Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; I'm just toying with them.
I hope this proves a satisfying conclusion to my first installment. All comments are welcome, indeed eagerly anticipated (!) at '[email protected]'.
There is scope for more installments if anyone's interested, so let me know!
Click here to hear "All I Need Is A Miracle" by Mike + the Mechanics
* * *
Josie looked in the mirror one last time. She didn't want to look to overdressed; she didn't want to look like she was trying to charm Sam back to her. She decided on a long lilac bias-cut skirt with a complimenting dark purple tank top and a cream mohair cardigan. She glanced at the clock: it was 7:30. Slipping on flat sandals she grabbed her keys and left the house.
On the drive over to Sam's she thought over in her head what to say, but she couldn't get anything to sound right. Eventually she decided it would be better just to say what came to her naturally, be as honest as possible. After all that had happened she owed him that.
Sam's apartment block was very big, and nice. Nothing too fancy, but the old- style architecture seemed to fit very well with Sam's character, Josie thought to herself. She parked outside and taking a deep breath, left the car and made her way into the lobby.
The woman on the security desk was in her 40's, quite burly looking and gave Josie an odd look, as if she didn't belong there.
"Can I help you ma'am?" the woman asked.
"I'm here to visit Sam Coulson, could you tell me what floor he's on?" Josie asked.
The security guard's hard glare softened a little, seeing how nervous Josie was "Mr. Coulson? I'm afraid he's moved out."
Josie couldn't speak for a moment, her mouth hung open a little and she couldn't think straight. He really wanted to get away from her! God, he'd probably gone back to Lara! What had she done?
After a moment of sheer panic, she had the presence of mind to ask where he'd moved to.
"I'm afraid if he hasn't told you himself I'm not at liberty to divulge that information," the security guard replied.
Josie felt the now all too familiar sensation of tears welling up, and blinked in an effort to keep them at bay, she felt an overwhelming sense of grief. She was convinced she had lost him forever, however she still found herself talking, "I see. Uh, could you at least tell me if he's moved out of Chicago?"
The security guard looked at Josie again and then realized who she was. She had read the papers that morning and realized that Sam Coulson must have been the mystery man who didn't show up. She felt very sympathetic toward Josie. Despite her appearance, she wasn't a hard-nosed cold-hearted woman; old fashioned romantic was a more appropriate description in fact.
"I can do better than that ma'am, he's popped out of town for a week. Gone to see his sister, and if you'd like it, I have her address."
Josie looked up at the security guard, her eyes shining with unshed tears "You could? Oh, oh! That would be great! I have to see him!"
"For sure, Miss Geller, isn't it?" the security guard said, a little sheepishly, moving her copy of the Sun-Times out of view.
Josie smiled uncertainly, suddenly aware of the unwanted fame last night's events was going to bring her. "Yes, that's me."
The security guard rummaged in a draw on her desk and pulled out a slip of paper. "We have a list of all our residents contact addresses in case something happens while they're out of town," she said, as if in explanation, "so here it is." She looked in her book and wrote the information down onto the paper.
She handed over the piece of paper, Josie took it tentatively and put it into her bag. Having his sister's address was a good start, however it was by no means a guarantee that things would work out. Josie said her thanks and turned to leave the building.
"Uh, Miss Geller?" the security guard called after her.
Josie turned around.
"Good luck!" the woman finished. Josie smiled again, this time a little more confidently, and then left the building.
* * *
Sam sat in Abby's Jeep in silence as she drove them through town back to her and her husband's house.
"Sam? I know you must be hurting, but do you want to talk about it?" Abby asked, turning briefly to take in Sam's forlorn expression, and the way he was clenching and unclenching his hands in his lap. He didn't answer.
"I can see what she did to you was terrible, you didn't deserve that�" Abby began.
"I DID! I deserve any kind of punishment she could care to dream up. I'm such an asshole!" Sam suddenly yelled, pounding his fist on the armrest, making Abby jump.
"Okay bro, I think I'm missing something. Last night this woman was the scum of the Earth. Care to fill me in?"
Sam sighed and looked at his sister, who looked decidedly worried at Sam's emotional outburst, and then began to explain what he had realized on the plane.
