Brokenhearted
By Sandra

Date Posted: February 11, 2000

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, la de dah…

Note: This fictitious story takes place after the truth was told at Prom. Feedback is welcome via e-mail at [email protected] or on the Message Board.

Click here to hear "Don't Speak" by No Doubt

* * * * *

"Please tell me you got something on Coulson," was what was going through Sam's mind on his way home from the prom…that and Josie's betrayal, of course. Prom night turned out to be the worst night of his life. His life was going to be ruined. He was sure that some way or another, Josie was going to get her story and the main subject would be him. He'd confessed his attraction to whom he now thought was the worst, most cruel and deceiving woman in the world.

He safely made his way home, but he didn't feel like he was home. Just yesterday he imagined his home was alongside Josie. He pictured he could grow old with her, always admiring the smallest qualities she possessed. That dream was, he thought, just that, a dream.

He looked like a slob, but he didn't care. He was depressed, angry, bitter, and he felt as if his heart was split into two pieces--as if it was ripped out in that one moment when Josie's true identity was revealed, was beaten down, slaughtered and placed back into his body.

He slowly made his way into his apartment, and changed into a pair of gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt. He went to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water, which he hoped would relieve the thoughts in his mind that were plaguing him at that moment. Realizing the new reality he would soon be faced with only made him think of Josie, and thus brought recollections of all the times they shared together, and knowing that the happiness he felt when he was with her would never happen again. Sam began to cry. The tears began to mix with the water on his face made it seem as if he'd been crying for days. He felt he had been crying for days, all for the one woman he couldn't get out of his thoughts.

* * * * *

Josie made her way up to her apartment with only one thing on her mind—Sam. Surely she thought about Rob and how his life was ruined because of her, but Sam was still the person in her thoughts. Actually he had always been in her thoughts. From the first moment she saw him walking into the classroom. This time he was in her thoughts out of concern and not out of admiration. She wondered what he was doing at this time, if he was moping, and depressed, just like she was. She was hoping that he'd get the idea that she was still the same person he had met.

Josie dragged herself into her bedroom and changed out of her Rosalind costume and into more depressing garments—her flannel pajamas.

She remembered her confession/argument with Sam after the prom. She was still the same Josie, inside and out, but it was as if she was living some kind of double-identity, which truly would've hurt Sam's feelings, especially if he felt some kind of bond with her. She was hiding her true identity from him—her real, 25 year old reporter self.

After she finished changing she heard someone was at the door. "Could it be?" she thought, hoping and wondering if it was Sam at the door, after all, he did read through her school records to know she wasn't actually from Bali, and he could've got the address from there. She slowly approached her front door, fingers crossed of course. She took a deep breath before opening the door only to discover that Anita was the much-anticipated person on the other side.

"Anita, what are you doing here?" Josie asked.

"First of all, what are YOU doing here? I was in Gus' office; well actually the entire staff was crammed in there watching you. When you told your teacher that you had something to tell him, the reception all of a sudden blanked out on us and you left us hanging. I came because I wanted to be the first to find out what happened and I knew you were going to come by your house some time tonight. What happened Josie? Why are you here?" Anita was surely very concerned at what had really happened to her best friend.

Josie lowered her head in utter shame and disappointment. She knew Anita would be her only hope in this situation. "Well…" Josie said in a very depressed-sounding voice, finally meeting her gaze and at the same time trying to remember the details "…I was going to tell Sam, right then and there, that I was really twenty-five years old and an undercover reporter. I just couldn't hide my secret from him any longer. Anita, at that moment I felt as if I was in heaven. I mean, the most wonderful man in the world was dancing with me and truly understanding me, but he didn't know who I really was. Well when I was going to confess who I really was, I didn't want the entire Sun-Times staff to be witnessing a very personal moment, so I turned off the camera. Anyway, there was a distraction at that moment and I went in to save the day, and to make a long story short, I blew my cover to the entire room. My little private confession wasn't all too private."

Anita carefully and patiently listened, knowing that there was still more to this story. Josie began to remember what happened outside the prom. Tears began to form in her eyes and in Anita's as well. "Well, I pretty much told everyone who was at the prom that I was twenty- five and an undercover reporter. During my speech Sam left, but I had to let these kids in on life's real lesson. Anyway, after my speech, and revealing Rob's cover, I went outside to look for Sam. On my way out I ran into George who was looking for me, he asked if I 'got something on Coulson,' and at that moment Sam rises from behind a hidden bush, close enough so that he could hear what George said. Sam assumed that my story was going to ruin his life, and Anita, that's the last thing I would ever want to do to him."

