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Can We Talk?
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"We sometimes are afraid of what we do not know or have been taught to fear or feel superior to -- persons unlike ourselves. Most of us have unfounded prejudice. I have experienced with people of different races and ethnicity among my friends and acquaintances the desire to discuss openly and candidly their feelings and questions. These discussions have led to a greater degree of understanding, tolerance and recognition that we all belong to one race, the human race." Thus responded Jacky Proctor to a recent question about how we can all help improve race relations in our community. Jacky is an African American woman who is Director of Quality Improvement Processes for a nationwide institutional pharmacy provider. She has worked there for twenty-one years. Jacky has the comfortable presence of one who has once lived in a military family, those who move often and are always meeting new friends. In my last column I traced my own progressions in the north St. Louis area. This time I share some of Jacky Proctor's story and perspective. Jacky's introduction to North County more than thirty years ago was a mixture of experiences, both positive and negative. She and her soon-to-retire career Army husband had decided to settle in the St. Louis area. He was originally from Chicago and she was from Kansas City, Kansas. St. Louis was a convenient drive from both sets of relatives and seemed like a good area to raise their two young children. Early on a Sunday morning, just six months after moving to the Florissant area, Jacky learned that her husband had died in an accident at his military base. While military representatives made arrangements with a funeral home in Florissant, she contacted her relatives. Then she learned that the funeral home operator, after agreeing to hold the service for a military man, refused to accept her husband's body when he saw that he was black. Her grief compounded, Jacky was able to find comfort in friends from her new church, Florissant Presbyterian, who reached out to her, and from neighbors who offered space in their homes for her visiting relatives. When others made her situation known publicly, owners of a Ferguson funeral home offered to have the service there; it was their first service for an African American. Jacky says a sense of right and wrong often helps people move beyond their prejudices. Because of publicity surrounding Jacky's experience, there is now a Missouri law prohibiting discrimination by funeral home directors. Other progress, both legal and social, has also been made and Jacky is grateful for it. Education and many jobs are more accessible to blacks than they were thirty years ago. Integrated neighborhoods are able to not only remain stable, but thrive. However, she also knows that her skin color still influences how others react to her and her family. While she shops, she often notices that salespeople are watching her. During her frequent business air travel, white passengers will choose to sit beside a white person before they sit beside her. And, living in an integrated community, she sometimes hears whites speak disparagingly of other blacks. She and her husband live in a subdivision of expensive homes. Recently, a neighbor who sold his house to a black family suggested that Jacky and Roger might want to move because there was no way the new family would be able to afford the house without bringing relatives in to share it. This was not at all true. And, the new family fits comfortably into the diverse community, where neighbors enjoy each other's company at block parties and cookouts, and willingly help each other with projects. Jacky is a woman of much grace and Midwestern common sense. She tries not to look for slights and recognizes that race-related behavior often results from ignorance. But it is not always easy to ignore. She does speak up when she thinks it is necessary. Jacky offers people of all colors some suggestions on improving racial harmony: "(1) befriend a co-worker, a neighbor, a parent of your child's friend, a member of your church or group; (2) nurture and foster that relationship, talk with them about the things that matter; (3) challenge in your daily life such things as ethnic jokes, instances of discrimination; (4) examine your own behavior to ensure that you are not a part of the problem; (5) learn more about what is going on in your workplace, community, neighborhood, block; (6) become involved and supportive of positive efforts toward making a difference; (7) let others know where you stand." How about you? With whom can you share stories and perspectives? Peggy Kruse, St. Norbert Catholic Church, North County. Jacky and Roger Proctor are also members of NCCU (North County Churches Uniting for Racial Harmony and Justice). This column was originally written for the Opinion Shaper column of the North County Journal. A slightly edited version was printed in the Journal September 20, 2000. Return to: |