Amanda's Note: Ok, well here's part 10. I'm not sure if there will be one or two more parts of this series. I thought a lot more was going to happen in this one, but it didn't so…anyway… I hope you like it!
* * *
Sam sat stiffly in his Jetta with his lips tightly pressed together, and his eyes on the road in front of him. He tried to ignore the fiery breathing coming from the right side of the car—coming from Lara. She could barely believe what was happening. It was as if she were stuck in some well-written Twilight Zone episode where Sam had power over her and not everything she did worked out perfectly.
After a few minutes had gone by, and she could no longer stand the silence, she spoke. "Well, that was definitely something."
Sam, who hadn't the slightest clue to what she meant—and didn't care— remained silent.
"And did you see the look on Josie's face!? Unbeliveable! I can't believe her, really!" she exclaimed, as if Josie had done something wrong. And to Lara, Josie had done something wrong. She'd lured Sam away (with what she had no idea, since Josie didn't really have much going for her) when they were still, practically, together. And now…now she pretended to have the right to be upset! She'd only taken back what was rightfully hers, after all. And as far as Sam's unhappiness went, he knew that whole Josie thing had only been a fling, and while he might be upset now, Lara was certain he'd snap out of it soon.
Meanwhile, an incredulous Sam could hardly contain his reaction. He was becoming increasingly intolerant of Lara. He wasn't sure if he was hearing correctly, but he was pretty sure that he'd just heard Lara blame Josie.
And before Sam could begin his defense of Josie, she said, "God, Sam! You're so pale! You take everything so seriously. You and I both know Josie's nothing. She will always be nothing. She might have been cute when you'd thought she was 17 and maybe that she showed promise, but she's a 25 year old loser, and even you have to admit it! And I guess I'll forgive you for that little tantrum you pulled a minute ago, because I know that this'll all blow over. Who knows, maybe this will teach her a lesson!"
It wasn't enough that Lara had done what she'd done, and that she had said what she'd said, but the tone of voice she had used in picking on the woman who meant everything to Sam was so arrogant and hateful that he couldn't hold his tongue. And when he turned toward her, she had a smile on her face that made him want to strangle her. He was so angry for Josie, for what Lara had done to both of them, and mostly for himself and all those years he'd wasted on her when he'd never known (or really seen) what she was.
* * *
Josie's heartbeat coursed through her body. She felt the sadness in her heart begin to take over the rest of her and she was unsure of what to say or do. She was nervous, angry, depressed, regretful, shocked, bewildered and pain-stricken all at the same time, and it was hard to decide which was the strongest.
But before she knew it she was running out of La Fontana at a pace that matched that of the tears racing down her cheeks.
When she got to Rob's Vega, which Josie was still stuck with, she reached in her purse and searched for her keys.
* * *
Anita covered her face with her hands and started after Josie when Gus stopped her. "Let me go!" she ordered, worried about Josie and what she'd seen.
Gus took a deep breath. "Let her go, Anita. You can talk to her later."
* * *
When Josie found Rob's keys, she unlocked the car with trembling hands.
Climbing in and slamming the door shut, she sobbed loudly with her face resting in her hands.
It was hard to believe what had happened. It was hard to believe Sam could have kissed Lara, and it was even harder to believe she'd loved him so much and not known he was capable of something like what he'd done.
* * *
"Josie is not a loser." Sam was now seething. "She never was and she never will be. If there ever was a loser, it's you…or maybe it's me… for being with you for so long. You never understood, Lara, who I was. You don't love me, and I don't even know what the cause of the sick, perverted display you tried to pull off tonight was, or how you could do something like that, but I can assure you that I don't love you either and that this will not 'blow over'. I don't know how you can say what you just said."
Lara's jaw dropped. Sam was red and she could tell from the way he gripped the steering wheel that he was angry. But when he pulled over by a gas station, she was completely shocked.
"Josie was more important to me the first minute I met her than you were at any given time during our five year duration. I've tried to break this off in the best way I knew. I tried to be nice, and I offered to talk about things, the way you wanted. I don't know how to say this so that it gets through to you, but I don't want to see you again, much less date you. And, I don't know how else to do this, but could you please get out of the car?"
