Scars
The scars are there to remind us
that the past is real…too real sometimes. I was listening to the song ‘Scars’
by Papa Roach, good song. The scary thing about it, it’s almost depressing…I
wrote that song. The inspiration for that song is frightening; he was my best
friend…from childhood.
But when we got to high school he
just got messed up. He stopped hanging out with me and started hanging out with
the druggies of the school and started doing drugs himself. It was scary and I
often asked him why he would seek out such a horrible way to escape his world.
Sure, he didn’t know his dad and
his mom was working three jobs and he had three little sisters to take care of,
but if he needed help he could have easily come to me and asked.
See the reason why we were such
close friends is that his mom and my mother were childhood friends and his
family was going through a really rough time and my mom offered for them to
live with us and they did. He was five and I was four.
Then when he turned 18 and he
barely graduated he moved to Orlando to go live with his dad and go to college.
It was good for him I believe, finally being able to know his was therapeutic
for him. But by then he didn’t even remember that I was alive. Often times
during school I would tell him that I would help him fix his life but in the
end all I could say was that I tried.
Now here I am 31, unmarried---old
maid----writing songs with him. It was weird when I was told that I would have
the chance to work with Chris Kirkpatrick. I guess that’s what I getting at, we
haven’t talked since oh say I was seventeen, that was fourteen years ago. I
followed NSYNC’s success from the time their American debut came out up until
JC’s solo debut.
The day that I entered that
recording studio I was shocked at how much he changed. He used to be a skinny
messed up little person, now; he had gained some weight, grew some facial hair
and actually looked normal.
He looked at me as if I was a
stranger needing of an introduction.
I simply said, “Hello Chris.”
He stood up and opened his arms to
me and I just fell into his arms and he held me there for a couple of minutes.
I looked up into his eyes and saw tears form in there and he saw them in mine.
He relinquished his hold on me and I stepped back.
“Hi.”
“Long time, no see.”
”I’m so sorry Jess. I never meant to forget about you and just drop you like
that.”
”You were pretty messed up.”
I wiped the tears from eyes and looked down.
“Yeah but you tried to help me.”
”My problem Chris is I tear my heart open just to make sure I can feel. I was
too compassionate with you.”
”I’m sorry.”
”You rejected me and I took the rebuffs with stride but in the end, the scars
remind us that the past is real.”
”Jess…”
”I tried to help you fix your life but you wouldn’t let me. At least I can say
I tried right.”
“Jessy…”
The nickname caused a pang in my heart. At that moment I just let the tears
fall. He went to wipe them away but I grabbed him by the wrist and looked up at
him.
“I’m sorry Chris, the scars that
hurt too much. I can’t work with you. Bye.”
”Jessica, I’m sorry for everything.”
”I know and I’ve forgiven you, but don’t come around okay. It hurts.”
*****The character Jess did not
actually write the song ‘Scars.’*****
ScarsPapa Roach I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much My scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel Drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone I'm pissed cause you came around Why don't you just go home Cause you channel all your pain And I can't help you fix yourself You're making me insane All I can say is I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And our scars remind us that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel I tried to help you once Against my own advice I saw you going down But you never realized That you're drowning in the water So I offered you my hand Compassions in my nature Tonight is our last stand I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And our scars remind us that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel I'm drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone You shouldn't ever came around Why don't you just go home? Cause you're drowning in the water And I tried to grab your hand And I left my heart open But you didn't understand But you didn't understand Go fix yourself I can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life I can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel