* * *
Josie sat, stunned, as she watched the man that she intensely loved weeping into their joined hands. She could feel the warmth of his tears as they rolled between her fingers. At first, she hadn't known what to think of Sam's story, but now� It was obvious to her that he was in terrible pain, just as she was. This was not the action of a man who only wanted to leave her. No, he was exposing his very soul before her; baring his pain and fear of losing their wonderful bond, leaving himself open for her to hurt him even more.
After a long moment of watching and listening to Sam cry, she felt her own pain start to melt away. He loved her! She had no doubt about it now. He loved her so much that he would humble himself before her, regardless of whether she would forgive him. Josie gently removed her hands from his. When he again looked up at her, questioning, worried, she smiled just a hint and then guided his head down onto her lap.
Sam wrapped his arms around her waist, holding himself to her, sobs still shaking him. Josie hesitated, but then she placed a soothing hand on his head. Over and over again, she simply slid her fingers through his silky hair, trying without words to show him that she still cared, that she did still love him.
Taking comfort in Josie's soothing ministrations, Sam's sobs tapered off, although tears still continued to flow down his cheeks. But these were tears of cleansing, of joy. He knew now that she would forgive him, not that he had any right to forgiveness. It was simply her nature to forgive.
Finally, Sam dared to raise his head and meet Josie's eyes. A tremulous smile touched the corners of her mouth as she reached down with her hands and wiped the tears from his eyes, and then down his cheeks to dry them. Finally, she sunk her fingers into the hair along his temples and cradled his face in her palms. He gave her a hesitant smile in return.
Josie sighed softly and began, "Oh, Sam�" She rubbed her thumbs against his cheeks, feeling just a hint of stubble there.
Sam stared deeply into Josie's eyes, afraid to speak. Indeed, at that moment, he wasn't sure if he could speak.
"You really do love me, don't you?" Josie asked him, a touch of awe in her voice.
He nodded and then responded, "Yes, I really do." After a pause, he asked, "Do�do you forgive me for being the world's biggest idiot? Can you forgive the hurt I caused you?"
Tears started to roll unnoticed down Josie's cheeks as she answered with a little laugh, "Yes, Sam� I forgive you. Do you forgive me for jumping to conclusions?"
Sam looked up sharply and exclaimed, "Josie, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. You had every right to be upset and angry with me."
"No, Sam�I wasn't fair to you. You are the man I love. I shouldn't have just taken her word for everything. I should have asked you about it before I just assumed it to be the truth and tried to throw everything away. That was my own insecurities showing, Sam. If I had been thinking more clearly, I would have realized that woman was trying to toy with me the way she apparently did with you."
Sam asked uncertainly, "So�you still�love me, then? Even after all this?"
Both laughing and crying, Josie nodded. "Yes�"
Sam scrambled up from his knees, pulled Josie from her chair and swept her into a bear hug, leaving her feet dangling two inches off the floor. "Thank God!" he breathed in relief, burying his face into her neck.
In response, Josie threw her arms around Sam's neck and sighed, laying her head on his shoulder, and melting into his embrace.
* * *
Anita stood up and away from the door, wiping stray tears away from her own eyes. Granted, she'd left the room, but there was no way she was missing that conversation. She'd actually had to scurry around and hide under Merkin's desk when Sam had opened the door. At that point, things weren't going well for Sam, and she didn't want him to think there were any witnesses to his pain. But when he closed the door again, she breathed a sigh of relief and resumed her position with her ear against the door of Josie's office.
And now that they had made up again, Anita could fully see the advantages of being in such a relationship. They enjoyed each other through the good times and supported each other through the rough times. Suddenly she realized that this was what she had been looking for all her life. She just hadn't known it. Instead, she'd gone looking in all the wrong places�and people�she'd had everything wrong.
'Well,' Anita thought with sudden clarity, 'that is about to change. Starting today, I'll be working on a whole new me�' 'One that Gus might want,' her subconscious finished for her.
Not wanting to think about that prospect too much at the moment, Anita instead wiped the remainder of moisture carefully away from her eyes (so as not to smudge her make up) and turned around, intent on going back to her cubicle to hide out and make sense of her jumbled feelings about her boss.
Until she ran smack into someone.
