* * *
Jillian sat in the center of her queen-sized bed with her legs tucked beneath her, her hands over her face as if trying to hold back the tears. She looked at her watch and decided to call her sister in London, where it was almost 8:30 am. She could hear her nephews Liam and Sean in the background when her sister Brigid answered.
"Jillian, isn't it the middle of the night there?" Brigid said.
"Yes, but I needed to talk to you." Jillian explained.
"Are you crying?"
"Yes."
Brigid knew it must be important now. Ever since the divorce Jillian never let anyone know she was crying. "What is it?"
"Remember Sam? From when I was a student here?"
"The boy you wanted to stay in America for? The one you couldn't stop crying over for months. Yes, I remember. Vividly."
"Well, I ran into him last week."
"All right, go on," Brigid said with a sigh.
"He's getting married, Brigid."
"Jillian, both you and I know that you haven't been sitting around waiting for this Sam to track you down, so why are you crying over this?"
"Because as soon as I saw him I knew that I still had feelings for him. There was never any closure when Mum and Dad whisked me back to Manchester."
"I'd think you marrying Ryan was a bit of closure, don't you?"
"Not really. I mean, I loved Ryan. I still love Ryan..."
"It sounds like you never stop loving anyone," Brigid interrupted.
"That might be...if I love someone, really love him like I loved Sam in high school and Ryan...maybe I am incapable of ever letting it taper off."
"I'd suggest that you learn how quick if this Sam is indeed getting married. Have you met the future wife?"
"Josie, yes. She's a doll, Brig. I like her a lot."
"Sounds like you are in quite a predicament."
"That's why I called you in the bloody middle of the night! I need help." She did indeed sound desperate.
"What can I do? I'm across the Atlantic."
"Advise me. Give me advice, please!"
"All right, but you won't like it."
"That's fine. What is it?"
She really was desperate, Brigid realized, for Jillian to accept advice from her. "The way I see it, you have two options. One, you can make sure that the rest of the time you are in the Chicago area that you stay as far away from Sam and his fianc�e as you possibly can."
"Impossible."
"I figured as much, so here is option two: you bury those feelings and deal with it. Let him live his life as he would have had you not popped in to disrupt things."
"God, Brig, it's not as if I planned this. I tried to ignore my feelings tonight and do you know what happened? I got drunk and tried to seduce poor Jude who has followed me like a puppy with hearts in his eyes since the day we met. I was awful."
Brigid sighed. "Why, in all of America, did you choose to live in Chicago for a few months? Aren't vacations usually taken where it's sunny during the summer? As I recall, it rains a lot there."
"I've always said that I would come back here to live." Jillian was starting to get defensive.
"You said that until you met Ryan." Jillian was silent, and Brigid knew she had her. "Jillian, you need to do the right thing here. If you insist on being friends with these people, then be just that, a friend. Go to the pictures, go out for food. Just don't allow yourself to be alone with him."
"You're right."
"I know I am; older sisters always are."
"Not always."
"And apologize to Jude," Brigid added.
"I will."
"Is she nice, Jillian? The fianc�e?"
"I told you, she's extremely nice. I like her very much."
"Then you should be friends with her. You will behave yourself better if you are close to her. I know you, you would never betray a friend."
"All right, I need to get some sleep."
"Drink some water and take some aspirin so that you aren't too hung over tomorrow."
They said their good-byes and Jillian hung up, feeling marginally better. Brigid had always been a sort of moral compass when Jillian had found herself in sticky situations. She fell asleep soon after much more at ease.
* * *
Josie snuggled up to Sam the following morning, oblivious of the steady rhythm of his breathing, and kissed his neck. He stirred, but stayed facing away from her, not yet awake. She ran her fingers through his blonde hair and down the back of his neck, noticing that his eyes were opening. He let out a pleasant groan and rolled over to face her.
"Good morning." She said, positioning herself so that she was halfway on top of him.