Josie continued with the details of what happened to her just moments ago. Anita's mouth gaped open with utter shock. "I went up to Sam at that moment, hoping that he'd accept my 'surprise,' but he totally rejected it. He admitted that he was attracted to me, but not nearly in the type of tone of voice that you tell someone that you like him or her. I could sense in his voice that he was really hurt by my lie, and much more hurt that I was going to write a story about him. He told me that I'm a liar and he seriously doesn't even know me," Josie's voice was crackling with pain and fear at this moment, but she continued knowing that her best friend would be there for her, "Anita, I tried to reason with him, telling him I was still the same person, and that he could get to know me again, but it was no use. He then turned around and I practically begged him to stay, but he said something like 'I just can't look at you the same way' and turned away and left."

After telling her story, Anita gave Josie a hug. Josie really needed that hug, she needed someone to hold her and listen to her at that moment, and if it couldn't be Sam, who better than to share her grief with than Anita. "Well Jos, I really think that you should contact Sam, in a couple of days though. You have to let him seriously think about the situation. He knows you're now twenty-five, and available," Anita said in a reassuring voice. "Now I know that its my job to take your mind off of this situation, so I propose we do something fun, just the two of us," Anita suggested to Josie who was now wiping away her tears and gave the smallest smile, "I propose that we have a sleepover, it will be fun. We could watch some stupid movie that would better lift our spirits and pig-out on junk food. What do you think?"

"Okay," Josie replied, knowing a movie-fest wouldn't help her much but will probably ease her thoughts on Sam a bit.

Anita put a reassuring arm around Josie as they walked to the door and said, "In that case, I'll be back in a while. I just have to go to my apartment and pick up some stuff. I'll see you in a bit."

* * * * *

Over on the other side of town, Sam was moping around his apartment. He needed to find something to do to take his mind off of Josie. At this point, it seemed as if she was the only thing that truly existed in his life, but he had to find some way to escape. This was truly going to be a difficult task to accomplish but he had to do it somehow.

He walked over to his living room, went directly to his stereo and turned on the radio. A commercial was on but the DJ's voice soon took over, "Hi this is Rich Jones coming at you on 93.9 KLIT, up next we have a favorite from No Doubt enjoy." "Okay," Sam thought as he was getting comfortable in his brown recliner. He tilted his head back and tried to relax a bit. The song soon came to play in his mind as he carefully listened to the lyrics, hoping that it would take his mind off the one person he didn't want to think about. The song began… "You and me, we used to be together, everyday together always. I really feel I'm losing my best friend, I can't believe this could be the end…Don't speak, I know just what you're saying so please stop explaining, don't tell me 'cause it hurts. Don't speak, I know what you're thinking, I don't need your reasons, don't tell me 'cause it hurts," the song went on as Sam began to recollect the memories of Josie. The lyrics of the song made him think about her even more, "Our memories, they can me inviting but some are altogether mighty frightening. As we die, both you and I, with my head in my hands I sit and cry…"

The song went on and Sam did exactly what the song said. He sat up, bowed his head down, and with that, his eyes became watery and his thoughts were overpowered once again by this woman who was on a mission to ruin his life. Once the song faded away into oblivion, another song came on. This song he knew, it was The Pretenders with "I'll Stand by You." He knew the lyrics rather well and by knowing them he knew he was going to fall to pieces once again. He got up, walked over to the stereo and stood there listening to the song: "Oh, why you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes, come on and come to me now. And don't be ashamed to cry, let me see you through, 'cause I've seen the dark side too…So, if you're mad, get mad; don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now…When you're standing at the crossroads, and don't know which path to choose…" the lyrics related so closely to what he was going through that he just rested his arm against the shelf on which the stereo was on, rested his head against that arm and began to cry. It was truly ironic and weird how the only two songs in the world that mostly related to what he was feeling at that moment played back-to-back on the radio.

