* * *
Sam flicked the porch light on and pulled the door open. A figure stood on the porch shaking out an umbrella. They had their back to the door. The figure turned toward Sam and Josie.
Josie sucked in her breath and moved closer to Sam. He curled an arm possessively around her waist. "What are you doing here, Lara?"
"You used to have better manners, Sam. Aren't you going to ask me in?" Lara asked.
Sam glanced uncomfortably at Josie.
She gave him a perplexed look and smiled uncertainly at Lara. "Of course�come in. Please forgive the mess�we just moved in today�we haven't finished unpacking yet." She showed her into the living room.
Sam continued to watch Lara warily. Even though they'd parted as friends, Sam knew what a bitch she could be when crossed. He didn't want her sinking her claws into Josie. "What brings you to our humble neighborhood from Manhattan?"
"I have a conference at the Four Seasons beginning tomorrow. I decided to drop off some things of yours that I found lying around my apartment. They're in a box on the porch. Oh�and I brought you an engagement present."
Sam retrieved the boxes and a small gift bag from the porch. He handed the elegantly wrapped package to Josie. "Why don't you do the honors?" He still wasn't sure what to make of Lara's unexpected visit.
Josie tore into the paper to find a top-of-the-line cappuccino maker. "Wow! Thank you."
"Sam does love his coffee," Lara remarked.
Sam picked up the gift bag and delved into the tissue paper. He pulled out a pound of espresso beans from Central Perk, his favorite New York coffeehouse. "My favorite," he said, surprised she'd remembered.
Josie looked at the bag of coffee in amazement. "Central Perk? You know that place?"
Sam nodded. "Why?"
"It's one of Monica's favorite hangouts. She lives nearby. We went there a lot when I stayed with her that summer."
Lara smiled. "Funny you should say that. I have a message for you from a guy that works there�good-looking�Italian, I think. When I mentioned the coffee was for a friend in Chicago, he asked me if I happened to run into a friend of his named Josie Geller, could I tell her�" Lara grimaced and attempted a Brooklyn accent "�'How you doin?' He tried pretty hard to pick me up."
Josie was laughing hysterically. "Was his name, by chance, Joey Tribbiani? He tries to pick up every pretty woman."
"Could have been. I'm terrible with names."
Sam gave Josie a jealous look. "Who's Joey Tribbiani?"
"One of Monica's friends. He's an actor�he was Dr. Drake Ramore on Days of Our Lives."
"He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I'll tell you that," said Lara. "Imagine�him thinking that I might run into his friend by chance in Chicago. When he said your name, though, I almost choked on my latte."
"What are you really doing here, Lara?" Sam asked. "How'd you even find us?"
"It wasn't difficult. I stopped by your old place and the super gave me your forwarding address. As for my reason for stopping by�call it curiosity. I wanted to see what sort of life you've chosen for yourself. And I'll admit�I wanted to get a better look at the woman who so quickly replaced me in your heart."
"And now that you have?"
"You look happy. Happier than you ever looked with me. You would have been miserable in New York."
"What about you, Lara? How are things going with�?" Sam realized he didn't know her new boyfriend's name.
"Richard. Great. I'm moving into his penthouse overlooking Central Park, when I get back."
"Looks like you got everything you ever wanted."
"Yes." Lara glanced at Josie and Sam, snuggled together on the sofa. "You too. So, Josie�let me see that rock Sam gave you."
Josie held out her hand. Lara examined the diamond closely.
"Small stone�but nice cut�excellent color and clarity. Good choice, Sam�always choose quality over size."
"So glad you approve," Sam said dryly.
"Hey�I'm trying to be nice here. After all, Josie did steal my boyfriend of five years! I could be a complete bitch."
"What's stopping you? Nothing ever has before."
"Touch�. You're just so damned adorable together. All cuddly and middle America in your grubby T-shirts and bare feet. Very Norman Rockwell." She glanced at her diamond-encrusted watch. "Well�I've got to go�I've got a car waiting outside. Look me up if you ever get to New York. I'll show you the fabulous view from my penthouse." She breezed out the door, leaving behind a cloud of her expensive, overpowering perfume.
Sam pushed the door closed behind her and rested his forehead against the wood. "Now that was truly bizarre!"
Josie nodded in agreement. "I can't quite decide if I want to like her or run screaming from her in the other direction."
Sam laughed. "Welcome to the last five years of my life!"
* * *
Over the next few days, Sam and Josie realized that learning to live with each other was more of a challenge than they had imagined.