Sam smiled at her, the sun illuminating her blonde waves from behind, giving her a sort of halo. "When did you change?" He asked, letting her know that it hadn't slipped by his groggy vision that she was not in the T-shirt she had fallen drunkenly asleep in, but in a low-cut ivory peignoir that stopped mid thigh.
She shrugged cunningly, and kissed his lips. Sam placed his hands on her hips, guiding her body directly above his. Her kisses grew stronger and more passionate, soft moans encouraging him to touch her wherever he chose.
"This is a surprise," he said softly, enjoying the control she was exhibiting.
"Shhh�" she said, lifting his T-shirt over his head.
Sam relaxed and let her keep control.
* * *
"What did I do to deserve that?" he asked when they were done making love.
"It's not about deserving, Sam. I just felt like�" She paused, knowing that her eyes always betrayed her when she tried to tell a lie. "OK, promise you won't be disappointed in me?"
"Disappointed in you?" Sam was confused.
"I was afraid for a while last night that you, regardless of what you told me, actually did still have feelings for Jillian. But then, after the way you took care of me, and held me when I felt sick, I realized that I was just being stupid. I wanted to...reward you, I guess, for being the most wonderful man."
Sam felt his cheeks start to turn pink at the mention of Jillian. He hoped Josie didn't notice. "Jos, I told you that -- "
"I know, like I said, I was being stupid. Caroline put all these ideas in my head and -- "
"What ideas?"
"Like that I shouldn't invite Jillian over because she is an ex-girlfriend, and that I should keep an eye out. Caroline had a wicked jealous streak, though." She let out a laugh. "She even said that Jillian brought Jude over here to make you jealous, to sort-of use reverse psychology on the whole situation." She laughed again. "I don't know where she comes up with stuff like that!"
Sam, however, stared at the ceiling. He had been jealous of tall, perfect Jude, and in fact had problems falling asleep because he couldn't get the mental picture out of his mind of Jillian and Jude making love in the taxi.
"She said that since Jillian was the first girl that you slept with, it was even worse than she'd originally thought. 'Sam's such a romantic, do you think that's something he's ever remotely forgotten?' she said. Caroline and her theories." Josie was still smiling.
Sam was lost in thought. He was thinking about when he and Jillian had lost their virginity to each other in the hotel room that they'd gotten in Daytona Beach. She had placed candles all around the room while he was swimming, so when Sam had come into the room the lighting was already soft and romantic. He remembered how her dark hair had almost reached her waist then, and had natural curls at the ends, how her lips glistened from her nervously licking them over and over, how she had sat with her legs tucked beneath her, sitting there in the middle of the bed in a sundress the color of twilight. He had never seen her look so beautiful. He was afraid to touch her, so he'd stood at the foot of the bed, clutching his towel tightly around his shoulders. He remembered that she had bit her bottom lip and looked up at him as she moved slowly toward him.
'Are you sure?' he'd asked. 'Yes.' she'd replied, snaking her arms around his shoulders and kissing him, pulling his body so close to her he knew he wasn't going to be able to hide how excited he was, something he had done a fairly good job of before this point. 'I love you, Sam. I love you so much. I want you to make love to me.' Sam could remember how breathy her whisper had been, and how it surprised him how sexy she was, not like a 17-year-old at all. Suddenly, Jillian was a woman, not a girl anymore �
"Sam? Are you okay? You weren't listening to me." Sam was pulled out of his reverie by Josie. He knew he was sweating, and he was pretty sure he was aroused.
"I'm sorry, I just started thinking. What were you saying?"
"I doesn't matter. I was just talking about Caroline anyway," Josie seemed a little hurt as she stood up from the bed and went into the walk-in closet. She came out holding a pair of jeans and her dark blue rayon shirt with the daisies embroidered at the neckline that Sam had bought her. "Caroline was wrong, right?" She suddenly asked, her voice trembling.
Sam walked over and put his arms around her. "Josie, I am not in love with Jillian anymore. I am in love with you. Only."
