Worst Christmas

Written By: Paradise Kendra

Summary: Takes place right after “Merry Mayhem”.

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Chapter 1

She saw him at the docks, knowing he would be there. He was staring ahead, and thankfully she knew he hadn't had a particularly better night than she had. Getting closer to him and seeing him look up at her she decided to say something that might break a little of the tension.

“Didn't I sleep with you once and then never talk to you again?” she asked, standing beside him overlooking the frozen water.

“You know, I thought that was you,” he replied with that cute little charm he always had.

“Sorry about that.”

“Don't worry about it. Happens to me all the time.”

She couldn't help but smile with him at the casual way he had said that. Then she widened her eyes in disbelief at the horrifyingly awful dinner they'd just had.

“So…some night, huh?” she said and he laughed.

“Yeah…yeah. Kind of puts things in perspective,” he said. That was Dawson , always analyzing everything.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, you know, Audrey had managed to take us out in a blaze of glory tonight.”

Joey cringed and put her hand over her eyes in extreme embarrassment at all the things Audrey had announced. The space between Dawson and Pacey that was originally caused by her, the fact that Audrey announced that she'd broken Pacey's heart and that she was the reason he could never have a serious relationship, that Audrey said in front of everyone including Eddie her perspective of her sleeping with Dawson that night and how badly they'd handled it, and her father being a complete dickhead and acting all high and mighty about something he had no business even having an opinion over. And she knew the night hadn't been any less embarrassing for Dawson or anyone else at the table. Audrey had managed to stab every friend there in the heart and then drive straight into Gale's house. Jesus Christ.

“I hate to think that the last meaningful conversation you and I have is that one in your dorm room.”

By this point Joey's hand had moved over her mouth, the embarrassment still swimming inside her. She nodded in agreement.

“Mmm, yeah. But she was right, about one thing though.”

“What?”

“We never really dealt with what happened.”

“Hmm mmm.”

“I don't know about you but, I kinda put it in a little box and pushed it far, far away.”

“I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how it all went so wrong,” Dawson replied, with a slight stab of sadness in his voice.

“I spend a lot of time trying to forget we ever meant anything to each other.”

Dawson shrugged slightly in agreement, nodding his head.

“Fair enough, I deserve that I guess.”

She gave him the look.

“No you don't. And the thing is Dawson it never works. A night like this, well it does put things into perspective. It's see…I think sometimes it's easy for me to kind of hate you…because I know that you're out there. And if anything ever happened to me, or if I ever really needed you…you'd be there for me.”

He nodded, unable to deny it.

“It's true,” he said with that adorable smile.

“ Dawson if that's true, how come we only end up ever hurting each other?” she asked, having wondered that for years.

She seriously wanted an answer but knew he didn't know the answer anymore than she did.

“I don't know, we're not hurting each other right now.”

“Well…right now is an illusion though. Right now it's a truce. But right now, I just wanna stand here and talk to the one person who can maybe…help me figure out how everything got this way.”

She looked at him and put her hand on his arm.

“We can go back to hating each other in the morning,” she flirted.

“Sounds like a plan.”

And then he put his arm around her and pulled her towards him. She felt that comfort, that safety, that love and most of all the certainty of how right it was. She felt his eyes on her and was glad.

“I don't really hate you, you know.”

She smiled. “I don't really hate you either.”

They leaned into each other as the snowflakes came down and she thanked God that even after this tragic and oh so charming Christmas, that she could rest in his arms and feel like everything was pretty much normal.

“So this guy you're seeing,” he teased, pulling her closer to him and she smiled. “Seems…interesting.”

“He just broke up with me,” she said matter of factly.

He looked at her. “Was it serious?”

“Could've been,” she said, slightly sadly.

“You love him?”

She exhaled. “I could've. But my father had to push him and that push was all Eddie could take.”

“What do you mean?”

Joey flexed her fingers and stared at her hands. It was a habit of hers, whenever she was talking about something she didn't really want to.

“Ever since Eddie and I began to date, everyone has just pushed him and pushed him to know that I'm the one with the college life and that I'm the one who between the two of us will most likely make it. Though he's brilliant, don't get me wrong, he just can't afford college I guess. I don't know.” Joey smiled. “Come to think of it, I don't know really anything about him. We didn't have a typical romance.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I hated him at first. We irritated each other.”

“Ah, the love hate relationship,” Dawson said.

“Maybe. And I made an idiot out of myself a lot of the time but it was great to be with him because he didn't know me at all either. He thought I was a spoiled, rich little girl. It drove me crazy.”

Dawson smiled. “Wow, and you didn't set him straight? That you did this all on your own?”

“I did a little, but not enough that he ever really bought it. Until tonight of course when he finds out just how insane my family and friends are. But I think we liked having each other be a mystery.”

“You really liked him didn't you?”

Joey nodded. “Yeah, I did. And I'd like to punch my father and Audrey for pushing him to the very last limit. And Audrey making sure he knew I'd slept with half the guys in the room didn't help either.”

“So, now he knows you've led a busy life,” he said and she laughed.

“I would've liked a real chance with him, and I know when I go back I'm going to hurt every time I see him because I feel like our breakup was so unnecessary. I was different with him. I wasn't the typical Joey Potter who was a good girl and did everything right. I screwed up but it taught me how much life can bite you in the ass.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the day of my final I slept with him and missed my final.”

Joey then frowned and leaned her face into her hands.

“I can't believe I just said that out loud to you of all people,” she whispered.

“Yes, that was a little more than I needed to know but that's all right.”

She giggled and met his eyes again. “So, tell me about your girlfriend. Natasha, right?”

“Yes, and you might be happy to know that she just broke up with me as well.”

“Well we're a good evening, aren't we?” Joey commented.

“Oh yes.”

They heard footsteps and both turned to see Joey's father. She looked away, angry.

