Thank you to everyone for your continued support. It certainly helps to keep me going. And thank you to Shelle for adding your special touch. You can email comments here or post on the message board.
* * *
Sam was caught off guard by the sound of Lara's voice, since he'd been expecting to hear his sister on the other end of the line. He hesitated for a moment and then adding just a hint of sarcasm to his voice said, "So�are you glad to be back in New York?"
Lara answered just as dryly, "Well, there's no place like home, Sam."
Sam sat quietly, unsure of what to say next. But Lara had no such reservations. Petulantly, she added, "I'm still waiting for my apology."
Sam sat upright in his chair. Lara certainly had his full attention now. "Apology!? Wait�you expect me to apologise to you?"
Lara huffed at Sam's angry tone. "Of course! You're the one who was acting like a child, Sam. All I was trying to do was help you and look at the thanks I got."
Sam nearly choked. "Help me! Are you kidding? What�what�you think that by selling my most treasured possessions and degrading my career, my way of life is helping me? Besdies, you're the one who left without even saying a word. Geez, how do you think I felt when I got home to find out you'd left like that?"
"I left a note, Sam," answered matter of factly.
"Yeah�a note. We've been together for five years and I get a note. I guess I should thank you for that too, huh?" Sam said, shaking his head with amazement at Lara's logic.
"As I recall Sam, you did call me a witch! Or maybe you conveniently forgot that little tidbit. Did you really expect me to be waiting there with open arms for you when you got home from work? As it is, you're damn lucky that I'm even willing to give you another chance after the atrocious way you treated me," Lara was really on a roll now.
"The way I treated you?" Sam spat out. "What about the way you treated me!? I don't need you to tell me what to do or how to act or what I should and shouldn't like. I'm not six years old, Lara. I'm a grown man and I wish you would start treating me like one."
The venom in Lara's voice was obvious as she replied, "Sure, Sam. As soon as you start acting like one, I'll treat you like one. I mean� God, Sam, just take a look at your apartment! You still have all those silly trophies from when you were like eight years old on display like they were your most prized possessions! That's okay for when you're ten years old, but come on Sam, you're twenty-six�it's embarrassing."
Sam could almost imagine her shudder of revulsion. After all, this was not a new topic for them. He sank back into his armchair and sighed heavily. He just couldn't believe how heartless and insensitive Lara was being. Sam rubbed the bridge of his nose trying to relieve the instant stress headache that he'd gotten the moment he heard Lara's voice.
Normally, Sam just let this complaint roll off his back, but for some reason, today this struck a nerve in him. "Oh you think that's embarrassing? I'll tell you what's embarrassing, Lara. It's embarrassing to have a girlfriend who shows absolutely no interest in what I do or what I care about!" After there was no reply from Lara, he softened his voice his said, "Do you know how it feels when I'm playing hockey, knowing you aren't there for me? I look out in the crowd and see all my friends' girlfriends or wives out there watching and supporting their guys, while my girlfriend couldn't even be bothered showing up for a game. Not one game in five years, Lara."
Lara's tone was defensive when she answered, "That's not fair, Sam�I don't live there! How can I go to your silly hockey games, if I don't even live there!"
Sam shook his head in frustration. It was just like Lara to entirely miss the point. "But even when you are here, you've never bothered to come." Sam sighed. "I've always known that you didn't like hockey and I don't expect you to like it, but a little support would be nice. You know�."
At the mention of support, Lara abruptly cut him off. "Support, Sam? What about for me�huh? Where was my support when I had all those dinners with my clients or all those functions and balls that I had to go to alone�all because my boyfriend was too busy to come."
"Lara, you go to those things every week! I can't always be there� I have a job! I have responsibilities here in Chicago� But I have always tried to be there when I could, and I've gone to dozens of your charity events and balls over the years. I even bought my own tux�remember? "
Lara half-huffed, half-sighed. "But if you moved here, it wouldn't be so damn hard, now would it? Don't you think I get embarrassed when my friends ask about you and I have to tell them that you're too busy to come, when what I'm really thinking is that you would rather be playing hockey with your 'buddies' than be with me? You don't think that's embarrassing, Sam?"
Sam said nothing. He closed his eyes against the pain pounding in his temples. Lara always managed to twist things around so in the end Sam was the one left feeling guilty.
Lara calmed her voice and tried to reason with him. "Look, Sam. I think that lately, we've both said some things that we regret. But I think it's the distance that's making us so edgy. Things will be so much better when you move here. You'll see�it'll be so great that you'll even be wondering why you took so long in the first place."