"Okay," she said, but she still sounded unsure.
"We can get married today if you want, if that will help." He was half- serious, but it brought a smile back to her lips.
"Don't be crazy." She kissed his lips. "I'm fine."
"You are perfect."
"Well, that's going a little far," she said, walking into the bathroom to shower.
* * *
Jillian stepped out of the cab, her head still pounding a little. She had forgotten to take the aspirin, and was dealing with the effects of a slight hangover, which was making her grumpy. Even though it was an overcast day, she was wearing dark sunglasses. Her car was still parked in front of Sam and Josie's, and Jillian stood in front of it, debating whether to just get in the car and go, or to go knock on the door and visit. While she was weighing the pros and cons in her head, all the while remembering Brigid's advice, Josie came outside with Lucas on a leash.
"Hi, Jillian," she said brightly, walking over to her.
"Good afternoon, Josie." Jillian responded, pushing her sunglasses up onto her head. "And hello, Poopface," she said, kneeling on the grass and letting Lucas lick her cheek. She stood again and smiled at Josie.
"Were you going to come in?"
"Well, I was actually just deliberating that in my head this moment, actually. I hadn't come to a final decision, but I didn't want to disturb you and Sam."
"Oh, you wouldn't be. Sam's inside watching a college hockey game, and I was just planting some flowers. And now I'm taking Lucas for a walk. Care to join me?"
"I think I'm actually going to just go. My head is pounding a bit." Jillian hoped her excuse didn't sound as thin as she feared.
"Well, okay. I hope you feel better."
"Thank you, I do too. Please tell Sam I said 'hello'."
"Okay." Josie tugged on Lucas's leash. "I've got to take him. It was nice to see you, though." Josie hoped her words didn't sound as phony as they seemed.
"You too. I'll give you guys a call soon." Jillian got in her car and started it, waving to Josie as she passed.
* * *
Josie decided that the best way to get over her jealousy of Jillian was to get to know her. She figured Jillian was like the girls that she had so envied in high school: beautiful on the outside but with some great character flaw that suddenly made them not as attractive. She knew that she was being silly, but logic didn't stop her stomach from jumping every time Jillian was mentioned. So she called Jillian from work to invite her to Happy Hour at the bar that was next to the Sun- Times.
Jillian met Josie at 7 o'clock, looking frustratingly perfect as usual in maroon corduroy pants and a sparkly black shirt. She had glitter in her hair and a little on her cheekbones. On anyone else her age it would have looked childish, but on Jillian it seemed almost natural and not at all surprising. Josie felt inadequate in her slate blue pantsuit.
She began to wonder if this plan of hers was going to work at all or if she would eternally feel this infuriating jealousy.
They sat at a table in the back and ordered their drinks. It was not as loud as Josie had feared, so they would be able to talk without shouting.
"I'm going to take it easy this time," Josie said with a smile, referring to the previous weekend.
Jillian laughed. "Oh, me too. I don't plan on being that drunk again for quite a while."
"How was the final night of the play?"
"It went well. Everyone was quite sad, but I'm actually glad it is done with. I need a break."
"I bet."
"I really don't want to talk about work, if you don't mind. I am just so sick of theater and theater talk. And theater people."
"Sure, no problem. We can talk about whatever you want."
"Well, I'd like to hear about how you and Sam met. Neither of you seemed to want to share that information when we had coffee."
"It's a strange story."
"Let's hear it."
Josie started at the beginning, telling Jillian how she had been an aspiring reporter, how her boss had chosen her, probably because she looked so young, to go undercover as a high school student, and how Sam had been her English teacher. She explained how she had fallen in love with him gradually over the two months, all the while trying to find a way to tell him that she wasn't really a student, and she certainly wasn't really seventeen years old. But when she had announced it to the entire senior class that the Prom, he had gotten angry at her, feeling as if she had been lying to him, and refused to talk to her at all. So she had written the infamous article that not only brought Sam to her but made her somewhat of a celebrity as well.