“Joey, just wanted to make sure you had a key,” he said, handing her a spare one.

“I'm not going home with you, Dad.”

“Joey-“

“No, don't even try to come up with a sentence that'll make this all okay, Dad. Audrey was right. Who died and made you, a prisoner for much of my growing up years a good judge of character of anyone else? How dare you do that to someone I bring home? I guess you got your wish because we just broke up. Actually—he just broke up with me because he didn't think he was good enough for me. He thought because I was so above him I'd break his heart. So I appreciate all your assistance in my personal life but I think I've had all the help and advice from you that I can stand.”

“Joey, I just wanted you to be with someone who had a future-“

“Shut up,” she said, rolling her eyes at him. “Just go home. I love you, but Eddie wasn't the one in prison or doing anything illegal. He lost his last job because he punched out a guy who was taunting me. I hate it that you think you can just butt into my life whenever you feel like it. I'm not going home with you and I don't wanna hear from you for awhile. When I told you you were being a dick I was being polite.”

“Where are you gonna sleep?” he asked.

“Well, since Audrey and Jen are sleeping at Dawson's house, I'll join them. And I'm gonna try to help Gale deal with all that's happened tonight and try to figure out what the hell I'm gonna do to get Audrey to grow up.”

Joey looked to Dawson and held her hand out to him, which he took.

“Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, my place has always been the open house.”

Joey smiled. Her father came to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“Joey I'm sorry, I never meant to-“

“But you did.” Her eyes narrowed into little slits. “I'll see you next year, dad.”

“Mrs. Leery, I am so sorry,” Joey said, hugging her. “But believe me, Audrey will pay for however much it will cost to fix your house.”

“Honey I know it's not your fault.”

“Oh yes it is. I dragged Audrey out here, and she had no business saying any of the things she said and I am so sorry.”

Mrs. Leery caressed Joey's face.

“I'm just glad you came. But she's upstairs right now with Pacey and Jen. She's sleeping.”

“She won't be for long,” Joey said, angry as hell with her friend.

Joey, with Dawson behind her, burst into his room, awakening Audrey.

“Ohhh, go away everybody.”

Anger surged inside Joey as she looked at her friend.

“Nope, I'm not going anywhere and despite your migraine you're gonna stay conscious for this one.”

“No I'm not,” Audrey moaned, putting a pillow over her head.

Pacey stood up. “Jo, maybe you should give her until the morning.”

“Pacey,” Joey said sternly. “This isn't going to be pretty, you and Jen might like to leave. And Pacey, you are not paying for any of these damages and if you do, so help me God I will make you sorry. Audrey created this mess, she's gonna clean it up. You are going to go find your brother and unclean this mess up for her. You may have some guilt about the breakup, but Doug is right, she needs to learn what it feels like to actually pay for something you screwed up doing. We all do it, and just because Audrey feels she's been screwed doesn't make it her prerogative to act like a two year old, wining bitch. Do not fix this for her.”

Pacey saw the firmness in Joey's eyes, she was so furious he knew not to argue.

“Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get a hair-dryer.”

“What the hell for?” Pacey asked.

Joey was already digging through her bag.

“Because Audrey doesn't just get to sleep this one off. She's going to wake up, live through everything I'm about to say to her and call her rich daddy so he will pay for her screw-ups.”

“Uh…Joey, she doesn't want us to call her parents,” Jen said.

Joey looked up at Jen.

“So…we should all indulge whatever else Audrey wants because Audrey's poor little life is just so sad it's fine for her to drive into someone's house with someone else's car when she's drunk and on pain killers?”

Jen and Pacey were silent.

“This isn't gonna be pretty, you may want to leave.”

“Come on Pace,” Jen said, and they left.

Joey took her hair-dryer, plugged in it, and sat down on the bed while Dawson sat in a chair and cautiously watched. Joey turned on the hair-dryer and removed the pillow from Audrey's head. Audrey wailed painfully.

“Wake up, Audrey, this isn't a joke.”

“Mmm, I'm tired.”

“Oh good for you, get up please.”

“Turn it off.”

“Wake up,” Joey said in response.

Audrey whimpered and pulled herself up.

“What?” she said nastily.

Joey's eyes widened in anger. “What the hell gives you the right to act like this? You think you're the only one here who's been suffering? Who's been in hell? You think you're just so special that you get to tell all of us poor slobs what you think of us, embarrassing, degrading, and ridiculing us? And then you get to say that we don't care about you? If we didn't care about you, you wouldn't have had the opportunity to be such a narcotic bitch.”

“Go away,” Audrey said, beginning to lie back down but Joey grabbed her and shook her harshly.

“No, you do not get to dismiss me like you're some goddamn princess. Do you realize that you could be in jail this very second? Do you realize that you completely humiliated every single one of your friends and your hostess and then you got behind the wheel of a car and drove into her house? Would you like to know all the things you could be in prison for right now? Drinking underage, getting behind the wheel of a car drunk, a stolen car since it was Pacey's and not yours, stealing drugs and using them illegally and oh, damaging private property? And you have the gull to say we don't care about you? Pacey has forced his brother to blame everything you did tonight on him and Gale hasn't called the police or even kicked you out. She's allowing you to stay here while half her house is crunched in. How dare you lie there like we are disturbing you and your precious goddamn sleep?”

Dawson said nothing but watched Joey and Audrey looking at each other with wide eyes. When Joey was angry her strength and determination was incredible.

“Well guess what, I'm not going to let you get away with this. I'm not going to let you screw Pacey over who has risked his ass to protect you. You, you are going to pay for this, and not tomorrow, not the next day, you are going to tonight! Right now, you are going to call your father and you are going to tell him what happened and you are going to ask him for enough money to fix this tomorrow. You are not only going to fix this house, you are going to pay for the damages to Pacey's BMW. Is that clear?”

Audrey pushed Joey off of her and tried to stand up.

