A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
9. Well, well, well ...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you
don't like:
1. "I really don't deserve this."
It was Christmas Eve and Ron had still not bought anything for his for Christmas. So, on his way home, he stopped at that famous department store, Nacy's.
I'll just get her some nice perfume, he thought, as he entered the store. Walking up to the perfume counter, Ron said, "I'm looking for a nice perfume for my wife for Christmas."
The cosmetics clerk said, "Certainly, we have several very fine perfumes." And she proceeded to show him a bottle of "Elegance", $75 an ounce.
"That's a bit out of my price range," Ron said.
The clerk returned a moment later with another perfume, "Leave Him Wondering", for only $35 an ounce.
"That's still quite a lot," he grumbled.
So the clerk brought out a bottle of "Smells Like Heaven", only $20 an ounce.
At this, Ron grew a bit angry. "Geez," he exclaimed, "Can't you show me something real cheap?"
In response, the clerk handed him a mirror.