"That is so romantic," Jillian sighed.
Josie was grinning from ear to ear. "I know. Sometimes I can't believe that it happened to me."
"You are very lucky."
"Thank you." Josie took a sip of her rum and coke before asking, "Can I ask about Ryan?"
"Certainly. What do you want to know?"
"The whole story I guess. If that isn't too personal."
Jillian shook her head and said "I met Ryan at a Nirvana concert in December of 1992. He was an aspiring musician / actor, like many people living in New York City. He was absolutely beautiful...6 feet 2 inches, thin, blue eyes, curly brown hair...Anyway, we exchanged numbers and started dating soon after that night and got married in October of 1993. Honeymooned in Jamaica. Everything was perfect for a while, but then I got the role of Rizzo in Grease and had to go on the road for four months. After that I got a part in Cabaret and by this point Ryan was angry that I was gone all the time. I accused him of being jealous that my career was taking off before his, said he was not supportive, blah blah blah. Then I got a role in Rent, and went on the road again. This was 1996. And it was the last straw."
"So, what happened?" Josie asked, drawn in as she always was with a good story.
"I finished Rent and went home to New York. And I found the apartment half-empty." Josie let out a sympathetic moan. "Ryan had moved out in my absence. I was served divorce papers two days later. His grounds were neglect. I tried to talk it out with him, but he said I was too late. It wasn't until the divorce was final that my friends came forward and told me of Ryan's dalliances with other women all about town. Sometimes I wish they had never told me, because knowing broke my heart as much as the divorce."
"I can imagine. God, how awful. Do you still love him?"
"Oh, God, yes. I think about Ryan every day. Every Day." Jillian took a long drink of her martini, finishing it off.
"Well, you are beautiful, and talented, and sweet. You will find someone else, I'm sure of it."
"Yes, that's what a lot of people say. But it seems I have little luck in love. Every person I have been interested in in the last few years either is not interested in me, or taken."
"It will happen, Jillian. Just have some faith. Trust me, I know from experience."
Jillian nodded, and got up to order another drink. When she sat down she said "We English are complete lushes, let me just warn you. There's so bloody little else to do when it rains for six days straight." She smiled and sipped her drink.
* * *
Josie went home that night feeling better about Jillian. She realized now that Jillian was lonely and in need of people to care about her. So, if she clung a little to her past with Sam, and spent time with him, Josie wasn't going to be insecure about it. She was going to try and be Jillian's friend, welcome her into their little circle.
She walked in the house, tossed her keys in the bowl on the table by the door and went into the living room. She had figured to see Sam there, but was wrong. She called out his name, and then went to the window to see if his car was outside. When she determined that it was, as she had thought, she went searching the house, only to find him sitting alone in the back yard, Lucas sleeping by his feet. He wasn't reading, or listening to music. He was just sitting there, perfectly still.
Josie opened the arcadia door and stepped out onto the deck. "Honey, are you okay?" she asked tentatively.
Sam jumped at her voice, startled. He laughed in embarrassment, and stood up to walk over to her. He put his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"I think we should set a wedding date. I don't want a long engagement. What's the point, you know?"
Josie felt her smile growing with every word. "Why were you thinking about that?"
"I was counting my blessings in a sense. Thinking about you, and how lucky I am to have found you. And then there's the house, and the dog, and I suddenly realized that the only thing missing was the vows. I don't want to wait. I want to marry you. The sooner the better, so I can introduce you as my wife."
"Sam..." Josie felt as if her knees were going to give out. "When?"
"Well, I thought that logically it would be better to have the wedding before school starts again so that we can have a decent honeymoon...so August sometime? Is that enough time to plan it?"
Josie nodded. "August is perfect." she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "What day?"
"You choose."
"Let's look at a calendar." They went inside to Sam's office, and stood, hand in hand, in front of the wall calendar. School began on September 5th, after Labor Day. So they decided on August 12th, a Saturday, giving them a little less than two months to plan.
* * *