“I don't need this, I'm leaving-“

“No you're not!” Joey said, running to the door and getting there before Audrey did. “You take one more step and I swear I will call the police. I will call the police and have them arrest you if that'll keep you off the road and keep you from killing yourself. I cannot believe I fell for your act and did all I could to give you a good Christmas, or at least as good of one as I could give you. How could you do this to me?”

“You didn't even notice I was drinking!”

“Is that why you did it? So we would all cater to your precious hurt feelings and your suffering? Well guess what Audrey, life sucks. Not just for you, but for everybody and you just sat there at the dinner table and degraded everyone you're supposed to love and acted like a spoiled, drunk, slut. I am so mad at you I could throw you out a window so don't push me. What kind of friend are you? So I didn't notice you and Pacey had broken up. I'm not a mind-reader and I'm sorry I have a life and problems of my own. I'm your friend, yes, but that doesn't make it my responsibility to notice every time something's wrong in your life. Sue me for not being perfect, Audrey. Now you have two choices here. You can lie back down, call your dad, get him to fix this house starting tomorrow, or you can leave and I will call the cops and arrest you, call your father myself, have him pay for these damages and bail you out. Now what's it gonna be?”

Audrey's eyes filled with fresh tears. She went to Joey and hugged her.

“I'm sorry,” she cried against her friend. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

Joey, despite her fury put her arms around Audrey, and dragged her back to the bed, holding her as Audrey cried gut-wrenching sobs. Finally, when her tears subsided, Joey handed her the phone.

“Do you want to make the call or should I?”

Audrey closed her eyes. “I-I will.”

While Audrey told her Dad everything, Dawson got her a washcloth to wipe the mascara from her face. Once Audrey had finished the phone call, Joey lied her back down on the bed, covered her up, washed her face, and told her everything was gonna be okay. In a matter of seconds Audrey was asleep.

“That was incredible,” Dawson said to Joey. “You're really a tough bitch when you wanna be.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. One down, one to go,” Joey said, standing up, leaving the room.

Dawson quickly followed. Joey went to the downstairs bathroom where Todd lay passed out on the floor. She took another washcloth, ran cold water over it and dabbed his face with it.

“Todd, Todd wake up.”

Todd's eyes slowly opened and he gave a drunk smile.

“Hey gorgeous,” he said and pulled her face to his for a deep kiss.

Joey felt his tongue plunge into her mouth as she frantically pulled her lips from his. She looked up at Dawson.

“You laugh and I swear I'll kill you.”

She tapped Todd's face.

“Todd! Come on, I'm taking you to bed,” she said, putting his arm around her shoulder as Dawson bent down to help.

“Sounds good beautiful,” Todd said and Joey rolled her eyes. “You come to bed with me and I'll show you-“

“Todd you finish that sentence and I promise you you won't have anything left to show me,” Joey vowed and Dawson laughed softly.

Once Todd was in the guest bedroom Joey leaned on Dawson.

“I have such a headache,” she said. “But I'm not done.”

“I'll get you the Excedrine,” Dawson said, following her down the stairs. “Now what are you doing?”

“I'm going to clean up as much of this mess I've created as I can.”

“I'll help.”

“Good, then I'll watch a Spieldberg film with you.”

“Ooh, you know my weakness,” he said and she giggled.

He cleaned the kitchen and the dining room while she worked on the crunched and disfigured living room. She vacuumed and swept up the debris, gathered the still intact lamps and knickknacks and cleaned them. She then called Doug Witter and told him what had happened and not to make Pacey pay for this. Three hours later, Joey and Dawson planted themselves on the couch in front of the television, exhausted.

“Damn,” she said. “Some Christmas.”

“Yeah. And we're talking again.”

She smiled over at him. “Okay, I'll watch anything but A.I. That movie hurts me to watch so bad. Though Haley did a fabulous job. He should've gotten an Oscar.”

“Why does it kill you to watch so bad?” Dawson asked.

“The entire movie is him desperately searching for his mother,” Joey said and Dawson immediately understood.

“Got it.”

He popped in Jurassic Park but in five minutes, Joey was asleep in his lap.

“Now that's just cheating,” he said.

Chapter 2

Jen went back to Boston with Audrey while Joey stayed with Gale and Dawson and even Pacey to make sure all of Audrey's damage was tended to. Sure enough, Audrey's father sent some guys to fix up the house and pay for the damages to Pacey's BMW. Joey didn't go back to see her father or her sister and didn't bother to hide the fact that she was thoroughly pissed at her father still. But when she told Dawson she'd be back in an hour, he assumed she was going home.

“No, I'm going to visit my mother. I'll be back soon.”

When she reached the cemetery she saw her father facing her mother's tombstone. She wanted to turn back but she didn't. She walked up and stood beside him, looking down at her mother's name. She wanted to give her father another zinger about cheating on her but she didn't.

“She's probably sympathizing about what an insane Christmas this was,” Joey said.

“She's probably proud of you.”

“Oh I'm not so sure.”

“Why?” he asked her.

Because I had great sex with a guy I hardly know and flunked my final!

“Just because.”

“I'm sorry, Joey. I guess I just didn't want to see you with a guy who…who might turn out to be a bum like I did.”

“Eddie is nothing like you,” Joey replied. “And you promised me you'd go easy on him and you acted like a self righteous jerk. I mean…knowing Dawson and I had a past, did you need to make Eddie feel second to Dawson in front of everyone? Did you think that was funny?”

“No.”

“Were you even thinking about how big a pig you sounded like when you said that?”

“Joey, you're angry with me, I got it, I'm sorry.”

“Dad, you don't get to have any part in judging my life. You don't get to start being a father to me now. You don't know me well enough to make any kind of judgment on who I should love or what job I should take or how much money I should spend. Now if you want a relationship with me, you need to way respect me more. And you have to shut up.”

