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My Journal |
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Nov. 1 2004 |
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Ok, so this is my very first entry. I'm watching "Good Bye Lennon" Its pretty good.
I didn't do much today. I went to school, it was OK. I'm scared because I lost my planner that has my French Penpals adress in it. ): I've discovered my love of watching Foreign films. I had a bad after-school day. It sucked. Mikel started whining about how he hatesthe tv and how we aren't a family. Well Mikel, we aren't a family. It made me SO angry!!!!!!!!!! Today when I was on the computer, AND HE SLAMMED JAKE (THE DOG) into the wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .........meanie. Then I went downstairs w/my mom and yelled at him. I don't feel bad. I meant what I said. And I mean, who is HE to say he dosen't like artificial stimulation?????? sORRY THIS entry sucks. I just heard big news so I forgot everything.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ttyl,
Bethi
Next entry will be better!!!!!!! I promise |
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Nov. 2 04 |
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Hello everybody. Today wasn't o-so great. I was bording my horse at this place in California, but we had to sell him because we were moving to NY. We told the owner of the slables not to sell him until we interviewed all the prospective buyers, but NO! The stupid born-again christian sold Neesha!!!!!!!! I hate her!!!!!!! So thats a little tueday trivia lol. Its not like you care, but....I don't care if you don't care so ha! I had a riding lesson today. I was OK. It wasn't o so very great. O well. My life isn't o so very great. Its not even good! aaaaaa well. OMG today, me this girl and these two guys were sitting together in soical studies doing a research project and they started talking about the presidential election, and this stupid kid started saying random things about how Ralph Nader would bomb everywhere and that he should be president. but I knew what I was talking about and I said "well acually, he's with the green party, and he is against the war." and he was like....so. And then this stupid bitch said that we should bomb everywhere in the world except for the u.s. MG!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to claw her eyes out with my fingernails!!!!!!!!! She talks like a homosepian and is ugly as hell.......ok thats mean. mg, theres so much going on. This is sooooooo lame, nobody's reading this and I'm pouring myself out to stupid a sreen. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr |
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Nov. 3 04 |
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Hello everyone. Today sucked. This random girl said I was ugly, BUSH WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!! MG I HATE HIM!!!!! I feel like leaving the Country more then ever! Now I'm known at school as "The vegetarian America hater" Its so stupid. I'm such a loner at school. I want so much but I'm SO shy sometimes. If only people knew how cool I really am! Grrrrrrrrrr I know I have to go for what I want but its like my life is one mess after another! Sometimes I think that I'm some experiment to see how much one girl can take, made by some Aliens. I think its so fucked that people in the world are fighting. i have so much trouble explaining myself in person!!!!! I'm always screwing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GGGGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Ok, ttyl,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-Bethi |
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nOV. 9 2004 7:27 pm |
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Wow! In those last entrys I sound really hypocrytical and sorry for myself lol, once again.....KIILL MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
MG
I hate this. Oh well. Anyways, nothing really happened today. This girl flipped me off, I laughed, but i really was kind of offended. Oh well. I went to a riding lesson. The teacher was yelling at me the whole time. I got in another fight with my mom. grrrrr
I always feel guilty after I yell at her,
She was just crying and ignoring me. I felt bad, but it wasn't because of me, it was about everything else going on. ):
Anyways. I feel like shit
oh well,
love you!
Love me
xxxxxxxxxxx
Beth
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Nov. 12 2004 7:35 |
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Hi. ummmmmmm, just hi. I'm feeling ok. Earlier today I felt bad, but now i'm ok. I'm feeling really empty, or was. I really dunno how I'm feeling. I'm not in the mood to write right now. Its to hard to express myself. I'm just emtpy. Thats all. I'm not depressed right now, just empty. I keep waiting for somebody to care, but I doubt that will happen, so now I remain empty. If you really care about this you've probably talked to me online. Ok, xxxxxxxxxx Bye
-Bethi |
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I keep denying to myself that I exist, trying to push back the pain that lies in my body. it throbs with the markings of your decaying soul. And again I try not to forget about the things you told me not to say. But again and again I do, over and over until I can't go anymore, What can you do when your soul has hit the utter bottom of your darkest fears. I can't say how many times I hid on the bathroom floor, waiting for the noise to subside, thinking that it was in my head, or thinking that I had no justification for the way I felt. |
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