Josie's penchant for neatness made Sam crazy. He could barely set something down before Josie was straightening it up.
Sam's more relaxed attitude made Josie nuts. He'd leave a glass sitting on the coffee table without a coaster for hours.
Things reached the boiling point on Friday afternoon.
"Sam," Josie called from the living room.
He popped his head in the doorway. "What's up?"
"I know it's my turn�but would you mind loading the lunch dishes in the dishwasher? If I don't finish up this column and send it to Gus by five I'm in deep trouble."
"Sure�no problem."
An hour later Josie saved her file and sent it to Gus. She wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water and frowned at the pile of dishes, still in the sink.
"Uh�Sam�could you come into the kitchen for a sec?"
"Sure." Sam entered the kitchen. "Whatcha need?"
"Weren't you going to do the dishes?"
"I said I was�and I will. I got busy doing something else."
"Like it takes such a long time to load the dishwasher."
"You're angry with me!?"
"Yes�I am. I ask you to do one little thing�but no�you've got more important things to do!" she shouted.
"Damn right! They're just dishes. They're not going anywhere. Can't you just relax once in a while? Does everything always have to be perfect?" he yelled.
Tears slipped down Josie's cheeks. "Are we fighting?"
Sam came up behind her and turned her to face him. "Yep. Our first fight. Over doing the dishes." He smiled and gently wiped the tears from her eyes. "I really was planning to do them."
Josie rested her head against his chest as Sam reassuringly rubbed her back. "I'm sorry I over-reacted. There's just so much happening right now�"
"I'm sorry I didn't realize how stressed out you are. Would you like to see what I thought was more important than the dishes?"
Josie nodded. Sam covered her eyes with his hands and led her from the kitchen. He removed his hands and Josie blinked.
Sam had finished the study. The loveseat and wicker table from her apartment formed a small, cozy sitting area. Books�hers and Sam's�filled the built in shelves, along with their combined childhood trophies. A computer desk, still bare, filled one corner of the room. Sam's antique desk filled another.
"It's wonderful."
"Gus is sending over your office equipment next week. Then you'll be all set. Now�I think what you need is a nice, relaxing bubble bath to soothe away all that tension."
"That sounds like heaven. Care to join me?" She gave Sam a sexy smile.
He grinned back. "I'd love to�but I've got an errand to run. I shouldn't be long."
* * *
Josie woke the next morning wrapped tightly in Sam's arms. She sighed and snuggled even more closely into his embrace. He kissed her tenderly. "I have a surprise for you."
"What is it?"
"Go get a shower. When you come out�your first clue will be waiting for you."
Josie looked at Sam more closely. His hair was damp. "You've been up for a while."
He nodded and gently pushed her from the bed.
She showered quickly. When she re-entered the bedroom, she found Sam gone. He'd made the bed and laid her Rosalind costume out on it. A note on the dress said: "Wear Me!"
She donned the dress, pinned her hair up, and lightly applied some make- up. Curious about Sam's surprise, she raced down the stairs.
Josie's heart skipped a beat. Sam stood at the foot of the stairs dressed as Orlando. He wore a loose fitting white shirt with ruffles down the front and on the cuffs; he'd left several buttons undone, exposing a light patch of hair on the smooth muscles of his chest. Black leather pants molded to his muscular legs and buttocks. A short black velvet jacket and sword completed his costume.
Sam took her hand and kissed her fingertips. He gazed mischievously into her eyes. "If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind."
"I'll have no husband, if you not be he."
Sam smiled crookedly at Josie. "I've had more dreams about you in that gown than I can count," he teased. "Of course, most of them involve me getting you out of it�"
Josie blushed. "You look amazing. I never knew ruffles could be so�manly. I can't believe I finally have my true Orlando�" Josie fanned her face with her hand. "God�do you have any idea how sexy you look in those leather pants?"
Sam laughed. "I'll probably regret it later when it gets hot, but it was either this or tights�and I'm not a tights kind of guy."
Sam bowed to Josie. "Milady Rosalind�wilt thou accompany me to the faire? We may, perchance, meet our Virgin Queen. Or, mayhap, the famous playwright, Mr. Shakespeare."
Josie giggled. "Aye, kind sir, I would accompany thee."
Inside the gates of the Renaissance fair, Sam and Josie were magically transported to Elizabethan England. They wandered down dusty, narrow dirt streets laughing at prisoners in stocks and browsing in tiny shops.
A trumpet herald blared.
"Hear ye, Hear ye! Lords and Ladies�Her Majesty�Elizabeth Regina," yelled the town crier.