Her father looked down, knowing he was guilty. Her love for him stabbed guilt inside her. She reached for his hand and held it.

“I love you,” she said. “I love you very much but you made Eddie think I was going to break his heart when I had no intention of doing that.”

“Did you love him like you love Dawson?”

“I don't love anyone the way I love Dawson, but that's not the point. It's my life, Dad.”

“I understand. And I'm sorry. It seems that's all I ever say to you but I am.”

Joey nodded. “I know.”

He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Joey.

“What is it?” she asked.

“A plane ticket.”

She looked at him, confused.

“It's a plane ticket back to Boston, it'll be faster than driving. You can go and tell Eddie I was completely out of line and make up with him.”

Joey sighed. “It's too late, Dad. Eddie broke up with me. Eddie was always a little—or I guess I should say very…well, he's always had a chip on his shoulder about not being able to have the kind of future he thinks I've got going for me. And it killed him. That's why you needed to be easy on him so it wouldn't be one more person telling him he was never going to be as good as me and that because of that I would eventually dump him because I needed someone in my so called “league”. He tried to tell me you hadn't been hard at him at all but I should've known you would be. And I got that you want me to be with someone with a huge future, I know you want me with Dawson-“

“Joey, are you still in love with Dawson?”

Joey closed her eyes and exhaled.

“Yes, Dad, I'll always love Dawson. He was my first love and as far as I can tell, he will always be a soulmate. But you know what, there's more than one soulmate you can have in life.”

Joey, though thoroughly pissed off at her father felt the urge to mend his heart in the way she could, knowing he still ached in regret.

“Dad, when Mom was dying and you cheated on her…” she trailed off when she saw him tense up, in regret and disgust at his actions all those years ago. “…I know why you did it and even though it was stupid and wrong, it's understandable.”

He shook his head and she pulled him so he faced her.

“No, listen to me. I've done my share of stupid things and what you were really trying to do wasn't degrade my mother, or fulfill some sexual fantasy. It was an escape, and God knows we all try to find one at times. Sometimes it's drugs and alcohol like Audrey, sometimes it's sex, sometimes it's reading a book, we never know. But Mom knew you loved her and despite it all, she never blamed you. And I think that six years of guilt is enough.”

Joey reached for his hand and held it. Her watery eyes met his, and when she saw a tear falling from his eyes she wiped it away with her long, beautiful fingers.

“Let it go,” she whispered. “Forgive yourself. Mom has—I…I have.”

She kissed his hand, said goodbye to her mother, and left the cemetery.

A week later Joey was waiting tables again, actually making great tips for a change. When Joey turned back to the counter and saw Eddie, she asked Emma what he was doing back here.

“He's back to work here, I vouched for him,” Emma explained. “Why? What's the problem? I thought you two were…you know…”

“Together?” Joey offered. “Well we were until Christmas dinner.”

“Oh did something go wrong?” Emma said with her rich British accent.

“Only everything imaginable.”

“All right love, take a break and go talk to him. If you two can't be a couple, go salvage a friendship with the bloke.”

When Joey didn't move Emma gave her a little shove.

“Go on.”

Joey would've rather had root canal at this moment but she stood up straight, held her head up high, and walked over to him, putting the tray on the counter.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he said back.

“Okay look, I know that we're not…together anymore but do you think there's anyway we could scale back to being friends?”

He smiled. “Sure, I was so entertained to say the least at your Christmas dinner that I've been dying for the whole story besides whatever it was your friend was talking about.”

She smiled back. “Now you know I'd rather have nails drilled into me than do that.”

He took the tray from her hands.

“Sit down, spill all.”

Something in the way he was teasing her told her that this was his attempt at being friends. Her telling him about her, without any fear of what she might say might do to his feelings for her. This was just friends talking and teasing each other. She pulled the chair back and sat down, facing him.

“I hate you,” she said, pulling up into a chair, facing him. “All right…long story short, I was in love with Dawson all my life. We'd slept together in the same bed for about ten years before I decided we were a little “old” to do that anymore but he didn't see what was wrong with continuing to sleep in the bed and before you assume anything let me tell you he was not in the least bit attracted to me. It broke my heart because I loved him so much. And I was right there and no matter what, he would only see me as his best friend, the girl across the creek who was like a sister. He was in love with Jen, you met her. Well, eventually they broke up but he still held a torch for her. I never held any hope that one day he'd look at me the way he looked at her but one night he did.”

“How old were you?” Eddie asked.

“Fifteen. So for a while everything was perfect, I finally had him and he loved me. And slowly but surely I started to look around and notice that I had loved him for so long and put myself into loving him for so long that there wasn't any me anymore. And that I was losing myself in loving him. It was something I did and it was something I had to undo. So even though I hadn't fallen out of love with him and he hadn't with me, I broke up with him. That didn't go over very well between the two of us. We got back together, broke up again, it was like a soap opera. It was even more like a soap opera when I fell for his best friend.”

“Ooh,” Eddie said, cringing at that thought.

“Yeah,” Joey agreed. “Yeah, it went over real well. About as well as Christmas dinner.”

“That's what Audrey meant when she said that Dawson and Pacey hated each other. So they were best friends before you, huh?”

Joey, like she always did when she was in an uncomfortable situation ran her fingers through her hair, combing her scalp as she did so.

“Yes.”

“How'd Dawson take that?”

Joey gave him a look. “How do you think?”

“You really love him?”

“Yeah, I did. He didn't believe so, though. He assumed I'd never love him the way I loved Dawson.”

“Was he wrong?” Eddie asked, knowing the answer but making sure Joey knew it too.

She refused to answer and instead changed who was in the hot seat.

“What about you? Ever been in love with a girl?”

“Married,” he replied.

“Married?” she asked, trying to swallow that. “Really…wow. Please tell me you're not still.”

“No,” he replied.

“What happened?”

