* * *
Caroline was trying to be enthusiastic, and she hoped that Josie didn't notice that she was faking it. They were looking over wedding invitations and had already spent hours going through bridal magazines, and so far Caroline hadn't liked anything that Josie had chosen. Particularly her choice of Jillian as a bridesmaid. Caroline tried to be reasonable about Josie's new friendship with Sam's ex-girlfriend, but she had a funny feeling that there was some kind of ulterior motive on Jillian's part. Not that she had seen any evidence of that. It was just a gut feeling, and her gut feelings were rarely wrong. Josie thought it was 'funny' that Caroline was 'jealous' of Jillian, even though Caroline insisted she wasn't. She was just protective of her friends, especially Josie, who was still so very naive.
Caroline took a deep breath and leaned over Josie's shoulder to look at the invitation in her hand.
"I like this one a lot," Josie said, handing it to Caroline.
It had a picture of a little boy handing a little girl a bouquet of red roses on the front and inside was where the verses would be printed.
"Sure," Caroline said noncommittally.
"Caroline? You can do better than 'Sure'. You are never at a loss of an opinion."
"Jos, I think wedding invitations are totally cheesy. All invitations are."
"Well, then why did you want to come along?" Josie asked, walking to look at another card.
"Because I am your maid of honor and I thought I could help," Caroline said, following her.
"Think again," Josie said under her breath.
"I heard that."
Josie walked away from Caroline again, and this time Caroline didn't follow. She walked out of the invitation store onto the wet sidewalk. It was raining lightly. She leaned against the wall and watched the traffic go by, wondering what she had said that had made Josie so mad. It couldn't be that she just wasn't into invitations, could it?
Fifteen minutes later Josie emerged from the store with a box of invitations under her arm. She stopped briefly to nudge Caroline and walked to her car. Caroline caught up with her and put her arm around Josie's shoulders. "C'mon Jos, don't be mad," she said with a pout.
"I'm not mad."
"You're something."
"I'm a nervous wreck is what I am. I am getting married in a month! One month! I need a dress, I need a place, I need bridesmaid dresses, I need a caterer, I need to pick out Sam's ring-because he left that to me-I have so much to do and the last thing I need is you telling me that you think wedding invitations are 'cheesy'. I mean, couldn't you have at least come up with a better word? You're a writer, for God's sake!"
Caroline started laughing. "Oh, honey." She pulled Josie into a hug. "I'm sorry. I'll help better, I promise. What do you want me to do?"
Josie leaned against her car and sighed. "Could you ask Anita, Aldys, and Jillian which of the dresses that I picked out in the magazines they like best? And get their sizes and then...talk to my mother's friend who is going to make them?"
"Sure. Anything else?"
"Find a caterer?"
"Done."
"Thank you."
"Sure. Now, can we get out of this rain, please? Isn't my hair curly enough without extensive exposure to the humidity? Pretty soon it will be so expanded that it'll need it's own seat in the car."
Josie laughed and opened the passenger door for her. "We wouldn't want that," she teased.
"Damn right."
* * *
"She wants me to go to the bridesmaids and see which of the three dresses they like better," Caroline was telling Rob as she sat on the toilet watching him shave the next morning.
"So?" he asked.
"So? So that means I have to go to Jillian's house and talk to her."
"So?"
"Have a different word up there in your vocabulary?"
"Caroline, don't." Rob was used to her sarcasm, and knew that it reared its sometimes ugly head when she was frustrated. He just didn't like her taking it out on him.
"Sorry." She bit her bottom lip before continuing. "I do think she's still after Sam."
"Caroline, you're being crazy. After all, I'm her brother, and I'm not worried�"
"I am not being crazy! I am a girl, Rob, and I know how girls are. Especially girls like her."
"I thought you said you thought she was nice after the dinner a few weeks ago."
"I was drunk, what did I know?" she joked.
"Baby, you are being wacky. Josie has been hanging out with her, not Sam. And from what I've seen, she never even tries to be alone with Sam."
"What you've seen when?"
"What?"
"When were you around Jillian?"
Rob smiled. "You are the most jealous girl in the world and you're all mine." He leaned down and kissed her, making sure to get shaving cream on her face.
Caroline couldn't even attempt to deny his statement, so she just got up to wipe the shaving cream from her face.
