"Ash!" Aprille squealed into the phone and Ash had to hold it away from her ear. She chuckled at her friend and realized how much she'd missed her.
They talked for a few minutes about normal everyday stuff and then Aprille shocked Ash. "Okay, who is he?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know damn well what I mean. There's a man in the picture, I can sense it."
Ash sighed. She didn't really want to talk about it. She wasn't even sure if there was an it to talk about, but she knew Aprille wouldn't give up until she'd spilled it.
"Alright, alright," she said. "You remember Mike's friend, Chris? The one who is part of the group I'm working with?"
"Yeah, I remem....no way! Damn girl, you work quick."
"Now hold on," Ash said as she tried to calm Aprille down, "I don't even know if I'm staying yet. It wouldn't be fair to get involved with him and then just up and leave."
"Why wouldn't you want to stay?"
"Are you trying to tell me you don't want me to come back?"
The indignant huff that came from the other end of the phone amused Ash. "Dammit Ash, you know I miss you like crazy, but I can't see how you'd want to come back. I mean, you're in L.A. for God's sake and may I add that you're working with the hottest bunch of guys in the world? Shit, if I were in your place I'd do anything to stay there." Ash's silence prodded Aprille to keep going. "Don't you want to stay?"
"I haven't decided yet," Ash replied.
"Well, you've only got till the end of the month. Don't you think you'd better be making that decision and soon? Especially for Chaz's sake?"
"Yes, I do know that." Ash was irritated now. "I'm waiting to see how the awards show goes."
"Okay, chill out, I was just trying to help."
"I know you are" Aprille's hurt tone sent a small spear of guilt through Ash, but she really didn't know what she wanted to do yet.
When Ash asked about �Steppin� Out�, Aprille launched into an excited chatter about everything that had been going on. Four new students had begun taking classes and she had tons of ideas for projects and local shows and charity events they could get involved in.
Ash listened, but felt detached. It was almost as if that life didn't exist for her anymore and she wasn't sure if she liked that. The studio was doing great under Aprille and James' care and they didn't seem to need her. For some reason she felt like crying, but she gave the proper responses and showed enthusiasm for the way they'd prospered without her. By the time they hung up Ash was depressed and more confused than ever. Just as she was thinking of taking a hot bath, the phone rang again. It was Shay. They exchanged pleasantries and then Shay told her the reason for her call.
"Whip and I are going to lunch and wanted you to come with us."
"I don't know," Ash replied, "I've still got some things to work on."
"Oh c'mon," Shay pleaded, making Ash giggle, "you can play hooky for one day. We'll pick you up in an hour."
Ash tried to protest but the dial tone in her ear told her that she didn't have a choice. Thinking about it, she supposed that an afternoon out wouldn't hurt. Chaz was spending the night over at Ian's since he was back from his grandmother's and she really didn't feel like working. Maybe this would be a fun distraction. It would give her the opportunity to get some insight on the guys from Shay and Whip's point of view as well. Feeling a little better, she went to change, wondering if this was truly the life she was meant for or if she was just playing a game with herself.
~*~
Shay and Whip were right on time and Ash grinned as she got in the car. She had been afraid that she'd feel uncomfortable or like a third wheel, but they immediately put that fear to rest. As they drove to a small cafe for lunch they talked about the cookout and about Ash's move to L.A. By the time they got to the cafe, Ash had decided that she really liked these two women.
They entered the cafe and Ash was immediately drawn by the decor. It was fancy without being snobbish. Elegance oozed from every inch of the place, but the atmosphere was comfortable and made you feel at home. The matre'd showed them to a table in a secluded area that would give them privacy, but didn't make them feel separated from the rest of the diners.
As soon as they were seated a waiter appeared to take their drink orders. They all ordered iced tea and he left quickly. They discussed the lunch menu and decided on what they wanted. When the waiter returned with their drinks the three of them placed their food orders and watched him hurry off again. Ash sipped her tea and looked up to find Shay and Whip watching her, amused.
"What?"
"So," Shay began, grinning, "our Chris tells us that you're a great kisser."
Ash nearly spit out her drink and she had to swallow hard to get it down past the lump in her throat. Whip giggled and Shay just watched her, Ash's wide eyes and flushed cheeks telling her she was right on target. Before Ash could respond Shay held up a hand and continued.
"Men talk. It wasn't bragging or boasting, but I just happened to overhear. It's nothing to be worried about."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"Why do you say that," Whip asked her. "At the moment Chris is very smitten with you."