“What usually happens, Jo? We got married too young, didn't know what the hell we were doing.”

“You love her?”

“Yep,” he said all too casually.

“Why am I sensing some bitterness?” Joey asked.

“Probably because there was some. She and I didn't exactly part well.”

“Okay, well now that we've both accomplished having personal discussions and not opening any old wounds too deeply, let's take this slow and not party every night together yet. The transition needs to happen.”

“Agreed,” he said, standing up and seeing someone coming into the bar. “And you need a break right about now because he's here.”

“Who?” Joey asked.

“Dawson,” Eddie said and made his way over to the drinks.

“Eddie, tell me you're trying to make some perverse joke-“

“No, Jo, he's here. I'll take care of the orders.”

Joey buried her face in her hands. “Shit.”

“What?” Eddie said, leaning in.

“I'm just…it's complicated.”

“Have fun,” he said.

Joey gulped a beer Eddie had left out for support.

“Joey,” Dawson said.

“Yeah?” she said quickly, turning to see him.

Immediately she knew something was wrong.

“What?” she said, her eyes flashing with fear.

He pulled her into an embrace.

“What?” Joey said again, feeling his warm body against hers and soothe hers.

“It's Audrey,” he said, then pulled back and cupped her face in both his hands. “She's all right, she's gonna be all right, but Pacey's taking it hard and I came here to get you. She's in the hospital.”

“What happened?” Joey demanded.

“Car crash. Come on,” he said, taking her hand.

“Wait, she was driving? She just drove Pacey's car into a house, how could she be free to drive after that?”

“Pacey took the blame,” Dawson told her.

“He what? After I went to all that trouble for him not to? What the hell was he thinking?”

“He feels guilty, he thinks he put her in this situation.”

Joey rolled her eyes. “That's crap. She's choosing to act the way she is and it's not his fault.”

“Well don't blow up at him because honestly I was hoping you could try to get him through this.”

Joey could feel both Emma's and Eddie's eyes on her and she wanted to some how magically have them disappear at this moment.

“You want me to make Pacey feel okay about being an idiot and not…” Joey stopped and took a deep breath. “All right, fine, where is he?”

“At the hospital.”

“All right,” Joey said, turning back to Emma. “Can I-“

“Go. We're fine here.”

“Thanks,” Joey said and left with Dawson.

Joey and Dawson got off the elevator of the third floor and found Pacey and Jen sitting in chairs across a hospital room. They both stood up when they saw Joey coming and she came to them quickly, hugging Pacey.

“Hey, I got here as fast as I could, how is she?” she said in Pacey's arms.

“She's gonna be okay, two broken ribs and she dislocated her hip,” Jen told Joey.

Joey pulled back, Pacey's hands on her waist and hers on his arms.

“Jesus,” Joey whispered under her breath. “Well is she conscious, can I see her?”

“She's conscious, she might be asleep though,” Pacey said.

“Have you seen her?” Joey asked Pacey.

“No.”

Joey just barely nodded, showing she understood why he didn't.

“You and I have to talk later,” she told Pacey and went into Audrey's room.

Walking over to her, Joey stood over her, watching her sleep.

“Audrey?” she said softly and Audrey fidgeted slightly and opened her eyes. Joey smiled brightly at her friend. “Hey stranger.”

“Come to try to talk some sense into me, don't bother,” Audrey said groggily, trying to turn away from Joey but feeling the pain was too intense she didn't. “Just go Joey, I need my sleep.”

“No, what you need is to stop trying to get attention,” Joey said.

“I'm not trying to-“

“Are you kidding? You're begging for it,” Joey exclaimed. “Audrey, every drop of alcohol, every pill you've taken is yes to fuck you up but you are trying to put on a show before you go out, aren't you? And you're punishing us for not realizing how screwed up you were before now, which is crap to begin with because there really wasn't any way I would've known you and Pacey had broken up and even if I had, you hadn't noticed the hell I was in so we would've been even, not me neglecting you.”

“Oh of course, nothing's ever your fault. Just go back to your little bartender boyfriend.”

Joey bit her lip hard to keep from doing something to Audrey she'd later regret.

“I don't have a “bartender” boyfriend anymore since you decided it was your prerogative to announce at the dinner table just how many of the fellow gentlemen there I'd slept with. I appreciate your brand of friendship too Audrey, and before you kill yourself, you have to get over it because you know what, I've fucked up badly in my lifetime, don't get me wrong, but just like you said seconds before you drove a car that wasn't yours into a house…grow up.”

Joey then to Audrey's shock walked out of the hospital room. Audrey was appalled that Joey would be so cruel and casual about her near death experience. She called Joey a few nasty words inside her mind and fell back asleep. As Joey left the room she had a part of her nag her to go back and hug Audrey, but she knew that catering to Audrey would show her that playing the victim was working, and therefore she would continue to do it to get attention. Joey had to bring her friend out of the hole she'd fallen in, even if it hurt.

When Joey shut the door behind her Pacey shot up from his chair asking about her. Joey hated that he felt so guilty for not loving Audrey. Pacey deserved better than to feel he was responsible for Audrey's self-destruction.

“Pacey, can we go talk somewhere privately for a few?” Joey asked, taking his hand and pulling him for a walk.

Going outside the cool air swirled around them and Joey hugged herself to keep warm.

“Pacey, you did not do this, you didn't do any of this. People break up, it doesn't excuse Audrey behavior. You breaking her heart doesn't mean she gets to act like this and make you feel guilty. So stop taking responsibility for it all, would you?”

She could see how much pain Pacey was in and it killed her. She put a supportive hand on his shoulder.

“Jo, everything is so messed up.”

“I know.”

