So, I just wanted to clear a lot up. Allen and I are together! We have been since July 6 2005. We are happily married. And Nothing will come between us. We live in Lawton Oklahoma, where he is stationed due to the Army. I have graduated from high school. And as you see moved across country to Oklahoma. I am happy...and nothing has ever been better. Forget all those guys I mentioned before...they mean nothing to me. I was just young and stupid. I LOVE ALLEN....FOREVERS AND EVERS!!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wow..I wanted to update...since I read so much about Kevin and I. And funny thing is..? We are no longer together. WE have been broke up since Mid-July. Right now I am very happy. I was hurt after Kevin and I broke up..but moved on to my Military Boyfriend, Allen. He is in Iraq right now. He comes home around this time, next year. I miss him. But right now, we aren't even together. We plan on getting back together when he comes home. AND I can't wait. I also dont go to regular high school anymore. I go to Night School at Escambia High School and I am getting MY GED. I am also driving now...I have a car...and I am soon getting a new Honda..or an SUV. My brother has also moved out, and lives on his college campus at UWF. My mom and Jimmy did not get divorced...and I AM FREAKIN happy with my life.
Monday, January 17, 2005
1:00 PM
Well its been an adventure here. I have enjoyed updating you on my life for a little over a year. I am now on a permanent hiatus. I may come back, I may not. It's just a matter of time. I will miss you guys...and you can always contact me on AOL or YAHOO. Look in the ABOUT ME SECTION for the names. Love ya'll. Bye.
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
8:00 PM
If anyone reads my blog anymore(this journal), comment and let me know that I am not DEAD to the world. If no one comments I will probably go on a permanent Hiatus, and just leave the site as is. I dont want to be updating for nothing. So please, someone comment. Even one comment will make a difference.
Sunday, December 5, 2004
5:00 PM
Boredome sucks!! Ah...damn its been so long. I am way too busy to keep up with this. But I am not giving it up...I promise. Well...my mom and step-dad are getting divorced. My mom has been sortof upset...but she is making it. We are better off without him. He was an asshole all the time. Anywho...I am preparing for Christmas, and MY semester Exams. How does everyone like the weather right now? I love it so much. It's great. EXCEPT THE RAIN. I am excited for Christmas this year. I have money of my own to get my mom something for Christmas. I never have anything to say when I update. I have no life...honestly. One major thing...Kevin and I are set to get married on March 25, 2008. That will be our 4 year anniversary! Well i will go now. Bye.
Monday, November 22, 2004
7:06 PM
How can you be so cold to me? How? Its like when I touch you...you despise my touch. It is hard...when I am trying so hard to work through all our hard times, and you just turn your cheek from me...and I can't be all you want. I try. God knows I do. I am losing it all...you...and myself. I can't be with you when you don't let me...I just can't. I can never be the best or perfect, neither can you...but we try...or atleast I do. I am not so sure what you are wanting me to do. Should I just let you go? Is it worth that much? Should I just ignore this hurt...and let things run its course? OR should I just cry in my pain...and never ignore it..KNOW it is there...and let it burn like a fire, tearing a forest apart?
And on it burns...my forest...in flames...my heart in pieces. I am just not sure what we are anymore. I hate being ignored...never being noticed...I can't handle it anymore.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
6:30 PM
Ok no matter what is said in this entry...dont assume...ANYTHING.
I don't know what I want anymore. I feel I need a detatchment...from...my relationship. I am 15, and I don't know...if I should be so in love or emotional with Kevin. I have asked him to change...over and over...and he never would, but since last week when I asked him to work harder...he has. But, something tells me, we are just not going to work out. I hate the thought of that...because we have been together so long...and I dont want to just throw it away. I never gave myself the PROPER time of healing of Tony. And now, I sometimes find myself looking for answers...to why I am not with Tony...and why I am even in a relationship. I just feel confused. I want to be with Kevin...but I dont want to lead him on if I am having these feelings either. But...if we broke up...he'd go back to his mom's and I probably would not see him ever again...and we would not be friends...NO ONE EVER IS. Look at Tony and I. We barely even talk...let alone hang out together. I just dont want to make a mistake of breaking it off with Kevin, and him move back with his mom, and then me realize I made a huge mistake. I am scared to be alone. I have not been single in almost 2 years...and I am not used to being without someone.
I guess I am going to go.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
9:00 PM
I have some lyrics for you. It's Stabbing Westward--What do I have to do
You make it hard to breathe
It's as if I'm suffocating
And when you're next to me
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin
It makes me sad to think
This could all be for nothing
I wish there was a way
For you to see inside me
I've never felt this way
About anyone or anything
Tell me
What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What do I have to do to make you want me?
And, if I can't make you want me
What do I have to do?
I know exactly what you're thinking
But I swear this time I will not let you down
I'm not as selfish as I used to be
That was a part of me that never made me proud
Right now I think I would try anything
Anything at all to keep you satisfied
God I hope you see what losing you would do to me
All I want is one more chance
So tell me...
What do I have to make you love me?
What do I have to do to forget about you?
AND here is TOOL--SOBER
There's a shadow just behind me
shrouding every breath I take
making every promise empty
pointing every finger at me
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests
Murder now the path called "must we"
just before the son has come
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done
Why can't we not be sober
I just want to start this over
Why can't we drink forever
I just want to start things over
I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down
Trust me.
Veteran's Day holiday, NO SCHOOL!! Hmm...I finally got my cam working again...and I updated my cam link. I dyed my hair again the other night...it is sunset blaze(a deep auburn)...its real pretty. I went and saw the movie Saw the other night. It was last Saturday...I think.
