Now they filed into the Gryffindor common room, and Hermione promptly sat at a table and began rummaging through her books. Ron and Harry, hardly enthusiastic at the prospect of studying inane uses of dandelions, sat near the fireplace.
"I hate potions." said Ron conversationally.
"And Snape." added Harry automatically.
"Hey..." Both Harry and Ron noticed the trace of alarm in Hermione's voice. They turned and looked at her. She was pale.
"Oh, we here go," muttered Ron, "She looks like she's misplaced her notebook or something."
"My potions notebook has been stolen!" she announced dramatically.
Harry and Ron snickered.
"Good one, Ron."
"And what are you laughing at?" She joined them at the fireplace. "The test is Friday and I don't know whose notes you're going to study from."
Ron frowned. "Actually, I wasn't planning to study at all - surely there's going to be some macrocosmic distraction involving Lord Voldemort, Dumbledore, and Harry here - I mean - how can Snape expect to fail me with all that going on??"
"Especially if you don't have Hermione's notebook to study from!!"
"Right." Hermione glared at him, and he shrugged in his best impression of innocence.
"Let's try to track it down," offered Harry, "if there's a macrocosmic distraction waiting to unfold it has to start with something as simple as a lost notebook."
"But hasn't the notebook ploy been done already?"
Harry paused. "That was a diary, Hermione."
"Oh! well - let's just find mine and get it over with." She cleared her throat. "Now I just noticed it was missing a few minutes ago, but I haven't opened my bag since .. before dinner. But the last time I saw it was potions class - which would make sense-" she paused when she felt two pairs of aghast eyes staring at her. The fire crackled obnoxiously in the silence. "What?"
Harry sighed and then spoke as if describing a simple process to a young child, "Hermione, we must undertake this investigation in the most dangerous and round-about manner possible."
"...but-"
"Where's your sense of the dramatic?"
"Wel-"
"Yeah, it's no fun if we figure out who the culprit is in the first chapter, now is it?" asked Ron exasperatedly.
Hermione finally seemed to comprehend. "Ok...." She looked about the room in thought, then it came to her. "Malfoy! He wo-"
"OH!" they groaned; Harry put his hand to his forehead.
Hermione looked righteously offended. "He would! He's not as smart as he pretends to be, and he was my partner today - for whatever reason -- Merlin knows our author is trying to plot some romantic angst-filled get togethe-- Well that won't happen!" she announced to the room in general. Ron rolled his eyes; Harry attempted to look sympathetic.
"No, Hermione - Malfoy's too obvious.. He can't -- I mean.. He likes to be sneaky, and.." he trailed off. "well... he's just - he's insecure and ...vulnerable - and... and... I love him." He folded his arms and nodded earnestly at the other two, his emerald green eyes glistening with oncoming tears.
Ron took Harry's shoulder in a firm but platonic grasp and shook him. "Harry, you're having a moment of Slash, and you'd better stop it right now."
Harry's eyes cleared. "Oh.. right - Malfoy, yes far too obvious, Hermione."
"Right, let me try then," said Ron. He cleared his throat and furrowed his brow for dramatic effect. "Snape."
"But he would want me to learn!" protested Hermione.
"AH, but that's what the old git wants you to think! He stole your notebook so you'll fail and then he... he can.." Clearly, the wheels were turning in Ron's head, but they weren't producing much.
"Then he can be spiteful!" finished Harry. There was another pause as the three mulled this over. Finally Hermione spoke.
"No," she said smugly. "It was FILCH!"
"OHhh! Filch!"
"Good one!"
"He hates me because... because Crookshanks is a far superior cat to Mrs. Norris."
"Right!"
"AND...." she paused, grinning like a proud four-year old about to deliver her first punchline, "he is secretly working for Lord Voldemort."
"Now that's much more plausible" approved Harry.
"Further," she added triumphantly, "Filch is a synonymn for to steal!"
"That's it! Brilliant, Hermione! Let's go interrogate him!" cried Ron and he jumped up, leaving the other two to chase him into the hallway; even as Harry yelled after him:
"But Ron - that's too straightforward!"