Ash sighed. This was getting harder and harder. "I know he is and that's what the problem is." At their confused looks, Ash tried to explain. "Look, I came here on a trial basis. After this month I don't know if I'll be staying here or returning to Ohio. I don't want to lead anyone on, especially Chris."
"But it's not like you two are actually a couple," Shay threw in.
"True, but I have to be cautious here. I have my son to think about plus what happens if I stay and things go bad between us? I'd still have to work with him and I don't want to work in an environment that make us both uncomfortable."
"Oh please," Shay snorted. "What about you, Ash? Have you thought about that lately? What about what you want? I know you worry about Chaz and the effects of your decisions on him, but he's a bright boy. I'm sure that as long as you're happy, he's happy."
Before Ash could think of a retort the waiter returned with their food. He made sure they didn't need anything else before leaving them to dig into the delicious-looking entrees. Ash would have loved the spicy flavors of her chicken salad if she could have tasted it. She just kept thinking about what Shay had said. Was she right? Was it time for Ash to think about her wants and needs for once? More importantly, should she see where this thing with Chris would lead? As Ash ate her salad, every bite she took seemed like another question she couldn't answer.
The rest of their conversation at the cafe was light and Ash was grateful for that. Afterward, they browsed in a few shops and Ash found herself enjoying her day without worrying about the tough decisions facing her. They giggled over the outrageous displays in the boutiques and were given dirty looks by the snobby women who ran them as they rushed out the door, still laughing. As they were headed back to the car, Whip looked at her watch and asked to be dropped off first. Lance was picking her up in a couple of hours and she needed to get ready.
The three girls pulled into Whip's driveway hooting with laughter and recalling the woman at the last boutique who had pulled her lips together so tightly; they looked as if they had disappeared completely. Whip hopped out of the car and Ash moved to the front seat for the drive back to her place. They waved goodbye and Shay backed out of the driveway, tires squealing as she sped off down the street.
When they got to her apartment, Shay walked up with her and Ash put on a pot of coffee. They seated themselves at the small island at the center of the kitchen and as soon as the coffee was finished brewing, Ash poured them each a cup.
"Ash," Shay began, her tone serious, "there are a couple things you need to know about Chris."
"Like what?"
"Look, I love Chris. He's like a crazy big brother to me, but I also know what goes on underneath all that goofiness and laughter."
"I'm not sure I know what you mean."
"Chris is a very sensitive person. He doesn't like to let people know that so he hides it underneath the jokes and wild ideas. This is where it gets a little tricky." Shay took a sip of her coffee and glanced at Ash. "Alright, you've done some research on the group right?"
"Yeah, I figured I should know as much as I could if I was going to be working with them so closely."
"Well, I'm going to tell you what you can't find online or in the magazines."
Ash refilled their mugs and sat down again. Shay sat there, sipping her coffee for so long that Ash thought she wasn't going to say anything else. Then Shay blew out a breath and looked at her.
"Chris is a great guy as I'm sure you already know. He's funny, adorable, energetic, and he's very loyal to his friends and family. What you don't know is that he's extremely insecure."
"What would he have to be insecure about? From what I've seen, he's a success at everything he does."
"His insecurities are with himself. Do you know that most places that the five of them go together, most of the fans don't even recognize him? And if they do, they don't give him the kind of attention that they do JC and Justin."
"Oh, now I don't believe...."
Shay held up a hand, silencing her. "It's true. I've seen it myself and I have to say that it irritates the hell outta me. I love Justin and JC dearly, but they overshadow the other three. There's nothing really that can be done about that as far as fans and media, but with you it's different."
"What do you mean, with me? What do I have to do with it?"
"More than you think," Shay replied, "Look, all I'm saying is don't sell Chris short. If you don't want to be with him, tell him now before he gets hurt. He really likes you and you'll hurt him more if you wait. My suggestion is that you take a couple of days and really get to know him. Get to know the city. You might find out that both of them are what you want."
Ash was still thinking about everything Shay had told her long after she'd left. Deep down, she knew that she did want to stay, but was it because of Chris? Or was it because she was finally going after something she wanted? Those were the questions that kept her up late into the night. In two days she was to start rehearsals for the awards show. She had the routine down, all she had to do was teach it to them. The show was almost two weeks away. She'd have her decision made by then. She just hoped it would be the right one.