Sam shook his head and whispered, "I don't know, Lara." He sunk further down into his chair and repeated, "I�I just don't know." His voice broke while he desperately fought to make sense out of his emotions.
As usual, Lara didn't notice Sam's distress; she was too busy thinking about how his situation affected her. Suddenly, she felt a need to escape. "Listen, Sam I have to get going now. I'm going out tonight with some of my colleagues and I have to go home to shower and change. But�we do need to talk some more, you know, and make some plans regarding the move." Lara paused and then said, "I love you, Sam," as if she expected him to return the affirmation.
Sam knew Lara was waiting for him to repeat those words back to her, but he couldn't. He knew deep down inside that if he did, he would be lying. After a long pause Sam said, "I'll call you soon, Lara. Bye."
Sam put the phone down in the receiver and sat quietly in his chair. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe�couldn't feel anything. He was numb.
Sam was startled as the phone starting ringing yet again. He glared at it, wishing he could throw it across the room, but instead he picked it up again. "Hello?" he said tentatively, thinking it could be Lara again.
"Hello Sam, how are you?" a cheerful voice replied.
Sam breathed an internal sigh of relief. "Oh, hi Michelle," Sam said. "Hey look, I hope Matt passed on my apologies about dinner the other night� I wanted to come, but I was feeling a little�"
Michelle interrupted him. "It's okay Sam, you don't need to explain. You didn't miss much and besides, Matt explained to me what happened with you and Lara."
"Oh." Sam said sadly.
Michelle continued, "So anyway, I thought you'd be feeling a little down and Matt and I wanted to know if you wanted to come out to dinner with us tomorrow night? We don't want you to be home alone on a Friday night."
Sam smiled softly, thinking that it was sweet of them to care like that. "Geez, I wish I could, but I can't. My school is trying to raise money for the Senior Prom and this year and we have a few booths set up down at the Navy Pier." Sam hesitated. "But hey, listen� What are you guys doing after dinner�?"
* * *
The bell signaling the end of second period interrupted Sam mid-way through his sentence. "Okay�okay guys." He said, holding a hand up to stall the stampede of students. "For homework this weekend, I want you to read John Donne's A Valediction Forbidding Mourning. It's on page�" Sam flipped through his poetry book to find the page�"Page 287. We'll be discussing it in class on Monday. Oh, and hey� I'm still waiting on poems from some of you, so I need them by Monday as well."
While students started to bustle around him, Sam aimed his attention at Jason. "Jason?"
Jason looked across to Sam with a panic stricken face. "Yes, Sir."
Sam used his best poker face as he said, "I wanted to tell you that I thought the poem you handed in was very interesting."
"Oh...thanks, Mr. Coulson." Jason said, clearly relieved.
"You know what's funny though? I think I sent my mom a Hallmark card last month with the exact same poem on it as the one you handed in."
The class erupted into laughter as Jason sunk down in his chair from embarrassment. Sam continued, giving Jason a no-nonsense look, "So, I'm sure you'll be working extra hard this weekend writing your own poem, right?"
His cheeks burning, Jason nodded meekly.
"Good." Sam closed the book and placed it on his desk. Sam glanced over to Josie who was smiling at him. He was so happy to see her bright smiling face again.
As the students filed out of class, Sam went back around his desk to sit down. Josie was one of the last students to head toward the exit and Sam stopped her. "Josie?"
Josie stopped and inched closer to Sam's desk. "Yes?"
Sam smiled. "I just wanted to give your poem back to you," he said and then proceeded to flip through some papers on his desk, looking for it.
Josie waited silently while Sam searched for her paper. She had been in such a state of emotional upheaval when she wrote it. Josie could barely remember its contents.
Sam found it and glanced over it one more time. He reflected over her words and could not believe that someone as wonderful and intelligent as Josie Geller could ever be lacking love in her life. 'What was wrong with boys today?' he thought. 'She was amazing and wonderful�how could they possibly fail to notice that?' Looking up to her and smiling, he said "You know Josie�you never fail to impress me with your writing. This poem particularly was very heartfelt."
Josie, blushing with pleased embarrassment, still managed to grin and reply softly, "Thank you."
He handed Josie's paper back to her and in passing, their fingers brushed together again, igniting those wonderful feelings in both Sam and Josie. A startled Sam looked up and his gaze connected with Josie's and held him captive. He swallowed hard and said almost breathlessly, "Your welcome."
They continued to stare into each other's eyes, neither one wanting to break the spell, but then Josie felt Sam's stare go deep into her soul and she closed her eyes against it. She feared that if he looked long and deep enough, that he would unearth all her darkest secrets.