"God, what is it with people running into me this week!" Gus bellowed.
Startled, Anita looked up at him and into his eyes. For a split second, with him staring back at her and their bodies temporarily plastered together, Anita felt a spark, and she could swear he'd felt it, too.
Flustered, Anita took a step backward, and asked, "What�are you doing here?"
"Well," Gus started dryly, "this is my office. I work here, which is more than I can say for you." He started to push past her.
Suddenly, Anita put together the facts that a) Gus was about to enter Josie's office, and b) Josie and Sam could not be disturbed at this moment. Placing her body firmly in Gus' path, she asked, "And what are you doing?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but I need to talk to Geller," Gus informed her.
Anita put both hands on Gus' chest, stopping him in his tracks. "You can't."
"Why? Is she at lunch or something?" he asked.
"Well�sort of. Sam is in there."
"And!? So what! Since when does Coulson's presence rate a national holiday!?" Gus blustered.
Annoyed at Gus' insensitivity, Anita snapped back, "Since when does your presence mean everyone has to drop everything and come running?"
A couple of staff writers, who had studiously been trying to stay out of the line of fire when Gus approached, gasped at Anita's audacity and waited for Gus' temper to flare, a trait he was legendary for.
Gus narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. In a tone that was quiet and menacing, he said, "Anita, have you forgotten that I am your boss? I run this office. People are supposed to drop what they are doing and come running. Now, move it!" He gestured for her to get out of his way.
Anita stood her ground. "You obviously have no clue what has happened in there today, do you!?" Anita did not give Gus a chance to answer. "No, of course you don't, and do you know why? Because your entire life is wrapped up in that office of yours! You eat, drink and sleep this paper! Meanwhile life is passing you by, and you can't lift your head out of your paperwork long enough to notice!"
Anita paused for breath. Gus figured her tirade was over and was about to fire her for the ninth time when she started up again.
"If you had bothered to notice, you would have seen that Sam's "Cruella DeVille" of an ex-girlfriend was here a while ago making trouble. You might have noticed that some of what the "Ice Princess" said upset Josie. She did a lot of damage that even as we speak Sam is trying to repair. So don't you dare think you are going in there with some inane request for her to somehow rewrite the President's State of the Union address before five o'clock today!" Anita's chest was heaving from the vehemence of her outburst.
Behind her, the bullpen was stunned and silent, waiting for Gus' reaction.
Gus said simply, "Either you move out of the way, or I will fire you for insubordination."
Anita inched her nose up a little bit higher and replied, "You could threaten to fire me out of a cannon and I wouldn't budge! You've done enough to mess up their lives, Augustus Strauss! Back off."
Gus assessed the determined look on Anita's face, and knew that she meant what she said: even if he fired her, she wasn't going to move. This was one showdown that was a no win situation if he followed through on his threat. Firing her would not gain him entrance to Josie's office. And grudgingly, he had to confess that it was an admirable trait that Anita was so protective of her friends. And he also had to admit, at least to himself, although he never would to her, Anita was the best Classifieds writer he'd ever had on staff. He'd only end up hiring her back, just as he had the last eight times. There was just something about her�he mused, before he shook that thought clear saying, "Fine. I'll leave her alone�for the time being. But this better not become a habit. And she better get her work done."
He turned to leave and then turned back again abruptly, shoving a packet of papers into Anita's hand. "Oh, and tell Geller I need this done by five."
Anita sighed and shook her head. The man was hopeless. "What's of such pressing importance that someone else can't do it?"
Gus turned without answering and started to walk away. As he turned the corner, he looked over his shoulder at Anita and with a hint of an amused smile, replied, "It's the State of the Union Address�"
Anita stared after his retreating back, noticing for perhaps the first time that Gus Strauss had a cute butt. Shaking her head both at Gus and her response to him, she sighed, "Men�"
* * *
Sam couldn't help it. He was just so ecstatic that he just had to kiss Josie. He kissed her mouth and her cheeks, her eyes and her nose, her ear and her throat until Josie laughingly said, "Okay, okay, Sam�whoa!"