"I had lunch with them a couple days ago. It was just supposed to be Josie and me but Jillian was shopping and she saw us so she sat down for a while. And when I stopped by last weekend to pick Sam up for the hockey game she was there...she and Josie were painting some old furniture or something that Jillian bought," he explained, wiping the remaining shaving cream from his face.
"Why didn't you mention any of that before?"
Rob shrugged. "I didn't think about it."
"Ro-ob," Caroline whined. "You know I don't like her..." She walked out of the bathroom and flopped on the bed.
"I know, but I don't understand--"
"She wants Sam!"
Rob flopped on the bed next to her and looked her in the eye. "You are being so nuts, Caroline. You do see that don't you?"
"Well I must be if you are pointing it out to me."
Rob laughed. "Exactly. So, will you stop? Or at least try to hide the fact that you are going insane from everyone else?"
Caroline smiled. "I will try." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. "I love you even if you are blind to the truth."
"I love you even though you're insane."
"Madness runs in the family you know. You've met my mother."
Rob smiled. "Well, at least I know what I'm getting into."
* * *
Three days later Caroline and Rob pulled up to Jillian's townhouse.
"I can't believe you made me come with you," Rob grumbled.
"I didn't make you," Caroline replied as she got out of the car.
"You don't call bribery making me?"
"I didn't bribe you. I just gave you incentive." She walked to his side of the car.
"You're a briber."
"You didn't have to take up my offer," Caroline said as she stood in front of him. She was smiling at him mischievously.
"How couldn't I? That's like my biggest fantasy."
Caroline's smile grew. "I know," she said as she took his hand and led him to the door.
Rob sighed. Caroline knew exactly what it took with him. He was a total wimp when it came to her and he didn't care. He knew she was the best thing that has ever happened to him.
Caroline knocked on the door, and Rob noticed that she held his hand a bit tighter when Jillian opened the door and greeted them.
"Hi! Come on in," she said, opening the door wider to let them in.
Rob leaned over and whispered, "It'll be fine, Baby," in Caroline's ear. They followed Jillian into the living room where she had all the windows open letting in the cool breeze from the nearby lake. Caroline and Rob sat on the burgundy couch as Jillian sat in the plaid recliner in front of the windows.
Caroline pulled the pictures of the dresses from her bag and laid them out on the table in front of Jillian. "Anita and Aldys both liked this one," she said pointing to one of the pictures. The dress was a floor-length straight gown with tiny beaded spaghetti straps and beading over the bodice.
Jillian picked up the picture to get a closer look. "Which one do you like?" she asked, looking at the other two choices.
"Well, my dress is actually going to be different because I'm the matron of honor, so..." "All right," Jillian said. "But which one do you like?" she repeated.
"Um...I like that one." Caroline pointed to the one that Jillian had in her hand, the same one that the other bridesmaids had chosen. "All three of you are tall, so I think that dress would look best," she said honestly.
"I agree. Although I have yet to meet Anita or Aldys." 6 "They're nice, you'll like them." Rob noticed that Caroline had relaxed a little due to Jillian's frankness with her. He knew that Caroline appreciated being put in her place when need be.
"Well, anyone that Josie is friends with I'm sure is great. She's a good judge of character, I've noticed."
"Yeah," Caroline agreed as Rob nudged her. She ignored him and went on. "Josie wants the dresses to be dark blue, and she wants the flowers to be daisies."
"That's fine with me."
"Okay, then. It's settled. I'll let Josie know that the dress has been chosen. Thanks for your time, Jillian."
"Are you two off then? Would you care for some lunch? I have a ton of food and there's no way I'll finish it all before it spoils."
Caroline looked at Rob and he nodded. She tried pleading with her eyes and he shook his head. "We'd love that, thanks," he answered for them.
"Great. Come on in the kitchen and have a look."
They stood and followed her in her bright kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and they decided on sandwiches and salad. Rob made a grilled cheese sandwich for Caroline and turkey and cheese for himself and Jillian while Jillian and Caroline made the salad.
"Rob makes the best sandwiches, total Dagwood sandwiches," Caroline said admiringly.
Jillian laughed, asking Rob, "Do you put in the third slice of bread and everything?"
"Of course!" Rob exclaimed, holding up a sandwich as evidence. "Even Caroline's grilled cheese is a deluxe," he said tilting the pan to show the multi- layered sandwich with slices of tomato and three kinds of cheeses spilling over the edges.
"Well, Caroline, you are quite a lucky girl to have such a chef all for your very own."