When he had finished, Abby sat in silence. They had pulled into her driveway a good five minutes ago, but had remained in the car.
Abby simply looked at Sam until he met her gaze, she registered the pain of true heart-felt sorrow in his eyes. He looked so lost, so hopeless, it reminded her of how he was as a little boy. And so she did what she had always done when Sam was upset, she reached over and enveloped him in her arms as he started to cry, for the first time since the night of the baseball game.
"Oh Sammy, what are we going to do?!" she whispered into his shoulder, turning to kiss his hair, and then hugging him tighter. "What are we going to do?"
* * *
Abby and Sam did not leave the car for at least another ten minutes while Sam regained his composure. Even then, it was still evident from his eyes that he'd been crying. But he couldn't stay in the car all night, and so Bill, Abby's husband, unloaded the Jeep and they made their way inside.
Abby and Bill's daughter was at a friend's house for the weekend. Abby had thought Sam would probably need a little quality time with her, and had arranged for Emma to go.
So that evening the three of them sat around the table eating Chinese food and making small talk. The silences between chatter were decidedly uncomfortable, however Abby did not want to push Sam on what he was going to do about Josie too soon. She felt a little guilty at the relief she felt when the phone rang. Sam started up out of his chair, but Abby placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I'll get it, it's probably Emma," she said, walking into the den to answer the phone.
"Hiya, sweetie!" she said as she answered the phone, assuming it was her 2 � year old daughter.
"Er�hi�ummm�is this Abby?" came a female voice.
Abby was mortified and tried to stifle a giggle, "Oh gosh! Yes! Sorry! I thought you were my daughter calling!" she babbled.
The woman on the other end of the line laughed nervously. "That's okay. Uh...my name is Josie, Josie Geller. I think you probably know who I am�"
Abby was taken aback. She paused for a moment to evaluate the voice. It was soft and gentle and, she noted, very nervous. She sounded nice! "Yes, I know who you are, do you er...do you want to speak to Sam?"
"No!" came the immediate reply, a little forcefully. "I mean, not yet� You see, I need your help�"
* * *
"So Sam, how are you holding up?" Bill asked at the table.
Sam looked up at his brother in law. Bill was a nice guy. He really complimented his sister and he was just as much of a good counselor as she was. If ever Sam needed a male point of view on something, his first port of call was always Bill.
"Not so good, really. I'm completely stuck on what to do," Sam paused momentarily to gauge Bill's reaction. He looked calm as ever and his eyes urged Sam to continue. "I mean, I was so blind to what Josie was going through. I immediately assumed the worst of her. Call it a self-defense mechanism, I don't know. Either way, the way I behaved was appalling. I was an asshole Bill! Okay, so she's not blameless either, but I didn't even give her a chance to explain, and in my book, that makes me just as bad, if not worse than her. But now I can't bring myself to apologize. I know she'll reject me again. I can't put myself or her through that."
Sam looked beseechingly at Bill for an answer. After a moment he spoke, harshly, "Well, Sam, in my opinion, if you're not willing to put yourself on the line to get what you really want, then you're still being an asshole."
Sam was shocked by Bill's answer and looked at him sharply, but Bill was in no way intimidated.
"I mean it, Sam. You moan about being an jerk for not giving her a chance to explain, and now you're not even prepared to give her a chance to forgive and be forgiven. If you run away from this situation, then you don't deserve to be happy. You alone are responsible for sorting this mess out." Bill finished what he was saying, looked at Sam pointedly and then returned to eating his spring roll.
Sam was speechless; he just stared at Bill without saying a word as Abby came back into the room.
"Who was it?" said Bill, his normal relaxed tone of voice back again.
Sam looked to his sister and saw a grin on her face "Oh, no one really. Just an�uh�old friend."
* * *
The following morning in San Francisco was glorious. The sun shone down brightly from the moment it appeared in the sky and not a cloud was in sight, which was rare indeed for a late spring morning in the Bay Area. Yet Sam remained in the kitchen alternating doodling on a paper towel with gazing off into space. The melancholy look that had been set on his face when he arrived was still there despite numerous attempts on the parts of Abby and Bill to cheer him up.