Chuckling, Sam pulled back a little and with a sheepish grin, replied, "Sorry�"
Josie smiled and said, "Yeah, right. Sure you are�"
Knowing he was caught, Sam admitted, "Okay, you're right; I'm not. I'm just so happy�"
Josie finally realized that Sam was still holding her literally off the ground, so she asked, "Do you think maybe you could put me down now?"
As if Sam had only realized it himself, he quickly released her, letting her slide down him until her feet touched the floor. "Sorry," he said again.
Smoothing out the wrinkles in her suit nervously, Josie sat back down and gestured to the other chair behind the desk for Sam to sit in.
Sam took the hint and pulled the chair closer to Josie and seated himself.
Suddenly nervous once again, Josie stared at the pleat in her pants and asked, "Ahem�so�you said you had figured some things out today? What things?"
Sam was also getting uptight by Josie's reaction after their embrace, but relaxed a little when he heard her question. "Oh, well, I figured out a lot of things about myself, actually. Things I either was unable or unwilling to see before, and some of them were basically not that attractive."
Intruiged, Josie looked up to study Sam's face. "Really? Like what?"
"Well�" Sam hesitated, but in truth, he wanted Josie to understand him, including his faults. "No matter how much I would like to sit here and say that Lara is this evil manipulative creature, what it comes down to is that she was only as manipulative as I let her be."
Josie didn't follow. "What? What do you mean?"
"Josie�I'd like to think I'm a reasonably intelligent guy, you know? I'd be fooling myself if I tried to believe that she did all this manipulation without my consent. A part of me knew that she was using me or playing me at times to get what she wanted. But instead of standing up to her, I went along with it. I let her manipulate me, Josie. I let her use me. And do you know why?"
Josie shook her head no and waited for Sam to continue.
"Because I was insecure. That's what it all comes down to, Josie. When she agreed to date me way back when, I didn't consider myself all that attractive a guy. Still don't, I guess. And she was so glamorous, so chic, so worldly. I couldn't understand what she wanted with a 'country boy' like me. I fell for her�hard. And when she broke contact with me after that first year, it really devastated me. So when she mysteriously reappeared, I didn't want to feel that pain again. I must have made a decision, conscious or unconscious, to not upset the status quo, not to rock the boat. So, even though at times I made half-hearted attempts to get my point across, in the end, I gave in because I was comfortable, and I thought that was all I'd ever get. Certainly, Lara's treatment of me didn't help my self-image any, but I was the one that created that trap for myself, do you understand?"
"You were insecure!?" Josie asked incredulously. Sam, to her, had always seemed like someone who had everything, including an incredible self- esteem. "You never seemed insecure to me. As a matter of fact, you looked like someone with confidence to spare!"
"I suppose in certain areas that was true: I felt pretty confident about my teaching abilities, but as a mate and potential husband, I felt pretty worthless."
"And I'm sure that Lara didn't help that any�" Josie remarked sarcastically.
"No, she didn't. With her constant criticism, she was able to keep me pretty pliable, because I didn't want to do anything to really risk losing her. It took meeting you to realize there was more in life than just 'getting by'. Meeting you, reading your words� Your optimism and idealism made me see that those things could be possible for me, too. It was then that I started to see how unhappy I was in my situation. But it took this morning's fiasco to happen to see my part in it, how I allowed it to perpetuate."
Sam held Josie's right hand in both of his. "Josie, there are lots of times that I feel I am so utterly unworthy of a wonderful woman like you, and I wonder what in God's name I ever did to win you."
Josie reached over and placed her left hand along Sam's face and stared into his mournful, fearful eyes. "Oh, Sam�" she sighed. "I do that every single morning. I think, 'What's this incredible, sweet, handsome guy doing with me?'"
"Counting his lucky stars, that's what he's doing," Sam replied, pulling Josie's hand up to his mouth for a kiss. Then his look turned serious and he said, "Josie, I'm not perfect�far from it, in fact. I came face to face with some of my most unattractive features today, and it scared me. It scared me because I saw how I let my fears and insecurities run my life for a long time. I know I need to change, but it's going to be hard. I'm going to mess up sometimes. And I know I will hurt you again, as much as I won't mean to."
"Meeting you and being with you has made me want to be a better person, a better me. I like who I am when I am with you. I like who you see in me. But I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep up that premise; that in the end, you will be disappointed in me." Sam bent his head so that he could stare at the floor.