"I know," Caroline said, smiling at Rob.
They sat in the screened-in patio and ate their lunch. It looked to Rob like Caroline may have changed her opinion of Jillian, which made him happy. He knew that she just felt threatened by Jillian, whether she admitted it or not, and he wanted her to see that Jillian was a nice girl. Josie liked her a lot, so she couldn't be that bad.
When they were in the car on their way home, Rob leaned over and kissed Caroline's cheek. "It wasn't as bad as you thought," he said.
"No, not as bad. But I still don't trust her."
Rob sighed. "Whatever."
"Hey, I'm just looking out for Josie. Your sister. Who you don't like to see hurt." 6 "Caroline, Sam is an attractive guy. Are you going to hate every girl who ever looks at him just because you have trust issues?"
"It's not like that. It's not every girl. Just her. I can't explain it, but I just know that there's more than what she's letting on. And I will do everything I have to to make sure that she never has the opportunity to...to do whatever she has to to break them up."
"You can't always be the superhero."
"Sure I can. Super Caroline. That's me. Looking out for the sweet and naive." She smiled. "I know you're frustrated with me, but I really do have good intentions."
"I know. It's just...yeah, frustrating. I think she's nice."
"I do too. She is. But, there's something hidden...that's all."
* * *
Sam was sitting alone in the living room again and he was a little irritated about it. It seemed like every night this week Josie had been gone when he got home from work. He knew planning the wedding was taking up a lot of his time, but it seemed like so was Jillian, and that was the problem. Josie was always with her. He didn't mind that Josie liked her or that she spent some time with her, but it seemed like lately it was all the time. Jillian hardly ever came to the house, and when she did, she would say a brief hello and she and Josie would go out for coffee or the movies or to have drinks with Anita. He felt�abandoned.
He laughed at himself. He had no reason to resent Jillian for taking Josie from him. It was better than Jillian taking him from Josie, right? Definitely.
He flipped on the TV and got comfortable on the couch just as the doorbell rang. He got up and went to it, half expecting it to be Josie with too many packages in her hands to open the door. But he was wrong.
It was Jillian.
For some inexplicable reason, Sam's mouth felt dry and his hands immediately started to shake. "H-hi, Jillian," he stammered.
"Hi." She smiled brightly, and it didn't escape him how beautiful she looked. Her dark hair was curled into ringlets and pulled away from her face by a tiny, glittery headband. She was wearing a knee-length pale green dress that made her look young and innocent. She looked a little like she had in high school. "Is Josie here?"
"Umm...no."
She looked disappointed. "Oh. I knew I should have called first. But I was headed this way, so I thought I'd stop in and see if she wanted to join me. I was going to check out the museum."
"Sorry. I'm sure she would have wanted to go."
"Yes, well�" After an awkward pause, Jillian said, "All right then, I guess I'll see you." She turned around to head to her car.
"Jillian?" Sam called, stepping out onto the steps. She turned around and looked him in the eyes, but didn't say anything. "Um, I was going to order pizza and maybe watch some boring TV... Want to join me? It's not as intellectual as the museum, I know, but-"
"Sure." She smiled again and walked in the house. Sam stood breathless and nervous on the steps for a minute before following her in.
* * *
"I was wondering�" Sam began, biting into his slice of pizza.
"Yes?" Jillian asked.
"Why haven't you been talking to me lately? Or, hardly talking to me I guess is more like it."
"I hadn't noticed that I wasn't, but I apologize. It isn't personal, surely."
"Give me a break, Jillian. I know you better than that."
"How could you? It's been eleven years since we were close. I have changed."
"You haven't changed all that much."
They sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Jillian spoke. "I didn't want Josie to know that I am still attracted to you, so I just avoided you," she said truthfully.
Sam stayed quiet, contemplating what his response should be. What she said was making his heart pound. He was trying his best to ignore it.
"It, um...it hurt," he said quietly.
"I'm sorry."
"You were everything to me back then, you know. It broke my heart when you stopped writing."
"We both stopped writing, Sam. We were very young."
"Why didn't you ever look me up when you were in Chicago?"
"I did once, about four years ago. Went as far as driving to your apartment, and I saw that you had a girlfriend, so I drove off. It was right after the divorce."
"I would have left her for you in a heartbeat."