“I thought they would be proud of me, my family. But they just think I'm either too stupid for words or being able to afford all this because I'm involved in some illegal activity. I've come to the very aggravating conclusion that there is nothing I could ever do to satisfy them and now that I've helped bring Audrey to the place she is-“

“Stop,” Joey said, pulling him into an embrace. “Shh, you've got a fucked up family, well so do I. And I don't think you need their approval anymore. You are yourself now and you are making it for yourself. You don't need to go back and show them that you've made it. I'm proud of you, Pace. Screw your family. Ever since I've known you they've given you crap for pretty much everything you've ever done. Let it go. Don't let them hurt you.”

Pacey looked at her brown eyes and saw the wisdom in them.

“How come you're so smart when it comes to everyone else's life but your life is equally screwed up?”

“Because I'm just…gifted like that,” she said and was surprised when he took her face in his hands and kissed her.

She didn't fight it, but didn't return it either. She was so stunned and by the time she processed it he'd lifted his mouth from hers. She looked right behind him and saw Dawson. Pacey immediately turned behind him and saw his best friend. Though Pacey would always have a part of him that wanted Joey, he knew she belonged with Dawson. He immediately defended her.

“Dawson, I kissed her, she had no part in it.”

“I saw it, I know,” Dawson said. “You don't have to explain.”

Pacey let go of Joey's face and looked back and forth and Joey and Dawson.

“You know something,” he said. “The both of you are gonna make fantastic grownups someday.”

With that, Pacey went back inside, leaving a slightly embarrassed Joey with Dawson. Joey smacked her lips together, feeling Pacey's kiss and realizing how much his statement was true.

“I think he's right,” Joey said. “Someday we will.”

Dawson smiled and agreed.

“Yeah, let's at least hope so.”

Joey saw his hesitating eyes.

“What?” she asked. “I—I didn't kiss Pacey, he was telling-“

“Oh no, no I know that. Not a problem.”

Joey sighed. “Well, speaking of Audrey and Pacey, I…I know this is late but I wish to God there was nothing at all between you too. I'm at least partly responsible for the rift between you two and I hate that. All my life with you he was your other best friend. We both often fought over you,” she said and she and Dawson both exhaled a laugh. “It's true,” she giggled. “You know that, that was one reason he pissed me off so bad.”

“Yeah Pacey's good at that,” Dawson smiled. “I still can't believe she announced over Christmas dinner that we finally slept together.” Dawson put his hand over his eyes and laughed softly. “I really wish my mother hadn't heard that.”

“Oh I wish no one had heard that.”

“That too. Anyway, how is Audrey?”

“Working hard to make me hate her so I'll give up. And sadly she's almost about to get her wish. I just…don't know who she is anymore. She's so angry and she wants to hurt me. She's angry at me.”

“It seems she's jealous of you too by the way she blamed you for Pacey not being able to love her.”

Joey turned away, a little uncomfortable about this topic.

“Yeah well, whatever reason, I know he tried to love her. I saw her wear him out. She…she's never gonna be serious about anything except the anger. And Pacey's trying so hard to make a life for himself. I can't believe it even now. I mean I remember when he was failing all his classes and came to me to vent on what a jerk his father was. I could relate to that.”

“Yes, don't usually hear someone calling their father a dick over Christmas dinner.”

Joey laughed. “Hey, I was gonna call him something else, I'm glad I called him that.”

Neither said anything for a minute and Joey walked towards him and bent her head into his chest so she was looking down. She encased his arms with her hands and he put a supportive hand on her back, resting his chin on her head. Then she raised her head and looked up at him.

“You wanna do something pretty familiar to us and watch movies in your room all night?”

“Sounds good. When do you have to go back?”

“For school? After New Years.”

“Awesome.”

“So you go pick up whatever movies you wanna watch and I'll see you tonight?”

“Sure,” Dawson smiled.

“K, see you then.”

But tonight turned into today when Joey finished her errands early. She took a walk across the creek until she reached Dawson's house and saw the ladder up. She walked over to the ladder to see a note taped to it.

“Like old times,” it read and she smiled.

She climbed up the ladder and popped her head through the open window.

“Hey,” she said, seeing him watching the tube.

“Hey,” he said, looking over at her and sitting up from the bed.

“How come you're ready? I'm early.”

“Well I was planning on watching a few films you hated before you showed up. Now you have to suffer.”

“Great,” she said, climbing onto the bed next to him.

He handed her some popcorn and she laughed.

“What?”

“Nothing, it's just that I can't believe you still haven't gotten rid of that stain on the wall over there. How many years have you left that up there?”

“About six,” he replied. “Shh, this is the best part.”

“Every part of every movie is the best part to you and I actually shut up during each an every credit of the last movie we watched so be nice to me.”

“Well then shut up and let me enjoy this part,” he said and she rolled her eyes.

She was silent for all of seven seconds.

“Ewe, what is he doing?” she asked.

“It's called hunting, Joey,” Dawson said warily.

“Is this Legends of the Fall?”

“My you're quick.”

“Shut up,” she laughed. “I'm hungry, I wasn't paying attention yet. This part always grosses me out so tell me when it's over,” she said, turning her face away.

“See this is called being primitive,” Dawson told her.

“No, it's called let's chop this animal's toenail off to show I have a bigger dick than you,” Joey said and Dawson spit out the drink he was drinking in laughter. She joined in the laughter. “What? I'm not kidding, that's exactly what they're doing. Soothing their testosterone.”

“What is up with you, you love this movie Jo.”

“I love it but it's incredibly sad and I'm gonna be crying. But in the meantime I can drool over Brad Pitt and drive you up the wall. Besides, you're the one who talks through the movies analyzing every piece of it.”

“Hey, not true. I analyze it all the second time around. First time I watch it, I pay attention, second time I analyze.”

“Well since we've seen this movie…what is it, 217 times, can we just analyze?”

“No.”

“Dawson-“

“Will you shut up?” he laughed, smothering her face with a pillow.