"So�" Sam said, nervously shuffling papers together to prepare for his next class. "Are you feeling better today?"
Josie nodded, her beautiful smile returning to her face. "I'm looking at things with a whole new perspective. So yes, I'm feeling a lot better, thank you."
Sam grinned. "I'm glad, Josie." Then looking sincerely into her eyes he said "And hey, listen�if you ever have anything that's bothering you, please, don't hesitate to come and talk to me about it." Then with a anxious laugh he added, "I mean�I know I'm just your teacher, but I was hoping that you might also consider me a�"
Josie interrupted Sam before he could finish his sentence, "I do consider you my friend," she said with a shy smile.
For some reason, this announcement made Sam extremely happy. A half- impish grinned crossed his face as he said, "Good� I'm glad."
The warning bell sounded, and Sam suddenly realized that Josie was in serious risk of being late again because of him. Glancing worriedly up at the clock, Sam said, "I'd better let you go before you need another note�" Sam trailed off after he remembered that jolt of�something�they had both felt when he'd handed her that late note the last time and their fingers had touched. It was the same feeling he'd gotten when he took her hand to help her stand up in the hallway yesterday and the same feeling he'd had when he handed her paper to her today. Sam suddenly grew very nervous about his proximity to Josie Geller. He wasn't sure what to make of their 'connection' yet, but he was pretty sure that whatever it was, it shouldn't be happening. He looked down at the wood grain on the surface of his desk, blushing just slightly from his guilt. He prayed that she wouldn't notice his discomfort, because he didn't know how he'd explain it if she asked. "Sorry�I didn't mean to keep you so long�"
Josie understood that this was her signal to leave, so she moved toward the door. Pausing in the doorway, she turned back to him and said, "That's okay. She shot him another one of her sweet, shy smiles. "Thanks again, Mr. Coulson."
Softly, Sam smiled back at her and replied, "You're welcome, Josie."
Josie turned and hurried out of the classroom. As she ran down the hallway to get to her next class, only one thought entered Josie's mind: that Sam Coulson was one of the most incredible human beings she had ever met.
* * *
"So she left me a note. Can you believe it?" Sam said before taking another bite from his sandwich, as he and his colleagues Adam and Thomas Riley sat outside in the courtyard eating their lunch together, enjoying the bright afternoon sunshine.
The droll look that crossed Adam's face clearly said that, yes, he did believe it. Very much so. "Like I said the other day, Sam. Lara's like one of those heavy duty vacuum cleaners; she sucks the life right out of you."
Sam raised his eyebrow in mock disgust at Adam's comment. Thom took a sip from his thermos and announced, "You know�I hear Susan Hamilton has a bit of a thing for you, Sam. She ain't half bad, either."
'Isn't half bad�' Sam mentally corrected Thom's grammar, not fully processing what he had said to him. He was thinking about Josie Geller's shy, sweet smile and how she had told him she considered him a friend. But as his brain finally registered what Thom had said, Sam nearly choked on his sandwich. "What? The new art teacher? The one with the purple hair?"
Adam and Thom both laughed and then Adam said, shaking his head, "It's just hair, Sam."
"Uh-uh!" Sam sputtered. "No way! Listen, the hair I could deal with, but her voice�" A shiver went up Sam's spine. "She sounds a lot like Lara's best friend and I don't think I could stand that. Besides� she's just not my type."
"Then what is your type, Sam? Come on�dish up! Inquiring minds want to know." Adam asked and then nudged Thomas with his elbow as they watched Sam squirm at that question.
An image of Josie Geller appeared in his head and he shook it to clear it. "I don't know�" he trailed off lamely. "Besides, guys�" he said before taking a sip from his spring water. "I already have a girlfriend, remember?" Sam, however, almost wished he could forget that little detail.
"Come on, Sam!" Adam protested. "We're just talking hypothetically here. So what do you prefer: blondes, brunettes, redheads�give us a little clue�" Adam smiled and wiggled his eyebrows comically.
Sam grinned at his friend's antics and shook his head. "It's not about that. I don't know�my type is�well it's�" He took another sip from his drink. He was stalling. He couldn't get the picture of a pair of incredibly expressive blue eyes, soft blond hair, and a sweet, shy smile out of his mind.
"It's Josie Geller!" Thom exclaimed suddenly.
'Oh, my God�' Sam thought, suddenly afraid that somehow Thom had read his mind. From his shock, Sam breathed when he should have swallowed and ended up choking on a mouthful of his water. He started coughing and wheezing and then pounded his chest with his fist, trying to catch his breath.