Jillian smiled. "Thank you." She placed her uneaten crust in front of Lucas letting him carry it off. "But not now, eh?" She smiled again, playing her statement off as a joke.
Sam wasn't sure whether she was serious or not. "Josie's..."
"I know. She's your soulmate. Much more than I ever was."
Sam nodded. Jillian stood from the floor and stretched her legs. "Let's go do something, Sam. Is that little amusement park still up there at Navy Pier?"
"Yeah."
"Let's go there. Ride the roller coaster and all that."
"I can't."
"Can't or won't?"
"Can't. I've ridden on the Ferris wheel three times in my life and the roller coaster once, that time with you. Never again."
Jillian stood above him and tugged at his hair. "You're not still scared after that, are you?"
Sam stood up and looked her in the eye. "It scares the shit out of me. All your fault, by the way."
"It is not."
"You told me that it wasn't too fast or too scary. Especially the loop. You lied."
"You have obviously never been on the Viper at Magic Mountain. Now, that is fast. That dinky roller coaster at the Pier is mere child's play."
"Jillian, we were stopped at the top of the loop for ten minutes! I still have nightmares about that."
Jillian laughed heartily. "Well, face your fears, my friend. Let's go."
"No."
"Let's go," she repeated.
"No."
"Let's go."
"You are not going to get me to do it. Try as you might."
"Let's go."
"It won't work, Jillian."
"Let's go."
"I remember this game. I will not cave."
"You will. Let's go." She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the front door.
"No. No." He pulled away from her and sat on the couch.
Jillian sighed and stood in front of him. "Can we at least go there? Walk around?"
Sam sighed. "Okay, but I am not-"
"All right. You're not going on the roller coaster. I got it. Let's go."
* * *
Josie got home at eleven and was surprised to see that Sam wasn't home. His car was out front, and he hadn't left a note. She called Caroline to see if Sam and Rob had gone somewhere, but Rob was home.
Josie tried not to worry, but it just wasn't like him to not let her at least know when he'd be home if not where he was. And who was he with?
* * *
Jillian was standing in line for the roller coaster with Sam looking up at it fearfully. "I can't, Jillian. I can't do it," he said.
"Fine. I'll go alone."
"C'mon, don't make me feel guilty."
"I'm not. I'm fine. I'm sure one of these nice people will share a seat with me." She gestured to the people in line with her. Ahead of her was a group of teenagers, and behind her were three massive men in motorcycle jackets.
"Yeah, don't worry about her, man. We'll take care of her," one of the bikers said.
Sam looked at her with worry. "Can't you come back with someone who will ride with you?"
"I'm here now. It's fine. Don't worry." She moved up in line and turned around to smile. "Really."
He watched her get closer and closer to the front of the line. All the while the big bikers were talking to her, putting their arms around her. He started to feel more and more guilty. He didn't want her to go on the ride with one of those guys. He looked up at the coaster again, his stomach turning, and ran up to her. "I can't believe I am going to do this."
"Yay!" Jillian said, clapping her hands. She linked her arm through Sam's and turned to smile at the bikers. "Thanks for the offer, guys, but my friend here is facing his fears tonight."
"You owe me," Sam said as they were strapped into their seat.
"You are going to love this, Sam. You've been on it before."
"I almost died that time."
"Oh, you did not! You are so dramatic! That's my job." She squeezed his hand. "You will be fine, I promise."
Sam just closed his eyes and kept them closed for the length of the ride. When it was over he jumped off and walked briskly to the nearest empty bench. He sat, his head in his hands, breathing quickly. Jillian ran after him and kneeled in front of him.
"Sam, are you okay?" she asked, concerned.
He mumbled into his hands.
"What?" she asked.
He uncovered his face and looked at her. His hands were shaking, but he smiled. "I'm okay."
Seeing his smile, Jillian smiled. "Did you enjoy it?"
He just kept smiling.
Jillian stood up and took his hands. "You did like it! You liked it!"
He stood up, too. "Yeah..." he admitted.
"That's great!" She hugged him impulsively, and Sam found his arms circling her waist. "I am so proud of you! You conquered it."
She pulled back to look at him, her arms still around his neck, his still on her waist.
"Yeah," he repeated softly. They just looked at each other in silence.
In that moment, Sam could see the laughing, fun-loving Jillian he'd once adored. And then, almost as in a dream, Sam felt his head tilt, moving closer to Jillian's. And before he knew it, he was kissing her.
* * *