Summary: er.. Death Eater Pettigrew recalls (fondly and not so fondly) some marauders escapades..
Rating: oh PG13
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Thoughts on Snape:
(sniffle.) You know, sometimes I miss my school days. Those were good days. "The good old days," I guess. Because you didn't have to worry about adult problems like finding a job or cutting off your hand for Dark Lords...ew, not thinking about that, not thinking... --you know, I saw Snape at our last meeting. SNAPE! Snivellus! We used to pick on him so much and now he's working with me. I can remember when he used to run from us! ... now I sort of .. er... run from him. But I'd rather think about the good old days, since.. you know, they were better than these current days....
(hazy waves of smoke, picture distortion, and other such cliched indications of flashback; Clears to a hallway in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry - dozens of students hurry back and forth - the only indication that this is the '70s is their outrageous hairstyles, and the pink and maroon graffiti on the wall: "Better Red than Purebred!"
Enter 4 bright-eyed young wizards, they are in the midst of an animated discussion)
James: Oh come on - he had NO idea!
Remus: How could he not? Who else pranks him?
Sirius: SHH! (points ahead) There he is now..!
Snivellus was always alone, and he was a pureblood snob, and he was completely unpopular.. and we liked to pick on him. But, er.. and this is what James and Sirius would never tell you.... Sometimes we weren't always.. successful.
James: He's gonna take down Andy's slogan! (Snape waves his wand and the graffiti disappears. It is suddenly replaced with "Reds should be killed by Purebreds!")
Remus: Oh that's low. How should he get away with that??
Sirius: He shouldn't, and we won't let him - COME ON!
Yeah, Sirius had this... habit of just running into stupid situations without thinking about them first. But we didn't encourage him... we sort of... went with him.
Snape spins around, waves his wand and produces a glimmering light green shield around himself - at the exact moment the marauders' curses reach him. They deflect in various directions - mostly back at their casters.
James: Uh oh! (ducks)
Peter: aghhh! (pivots out of the way on one foot, loses balance, waves arms about helplessly)
Ok, yeah.... so I was maybe a little clutzy ..
Peter(falls into Remus): AGH!
Remus: hey! (they both tumble to the ground)
Just a little.. clutzy...
Snape(sneering): Gryffindor idiots.
James: Come out of hiding, Snivellus!
Snape: (flicks wand) Evanesco! (disappears)
Come to think of it, Snivellus always knew a lot of spells we didn't learn in class.
James: coward!
Sirius: aw damn! RUNNING AWAY, SNIVELLUS! (suddenly a mass of bird droppings rains down upon them)...... shit.
But we didn't - you know, we tried not to think about those times when he got us..and there was more than one... like the time he turned Moony's hands into porridge...
Now in the yard - Remus is pointing his wand at Snape, who is currently disarmed and on the ground. The other three grin and watch like a sitcom audience.
Snape: What now, Lupin - strike me while I'm down!?
Remus: you want to duel??
Snape: ... (reaches for wand - immediately hurls a curse at Remus)
Remus: hey!! (hands melt into dripping porridge; wand drops out of them) what!!?
And that's what he got for pretending to be honorable. And we couldn't figure out how to fix it, and we didn't want to go to the nurse, so Moony had to not eat for two days. Then we went to the nurse.
I thought I was going to be cheerful... But these aren't the best memories.. But I guess I almost feel sorry for Snivellus these days because, you know, he's still always alone, and a pureblood snob, and completely unpopular -- no that's still his fault.. greasy jerk. You know, once he posted how I was a squib around the whole school.. and all the Slytherin kids believed it!
Gryffindor common room - Peter stands before the fireplace raging.
Peter: WHAT!!!! WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT!!
James: They can't - they can see you doing magic in class!
Remus: Just ignore it-
Sirius(jumps to feet): NO! REVENGE MUST BE HAD!!
Peter: YEAH!
James: But what?
(Silence as they ponder, brows furrowed...)
