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| 48 Steps by � kanee The air was thick and oppressive with the heat and humidity that seemed to crush body, mind and spirit. The smallest movement was an effort, even thinking was too much trouble. Every sound along the river was intensified in this heat, even the huge carp eating algae from a half sunk, hallow log created a loud, haunting, drumming sound when he bumped it that echoed along the river. If not for being able to follow the shoreline in the dim moonlight, she would have been completely disoriented because of sound alone... the rain crows that cried for rain in the trees overhead seemed to call from all sides at once because of the echoes. Even her own breathing seemed loud and noticeable to her, try as she might to control it. The giant mosquitoes buzzed loudly in her ears and were a torment to her entire body. Grapevines hung from the trees like long menacing tendrils in the dark, waiting to trip her. A long, sleek shimmery head would break the surface of the water now and then to peak at her and seemed to follow her along the river's edge. She couldn't decide if it was a turtle or a snake in the dark, muddy river. She instinctively rubbed her swollen belly as if to comfort and reassure the tiny life who was beginning to make it's presence known there. The thick, heavy fog that she dreaded was starting to roll in and the dark night took on an even more hopeless presence. It seem to choke out all light, all air, all scenery and making each step she took more treacherous than the one before. Ironic. She was fretting over losing her footing on her way to jump off a bridge. She could barely detect it's silhouette in the night and stepped up on the tracks and followed them out to the middle of the bridge, counting each step as she went. She climbed through a guard rail and sat down, letting her feet dangle off he edge, and wept. She took off the St. Christopher necklace that she had worn since she was a little girl and attached it around one of the rails. Maybe it would offer whoever found it better protection that it had afforded her all these years. With her hand on her stomach, she scooted closer to the edge, instinctively taking a deep breathe and holding it when she leaned forward, then drew in more air when something, someone, touched her shoulder. She could barely make out their face in the fog but it somehow seemed familiar to her. `Hello?' `Hot, isn't it?' `Yeah.' she said, wiping her eyes. `It won't always be this hot, any more than it will always be this dark. There will be cool breezes again, the fog will lift, the stars will shine, the sun will rise and there will be many days ahead filled with great joy and laughter.' `Not for me there won't.', she said, holding her stomach. `Of course there will be, honey. Of course there will.' She looked up to meet the warm, comforting voice that spoke, only to discover that they were no longer there. She stood up and stared long and hard down the track but she still could not see the person who had spoken to her. She looked over the edge of the rail into the dark, muddy river. There it was again.... just breaking the surface of the water, peaking up at her, along with the reflection of the stars that were now showing themselves in the night sky, and for the first time in a long time, she was filled with peace. She undid the necklace from around the rail and with it grasped in her hand, straightened her shoulders, and with hand on her tummy, made her way back, counting the steps as she went. If not for her, then for the tiny life she carried inside. |