Lara swallowed the lump in her dry throat and blinked stupidly. When she finally found her voice, she said, "Excuse me, Sam, but you can't do this to me. I can't believe you said that to me! I gave up five years of my life to you! I wanted to marry you! But, unless you apologize right now, that's not going to happen."
Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"I know you're upset…I don't know why but I know you are…can we please—"
"Lara, I'm not apologizing for squat. You wouldn't give me the name of a hotel…so I'm giving you the name of a gas station. Please, don't make this any more uncomfortable than it already is."
Lara felt momentarily threatened and so she opened the car door. "Sam, if you leave me here, it's over. No more calling me when little girls won't play with you. Do you even think Josie would have you back after what you did tonight? I don't think so."
Sam waited for her to close the door before driving away.
* * *
Josie turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the parking spot. After getting on the main road, she was stopped at a red light, and as she stared at the car in front of her, she involuntarily thought back to what had happened.
Josie blamed herself for what had happened. How could she ever have believed that any man, much less one like Sam Coulson, could really love her? Yet she'd allowed herself to believe it, and all the time he must have been with Lara.
She thought back to when she had called him and left that message, and for a moment she wondered if, maybe, he hadn't heard it. Maybe, she thought, it had all been a misunderstanding. But the more she considered it, the less it made sense. Even if Sam hadn't heard her message, what were the chances that he'd show up at the right restaurant at the right time with his ex-girlfriend and kiss her right then? She knew he had to have known. But what hurt most, was the fact that he had obviously meant to hurt her.
Honking cars from behind her interrupted her thoughts and she realized the light was now green.
* * *
Sam's worst nightmare had come true. When he got back to his apartment, he felt like being anywhere but at his apartment. He'd have a feeling that something awful would happen if he agreed to have Lara come see him in Chicago. He'd had the same feeling when they decided to go out to dinner.
He didn't even want to consider what Josie could be thinking. Remembering what Lara had said, that Josie would never take him back after what he'd done, suddenly made a lot of horrifying sense.
* * *
When Josie finally got back to her apartment and made it inside, all she wanted to do was leave. Every memory that she'd ever had of Sam in that apartment came back to her, and with them came all the other memories she had of him.
She saw her couch, where Sam and she had watched "Made For Each Other" and when she went into her bedroom to change, as she flipped on the light, another memory invaded her happiness…
"This is my bedroom," she said softly, as they entered the place she slept every night; the place where she had once dreamt and fantasized about Sam.
The lights were off and the room was mostly dark. She looked at Sam who was looking at her with desire... lots of desire. He seemed both gentle and masculine at the same time. His impassioned gaze was making her feel fiery.
The minimal light that entered the room through the doorway was adding a moony appearance to it. They were both glowing and they both felt the other was the most beautiful person alive.
Josie started to walk towards the light switch when Sam grabbed her arm delicately and pulled her up against him. He couldn't help himself. He thought of the time that they had painted the sunset backdrop for prom. He thought of all the times he had dreamed about her. He thought of the moment that he had first met her. He thought about how she kissed him. He thought about how she radiated a room and how she radiated him. He thought about how she said she loved him and how she made him feel. He wanted to make her feel just as good, both mentally and physically.
He looked deep into her eyes and encircled his arms around her waist. Their kiss started slow and virtuously, but before long their tongues were intertwined and they were breathing heavily…
She took a deep breath and released it in a sob. Josie wanted to hate him—she wanted to hate him so much, yet all she could do was love him, despite her objections.
She sniffed back her tears and told herself aloud, "He's not worth it." But telling herself something and believing something were two very separate things.
In the kitchen, Josie was concentrating on not remembering the "wrestling match" Sam and she had participated in when she heard a knock on the door.
* * *
Anita sighed, barely listening to what Gus was saying.
"This is the worst second date I've ever been on," Gus laughed, trying to lighten the mood…without success.
"How can you be so insensitive?"
"I'm not insensitive!" he replied quickly.
"Besides," Anita murmured, "the last one you can't really call a date."
"Why not?" Gus asked, confused. "We went out after Sam and Josie kissed."