It took a whole week to make a plan. Sirius didn't like planning, you know. And now I don't even remember what we did that time. All I remember is that it didn't work... and James got detention... and Moony didn't talk to me for three days. Stupid Snivellus. Maybe one of these days I'll get him back -oh! the Dark Lord calls. I must go - curse these times.. .
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Sometimes I look at all these Death Eaters and I think that Sirius Black should be here. Old Padfoot... (sigh) What a jerk! - I can't believe I was ever friends with him! And James.. and Moony. Now MOONY- (snort) MOONY was the worst of all! He'd sit there and smile his little half smile and you'd think he wasn't up to any harm, then all of a sudden he'd very nicely come out with something like-
Remus: Oh now, James - you can't mean to tell us you've forgotten the transfiguration spell to turn any key into the right one for the lock in front of you...
James(wand out): Alo-....... Of course!! I forgot completely - brilliant!
(They are loitering before a large oak door that the marauder's map has revealed...)
Yeah, that's just the sort of thing he'd do. You know, stand there all aloof and naive and let the rest of us try every spell we knew. Then we'd be about to give up and go home and study - THEN he'd say something! Something to keep us going. Or - and this is what HE wouldn't tell you - something to egg us on.
A blustery gray afternoon; the Quidditch field disappears behind them as they walk to their dormitory.
James: She's so grumpy all the time because she's a lonely, bitter, middle-aged witch!
Sirius: Ah, no... She's got it in for Professor Slickby-
Peter: Yes, they're having some sort of affair.
I really thought they were. Could've sworn it, and why not? McGonagall and Slickby - Transfiguration and Dark Arts - it was perfect.
James: I don't think so - she scowls too much and he smiles too much.
Sirius: hah, you think it'd be the opposite way around if they were having an affair?
James: Yes!
Peter: I don't know - I'm not so sure that's how it would go, you know - scowling-
Remus: Well, no use debating over it. We should just find a way to verify it...
Sirius: Of course! A SPY NETWORK!
(The exclamation draws atetntion from other students, but Sirius smiles back assuredly.)
See what I mean? People thought Moony was the one to stand there and say, "Oh stop that silly arguing" - no! It's, "Stop that silly arguing and go get yourselves in trouble!" OHhhhh what a crafty devil he was. And all the stupid Professors loved him. There was even that one day when Slickby held him back in Defense Against the Dark Arts...
A tall, impossibly thin professor in black is lounging at the front of the classroom - he would be good-looking, except that he appears as though he'll break in two at the first breeze. He speaks quietly to the remaining student.
Slickby: Remus... I noticed your friends passing notes today..
Remus: ... passing notes, Professor?
Slickby: You intercepted a few yourself.. But I didn't want to embarrass you four. I know you know better.
Remus: Ah, so you understand, Professor. It's what happens when James and Sirius are separated..
Slickby: So don't sit between them next time.
Remus: I was hoping - er, well I learned the hard way that that's what happens when they are separated.
Slickby: Ahh, I see. You were trying to prevent them from interrupting class.
Remus(looks down): Don't let them hear you say that.
Slickby: Good - I trust you can talk to them for me?
Remus: I'll tell them, Professor..
And he told us all right - grinning like they'd cast some glued-expression charm on him, he told us! "Professor wants ME to keep the rest of you in line! Isn't that interesting?" We laughed too, of course, but that just goes to show.. teacher's pet indeed!!
But I think he did eventually.. er.. disapprove when we got really nasty to Snape later on. ...at least, he did after that time Sirius nearly got Snape killed in the Shrieking Shack -heh heh - yeah, that would make you feel a little guilty, I think! But Sirius didn't know he'd get mad. You now Sirius was always bad about reading people, and Moony was bad about being read... Very bad -you could never tell whether Moony would get mad and not talk to you for three days, or whether he'd smile his damned half smile and ask why you didn't think of doing it two weeks ago.. We should have just called him MOODY not Moony..must be a werewolf thing...I could never figure it out.. well I won't go into that now... some "good old days"!!
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