"Hey Sam, are you okay?" Adam got up, leaned over the table and proceeded to pat Sam on the back. "Breathe, Sam."
Sam motioned to him that he was okay. "I'm okay�I'm okay." He said finally, after getting his breath back. "Just went down the wrong pipe�that's all."
After settling down, Sam looked at Thom curiously. "Why did you say 'Josie Geller' like that?" Sam asked nervously. "Geez, you startled the heck out of me when you did that!"
"I just saw her, that's all. Over there." Thom said, pointing over Sam's shoulder in Josie's direction across the courtyard.
Sam glanced over his right shoulder and saw Josie sitting on the steps leading into the cafeteria with the young man he'd seen her hugging in the hallway the other day.
Josie noticed Sam looking at her and nodded, smiling at him. Sam, a little embarrassed that Josie had caught him staring, nodded back and then returned a friendly smile.
"Hey Sam, isn't that the girl who was crying yesterday in the hallway? Did you ever find out what happened with her?" Adam asked concerned, remembering how frazzled she looked.
Sam turned back to Adam and Thom. "Yeah�just a little case of the new student blues." He then added with a hint of apprehension in his voice, "Although, I think it might have been more than that, but I wasn't going to push the subject if she didn't want to talk about it."
Thom continued, nodding in her direction. "That Josie is one smart kid."
"I know exactly what you mean." Sam said, grinning. "So, what class do you have her in?"
"I have her for both Calculus and Physics."
Sam felt a twinge of jealousy. 'How did you get so lucky to have her in two of your classes?' he thought, and then shook his head when he realized just how ridiculous he sounded. "Really?" he said, with just a hint of envy.
Thom continued, "Yeah� She totally blew me away when she first started."
Sam's interest was piqued. Him, too? His eyes lit up and he wanted to know more. "What did she do?"
"You know that Calculus equation I've had up on the board all year?" Thom asked, looking at both Sam and Adam.
"The one that your students have been trying to figure out for months�right?" Sam said.
Thom nodded. "Right. I'm telling you, they were this close�" He motioned with his thumb and forefinger, showing them exactly how close his students were to solving the equation. "And then Josie Geller waltzes into my class one day and boom! Five minutes later she had worked it out. It was truly amazing! Inspirational actually." Thom paused and then added excitedly, "Oh!�and now that both Josie and Aldys are on the Denominators, we've been killing our competition!"
Sam smiled, thinking of the times he'd seen Josie hanging around with Aldys and the rest of the math team. "Yeah, I've seen them wear the sweatshirt."
After a short pause, Sam continued, grinning widely. "Josie did the same thing in my class. She came in and two minutes into it, she was enlightening the class about the definition and origin of the word 'pastoral'. It was unbelievable! I had to do a double take because I couldn't believe that a seventeen year old would be so well versed in word origins. I mean� I didn't learn word origins until junior year in college! And guys, you should see her writing� It's incredible! She writes with such depth, such passion�she's just amazing!"
Sam glanced over his shoulder again to steal a peek at Josie. Josie and the young man were deep in conversation, sitting closely together and appeared completely at ease in each other's company.
Sam turned back to Adam and Thom, refusing to acknowledge the jealousy gnawing at his insides. "So who's the guy with Josie? Is he a student here?"
Adam looked over and recognized the boy. He'd had certainly made his presence known in his Adam's class. "Oh yeah, he's new. His name is Rob�um� Rob�actually, I can't remember his last name� The popular kids like him, though."
"Oh," is all Sam said as he snuck in another quick look at Josie.
* * *
Josie and Rob walked through the bright lights and resonating sounds that only a carnival could possess. As they passed the massive metal contraptions, garishly lit with blinking multicolored bulbs, they could hear the sounds of screaming people as the rides spun and whizzed by. The air was filled with excitement and energy; all mixed in with the aromas of hot dogs and fried fast foods. A cool breeze filled the air too, as it wafted over the dark waters of Lake Michigan and onto Navy Pier.
Josie clasped her hand in her brother's for a moment and squeezed. "Thanks for coming with me, Rob. I don't think I could have faced this alone tonight."
Rob turned and looked at her as if she were nuts. "Are you kidding, Josie? I love this stuff. I wouldn't have missed this for anything." Rob said, smiling hugely.
Josie smiled and shook her head at her little brother. He still was such a big kid inside, although she really liked that about him. He made things fun. Josie grew excited when she saw the Ferris wheel before them. "Hey Rob, do you want to go on the Ferris wheel with me?"