She laughed beneath the pillow and he pulled it off. Her hair was now everywhere thanks to static electricity. She sat up and tried to flatten it out but she was laughing too hard.

“Dammit,” she laughed. “Dawson,” she whined.

“Here,” he said, handing her some chocolate.

“Oh, thank you,” she said grabbing his face and kissing his cheek. “You're an angel of mercy, you saved my life,” she said, popping a chocolate into her mouth. “Did you know there's a chemical inside females not inside males that makes women like chocolate more? Forget liking it, we need it.”

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Dawson asked randomly.

She smiled at the way they were talking to each other. Completely random and ridiculous topics.

“I have to go to the gynecologist,” Joey said, and then stopped. “Tell me I didn't just say that out loud.”

“Fraid so,” he replied, his eyes on the television. “This is a dumb guy question I guess but is the gynecologist also the thing where they test to see if you have breast cancer?”

“A mammogram?” Joey offered.

“Yeah.”

“No, it's not. Women don't usually get tested until their forties. God he's gorgeous!” she exclaimed when Brad Pitt came on the screen again.

“He's married, Jo, remember that.”

“Mmm,” Joey answered, her mouth full of chocolate. “How could I forget? Oh can we please fast-forward when his brother dies, it's so sad.”

“The whole movie's sad, Jo. It doesn't get better.”

“I know. All right, fine.”

Dawson paused the movie.

“You remember our first date?” he asked her.

Joey pretended to think. “Yeah, rings a bell.”

“Remember how awkward it was?”

Joey smiled. “Oh yeah. It was so…yeah awkward, you picked the right word. And you were right, it was odd to be dating someone you knew inside and out. A date is usually to get to someone.”

“Then what is this?” Dawson asked.

Joey froze. She knew he was really asking her what they were to each other now, was he asking if she still loved him or if she wanted to try again or all of the above?

“This is…can I get back to you on that? I'm still debating on what this is but whatever it is, it's good. And if you have any input, I'd be happy to analyze.”

When he reached for her she flinched as the tips of his fingers touched her cheek possessively.  She lowered her eyes to his mouth, then looked back up at him as he leaned down to capture her lips in his. Neither moved, but savored the moment, the memories of the feeling that was still there. She raised her hands to his face, her long fingers gently resting against his face as she deepened the kiss from chaste to passionate. Dawson gripped her waist, pulling her body closer to his as he opened her mouth, plundering into her recesses, running his lips over her own. The flames flowed inside of her, seeming to come in an instant. The flutter in her stomach she got the first time he ever kissed her was still there and she matched his growing passion with her body and her mouth.  With bruised, passion swollen lips, she desperately turned her head for an instant to gasp for air. 
“Should I not have done that?” he asked, tilting her face back to his.

“No,” she whispered. “No, I just needed to breathe,” she smiled.

Just as she leaned back in to kiss him again the door to his bedroom swung open, scaring the hell out of her.

“Auntie Joey, Auntie Joey! I'm here,” he announced, jumping up onto the bed and hugging her so hard she fell back against the covers with his tiny body over hers.

She laughed and covered her nephews face with maternal kisses.

“Hey you!” she said, sitting back up with him in her lap. “Honey you don't barge into people's bedrooms, all right?”

“I'm sorry,” he said, hugging her.

“Aww,” Joey said, hugging him back. “You okay honey?”

“Bored. Lonely.”

“Honey where's Mommy?”

“Out with Grandpa.”

“And Daddy?”

“Watching t.v. at home.”

“He what? You mean you came over here all by yourself?”

“Yes.”

Joey couldn't believe that, in fact it worried her.

“You got across the creek all by yourself?”

“Jen helped me,” he replied.

“Where's Jen now?” Joey asked.

“Don't know, she told me I should go find you in Dawson's house.”

“Dammit,” Joey said, reaching across the bed for Dawson's phone. “Bodie! What are you doing?”

“Joey, what do you mean?”

“Your son's in my lap.”

“What?!?”

“Yeah, I'm at Dawson's. Did you know your son got across the creek by himself?”

“Oh my God, is he okay?”

“Yes but-“

“I'll be there in two minutes.”

Joey hung up the phone shaking her head.

“Geez, men,” she sighed.

“Auntie Joey, don't go back to school,” Alexander said.

She pulled him into an embrace.

“Oh honey, don't you worry about anything,” she said. “I'll always come back and I'll always pay attention to you. I love you so.”

Dawson watched her rock her four year old nephew in her arms and saw Alex's tiny arms around Joey's neck.

“I love you,” he said back to her.

She pulled Alex off of her and set him down in front of her.

“Honey I need you to promise me that until you're older you won't go across the creek by yourself or with anyone other than me, your parents, and Grandpa, okay? You scared me.”

“I promise.”

Bodie came upstairs and into the bedroom where he grabbed his son and pulled him into an embrace.

“Alex, don't leave without telling me, ever,” he said, hugging his son. “Joey thanks for calling me.”

“It's okay,” she smiled. “Just be careful.”

“I'm gonna take this bugger home, have a good night, kids.”

Bodie closed the door behind him.

“I'm always gonna be a kid to him,” Joey remarked. “I'm gonna forty-five and I'll still be a kid.”

“Yeah, join the club,” Dawson said. “But you're wonderful with Alexander.”

Joey smiled. “It's not hard to love him.”

“I'm surprised he doesn't ever think of you as his mother.”

Joey frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well, if nothing else you were like a second parent to him. Your sister would be working at the diner and you'd be home with him, playing with him, feeding him, changing him. You'd be the mother during the days.”

“He knows his mother loves him,” Joey replied.

“Oh Jo, I didn't mean to imply that she didn't, I just wanted to tell you that for a fifteen year old girl, you were the best mother. Yours would be proud.”

Joey lowered her eyes when he touched her face, he could feel her thick lashes on his fingers.

“Thank you, Dawson.”