"C'mon Sam, you have to stop sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. We have got to get you out into the sunshine! Get some Vitamin E into you!" Abby said, coming up behind him and putting her arms around his neck. "No problem was ever solved by staying in a dull kitchen drawing�what is this?�a duck on a paper towel."
Sam sighed heavily. He knew Abby was right, he needed some fresh air, space to think, but if he went out he would be faced with reality. Every time he saw a couple on the street he'd be reminded of Josie, of how he'd let her slip through his fingers.
"Look, brother o'mine, if you don't come outside right now, I will be forced to make you watch Annie all day long on the TV�I mean it!" Abby said.
If there was anything that could get Sam moving it was his hatred of that musical. Abby used to torture him with it all the time when they were kids.
Against his will, Sam found himself grinning. "Okay, okay, I'll come out. But I don't promise to be nice or happy." he said petulantly.
Abby grinned and gave him a peck on the cheek. "We'll see about that�" she said mysteriously and then sauntered off.
Sam went to the bathroom leant over the basin and looked in the mirror. 'Jesus! Remind me never to grow a beard!' he thought to himself as his hairy reflection looked back at him. Besides the small growth of facial hair, he saw his skin was pallid, his eyes had dark circles under them, and in general he just looked like crap. 'Get a grip Sam,' he thought, and then stood up straight and stripped to shower.
He emerged a while later and headed back to his bedroom to change, passing Bill on the way. "Wow! Abby! The bedmonster's gone! I think we have Sam back!" Bill called out laughing. The shower and shave had done Sam the world of good and he was starting to look more like the healthy, handsome man he was again. But Bill noticed the sparkle in his eyes that made him look so lively and happy still had not returned, and he feared more than he knew, that it would be some time before it did.
Once Sam had put on his change of clothes, he headed down the stairs and met Abby in the kitchen again. Abby was just drying off her hands from washing the breakfast dishes. Tapping her on the shoulder, Sam said, "Okay, fairy godsister, what are we doing?" Abby grinned at Sam's semi-sarcastic use of one of his nicknames for her. Turning toward him and crossing her arms across her chest, she replied, "I propose we go for a walk through Golden Gate Park this afternoon. There's an open poetry reading going on. Anyone can join in, and it's usually good fun. How does that sound?" Abby knew that any kind of event tied in with English Literature was bound to interest Sam, so this outing seemed perfect.
"Sure, that sounds great." Sam said unconvincingly. The self-pity in him was still telling him he should stay at home and mope all day.
"Sammy!" Abby warned in her big sister voice.
"Oh, all right, YAY! I'm sooo excited!" Sam cried in over-excited tones as he leapt from the doorway and swung his sister round by the waist.
Abby laughed at Sam, but when the laughter died down she looked at him worriedly and picked some imaginary fluff off his V-Neck gray sweater.
"You're going to be fine, Sam," she said softly, looking up at him.
"Lets hope so, hey?" Sam said, shooting Abby a crooked grin but failing to disguise the doubtful look in his eye. No trip to the park was ever going to make him forget about how much he loved Josie, how much he longed to be able to look into her beautiful eyes, hear her voice, touch her silky skin, smell her fantastic hair. Just as he was about to be sucked into his own little 'Josie World' he checked himself, then grinning at Abby, he said, "What are we waiting for? Lets go!"
Abby grinned back and followed Sam out to the Jeep, a mischievous smile playing at her lips.
* * *
The park was crowded, to say the least. People were milling around everywhere, and, much to Sam's dismay, couples were everywhere: lying on the grass, walking hand in hand, sharing ice creams�it was almost too much.
Sam inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. The smell of summer park air was amazing. There was something about the smell of warm air infused with cut grass, flowers, sun lotion, and sea mist that just made him feel�happy. 'I have no right to feel good,' he told himself, but it was no good. Sunny days always made Sam feel better.
However, unfortunately for Sam's newly recovered semi-good mood, when they arrived at the poetry reading, they found themselves in for the last half of a section devoted to Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes.
Soon Sam was back to wallowing in his thoughts about Josie. If only he could speak to her, tell her how much he loved her, it might be all right.