Rob looked anything but excited about that prospect. "Josie, that's a baby ride. I mean where the action, the adventure, the adrenalin rush?" He pointed off down the pier. "Now the Tilt-A-Whirl�that's a ride! C'mon, Josie, let's go!"
Josie stomach lurched just at the idea of being strapped to the wall of a ride and spun around in circles like a top. "Ugh. No way, Rob! That thing just goes around and around and�"
"Yeah?" Rob challenged. "Well, so does the Ferris Wheel!"
"Okay Rob. I get it," Josie sighed. "I'll go on by myself."
Just then Tracie came up behind Rob and wrapped her hands over Rob's eyes. "Guess who?" she said breathlessly in his ear.
"Oh geez�this is hard. Um�is it�Tracie?" Rob said, pretending he didn't have a clue of who it was.
"You're right!" Tracie said, jumping up and down and then moved her hands away from Rob's eyes and placed them around his neck. "So hey, Rob? Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel with me?"
Josie was amused by the obvious crush that Tracie had on Rob. She seemed to have him trapped, too, and Josie smirked at his dilemma.
Rob rolled his eyes. "How about later, Tracie�okay?"
Tracy shrugged her shoulders, crestfallen. "Okay." Then without another word, she smiled again and grabbed onto Rob's arm and yanked him through the crowd, directing him towards 'Misty's Mystical Psychic Love Readings' booth. Josie watched as Rob and Tracie disappeared into the crowd. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud, but then realized what this meant. She was sure that was the last she was going to see of Rob tonight, which meant she was now alone for the evening.
Sighing, Josie got in line for the Ferris wheel and wrapped her shawl tightly around her shoulders as the breeze off the lake swept through her hair. While she waited, her eyes started to survey the crowd, searching�but searching for what? Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw a tall, fair-haired man, only to be disappointed when it wasn't� Yep, she realized. She was unconsciously searching for Sam Coulson. She knew he would be here. He'd told her so that day on the steps�but where was he?
Little did she know that Sam was actually just behind her at one of South Glen South's fundraising booths.
"All right! Let's raise some money for the Prom!" Brett yelled out.
Sam smiled as he wound up for another round of cream pies. His years at playing baseball were coming in mighty handy for aiming the pies at Brett's face. He hadn't missed one yet and Brett's face was covered with whipped cream. He was doing so well that Guy, Sera, Gibby, and the rest of the group now crowded around urged him to go again. Brett however, had had enough and when he saw Sam preparing for his next round he pleaded, "Hey come on, Mr. Coulson! Give someone else a try. I'm drowning over here!"
Sam, along with all the others, laughed. Sam picked up the pie, but before throwing it, he tormented Brett. "Hey Brett?" Sam waited until he had Brett's full attention. "This is for all the times you fell asleep in my class." Brett sighed. He knew he was in trouble now. Sam aimed, swung, and let the pie tin fly. Needless to say, the pie splattered all over Brett's face�a direct hit. The gang roared with laughter.
In between throws, Sam's probing eye searched the crowds for Josie. She had all but promised that she would come tonight and Sam was hoping that her sweet smile would soon emerge from amongst the crowds.
Suddenly, Sam heard a carny call out from somewhere close behind him: "Lonely ride in bucket five! Single!"
Sam had just turned in the direction of the carny's call when he heard a soft voice trail back with, "Do you have to yell it like that?"
He looked up sharply at the sound of that voice. Josie. It was Josie sitting all alone in the bucket. 'Not for long�' Sam thought, but then he hesitated when he realized that Josie was not sitting in the bucket of just any ride�she was sitting in a bucket on the Ferris wheel. He felt a little lightheaded and dizzy just thinking about it. Torn between his desire to help her and his fear of heights, he glanced back at Josie. She seemed mortified by the attention the carny had just called to her situation. Still, Sam hesitated� That was, until he heard Tommy shout out derisively, "Of course, it's 'Loser' holding up the ride!"
Pain flickered in Sam's eyes as he watched Josie flush and slide down in her seat, humiliated. Tommy's childish behavior upset Sam so much that he completely forgot about his fear of heights. An angry haze covered his mind. He'd be damned if Josie was going to run the gauntlet alone tonight. Josie had had a rough enough week already and Sam wasn't about to let those kids taunt her like that� Not if he could help it.
Without another thought, Sam abandoned the fundraising booth, walking purposefully over to the Ferris wheel. While others stood standing, watching Josie's plight with morbid fascination, he pushed open the gate and handed his ticket to the carny, never taking his eyes off of Josie. Approaching her, he smiled at her, saying softly and ever so sweetly, "Is this seat taken?"