Anita sighed, once again feeling pity for Josie. "Yeah…with Rigfort!"
"Well, then this doesn't count either. Josie was with us."
* * *
Josie paused in front of the door. What if it was Sam?
She took a deep breath and looked through the peephole and then relaxed, seeing whom it was.
"Hi Rob," she said bleakly, opening the door.
"Well, good morning to you too, sunshine!"
"It's the evening," she replied.
"And so it is!" He squinted his eyes when he noticed how swollen and red her eyes were, not to mention wet. "What happened?"
"Nothing I shouldn't have seen coming."
"Is it something with the article?"
"Not really, but you could say that," she said, dreading the thought of having to rewrite her whole follow-up article.
"What? Coulson did something to you. I can tell."
"Oh great," she said, laughing nervously. Was it that obvious?
Rob held up a set of keys, "I brought back Cindy."
"Who?"
"Your La Sabre. C'mon, you can come with me when I drive Bambi back home. I'll have some private time with her later."
Josie sighed. She definitely didn't want to be alone at her place anymore. "Okay."
"Come on, your chariot awaits."
* * *
"What have I done?" Sam asked himself aloud. Walking about the room, he started wondering what he would do. What could he do? If Josie never wanted to see him again, he didn't know what he'd do…and he was pretty sure she wouldn't want to see him again. He didn't even want to see himself after what he'd done. He was just as much to blame for what happened as Lara was. After all, he'd put himself in this situation, and he'd known the consequences.
He was considering how big of an idiot he was, when he heard the phone ring.
"Hello?" he asked nervously, picking up the phone.
"Sam! You're alive!"
"Abby," he breathed, noting that he shouldn't be alive.
"What's wrong Sam?" his sister asked with concern. First Sam insisted on going back to Lara in New York, and the next thing she knew he was on the news kissing the very person he swore he never wanted to see again. She hadn't heard from him in days, and when she called Will and Meredith, whom he was supposed to have been staying with, they had no idea where he was either. "Are you okay? Everyone's been wondering where you've been."
* * *
Half an hour later, Abby was more than worried about her brother. "So, you kissed her. And Josie saw."
"She kissed me," he said, not liking how it sounded either way.
"Same thing."
"Oh God, Abby."
"What are you going to do?" she asked, feeling badly for Sam and ever worse for Josie.
"I don't know. I don't deserve her anymore." He sighed dejectedly.
"You made a huge mistake. Have you talked to Josie since?"
"No."
"Why not?" she asked, beginning to agree that he didn't deserve her. "You've got to try."
"You're right…I have to go Ab," he said, slamming down the phone.
* * *
"He kissed her? And you saw the whole thing?"
"Yes, Rob."
"That slime ball! I told you he was bad news, Jos."
"Rob, please! You're not helping."
"Sorry. What do you want me to do? Maim him? Just say the word."
"No, don't hurt him."
"Whatever you say, Jos," Rob said, while mentally picturing the best form of torture for Sam. "Look, why don't you stay at Mom and Dad's tonight? We won't let him near you if he tries anything tricky."
When they got to the house, Rob left and went to Josie's apartment. When he got there, he parked Bambi and went inside.
* * *
Sam pulled up on the curb of Josie's apartment and got out. His heart was racing, but he owed Josie an explanation. He took a few more minutes to finish the letter he had written Josie on the way. If she wasn't home, maybe she'd read the letter and then let him explain more in person. He paused for a moment when he saw a gray La Sabre parked next to the Vega, but he figured she must have gotten her car back and not returned the other yet.
He walked slowly to the door of her apartment, and when he got there he knocked lightly.
* * *
Rob put down the bag of Doritos on Josie's kitchen counter and wiped the excess cheese on his jeans as he walked to the door.
He closed his left eye and peered through the peephole to see exactly whom he expected.
* * *
Sam stood patiently by the door. When no one answered after a few moments, he rang the doorbell. He couldn't help remembering the first time he'd been there.
And now, Josie was on the other end of the door, most likely. He rang the doorbell again and when no one answered he resorted to plan B: the note he'd written for Josie.
