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| Zombie Plea by � chibilunacat About three weeks ago, I woke up unclothed on a cold metal table in a deathly still room. I looked around me, seeing many familiar instruments and tools, as I had been a mortician for about twenty five yearrs now. I had no idea how I got unclothed or why I was laying on the table, or even how I got where I was, for it ws not my own place of practice. I stumbled clumsily off the table before I even realized I was doing it and began a stiff, drunken like walk towards the door of the room, I seemed to not be controlling my own actions at all. I wanted to take a good look at myself, and find some clothes, but couldn't seem to do either, and I noticed that I felt extremely sore all over, it actually hurt to move, and yet I had to go on, I had questions I wanted answers too. I bumbled and fumbled along untilI found myself outside, the night air seemed chill, but it also seemed not to matter much. A man was sitting on the steps smoking a cigarette, mumbling to himself, when he noticed me he dropped his cigarette forgotten to the ground and gasped. I was shocked by his action at first, then I realized I WAS walking around naked after all, of course that would shock someone, but the man wasn't seeming to notice my nakedness, he was mumbling something as my body lunged towards him. "Bbbbb......but....Mmmuh...Mr., you're dead!" the scared man stuttered out, his eyes wide with fear. Don't be ridiculous I wanted to say, but my mouth wouldn't form the words, then he was screaming, and why not I was attacking him. My own sore hands tore that man apart with a strength I didn't know I had, and then a hunger from deep down inside encompased me, every part of me, and my mind went blank for a while. That was all, as I said, three weeks ago, and since then I've been trying to cope with a revelation on my part. My once rational mind still insists on non believing, but I must believe what my eyes are seeing, my body is feeling, I must believe what is so apparently the truth. I am no longer living. I am nothing as glamourous as a vampire, or traditional as a mummy, I am a smelly, rotting, flesh feasting zombie, and oh the pain of living beyond death. The rotting hasn't stopped because my body reanimated, I lose a little more every day, and I am just now gaining a bit of control with my body, for you see, I'm writting this. At first my body was seperate from me like a wild animal and my mind was merely a passenger within, I could only grunt and moan rather than talk, I couldn't walk straight and proper, I couldn't even convince my body to pull on some clothes until last week. You would think that gaining some control would help, but I am only gaining control of a rotting mess of a body, that can't even be concidered a body really, too much of it is missing now. The other day one of my arms dropped off and just before that a person I was attacking pulled my bottom jaw off, so now even if I could gain speach, I can't talk, and it makes it impossible to chew my food, on the brighter side of that, at least I can't choke to death. Please though, don't make me tell you what it is I eat, I'm sure you can guess for yourself, you've seen the movies, you know, I just can't bear to say it. Today I found myself looking at the stars again, the familiar patterns and constilations, and I wished I could be among them. The stars twinkle and shine their light cheerily on us, when they finally twinkle out and soar across the sky they don't suddenly come back and attack the other stars, and devour them. At one time I believed humans were, or could be like stars. The interaction between them illuminated the existances of others, a simple smile from a stranger could light up the day. Sure there were bad times and bad things, but good things would lose meaning and be taken for granted without bad things, everything had a purpose, our births, our deaths, I even believed people became stars when the died, at least that their souls did. I really bought into all that, when I was alive, but now look at me, and what purpose could I possibly be serving now, how can there be any good times for me now? I've been able to detach the pain from myself to an extent, considering, pardoning the irony, I have to live with the dying and the pain of myself rotting. I don't even get to sleep and give myself a break, I just keep walking and the hunger never seems to stop, probably because I have no actual stomach to fill. Walking is none to easy now that I've lost half of my right foot, and I fall a lot. People push me down and shoot at me, they run from me, but I always get right back up and keep going, it isn't as though I could sit and sulk anyway. I think the worst for me is the looks in their eyes, the blind terror there when they know there is no escape for them. I corner them like helpless animals, but rather unintentionally, if you understand my meaning, it all seems rather by accident, or painful mistakes. Yes, the worst is deffinately the eyes, especially the eyes of those whose minds have snapped due to my pressence, or others, I am aware now that I am not alone in this. I am aware that people know of us, are beginning to hunt us as we hunt them, it is beginning to seem like some horrible chess game.....And food is scarce. A couple days ago I got ahold of a little girl, she may have been ten or so, she had wavy blonde hair, the front tied back in a large white bow, she had wild blue eyes and a kitchen knife. She fought me with all she had, but just like so many others it just wasn't enough. I do like to think that I put her out of her misery, her mind was gone already, plus I only do what is nessecary for survival.....That is getting harder and harder for me to convince myself about, not that I was ever able to pull it off to begin with. Survival? Hah, it isn't survival, I can't starve to death, and I should think I'm way beyond surviving now considering I am dead. Yes, that little girl is going to haunt me for a long time. Yesterday, hah - sorry, I thought of the old Beatles song and how the first line says "life was such and easy game to play" I never realized how right that was before. Anyhow what I wanted to say is that yesterday I got caught by a group of beer swilling rednecks and got put in a pen with a bunch of other...zombies... for lack of a better word. They played games with me for a long time, just like in those old movies I used to watch. At the end of the day, the men being tired of playing with us, they decided to throw us in he burn pile with the others. I couldn't tell you how relieved I was, my nightmare would soon be over. I looked at the stars, twinkling and absurd as it may seem I prayed I'd be amongst them soon. If I could have smiled I would have, but with lacking my lower jaw and all, well, you got the picture. I made a, pardon the pun, fatal mistake though. I got a hold of some of my paper, and my pen, and I wrote a note to them, thanking them for ending my suffering. At first they passed the note around laughing, ut I didn't care, i knew they didn't understand. Well, I guess my little note of grattitude reached the wrong hands, and so they pulled me aside just before I was thrown in. They found me exceptional they said, and I soon found myself in a cold room, hooked to machinery and being instructed to do all sorts of things. The tested me all through the night and for a good chunk of today. They instructed me to write as I had the day before, they told me at first wat to write, and then let me write on my own. At first I only begged them to throw me in the fire, but they only laughed and said they couldn't destroy such a fine specimen. If I could have wept I would have. I realized then that perhaps if I could tell them how I felt, what I've experienced, and how much pain I am in, if I could make them understand, then maybe they would help me, and put me out of my misery. So, I have writen this, for all to read, this, my simple plea, kill me, please! I can't stand anymore pain, the thoughts of those eyes, the thought of my acts! Please! I just want to join the stars, the same stars that encompass us all, no matter what the differnce between us. Terra Mae 6/24/2002 |