Josie raised her eyes slowly as she recognized the friendly voice. Suddenly a bright smile emerged from underneath her sad demeanor. It was Sam. Sam Coulson had come to her rescue again�and it was the second time in only two days. Her heart was overwhelmed with happiness at the sight of him.
Josie smiled brightly and their eyes connected. Sam returned her smile, encouraged by the sparkle in her eyes. As Sam settled himself in the bucket, Josie turned to him, and with eyes beaming, said, "Thank you�thank you."
Sam looked across to Josie and smiled, albeit a little weakly. "You're welcome," he replied, although by this time, fear had already crept into Sam's voice. Sam's only thought when he saw Josie sitting in the bucket all alone was that he wanted to be the one to 'rescue' her, yet amongst all the angst, Sam had completely forgotten his nearly overwhelming fear of heights. Watching with concern as the carny snapped the safety bar in front of him, he felt the urge to bolt. But it was too late; the ride was already in motion.
As the Ferris wheel rocked and propelled them up, Sam gasped, "Whoa!" He tightened his grip on the safety bar and then turned to look at just how high this enormous metal contraption was going to take them. 'Pretty high,' he thought. 'Too high�'
Sam grew more nervous the higher they rose and he repeated again, "Whoa!" as he realized that nothing but a few pieces of soldered steel were keeping them dangling up in the sky.
Sam nervously looked around, as flashes of hospitals and broken limbs came flooding back to him as he remembered the fall during his daring escapade as Spiderman off his rooftop when he was six years old. He closed his eyes, trying to fight off the feeling of panic.
Josie noticed Sam's anxiety�and his breathing seemed a little off kilter, too. Very concerned for him, she turned toward him in the bucket, placed her hand on his knee, and asked, "Are you scared?"
'You bet I am!' Sam thought, but wasn't about to let Josie know just how much. "Well, I'll tell you something here� " he said, opening his eyes and half-smiling at her. "I hope this doesn't undermine my position as an authority figure�but I'm a little afraid of heights."
Josie lifted her hand back and giggled, thinking how cute he was, "You're afraid of the Ferris wheel?"
Sam continued, trying to explain his fear, "Well, its more the plunging head first into the crowd part that kind of gets me," he said remembering the endearing, yet frightful nickname of 'Splat' that his sister crowned him with after his nosedive from the roof.
Josie continued to be amused by Sam's confession, but she was so thankful to him for rescuing her that she wanted to put him at ease about his fear. "I bet if you had your Gordie Howe helmet on, you'd feel better, huh?"
'Yeah' he thought, smiling at the thought. But then quickly turned to face Josie�shocked that she had remembered his story. "Hey! You remember that story?"
"I remember everything that you say�" she said her eyes glistening with emotion. Quickly realizing that she sounded a bit like a 6th grader with a crush, she added nervously, "In your classroom�"
Josie's admission touched Sam deeply. He often felt that his stories went in one ear and out the other, especially where his students were concerned, so the fact that Josie was not only interested, but also remembered his stories touched him more than Josie could ever know.
Tommy suddenly interrupted the moment with, "If the bucket's a-rocking, don't come a-knockin�Yeah!" while violently shaking his bucket. Sam was annoyed with Tommy's childish behavior and shook his head in disgust. Sam looked over to Josie and could see that Tommy's words had affected her, too. Sam leaned over to Josie and nudged her slightly. He said, "Boys�" and rolled his eyes, as if it were their private joke, trying to get her to smile again.
"I know�" Josie said, herself disgusted but not surprised by the boy's behavior. One thing that Josie had learned by being back in high school was that boys were no different now then they were seven years ago.
However, Tommy was not done with his taunts. Seeing that he hadn't gotten the desired response from Josie, he aimed a sharper barb at her. This time, he crooned in a sing-song voice, "Mr. Coulson rocks my world!"
Sam turned, concerned, and noticed that Josie's sweet smile had disappeared. She sat staring vacantly out into the night, her pain obvious in her demeanor, while the Ferris wheel continued its journey. He looked up at Tommy's bucket as they started to ascend again and glared at the bottom of it.
Realizing that giving dirty looks to an inanimate object was not helping Josie, Sam sighed and then said, almost as if he wanted to apologize for Tommy's behavior, "You know� I'd like to tell you that we all grow out of it, but it's a lie. Some of us will always be rattling cages."
Josie turned to Sam, still sad, but now also curious. "Why do you do that?" she asked him in all seriousness.
