothing untouched. Nothing unexplored. His lips found their way to her ample breats and Shay's breathing became ragged as he suckled and nipped them. Joey moved downward slowly, taking his time to taste every bit of skin he could. Shay jumped when his lips lightly brushed across her inner thigh, but the soothing tone of his voice made her relax again. She nearly cried out when his tongue flicked out and caressed that aching little nub. Her hips moved with him, urging him to speed up and slow down. She grasped at the bedcovers, twisting them in her tightly fisted hands. Before long, she felt a warmth creeping over her and arched her back as the first wave of spasms wracked her glistening body.
Joey watched her in the throes of her orgasm and thought she was the most beautiful creature alive. It was so pure and innocent the way she experienced it, like she never had before. She writhed and cried out before settling back onto the bed, small trembles still making their way through her body. Joey waited for them to subside and started kissing his way back up until he was positioned over her, his arms holding him up on either side. Shay stared up at him with wonder in her eyes and he nearly let go right then and there. She was so amazed by what had happened. He couldn't believe no one had ever given her that experience before. Dipping his head, he nibbled along her neck, soothing the bites quickly afterward with his warm tongue. Shay put her hands on his hips and arched herself up, wanting something, but not knowing what. There was an ache deep inside of her and she knew he could fulfill that ache if she could only get him closer. Joey smiled and pushed her back down on the bed with his hip, "All in good time Shay honey," he growled, "All in good time."
Joey's body lifted off Shay's for a moment and she heard him rumaging around. Whimpering, she pressed toward him, wanting his warmth. Suddenly, he lifted completely off of her and sat back on his knees. She saw him quicly sheathe himself and he was right back where she needed him. Shay let her knees drop open a little farther and looked up at him. His eyes were a mixture of colors and emotions. He lowered himself a little more and pressed the tip of himself against her. Shay gasped and clutched his arms, feeling them tremble with self-control. Slowly, he pushed his way in, an inch at a time. About halfway, he met with resistance and his eyes flew open in shock. Shay's eyes pleaded with him. He couldn't stop now. He just couldn't.
"Are you sure," he asked in a low, shaky voice. Shay just nodded.
"Please," she whispered. She could tell he was struggling with himself over this. He finally conceded and leaned down to kiss her again.
"It'll hurt for just a second baby," he murmered, "I'll be as gentle as I can." Shay wanted nothing more than him inside her and she moved under him. With one swift movement, Joey pushed completely into her. Shay cried out as she felt herself tear. Joey held completely still, letting her get used to him. He kissed her closed eyelids, her nose and her lips, telling her over and over that she was his girl, his Shay Bear. Slowly, he started moving his hips back and forth, moving in and out of her. At first that sharp pain had been excruciating, but now the sensations filling her were worth it. Joey's thrusts became faster and unintelligable sounds were coming from the back of Shay's throat. He slowed again and let himself drop so he could run his lips over her breasts again. Shay arched her head back and Joey grabbed her underneath her shoulders and rolled so that she ended up on top of him. Shay's eyes shot open and she felt herself blush all over. She started to move off of him, but he grabbed her hips, settling her back in place.
"I want to watch you baby," he said, "I want to see everything." Shay's eyes locked with his and she felt his hands guiding her hips. She ground her hips into his and watched in amusement when he closed his eyes and groaned. Moving faster now, Shay let her head fall back and rested her hands on his legs. His hands came up and cupped her breasts, while he thrust up to meet her. Soon, Shay felt the warmth enveloping her again and she thrust even harder as the accompanying spasms tore through her. Joey felt her tighten around him and he knew she was going to orgasm again. He made his thrusts more powerful and just as she was starting to cry out, he felt his whole body shake. Letting go, he yelled out, and gave one final thrust. Shay lay forward on top of him and Joey put his arms around her, holding her to him. Just the feel of her skin against his was enough to make him want to start all over again. Shay rolled off of him and lay on her back, still out of breath. Joey pulled her into his arms and held her there, kissing her shoulder. Shay closed her eyes. What have I done, she thought, dammit this wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall for him again. Joey lifted his head and looked at Shay's closed eyes. Smiling, he nuzzled her neck and sighed, whispering to her before he drifted off to sleep.
"I love you Shay Bear," Shay's eyes flew open when she heard him speaking those words softly in her ear. Oh shit, she muttered, angry with herself, What the hell am I gonna do now?
Chapter Six
The sun shone through the window, spreading warmth across the floor where it touched. Joey inhaled deeply and stretched, his eyes squinting at the brightness in the room. He lay there, letting himself bask in the afterglow of the previous night's activites. Stretching once more, he blew out a long breath and sat up. Shay wasn't in bed with him so he figured he'd slip out to the kitchen and make her some breakfast. He slipped on a pair of baggy sweats and padded out to the kitchen in his bare feet. Just as he was getting a pan out of the cupboard, he heard Shay in the next room. Smiling to himself, he quickly walked in and stopped short. She had her bags with her and it looked like she was leaving. He watched her lay an envelope down on the table, resting her hand on it before she turned to pick up her bags.