During that song, Sam began to think about Josie again. Maybe he really did need to talk to her and try and work things out. He kept on wondering, 'what if things could work out?' 'What if she was still the same person?' All these "what if…?" questions were running a cyclone in his thoughts. He slowly paced his way towards the phone, he checked his attendance book for Josie's phone number and once he found it he began to dial. About halfway through completing to dial her phone number, he hung up. He picked up the phone and resumed to dial once again, but this time he decided to call his confidant, his sister Abby. It was only around 9pm, her time, so she should be home, he thought.

"Hello?" the familiar voice of Abby sent a sense of relief through his mind. She was the only one who he truly relied on to help him in his time of need.

"Hey Abby, its Sam."

"Hi Sam. What's wrong?" she easily sensed the melancholy tone in his voice.

"About everything," Sam answered.

"Care to tell me about it?" Abby now sounded concerned for her little brother.

"Well that's why I called. Tonight I chaperoned prom, and that student I was telling you about was there, of course. I crowned her prom queen and when I did, I looked deep into her eyes and knew she was expressing the same feeling she had for me as I had for her. At that moment I knew I was going to tell her that I was going to wait for her, that I loved her," Sam confessed. His thoughts were a like a whirlwind, he was surely confused and needed some guidance.

"So what'd you do?" Abby questioned. She knew something happened to her little brother for him to be calling her. If things have had in fact ended off rather pleasant and on a peaceful note, he would've had that 'I can't wait to tell you' voice that she clearly would've recognized in Sam. She was gradually becoming more concerned for her little brother. He said he lov-ed her, something must've gone wrong.

"Well, this girl, Josie, that's her name, we talked during the dance, and she said she had something to tell me. I told her the same. Then there was a distraction, and she confessed to everyone that she was 25 years old! And an undercover reporter for the Sun-Times!"

"Oh my God Sam! Hey, well that means she's available doesn't it? I mean, she IS 25. Is she taken?" Abby all of a sudden sounded rather happy, but once she noticed Sam's voice she knew there was something else in the story.

"That's exactly what I was thinking about when I went out for some air. That is, until I heard that her story was going to be on me. Abby, I was about to confess my love and adoration to the cruelest woman in the world!" Sam was surely still in shock over the situation. "I'm so confused. I just left her there. I did tell her I was attracted to her, but since she lied to me, things would never be the same."

"Do you think you could give her a second chance to redeem herself?" Abby questioned.

"She did propose that, but I won't believe our relationship will be the same. I mean, she was going to write a story on me, which I'm guessing, would've totally ruined my professional career and would've turned me into a public joke. I'm too confused on my feelings for her right now. She's on my mind ALL the time; I just can't get her out of my head. Sometimes when I think of Josie, I get furious. Other times I'm thinking about holding her and having deep conversations that only us two could appreciate. Seriously, I felt she was the perfect woman for me, now I feel she's also the perfect deceiver."

"So one moment you're about to confess your love for her and the next you're hating her, I'd say you're confused, but that's why I'm here. Okay Sam you got to think of your priorities now. You have to think of what you want in your life. You do want to be happy and spend the rest of your life with a person that will respect and admire you for who you are. If this Josie person does just that, and you feel you can actually have a future with her, then you should give her a chance, like go out for some coffee or something, get to know her better," Abby suggested. "But if you really think this woman isn't worthy of your love, then it's entirely your decision. You have to be the one to take action here, she's not going to be the one begging for you to reason with her, you have to try that on your own."

"Abby I think this woman is the spawn of the devil and I never want to hear her name mentioned again. She's just plain cruel and inconsiderate," Sam asserted. He thought of going back to Josie, to talk and reason with her, but he figured if it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be.

"Hey, speaking of cruel devil-women, what about Lara?" Abby sounded disgusted at the thought of Lara in Sam's life.

"I broke up with her last week. I never really mentioned that in our last conversation did I?" Lara, the thought of her brought more feelings in Sam than he ever experienced. He now realized he was alone in the world. He knew he currently didn't love Lara, in fact, his love for her diminished ever since she moved to New York. If he went to New York, like he planned before he met Josie, his relationship with Lara would be different, it'd be unconventional, no strings attached.

"Oh my God!!! You never told me you two broke up, I'm so happy you did. She wasn't exactly the ideal significant other," Abby admitted.

"Well Abby thanks a lot for your help, but there's something I got to do right now," Sam commented. "I'll call you if I need any more advice, which I'm sure I will."