Sam was a little surprised at the maturity of her question. The thought for a moment, at realized he didn't have an answer. "I don't know," Sam replied finally, wishing he had a better answer, and then repeated. "I don't know."
Wanting to think of another life anecdote to help Josie, Sam considered his own life a moment. Things were supposed to get easier the older you got, but Sam's lesson in life so far was that things only became more confusing. And then suddenly, instead of talking about some cute anecdote, he began to ramble on about his own problems, almost as if Josie's immense depth of emotion and understanding might help him find an answer.
"You know what's scary is that when you get older, it just�it just gets more confusing. You remember Lara? My girlfriend you met at the club?"
Josie nodded, slightly jealous as she recalled the beautiful blond woman that Sam called his girlfriend.
"We've been together for five years, and now�she wants me to move to New York." Sam hesitated as his mind filled with thoughts of Lara and how unsettled their relationship had been of late�in fact, mostly had been for the last 2 years. "And you know�I mean�I mean�I should do it. You know� make the commitment and grow up." He looked to Josie then, almost as if he wanted her to confirm or deny that this should be his next course of action.
Sam paused again, realizing it sounded very much like he was trying to convince himself instead of her. Then, reflecting on Lara's most recent visit, he added sadly, "I know we have our differences."
Suddenly realizing that he was rambling on about his personal life, to one of his students no less, Sam apologized, "You know, I shouldn't be talking about this stuff with you, I'm sorry." He looked off in embarrassment.
Josie gazed at Sam with such adoration and heartfelt emotion. It was obvious from Sam's tone and the sad look in his eyes when he talked about her that his relationship with Lara was not all peachy keen. Plus, he seemed to be struggling with his own emotions and questioning his own decisions, just as she often did with her own.
Josie wanted Sam to know that it was okay for him to talk about his personal life with her. In fact, she felt honored that he felt he could do so. Josie smiled to Sam and then said shyly, "It's nice to have someone to talk to�"
Sam and Josie gazed at each other, their eyes connecting meaningfully. "Yeah, same here," Sam finally replied, touched by her caring and thoughtfulness. As he watched the breeze sweep around Josie's golden tresses, he thought, 'God she's amazing!'
Sam looked off for a moment, shaken by the intensity of their gaze. After a moment, he tried to sneak in a sideways glance at Josie, but she was already looking at him and he looked away, embarrassed and flustered. Trying to cover his nervousness, Sam started to reel off the first thing that came to his mind, "Well, all I can tell you is that when you're my age, guys will be lined up around the block for you."
Sam could hardly believe what he just said. God! He'd sounded like a lovesick kid talking to his teacher, instead of the other way around. He turned away self-consciously, no, mortified was more like it. He swallowed hard, trying to get a handle on his emotions.
Josie was stunned by Sam's comment and stared at his turned head. Then she sighed. 'If it were only true�' she thought. But Josie knew better, of course, because she was Sam's age and it still hadn't happened. She wondered if it ever would. Finally, she decided that Sam was just trying to be polite. She rolled her eyes with embarrassment and replied, "You have to say that because you're my teacher."
Sam pondered over her words for a moment. Yes, he was her teacher, but right now, he sure wasn't acting like one. For some unfathomable reason, Sam just couldn't seem to control his feelings when he was around Josie. He gazed over at her and his face softened as he studied her. She was truly wonderful, and Sam knew at that moment, that if it were at all possible, he would be the first one in that 'line around the block'. Truthfully, he answered, "Actually, I shouldn't say that because I'm your teacher."
Josie felt a jolt of pure happiness shoot through her. She beamed, realizing that no one in her whole life had complimented her the way he just had.
In the meantime, Sam had closed his eyes tight, mortified. As if his first comment hadn't been bad enough, he had to open his mouth again and make it worse� 'You idiot!' he thought, 'She's your student!'
And in that moment, Sam came to the undeniable conclusion that not only was he amazed by Josie's brilliant mind, but for the first time he was opening his heart to the acknowledgment that he was attracted to her�all of her. Nothing else could explain his complete irrational behavior when he was around Josie. He was awash with both pure happiness and sheer terror.
Sam slowly opened his eyes and glanced sideways at Josie. Sam was suddenly very aware of just how much he was attracted to her. She was beautiful, especially as the moonlight glow surrounded her, making her look like an angel. Sam breathed in the sweet smell of Josie. She smelled just like a glorious spring garden�it was invigorating, comforting, and exciting, all at the same time.