“I miss my father every day. And I know how much you miss your mother.”

Joey nodded. “I do. But you helped me live through it. You helped live through losing both my parents.”

“You helped me too,” Dawson said, leaning in to kiss her again.

Just as his lips touched hers Joey pulled back as if hot water had been thrown on her. She stood up and walked towards the window. Dawson got up and ran after her, grabbing her arm, turning her back towards him.

“No, Joey, you don't get to do that. You don't get to run. If you don't want me to kiss you, you tell me that to my face.”

Joey's eyes left his and looked down.

“It's not that I don't want you to kiss me. You just said I helped you through your father's death but I didn't.”

Dawson cupped Joey's face in his hands, making her look at him.

“Of course you did-“

“No I didn't! You wouldn't let me,” Joey said, tears growing in her eyes. “And it wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because you were angry with me.”

Dawson saw the pain in her eyes and a stab of guilt cut into him.

“All right, Joey I know I blamed you-“

“No, that's not what hurt me, Dawson. You could've yelled at me and blamed me all you want if it helped ease your pain, but it was after the funeral. You couldn't stand the sight of me. I thought maybe you understandably didn't want to talk or open up but you didn't want me there. So please, don't make me out to be some sort of hero.”

Her angry and hurt eyes stared right through him and he didn't know what to say. She was right, he had wanted her gone. He knew she was trying to help him but he didn't want her there with him. Joey sighed loudly, angry with herself.

“Dammit, I'm sorry,” she said to him, running her fingers through her hair, combing it.

“For what?” he said, reaching for her and holding her upper arms.

“For making it about me ,” she said. “That was stupid and selfish, I'm sorry. I was just…so hurt by that, but you know what it isn't about me. Your loss is your own and you get to choose how you grieve.”

“But you were right, Jo. I wasn't grieving, I was keeping it inside and I should've let you in.”

Joey closed her eyes and shook her head.

“No, it was your tragedy. How I might've or should've dealt with my own loss in my own, not yours. Dawson I love you,” she said. “I love you so much I can't breathe sometimes. And I know I screwed up and hurt you. I'm sorry.”

Joey then kissed him, putting her arms around his neck, thrusting her body to his. It was a fierce kiss, and Joey put her whole heart into it. Dawson returned the kiss eagerly, slipping his arms around Joey, drawing her body closer. His hand trailed up her waist to her face where he held it so he could more thoroughly devour her mouth. She let his mouth run over hers in an exploring worship. She fed his hunger, giving more and more into the kiss, lips meshing and tongues colliding, the kiss growing from passionate to starving, Joey's lips turning from pink to a deep red, her lipstick smeared over her passion swollen mouth.

“Dawson stop,” she whispered, rising over him, her hair falling around his face, creating a curtain for them both. Her dilated and intense eyes kept his. “Just make love to me now.”

She lowered herself onto his body and he wrapped his arms around her, his fingers pressing into the soft skin of her back, turning them both so she was beneath him and then he slid himself slowly into her. Joey inhaled deeply, tilting her head back, revealing the line of her throat to him. He leaned down to lick the hollow of her throat, creating a tiny friction between his chest and her breasts as they slowly moved together, the surging motions causing tiny ripples of pleasure to spread throughout both of them. Dawson pulled almost completely out of her only to plunge himself once again deep inside her. He held her hands against the sheets and rained kisses all over her face until she took his lips with hers. It was the kissing that sent her body over the edge, taking his with her, and he swallowed her passionate cries and they both met their shattering release.

“Dawson, I think I have to go home,” she whispered as she lied on his chest.

“Why? It's after two in the morning.”

“I know but I don't think I can convince my sister that you and I just platonically slept together. We're not fifteen anymore and I'm pretty sure she would guess something was up. No pun intended.”

Dawson sighed, aggravated.

“Well come on, like you said, you're not fifteen anymore, don't you think she should be able to handle the fact that you had sex?”

He had a point.

“Well yeah, but wouldn't she worry if I don't come home at all?”

“She knows you're with me. Bodie's surely told her that.”

“Well what about your mother? I mean when the sun comes up and she opens your door to wake you up, how's she gonna handle it?”

“I think she'll live. But just to be nice, let's put our clothes back on.”

Joey sat up and found the pile of her clothes on the floor.

“Good idea, we don't need to shove this in her face.”

Once they were both reclothed, they fell asleep together.

Gale finally woke them up at about 12:30 and Joey went home. Opening the front door, she smiled at the memories of last night.

“And where were you as if we need to ask?” Bodie said, with Bessie right next to him.

Joey looked at them and couldn't keep the malicious smile off her face.

“So, you had a good night, did you?” Bodie said and Bessie smacked him.

“Hey, that's my baby sister you're talking about.”

“Well Bessie, I think you're old enough to know this,” Joey said. “I'm having sex.”

Bessie's nose wrinkled, she really hadn't wanted to hear that.

“Weren't you just involved with Eddie a few days ago?”

“Yeah, don't worry, I had sex with him too.”

Bodie burst out laughing and Bessie did not think this was funny.

“Joey,” Bessie said sternly.

“Oh come on Bessie, you know I'm careful. I'm on the pill.”

“Among other things,” Bodie joked.

“I'm glad you two think this is so funny,” Bessie said.

Joey walked over to her sister, taking her hands.

“Bessie, I just think you've reached the age where you can know and hear me verbally say that I'm having sex.”

Bessie didn't know what to say, Joey recognized that in Bessie and smiled.

“I love you, I'll see you soon,” she said, walking happily up the stairs.

“She's all grown up,” Bodie commented.

“Shut up,” Bessie replied.

~The End~

Completed: January 2 nd , 2003

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No infrigement intended, we're using the characters of Dawson Leery and Joey Potter just for fun. We are in no way affiliated to the WB or Sony company, neither to Kevin Williamson, his creator.