Josie used her left hand to tilt Sam's head back up so they could make eye contact. "Sam�You are an incredibly handsome, sweet, wonderful guy who is also a gifted teacher�and that's with your faults. I don't think you are some perfect knight in shining armor come to ride me into a 'happily ever after'. Even Lancelot, arguably the greatest knight in all literature, was still quite flawed. I'm not expecting miracles, Sam. I just want you�all of you; the good and the bad."
"And I feel as you do, that being with you has made me a better person, and it inspires me to want to do more. And I also wonder what you see in me, this mouse, this 'Josie Grossie' who couldn't attract a guy to come within a mile of her�"
Sam interrupted her, "Jos, I don't ever want to hear you call yourself 'Josie Grossie' again. This beautiful angelic creature before me could never fit that description."
Josie blushed.
"You are sweet, funny, an incredibly talented writer, intelligent, and a very, very beautiful woman who is both innocent and sexy. Your mind challenges me and makes me think while your body drives me crazy. No one could hold a candle to you, at least, not in my mind. So don't ever doubt that you could attract me or any other guy that walked the planet�not that I'd want you to be attracting other guys, mind you�because you are just amazing."
Josie felt her face go completely red, but she could not bite back her smile at what he had said.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, startling them both.
"Knock, knock," Anita called out, opening the door a crack to stick her head in. "Is it safe? Are the fireworks over? Did you guys make up?"
Josie smiled at her friend and nodded while Sam simply said, "Yes."
Her face brightening, Anita quickly entered the room, closing the door behind her. "Good. I'm glad. I'd have to lose all faith in mankind if you guys couldn't even make it. I'm breathing a sigh of relief here for all us 'romantically challenged' folk."
Both Sam and Josie chuckled at Anita's obvious attempt at lightening the mood.
Anita plopped herself down into the chair in front of Josie's desk. Then, as if suddenly realizing she was holding something, she looked at her right hand and then lifted it to deposit a sheath of papers onto Josie's desk.
Josie looked at them and then at Anita, questioning.
"Present from Gus," Anita replied.
Josie rolled her eyes.
"Oh, and he blustered on about having everything done by five�stuff like that," Anita supplied.
"When was this?" Josie asked her.
"Oh�a�little while ago. You guys were�a little busy at the moment."
"Oh, no! Anita!" Josie cried, and then asked quietly, "He didn't fire you again, did he?"
"No, but I'm sure he considered it," Anita answered with a smile.
Sam was lost. "Again? What do you mean, 'Fire you again?' You've been fired before?"
"Oh, yes," Anita said matter-of-factly.
"Eight times, actually," Josie supplied.
"But he always hires me back after he calms down," Anita continued.
Sam just shook his head, amazed.
Anita addressed Sam, saying, "Listen, sorry for jumping all over you like that earlier�"
Sam assured her, "Don't worry, Anita. It's okay. Actually, I'm glad that you are such a good friend and protector of Josie."
Anita shrugged. Then she turned to Josie. "Anyway� So how are you doing with that mountain of paperwork I know Strauss gave you this morning?" Anita asked.
"Oh! It's done," said Josie. "So now I just have to do whatever this is." She patted the newly deposited paper pile.
"So� Is it still going to be okay later for me to stop by and look through your closet, Jos? I wouldn't want to interrupt any heavy duty making up�" Anita wiggled her eyebrows for effect.
Josie blushed and was about to respond when Sam said, "Oh, don't worry, we'll save that until after you leave�" Then he gave Anita a cheeky grin.
With false indignation, Josie punched Sam in the arm. "Sam!"
But Anita just chuckled. "Okay, as long as you two keep all that kissy face to yourself�"
Josie rolled her eyes and looked heavenward, sighing. "What am I going to do with you two?" she asked with a smile.
"Well, I know what you two could do together, but I don't know if I want to be involved," Anita piped up. Then, as an obvious joke, she looked Sam up and down suggestively and said, "Although�"
Josie threw a fat gum eraser at Anita's head while Sam laughed.
* * *
The bell ending the last class of the day at South Glen South echoed through the halls. Suddenly teenagers burst out of classrooms filled the halls in a swarming mass. Aldys hugged the edge of the hallway wheeling her luggage carrier full of books behind her. When she reached her locker, she set her carrier rack to upright, turned the knob for her combination, and pulled the lever to open the door. Then she neatly stacked her books into her locker.