Sam and Josie made their way to the roadside. They smiled as William Shakespeare strode past them. He tipped his hat at them. "Ah�the fair Rosalind and her brave Orlando."
The Queen's litter appeared carried by eight burly men.
"Halt!" the Queen cried imperiously.
They came to rest directly in front of Sam and Josie.
"Guard!" she called. A man wearing a red beefeater uniform bowed before her.
"Your Majesty."
"We would speak with yon gentleman and his fair lady." She indicated Sam and Josie with a flourish of her bejeweled hand.
The guard approached them and bowed slightly. "Milord�Milady�Her Majesty desires thy presence."
"We are honored, Sir," said Sam in character. He offered Josie his arm. "My love, we shall meet our Queen."
They walked toward the royal litter. Sam bowed deeply, Josie curtsied; they both kept their eyes downcast. "Your Majesty," they said.
"Rise. Come closer. We wish to converse with thee."
Sam and Josie obeyed.
"Young man, what is thy name?"
"Orlando de Boys, my Queen."
"And thou, mistress?"
"I am Lady Rosalind, daughter to Duke Senior, Your Majesty."
"And my betrothed," added Sam.
"Ah�a fine pair of young lovers. We command thee attend us in our box at the royal chess match."
"We are most honored, Your Majesty," replied Sam with a bow.
They followed the Queen's procession to the site of the match and found themselves seated beside William Shakespeare.
"We are great admirers of thy plays, sir," said Josie.
"Indeed," said Sam, "'Twas thy words which drew us nigh each other."
"Newborn love is a wondrous affair," said William, "but mind ye this�love is not love which alters when it alteration finds�"
"Or bends with the remover to remove�" continued Josie.
"O no, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken�" finished Sam.
"Truer words have ne'er been spoken," said Josie.
Sam smiled tenderly at Josie. "Our love has already withstood much�it grows but stronger and truer."
"Then ye be most fortunate. I fear we must attend to the game at hand, lest we ire our Queen. I would ask ye play my game later this day. Ye wouldst fare well and the prize is wondrous and rare�a seat of honor beside thy Queen at the joust."
They settled back in their seats to watch the remainder of the exciting human chess match. The queen and her opponent called out moves and watched as the players fought for position. There was exciting swordplay, jousting, and daring acrobatics. Predictably, Elizabeth was the victor; no one would dare to best the queen.
When the match ended and the Queen had departed, Sam and Josie stood to leave.
"A reminder, my young friends," said William Shakespeare. "We shall meet again. At two of the clock at the Globe for a match of wits."
They continued walking through the streets of the faire, toward a gypsy camp.
"This is so much fun!" exclaimed Josie. In her excitement she reverted to modern speech. "Thanks for bringing me�I've always wanted to come."
"This past week has been so insane�"
"Just the past week?"
Sam grinned. "Okay�the past several weeks. I thought we deserved a break."
Josie squinted as the sun beat down on them. "The sun's getting pretty hot�how are you holding up?"
"I think I've lost a few pounds," he joked.
Josie laughed. "Well�I'm sure it was the image of you in those snug leather pants that got the Queen's attention."
Sam chuckled. "As if you haven't received hundreds of suggestive leers. It's a damn good thing I have a sword�"
They'd wandered into the gypsy camp. A beautiful gypsy girl danced suggestively, seductively eyeing Sam. Josie shot her a blistering warning look.
"'Er now, dearie�I must tell yer fortune," muttered an old crone. She grabbed Josie's hand.
"No no�I really don't�"
"Sit�girl�sit�I'll tell ye the story o' yer life."
Josie and Sam sat opposite the wizened old woman. She took Josie's left hand in hers and ran her nails along the lines of Josie's palm. "Ye have a long lifeline, dearie�but it's yer heartline that speaks to me. Yer heart was broken�clean in two." She indicated a break in the middle line of Josie's palm.
Josie looked at Sam. "Yes," she whispered.
The old gypsy ran her nail from where the line picked back up until its end. She looked at Josie, then at Sam, peering deeply into their eyes. "This new love�'tis the love of a lifetime�'twill last forever and beyond."
Josie gently stroked Sam's cheek with her free hand. "Tell me something I don't already know," she said tenderly.
They hurried through the crowded streets to the Globe Theater. A throng of people was gathered singing bawdy tavern songs. Sam and Josie were laughing and singing along by the show's end.