With that they said their good-byes and Sam was thinking of Lara once again. Maybe he should move to New York like he originally planned, it wouldn't be so bad, he thought. New York is a place where he could definitely get his mind off of Josie. Chicago would've totally reminded him of her, and with that he called Lara.

"Lara is this you?" he asked, wondering if it was either Lara or her roommate on the other side.

"Yes it's me…Sam?" she questioned.

"Lara I just wanted to tell you that I think we should give it another shot," Sam commented. "I think it was dumb of me to break up with you, I'm not ready for that," Sam was surely unaware of the lies that were pouring out of his mouth, but alas, what is said is said.

"Sam I don't know what to say. I mean, what you did was really immature, and it really hurt me. How could you break up with me just like that?" Lara's familiar voice only made Sam cringe his teeth a bit more. He couldn't believe he was willing to get back together with her only to make him forget about Josie. Lara was very high-maintenance, one thing Sam didn't really admire of her, but if it meant to help him forget about Josie, then so be it.

"Lara I was confused. I didn't know what I wanted. I know now that I want to be near you, just like it was before you moved to New York," Sam dishonestly confessed.

"I don't know Sam. I mean you had doubts about us before, what makes you think you won't have doubts about our relationship again?" Lara's voice all of a sudden took a slight vamp overload. She still hasn't changed.

"No relationship is perfect," those words made Sam think of Josie once again, no relationship is perfect, it does have its flaws. Sam then realized that if he did in fact have a relationship with Josie, he will always remember what she did to him and that, he could never forgive. She had hurt his feelings more than Lara did. If he and Lara got back together, it'd be totally casual, no strings attached, no real commitment. Sam continued, "I believe we will get into fights every now and then, but this time it'd totally be more laid back, no strings attached."

Sam continued trying to get to the main point of his intended conversation even if it meant to lie, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to get back together. I don't feel the same without you. Lara, I'm planning to leave Chicago and move to New York, just as I had intended to do a while ago."

Lara was silent for a moment. When she finally spoke it sounded as if she wasn't too sure of Sam's decision. She didn't want him to be the little blue-collar high school teacher from Chicago. "Sam I don't really know if I want my reputation here in New York to be ruined because of you," Lara confessed.

Sam knew Lara was always the type to say exactly what was on her mind at any moment. Those words did hurt Sam's feelings but he was pretty much used to it already. "Lara, as I said before, I just want you to be there for me that's all. I'm going to New York," Sam said.

"Well when should I be expecting you?" Lara asked somewhat annoyed.

"The best estimate I can give you is in about a week. I really want to get out of Chicago, I'm tired of this place," Sam bit his lip at these words. He realized he'd been a liar to Lara, just like Josie had been to him, but what's done is done, he figured.

"Well call me when you know you're coming okay. I have to go…bye Sam." And with that, Lara was gone, and Sam was once again alone.

* * * * *

Anita had arrived at Josie's about half an hour later packed with pizza, junk food, some beer, and a movie. "Jos, we need to have a riot, what better than to pig out, drink, and watch 'Dumb and Dumber,' the total 'men are stupid' movie ever made," Anita joked. She was surely the best friend a girl could ever have. She made you laugh whenever you were depressed, and she was honest.

Josie opened the pizza box only to find that Anita ordered her favorite kind: lemon pepper chicken pizza. Anita passed Josie a bottle of beer. Anita knew Josie wasn't a heavy drinker so she didn't put too much pressure on Josie when offering her more beer if she ever wanted more.

During the movie Anita kept making jokes at how these two guys were so stupid. They especially laughed at when Jim Carrey's character was getting ready for the ball. The beer had a slight effect on them both. Anita was especially buzzing already. "Jos…" she said with a little slur in her voice, "men suck! I'm serious. When they're tired of you, they leave you. They're so stubborn." Stubborn was the perfect word to describe some men, Josie thought, and with that, their evening ended. Josie only had one beer, but that didn't change the fact that she was still thinking about Sam. She knew if he didn't want to confront her about the situation and see her again, that things in her life would never be the same; everything would instead be a blur with that cloud of confusion revolving around the thought of her beloved Sam.

* * * * *

Author's note…I know, I know, sad ending, but if you know the movie, you know the outcome! :o)

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