Once that was taken care of, she carefully folded her carrier and placed it inside her locker as well. Then she reached back in, grabbed a fat folder, a handful of pens and a clipboard and slammed the locker door shut. Leaning back against the bank of lockers, she crossed her feet and waited for the crowd to thin.
Finally, as the throng of teens waned, she sighed heavily and pushed herself out into the pathway. She walked slowly, because part of her really didn't want to reach her destination. But she was determined to help Josie and Mr. Coulson as much as she could, and if that meant a little discomfort and possibly a little humiliation, she was willing to risk it.
As she turned the corner, she saw them: Guy and his Amazing Lemmings all huddled around his locker, listening to him speak. She stopped, observing the group from afar as kids continued to walk past her. Guy spoke animatedly about something, gracefully using his hands from time to time as he made eye contact with each of them in turn. Grudgingly, Aldys admitted that Guy was very good at public speaking. For one moment, she let her mind drift, thinking of what it would be like to have his complete attention: his melodious voice speaking to her, his hands gesturing to her, his expressive eyes connecting with hers�like they had when they danced together at the prom�
Snapping herself roughly out of her reverie, she reminded herself yet again that their dance at the prom had meant nothing to Guy Perkins, no matter how different it had seemed at the time. Steeling herself for an inevitable confrontation, she pushed her braids up over each shoulder, pushed her glasses higher up onto her nose, and approached the group.
Guy was the first to notice her. He abruptly stopped talking and stared at her, which prompted the others in the group to turn to see what Guy was looking at. For a moment, all was silent, but then Tommy crowed, "Well, if it isn't Alpo? Whatsamatta, Alpo�didn't get enough to eat at lunch, so you had to come sniffing around here for scraps?"
Behind him, Jason sniggered. Gibby, Kristen, and Kirsten, who had been humbled by Josie's tirade at the prom, did nothing more than stare, a hint of condescension in their eyes. Guy did neither. He simply made eye contact with her. His expression was closed, wary almost.
Aldys pursed her lips just a little, but other than that, she had no outward reaction to Tommy's taunt. After all, she was used to them. She'd heard them all. Speaking to Guy, she said, "I need to talk to you."
Looking for a quick second over his shoulder at the crowd, he moved a step closer to Aldys and asked, "What do you want?"
Aldys glared over his shoulder and said sharply, loud enough for the rest to hear, "Without the peanut gallery, if you don't mind."
Guy studied Aldys' confrontational stance and decided to acquiesce. Turning around, he said, "Okay, guys, I'll catch up with you later."
Many of the group gave dirty looks to Aldys, but they took the hint and started to scatter. When they were all gone, Guy turned back to Aldys and said, "So, what do you want?"
Sighing her exasperation, Aldys replied, "I need your help."
Guy seemed taken aback by her response. Aldys never needed help�from anyone. "And you want me to help you!?" Guy was actually only finishing his train of thought aloud, but to Aldys, who hadn't heard the qualifying statement he'd thought before, it sounded like a put down.
"Listen, Guy, I know you think you are wonderful and everything because you are Big Man on Campus, but that's about to change. In a week and a half, we will be graduating, and then�assuming you were smart enough to get into college�you will just be some freshman peon, just like everybody else. And those upperclassmen and professors won't give a damn about whether you were South Glen's Golden Boy. I swear I have never met a guy who was more full of himself then you!"
Guy put his hands on Aldys' shoulders as he interrupted her, saying, "Whoa, whoa�Aldys! I don't think that came out the way it was meant to. I just meant�well, you never ask anyone for help, let alone someone you apparently can't stand."
"Well, I don't have any choice," she answered plainly. "I have something that I need to get as much exposure with as possible�and fast! You are the only one in this school with the kind of pull that could make that happen."
Guy looked doubtful. "I don't know, Aldys� This isn't some lame Denominators thing, is it?"
Aldys shook her head impatiently. "It has to do with Mr. Coulson and Josie."
"Josie?" Guy repeated. "What is it?"
Pulling the clipboard and folder away from her chest and into his view, she answered, "This."
* * *