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| Hanging On by � biidsis i cleaned my heart today, like a woman hell bent on spring cleaning. I tore it all apart and sat amidst the wreckage, Sorting and remembering...venting and airing out this tired heart. Finding things i thought were gone long ago. Pain in one pile, illusions over there in that pile. Hurts given to me by friends there, hurts given to me by strangers over there. Next to those big piles, an even bigger pile...hurts i've given to others. All going to the ones who know what to do with them. Forgiveness in a tiny pile by the door, so many things i've never forgiven myself for. Never feeling i held the right to forgive myself... i've been unable to forgive others. And so it waits for me, for me to learn when forgiveness is my right. Giving away memories like out of date clothes, sorting into piles of "still fits, out grown and worn out". Sitting here amongst all these things, slights, insults and battles, a cool breeze stirs me and i see a little light. Digging through the worst of it, my tears flow like twin rivers, cleansing my spirit as i cleanse my heart. The breeze stirs again and ashes of sage and cedar settle round me, comforting me... wrapping me in the arms and smiles of the Ancestors. i continue sorting...sunshine and smiles over here, close to me. Love and bear hugs on my left, prayers and good thoughts on my right. Laughter and Joy all around me. i think i will keep these, and now i have room for them...room for hanging on. bangan biidaaban |