William Shakespeare strode onto the stage. "We shall have a match of wits this day. I did elect two couples from amongst thee. They shall be given a portion of a speech from some of the greatest works of the English language�written by the great�well�me. They must complete the speech to the end. The couple with the sharpest wit will be seated with our fair Queen at this day's joust. Wilt my chosen pairs ascend the stage?"
Sam and Josie climbed the steps and took seats on one side of the stage. Another couple, dressed as Romeo and Juliet, took the other set of chairs.
Josie held her breath as Romeo correctly completed Hamlet's great soliloquy. "I never liked Hamlet much," she whispered in Sam's ear. He grinned.
"Orlando�But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?"
Sam smiled at Josie and gazed deeply into her eyes as he recited:
"It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing; what of that?
Her eye discourses, I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!"
"Well done, Orlando. Now�to the fair Juliet�The more my wrong the more his spite appears�"
"What did he marry me to famish me? Beggars that come unto my father's door�umm�I'm sorry�I don't remember anymore."
"Rosalind�if thou knowest this�the reward is thine�O, I know where you are. Nay, 'tis true�"
Josie smiled brightly at Sam as she finished Rosalind's speech:
"There was never any thing so sudden but the fight of two rams, and Caesar's thrasonical brag of 'I came, saw, and overcame.' For your brother and my sister no sooner met but they look'd; no sooner look'd but they lov'd; no sooner lov'd but they sigh'd; no sooner sigh'd but they asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy; and in these degrees they have made a pair of stairs to marriage, which they will climb incontinent, or else be incontinent before marriage. They are in the very wrath of love, and they will together. Clubs cannot part them."
Josie and Sam sprang from their chairs, hugging each other tightly. Shakespeare clapped a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I would have a word with thee and thy fair lady."
"Of course."
"I bid thee follow me."
They followed Shakespeare through a gate marked cast members only. A blast of frigid, air-conditioned air hit them. Josie shivered. Sam sighed blissfully. "Heaven," he murmured.
Shakespeare signaled to a tall woman with a clipboard. She walked over and introduced herself.
"Hi�I'm Kate Parker�I'm the director of this production. I recognized you on the street this morning�saw you on the news a few weeks ago�the 'Never Been Kissed' couple. Am I right?"
Sam and Josie exchanged a glance and smiled at each other. "You're right," said Josie. "Hi�I'm Josie Geller�and this is my fianc�, Sam Coulson."
"I have a proposition for you two. If you're interested�you'd have to sign a waiver�"
Josie glanced around nervously as the victorious knight saluted his queen. As planned Sam was deep in conversation with Shakespeare and Sir Walter Raleigh at the far end of the viewing gallery.
A cannon exploded.
A huge black horse thundered into the arena carrying a black-clad knight. Sword drawn, he climbed into the gallery and stood before Josie. "Just like we rehearsed," he whispered.
"I shall l have my revenge Orlando de Boys�I shall take thy fair Rosalind�" He sheathed his sword, hoisted Josie over his shoulder and climbed back down into the arena. He set Josie on the back of the enormous black beast.
Sam looked uneasily at the rope he was supposed to use to effect his rescue. "C'mon, Coulson, you can do this," he muttered. He mentally pictured himself with Josie on the Ferris wheel and recalled the reassuring sensation of her soft hand on his. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"Never," shouted Sam. "My Rosalind�I shall save thee!" He grabbed the rope and swung down into the arena. Breathing a sigh of relief as his feet encountered terra firma, Sam drew his sword.
The black knight drew his weapon and lunged at Sam. Sam gracefully deflected the blow.
Josie watched in wonder from the back of the horse. Sam had neglected to mention that fencing was among his athletic pursuits. She patted the horse's neck and threaded her fingers through his thick mane. "Isn't he just the most amazingly sexy man, Lucifer?" she whispered in the horse's ear. He nickered softly. "So glad you agree," Josie said, giggling.
Their parry and thrust continued for a time, until Sam succeeded in relieving the knight of his weapon. Sam pointed his sword at the knight's jugular vein. "Begone," he yelled, "or ye shall not greet the morrow!"
The defeated knight limped from the arena.
Sam placed his hands on Josie's waist and helped her from the steed. He caught her in his arms and pulled her close.
She smiled up at him. "What would you say to me now, and I were your very very Rosalind?"
Sam grinned. "I would kiss before I spoke." He lowered his lips to hers as the crowd cheered. He lifted his head and smiled tenderly at Josie, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "This suddenly seems very familiar," he whispered.
Her eyes met his and she smiled sweetly. "I know what you mean," she murmured as she raised her lips to his.
* * *