He knew it had started with her magnificent eyes, which always managed to put him under a spell when they locked gazes. But it was more than that now. It was her soft skin, her beautiful smile, her sweet voice and kind soul that tugged at Sam's heartstrings.
As Josie continued to look out over the lake, Sam looked down at their legs, which were pressed up against each other in the seat. 'God, that feels good!' he thought. Sam couldn't help his eyes from slowly wandering up Josie's body�her amazingly voluptuous body. Sam's chest grew tight and his breathing grew labored as his mind began to fill with images of Josie's body pressed up against his own, running his hands over the length of her and feeling her soft, sweet mouth�
'Stop! Stop! Stop!' he repeated to himself like a mantra. Sam shut his eyes tight again, trying to block out the scandalous images. Sam knew this kind of thinking could only lead to one place�the state penitentiary!
Josie was lost in her own thoughts about Sam Coulson. He was so incredibly handsome, perhaps the most beautiful man she had ever laid eyes on. He had so many wonderful traits: generous, sweet, understanding�Josie's list could go on and on. He was everything she had ever wanted in a man�and more. They shared so much in common and she prayed to the heavens above that if she were ever lucky enough to have a man fall in love with her, then she would ask it to be an exact replica of Sam Coulson.
Sitting so close to Sam, Josie suddenly became very aware of his leg, leaning against his. He was wearing that wonderful aftershave�that same incredible aftershave that always seemed to make her feel dizzy�that very nice kind of dizzy�
Josie turned to see Sam's eyes shut and she nudged at his arm with a smile. "Come on," she said, teasing him. "You have to open your eyes. The view from up here is so beautiful," she said softly, coaxingly, and then turned to look out over Lake Michigan and toward the bright lights of Chicago.
Sam opened his eyes and then whispered, "Yes�very beautiful." But he was staring at Josie and not the view. Sam swallowed hard again, trying desperately to control himself.
The Ferris wheel stopped and Sam and Josie were left dangling at the very top of the circle. Josie gazed up into the night sky and, mesmerized by its twinkling stars, she began to recite:
"Come, gentle night; come, loving, black-browd night, Give me my Romeo; and when he shall die, Take him and cut him into little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine�"
Sam looked affectionately at Josie's upturned face, his breath stolen by her natural beauty. Once he'd been able to find his voice, he said aloud with her the next two lines:
"That all the world will be in love with the night, And pay no attention to the garish sun."
Josie never ceased to amaze him. "Romeo and Juliet!" Sam breathed, smiling brightly.
"Uh-huh� It's one of my favorites�" Sam sucked in a painful breath when he saw the dreamy, moony look on her face, obviously inspired by the beautiful verses of Shakespeare. Then she laughed a little and admitted, "�along with about 15 of Shakespeare's other plays."
"Me too," Sam agreed, unable to wipe the grin off his face.
Suddenly a gust of wind swept by them, rocking their bucket. "Whoa," Sam said again, as his grip tightened on the safety bar in front of them. Suddenly Sam realized that several moments had passed and they still hadn't moved. "Hey, Josie?" Sam said uneasily. "Have you noticed we're not moving?"
"You're right." Josie leaned over the bucket to try to see what was going on down below. Then she began to chuckle. "It looks like they're having a hard time getting the safety bar open on that bucket." She turned back to Sam and smiled.
Not really thinking because he was still so addled by his intense reaction to Josie, Sam leaned over the bucket himself to inspect what was going on down on the ground below them. Without warning, he was overcome by an intense attack of vertigo. The ground started spinning and he had the most horrible sensation of being just about to fall out of the bucket. The fact that their bucket hadn't stopped rocking certainly wasn't helping. Gripping the safety bar until his knuckles were white, Sam closed his eyes, held on for dear life, and prayed.
Josie noticed the color had all but drained away from Sam's face and she grew concerned again, worrying that his fear was actually much worse than he had originally let on. Actually, he looked so frightened now that he seemed as if he were on the verge of panic.
Josie wanted to put him at ease if she could, so she placed her left hand firmly onto Sam's right forearm to remind him of her presence and to reassure him that he was still safe.
The shot of warmth that ran through Sam's body at the touch of Josie's hand on the bare skin of his arm was unbelievable. Her scent surrounded him, and taking a couple of deep breaths, he was able to battle back the panic and regain control of his senses. Then he opened his eyes and turned to Josie, who was smiling at him tenderly.
"Don't worry," she said softly, her eyes filled with compassion and understanding. "I've got you now."
Sam felt his heart swell and he breathed in deeply, thinking, 'Yes, Josie. You most certainly do.'
* * *