The Night Before
By Dixie
Date Posted: September 18, 1999
* * *
Sam paced around his living room, through the kitchen, to the dining room and then back into the living room. He was conflicted. Back in the kitchen, he paused to look at the clock on the microwave. The numbers shown red: 2:36 AM. Sam sighed. He had gone to bed an hour ago, and tried to fall asleep, but had ended up only tossing and turning. There had been nothing on the tv either when he had turned it on. Another showing of the earlier broadcast Tonight Show, with Jay Leno making more stupid Clinton jokes. Some Spanish music videos. An infomercial about the spray-on hair. Sam briefly entertained the notion that he should call and order some. After all, he was about to tear all of his hair out.
What was he going to do? He was in love. He was in love with someone who was not his girlfriend. Worse yet, he was in love with someone who was his student. How had he let this happen? Never before had he ever been attracted to any of his students. Sam was angry at himself for many things, not the least of which was the fact that Josie, this girl he loved so much it hurt, was only 17. Sam sank into his overstuffed chair, closed his eyes, leaned his head back and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.
Across the room, as if the answer to Sam's prayers, the telephone rang. He walked over and picked up the reciever.
"Hello?"
"Hey Sam."
Sam sighed again, this time in relief. It was his older sister, Abby.
"Hi Abby. What's going on?" Sam asked.
"Not much," came the reply. "I just had an urge to call you. I didn't wake you up did I? I am always forgetting about the time difference."
Sam walked back to the chair and sat. "No, I was awake. How is San Francisco?"
"Eh," Abby responded. Sam could practically hear her shrug. "It's fine. Lots of fog."
"Lots of streetcars?"
Abby laughed. "And a huge island with an abandoned prison on it."
They were silent for a few moments. Then Abby spoke again,
"What's wrong?"
Sam sat up straighter. "What do you mean?"
"Come on, Sam. I can tell by your voice that there's something bothering you. Add that to the fact we haven't spoken in nearly a month and all of a sudden I had this unbearable urge to phone you. So spill it, Sam. What's wrong?"
Sam took a deep breath. "I am going through a difficult time right now."
"Is it money?" Abby asked, her voice full of concern. "Bill and I can send you whatever you need. God knows teachers' salaries are crap."
"No, no. It's not money."
"Then what?"
Sam paused. Should he tell her? What would she think of him? Then, deciding she was after all his sister, and therefore required to love him no matter what, he said, "I think I am in love."
Abby waited. She knew there was more.
"Well, it's more than a thought, actually, Abby. I can't get her out of my head. I get sick to my stomach when I think about her. But the good kind of sick," he quickly added.
"I'm assuming you're not talking about Lara."
"No," Sam admitted.
It was Abby's turn to sigh. "Sam, you know how I feel about Lara. I regret ever introducing you in the first place. I mean, if I had known what type of person she'd turn out to be..." Abby stopped. "Hmm, that's not very helpful, is it? Anyway, I don't see what the problem is. Just break up with Lara."
"It's more complicated than that."
"It's not the five years, is it? Because you really haven't even been together the last two. Not since she moved to New York."
"That's not it, although that makes me feel like somewhat of a cad."
"Don't," Abby commanded. A slight change of subject was in order, she decided. "Tell me more about this new girl."
Sam smiled as he thought of Josie. "She's this amazing, intelligent, talented, friendly, beautiful woman." Was it wrong to call her a woman? Sam asked himself. No, he decided. Josie was incredibly mature. It seemed wrong to call her anything but a woman.
"She sounds great, Sam!" Abby exclaimed. "Go for it!"
"I can't," he said simply. He sunk further into his chair.
"Is she married?"
"No."
"A lesbian?"
"No."
"Then what is it?" Abby asked, exhasperated.
Sam winced. "She's, uh, a student."
"Right....?" Abby was confused.
"One of my students," Sam clarified.
"Oh!"
Sam began pacing the room again. On the phone, Abby continued.
"Oh, yes, that does create a problem, doesn't it?"
Sam chuckled ruefully.
"How old is she?" Abby asked slowly.
Sam stopped and leaned agains the wall. He didn't answer.
Abby groaned.
"Abby," Sam said, his throat tightening, "I can't explain it. I know it's wrong to be attracted to a seventeen year old, much less a student of mine. I've been beating myself up about it day and night. But I can't stop. Every day I see her, this feeling gets stronger, and the more I think I'm just going to die if I can't be with her."
Abby said her next words very carefully, "But Sam, you can't be with her."
"I know," he whispered.
Abby felt awful. She hated hearing her brother in such agony. "Does she feel the way you feel?"
Sam thought back. He remembered the closeness he'd felt with Josie on the ferris wheel. The warmth between them as they went about choosing prom music, and painting the prom backdrop. The time they nearly kissed before he told her about the interview with the guy from Dartmouth. Josie had been so touched that he'd do that for her. "That's not all," he'd wanted to say so badly He had wanted to tell her that he wanted to care for her, love her for the rest of their lives. Had that really only been tweleve hours ago? Sam wondered.
"Sam?"
His attention returned to his sister. "Yes," he said. "I think she does return the affection."
Abby was silent. She knew her brother well enough to know that this was not some passing thing. He truly meant what he said about loving this girl. What kind of a sister would she be if she told him to ignore his feelings, only to lose what might possibly be the love of his life? Abby was a strong believer in the idea of soulmates. When she had found hers, she had known in an instant, and had spoken of him with the conviction and feeling that Sam now had as he talked of this girl.
When Abby finally spoke, she said what Sam was hoping to hear, "Then don't let her go."
And in that instant, Sam knew what he was going to do. What he had to do. He was not going to let go of Josie. He was going to wait for her. And he was going to tell her so that evening at the prom.
* * *
Back to Stories Page