The reading was taking place in a large open expanse of grass, with the readers standing on a small, low stage. There were a lot of people listening, most were sitting or lying on the ground, but round the edges there were many people standing up, staying for maybe one or two poems before moving on.
"Geez, happy woman wasn't she?" Abby said quietly to Sam as a very pale girl dressed all in black finished reading something from The Bell Jar.
Sam smiled weakly, "No, not really. But she had the most amazing gift for making her poems not sound depressing while you're reading them. That hits you afterwards," he answered.
"That's more like the Sam I know and love! Mr. Analytical! Any more thoughts, O Wise One?" Abby joked, looking at Sam from over her sunglasses, pushing her long curly hair out of the way as she spoke.
Sam grinned involuntarily and was about to speak when someone with a microphone took to the stage.
"Okay, thank you Miss Fairchild for that beautiful reading." A fat balding man had taken the stage, obviously the host or something similar. "In fact, that will take us nicely in to our next section, Love: celebration & mourning. So, who will read first?"
The man looked around the crowd who, obviously from the lack of response, were more lazy observers than budding poets.
Before he realized he was doing it or could stop himself, Sam had his hand in the air. Abby stared at him curiously, a smile curling the edges of her lips.
"Ah! A volunteer! Well, come on up, sir!" the fat man cried, beckoning Sam through the crowd to the stage. Sam got up from where he was sat and headed over to the platform.
"What's your name, sir?" the man asked, holding the microphone out to Sam.
Sam looked out nervously at the crowd, and then to his sister who covered her face with her hands in mock embarrassment. "Uh�Sam�.Sam Coulson."
"Okay then, Sam! Take it away!" the man said smiling before disappearing off the stage.
Suddenly Sam felt very stupid. What was he doing? Was he really going to stand there and gush poetry to hundreds of strangers? But he had something he needed to say and before he could stop himself he was speaking, his voice full of pure, real emotion:
"They look down on me with disdain,
They think me unable to love.
But mine for you will never wane,
As does the moon above;
I've got to escape despair
Caus'd by my longing for thee
And my feelings still to bare.
But why can't it be?
Thy sweet smile can't be forgotten
Nor can thy loyal looking eyes.
By my tears the ground's now sodden
And there my pride now lies;
Here I stand in full disgrace
Waiting for you to free me
By a warm-hearted embrace.
But why can't it be?"
Sam finished and looked around the crowd again, and saw Abby sitting up now and grinning manically, but despite this smile and her sunglasses, he could see she was crying. He put his hands in his pockets and looked embarrassed; no one had said anything, or even reacted to his recitation. But then all of a sudden people started clapping. Unbeknownst to Sam, his reading of the poem had managed to convey his emotions perfectly, captivating every single heart in the audience, the poem merely being the vehicle for his sentiments. The adulation only served to make Sam even more embarrassed, and he was about to leap off stage when then fat man reappeared. "Very, very good, Sir! Your own work?" he said jovially slapping Sam hard on the back.
"Uh, no, I'm afraid, Christian Thiry's," Sam replied blushing.
"Ah well, still, very good reading! Well done!" the man boomed happily as Sam jumped off the stage and quickly headed back to Abby smiling vaguely at the people who whispered "Well done!" to him as he went past.
"Sam! You romantic fool! That was beautiful!" Abby said in a choked voice as she hugged her brother.
"Yeah, whatever," he said, feeling more embarrassed by the moment. "Can we just get out of here?" He had just laid bare all his feelings for Josie before hundreds of strangers and now felt extremely vulnerable.
Abby sighed. "Okay, if we must."
They were just starting to head out of the crowd away from the stage when the fat man's voice boomed out again. "Right, now we have a young lady. What she's reading isn't exactly poetry, but I think it'll do. It's meant for just one, may I say very lucky young man in the crowd, so please pay attention!"
There was a long pause and Sam and Abby were almost out of the crowd when a soft, nervous voice began:
"No sooner they met, but they looked;
No sooner they looked, but they loved;
No sooner they loved but they sighed;
No sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason;
No sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy�
They are in the very wrath of love, and they will be together:
Clubs cannot part them."