Shay set the letter on the table with shaking hands and tears in her eyes. She didn't know what else to do. All she knew was that she had to leave. Letting her fingers trail across the letter one more time, Shay turned, grabbed her bags and let out a shriek when she saw Joey standing there in the doorway. Shit! She had planned on being gone before he woke and now she had to face him. He looked down at her luggage and she could see the questions flashing across his features. Well, there was no way past him now. She was going to have to talk to him.
"Uh....hi Joe," Shay set her bags back down and tucked her hair back behind her ear. Looking up at him, she sighed, "We have to talk."
"I guess so," Joey muttered in reply. He gestured for her to go to the living room and followed her. They sat on the couch, although Shay was perched on the edge, looking ready to bolt any second. Joey sat back, waiting for her to start. He had no clue as to why she wanted to leave, but she seemed so high strung he figured he'd better let her talk at her own pace.
"I suppose I should tell you why I'm leaving," she began and he nodded. She wouldn't look him directly in the eye and he knew it had something to do with last night. "I can't stay here anymore Joe, I just can't."
"But, Shay Bear," he ventured, "I thought you were enjoying yourself. I mean, I know I have been. And truthfully, last night was the most amazing night of my life." Shay could see that he was serious and that made this all that much harder to do.
"Last night was a mistake," Shay said, "It should never have happened."
"What do you mean, never should have happened," Joey was getting frustrated now by all her vagueness, "Why not? And why do you keep saying stuff like that?"
"It's the truth Joe," Joey watched as Shay twisted her hands together, wringing them so tightly they were white, "You don't understand, but I have to leave. Last night forced me to realize that."
"Well, I wanna know why," Joey stated in a flat voice.
"I can't," Shay shook her head and tears filled her eyes again, "I just can't Joey. Please, just understand that I have to go."
"No," he shot back, "I won't accept that," He ran his hands through his hair and leaned up on his knees, "You tell me what's going on right now." Shay cringed as his voice raised a notch and took a deep breath. She was going to have to tell him, then she could leave and would never have to see him again.
"Alright, you wanna know, I'll tell you," Shay sat back and let the tears fall, "I came here because I wanted to prove something. I overheard a conversation you had with someone and you told them that you could never see yourself with someone like me." Shay was really crying now and she had to take a few breaths to be able to speak again. "I wanted to prove that all you cared about was what was on the outside. That it didn't matter how long we had been friends or how close we were, the only way you 'could' be with someone like me was if I looked like the other bimbos you went out with. Now I know it's true." Joey looked at her with wide eyes, completely bewildered.
"Wait a minute," he sat back again, "Are you trying to tell me that you're pissed about something I supposedly said, which by the way, I don't remember ever saying, and now you're out here to get me in the sack and prove that what I said was wrong?" Shay nodded, hugging herself and Joey shot up off the couch. He paced back and forth for awhile before stopping and turning towards her again.
"Just answer me one question Shay," he fumed, "Just one question. Why in the hell would you let me take your virginity to prove a point?"
"You just don't get it do you Joe," Shay flung back at him, "I love you. I've always loved you, but like everyone else, you've never noticed. Well, I've had it. I'm tired of trying. Sure, you notice that I've changed on the outside, but you never wanted to look past that. I swore after you said that that I would never let you hurt me again. I've kept to that until last night. " Joey was stunned. He had known that she'd had a crush on him when they were younger, but he never realized how strongly she had felt. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but she was on a roll now and he knew she wouldn't let him.
"Last night was amazing, I'll admit that, but I also know that it never would have happened had I showed up looking like I used to," Shay shook her head and laughed dryly, "I can say one thing though, I scored with the great Joey Fatone." Joey winced at that and shame filled him as he realized she was probably right. All the women he ever took out had to have a certain "look" to them. They never had any substance though. In fact, everytime he went out with a woman it was like he was someone else. He never let them get close. Not like Shay.
"Look, I thought I could deal with this, but last night, when you whispered that you loved me, that was the last straw," Joey thought back to that moment and realized it was true. He did love her. Never had anyone felt so right in his arms and she was the first woman that he wasn't disgusted with when morning came.
"You don't have to leave," he said softly, "I don't want you to leave. Please stay."
"I can't," Shay got up again and walked over to her luggage, "I have to leave Joe. I can't let it happen again. Let me give you a piece of advice though." Joey looked up, his hands clenched into fists and his chin resting on them. Tears were beginning to shine in his eyes and Shay knew she had to hurry. If he started crying she would be done for.
"There are a lot of beautiful women out there, but you will never be happy or satisfied until you find the one that you see is beautiful on the inside too," Shay picked up her bags and opened the door, "My advice to you is to hold on to her when you find her. She'll make you into a better person, Joe and she'll make you realize how much you've missed." With that, she walked out and Joey sat on the couch, his throat aching from holding back his tears.