Umm...nothing is really happening. Just trying to get grades up...and keep grades maintained. I went to the lab to get my bladder x-rayed on Tuesday...I think it was. And I have a doctors appointment again Monday...and Tuesday. I have nothing else to say...so BYE.
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
6:15 PM
Here is a survey type thing...
+ Known as: Rachel, Rach, Noodlez, Wacho
+ Lives in: Pensacola, FL
+ Birthday: May 9, 1989
+ School: Pine Forest High School
+ Ethnicity: I am German and Sweedish...maybe more...
+ Religion: Christianity/Baptist
+ Shoe size: 8.5/9
+ Hair color: [naturally-Blonde] Dyed to reddish brown
+ Eye color: BLUE
+ Style: Undescribable
+ Fears: Losing Kevin...
SECTION 2 HAVE YOU EVER...
+ Cheated on someone? Once
+ Been Cheated on? Yes...
+ Fallen off the bed? yeah...I think
+ Broken someone`s heart? I hate to say it...but yes
+ Had your heart broken? Yes...a lot
+ Had a dream come true? yes...
+ Done something you regret? Yes
+ Cheated on a test? heehee...yeah
SECTION 3 CURRENTLY...
+ Wearing? Jeans,& a slipknot shirt
+ Listening to? Over AND over(Nelly)...and Vermillion(Slipknot)
+ Located? in the dining room'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">dining room
+ Chatting with? No one...
+ Watching? the computer...
+ Should REALLY be doing? Home work.
SECTION 4 DO YOU...
+ Brush your teeth? Yes..always
+ Like anybody? Yes
+ Have any piercing? Yes...10..and more coming soon
+ Drive? My permit
+ Drink? No..never
+ Smoke? Used to..
+ Got a pager? Nope...a cell phone'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">cell phone...
SECTION 5 FRiENDS...
+ Who is your best? Kevin and Shauna
+ Who do you hate? April Center, Rachael Brabec, (mad at Tony Trees)
+ Who is the shyest ? Jessica
+ Who is the most talkative? Shauna
+ Who is the cutest? Kevin and Jay
+ Who laughs the most? Jessica and Shauna
+ Who have you known the longest? Tony
+ Who have you known the shortest? Jessica
+ Who do you miss the most? Tony..cuz we dont see eachother much since we broke up
+ Perrsonal problems? Too MANY!
+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex? Yes..some.
+ Do you trust your friends? Mostly
+ Are you a good friend? I hope I am
+ Can you keep a secret? Yes
SECTION 6 THE LAST PERSON YOU...
+ Hugged? Kevin
+ Kissed? Kevin
+ IMed? Jennifer
+ Talked on the phone? Jessica
+ Yelled at? April Center
+ Fell in love with? Kevin ♥
SECTION 7 PERSONAL...
+ What do you want to be when you grow up? And X-RAY technician
+ What has been the best day(s) of your life? Umm..May 20, 2003, March 25,2004, May 8, 2004 AND October 6,2004
+ What comes first in your life? Kevin, Friends, and Family
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? I have a boyfriend..and someone...I am not over
+ What are you most scared of? Losing the best...Kevin
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? School..and Kevin
+ Did you lose someone you really loved? In a friendship and in a relationship.
+ How many times have you fallen deeply in love? once not too serious...and twice VERY SERIOUS!
+ Love your family? Yes
+ Love your friends? of course
SECTION 8 FAVORITE...
+ Movie: The Notebook
+ Song: Cold by Crossfade
+ Group: Slipknot
+ Store: Hot topic, Body Shop
+ Relative: Nana and Papa and MOM
+ Sport: Soccer
+ Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate
+ Fruit: Strawberries, Cherries, apples, oranges...ALL KINDS
+ Candy: Gummy Worms
+ Holiday: Valentine's Day and Christmas
+ Day of the Week: Friday & Saturday
+ Time: midday
+ Color: BLUE
+ Name for a Girl: Cheyenne, Trinity, OR Aubrey
+ Name for a Boy: Luke, Nicholas, or Cory
+ Quote: I have 3: "Don't cry 'cause its over, SMILE because it happened."
"Why is what's best for us, BREAKING MY HEART?"
"Of all the mean things you've done to me, the one that hurt the most is when I watched you ask her to dance...to OUR song."
SECTION 9 DO YOU...
+ Like to give hugs? yep
+ Like to give kisses? yes..to kevin
+ Like to walk in the rain? Yeah..
+ Prefer black or blue pens? black
+ Like to travel? depends
+ Sleep on your side, tummy or back? ALL
+ Think you're attractive? Somewhat
+ Have a goldfish? not now
+ Ever have the falling dream? not lately
+ Have stuffed animals'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">stuffed animals? lots
SECTION 10 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...
+ Abortion: Its terrible
+ Smoking: I think its nasty...
+ Eating Disorders: Pointless
+ Suicide: Sometimes...its people's only way out
+ Summer: Its hot..but its good.
+ Tattoos: Love them
+ Piercings: Love them!!!...
SECTION 11 THIS OR THAT...
+ Pierced nose or tongue? tongue
+ Single or taken? taken
+ MTV or BET? mtv
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek? 7th Heaven
+ Sugar or salt? sugar
+ Silver or gold? silver
+ Chocolate or flowers? flowers
+ Color or Black-and-white photos? black and white
+ M&M's or Skittles? Skittles
+ Stay up late or sleep in? sleep in
+ Hot or cold? cold
+ Sun or moon? moon
+ Left or Right? right
+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend? best friend
+ Mustard or ketchup? mustard
+ Spring or Fall? both
+ Happy or sad? happy
+ Wonder or amazement? both
+ McDonald's or Burger King? mcdonalds
+ Mexican or Italian food? both
+ Lights on or off? off
+ Candy or soda? soda
+ Pepsi or Coke? Pepsi