He folded it carefully and bent down to put it by the doormat when the door opened.
"Well, if it isn't the slime ball himself," Rob murmured, glaring at Sam.
Sam only gulped and took a step back while mumbling, "Is…is Josie here?"
"Why would you care?"
"Please, Rob…can I just talk to her?"
"What makes you even think she's here?" he asked, closing the door a bit so that Sam couldn't see inside.
"Look, I can explain…I…it…can I please just see her?"
Rob narrowed his eyes. "You don't deserve to see her. She told me what you did. She doesn't give a crap about you anymore."
It was all Sam could do not to cry. "Rob, you don't understand."
"Don't call me Rob. And I understand perfectly. Don't you know what you screwed up tonight? Look…just go away. I can't even look at you anymore."
Sam bent down and picked up the note he'd written Josie. With a shaking hand he handed it to Rob. "Please, just give this to her?"
Rob took it from Sam's hand and closed the door in his face.
When Sam turned around to leave, Rob opened the door again and called back, "And leave Josie alone, unless you want me to open up a can of whoop-ass!"
When Rob got back to his parents' house, he passed Josie talking to their mom and dad and went straight to his room. Lying on his bed, he held up Sam's note.
"To read or not to read?" He asked himself but after a few minutes, he decided, "To read."
Dear Josie,
I do not know how to explain this to you so that you could ever forgive me, but I'll try to do it as honestly as I know how.It started after that night at the prom, when I discovered you were 25 years old. We've talked about this before, but at the time, I was so afraid. I guess I was afraid because if you had ever loved me, why had you lied to me for so long? I didn't know if that was love. And since I didn't know if that was love, I didn't know what love really was. So, it occurred to me that maybe I had loved Lara all that time. And that night (the prom night), I called Lara and asked her if we could work things out.
She agreed, so I packed up my apartment, and was ready to go when I read your article. Somehow I realized why I was so sad all of a sudden, and I knew without a doubt that I had always loved you. I must have been so caught up in everything that I completely forgot that I'd promised Lara I'd be in New York that Monday. It must have been Tuesday when Lara called and, understandably, was angry. I apologized and told her I'd been wrong, and that I didn't want to work things out. She seemed very upset and begged to come to Chicago to at least talk about it. I agreed because I'd felt bad about what I'd done and how upset she sounded.
I admit that at first I had no intention of telling you about her coming to Chicago. I was afraid of hurting you…or losing you. It was a stupid decision, and I realized that. Do you remember the night of the storm? The phone lines went down, and cut us off? I was about to tell you about Lara coming to Chicago.
The next thing I knew, Lara was at my front door. She kept insisting we go out to dinner and she avoided discussing what she'd come to Chicago to discuss. She said she'd talk about it over dinner, and by this time I only wanted her to leave, so I agreed.
I don't know how she knew where you were tonight, but she did, and when we got to La Fontana, she made a huge spectacle (not unusually) and kissed me, obviously for your benefit. I didn't know what was going on, but then I saw you and I filled everything in.
I was so enraged, I ended up pulling over and dropping Lara off at a gas station and now here I am, writing this letter in my car on the way to try to explain this to you. I know what you're thinking. And I know I don't deserve another chance, but God I want one. And I'd do anything to get one. I love you, Josie. I will always love you.
Love always,
Sam Coulson
Rob bit his lip. He wasn't sure what to do, but he definitely couldn't show Josie. What if Sam was lying? No, he couldn't do that.
Just then, someone opened his door. It was Josie.
Rob cleared his throat. "Hi…hi Josie." He folded Sam's note and sat up on the bed.
"Rob," she asked, "can you drive me back to my apartment?"
"Yeah, sure Jos," he replied, standing up and putting the letter from Sam on his bookcase.
"Rob, what's that?" Josie asked, curiously eyeing the folded piece of paper.
"Umm…nothing. It's…it's just a—" he stammered, reaching for the note.
But he was too late. Josie had it.
"Josie, really. You don't want to read that."
"Why?" Josie asked.
"It's gross. You know. Guy stuff. Guys and their gross stuff."
* * *
To Be Continued…
* * *