At the very first word Sam spun around sharply to face the stage, but being now at the back of the crowd, he could not see. But it didn't matter; he knew that voice. He'd know it anywhere.
He fought his way blindly through the now even larger crowd, who had assembled after the loud applause he had received. Abby watched her brother's retreating back and smiled.
He reached the front only for the last two lines.
His heart melted the second he saw Josie, dressed in a pale blue sun dress, standing on the stage, looking frightened and nervous but determined, an expression he had seen on so many occasions. Her eyes were searching the crowd frantically as she finished, again to tumultuous applause.
The people who had been lolling on the floor now jumped to their feet and Sam was again faced with the task of getting through the crowd.
Sam now forced his way through the people, apologizing absent-mindedly to the people he was treading on and elbowing. His heart was racing and he knew he had to get there soon or Josie would think that yet again she had been snubbed by him.
The cheers from the crowd were not dying down and Sam was not yet near the front, so he resorted to yelling as he pushed forward.
"Josie!" he yelled at the top of his voice as he raised his arm in the air above the crowd.
Josie, now feeling extremely embarrassed and frightened, heard her name and looked around but could not see anyone. 'It must be my imagination, or wishful thinking,' she thought.
Despite what Abby had told her on the phone the previous night about how badly Sam wanted to see her, she felt that now all-too-familiar feeling of rejection creep through her. The decision to come to San Francisco had been a hasty one, only made because Abby had convinced her Sam would want to speak to her. All she had wanted to do was tell Sam she loved him and that she was sorry and yet again she'd messed it up.
She couldn't imagine her life without Sam, gorgeous Sam, with his crooked smile, permanently raised eyebrow and divine eyes. Intelligent Sam, who seemed to exist on an equal plateau to her, who shared many of her beliefs ideas and passions yet still managed to challenge her. At that moment, she would have given the world just to have one glimpse of his face, to hear his sexy voice and to smell that wonderful intoxicating aftershave he wore that made her so dizzy with desire. It wouldn't matter if he was only there to tell her to leave him alone, if only she could just see him. She turned to leave the stage when she heard the noise again.
"Josie!" There was no mistaking it that time. Someone had definitely called her name.
Sam was almost at the front or the crowd now, and he could see that Josie was looking around desperately to see who was calling her name. As he got closer, Sam thought his heart was going to burst through his chest at the rate it was pounding. As he reached the final few people in front of him he called out once more: "Josie! It's me!"
He broke through the last few people and before Josie realized it, he was on the stage with her.
He stopped about a foot away from her and gazed into her teary eyes. She was smiling from ear to ear, but Sam could see the apprehension and fear in those beautiful eyes, the eyes he had seen every night in his dreams for a month and a half, and he silently vowed that she would never have that fear in her eyes again because of him.
Josie was laughing now, through her tears, but still neither of them spoke.
Sam smiled down at her as he reached over to gently caress her cheek, pushing an errant curly blonde hair behind her ear, his eyes taking in every aspect of her face as if he had not seen her for years, before they returned to meet hers.
As they maintained their gaze, Sam's eyes burned with such an intensity that Josie had no doubt in her mind now about his feelings for her.
Slowly, Sam reached his arm out and gently placed his hand behind her waist, pulling her slowly to him. His other arm then snaked around her back, holding her firmly against him and he lowered his face so it was inches away from hers. Looking intently into her eyes he whispered, "I'm so sorry Josie�"
But before he could finish, she tilted her head upwards and silenced him with a kiss, a kiss that was so soft and so gentle yet so passionate it could not help but belie her feelings for him. Josie wrapped her arms around Sam as their bodies pressed together, as if never to be parted. Now Sam was kissing her back, this time far more passionately, his lips telling her how much he loved her, as the crowd and the cheering and the applause faded into a fuzzy blur around them.
After a good while they finally broke apart, and Sam rested his forehead against Josie's, his hand rubbing her back slowly, soothingly.
"I'm so glad I got you back," he murmured, his breath hot against her skin.
"Oh, Sam," she whispered, gazing up at him adoringly, "you never lost me."
Smiling lovingly at one another they allowed their lips to meet again, sealing their future with a kiss.
* * *