The Revenge of Winnie the Pooh: The Movie

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Dramatis Personae

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Narrator. Just some guy who talks at the end.

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Pooh. A small, lovable bear with an unquenchable obsession with honey. The injustices that have been inflicted upon him by Christopher Robin have been welling up inside him for sometime, but never compromise his cuteness and innocence.

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Piglet. Pooh's good homie, paranoid but more practical, with a balance between cleverness, knowledge and proactivity. To piglet, Pooh's outlook on life is often rather irritating.

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Tigger. A bounty hunter, out for heffalump blood. He is the only truly stupid one of the group, with utterly unrealistic ideas, even aggravating Pooh at points.

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Christopher Robin. Evil Umperor of the Hundred Acre Woods. He exploits the animals for personal gain, thinking that they will do nothing.

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ESTABLISHING SHOT:

We see the classic picture of Pooh's house. Probably a 2-D pic scanned from a book.

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INT POOH'S HOUSE DAY

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POOH is sitting on the floor, desperately trying to get the last drops of hunny from his jar. There is a loud knocking at the door, and then if flies open, allowing dust and bright light from outside to penetrate inside the house. Sihouetted by the bright light, CHISTOPHER ROBIN marches in, jumps toward Pooh.

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CR.

Quick, Pooh, Take Cover! We've just got word from Norad. It's World War Three!

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Pooh dives under his bed, having thrown the hunny pot up into the air.

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POOH

Aagh! NATO is attacking. Nucular detonation. The Hundred Acre Woods will be irradiated for the next ten thousand years.

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From under the bed, we see Christopher robin bending over to talk to Pooh.

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CR.

Just a joke Pooh Bear. You should lay off the hunny; it's making you rather paranoid.

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Pooh climbs out from under the bed.

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POOH.

There is nothing Paranoid about Nucular War.

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CR.

The word is nuclear.

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POOH.

Whatever. You got the cargo?

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CR.

Chill out, Ice-Cube. I got your hunny.

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Pooh looks about briefly, the raises his Compression Phaser rifle.

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POOH.

Then where is it?

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CR.

I've got it right here!

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Christopher Robin whips out his concealed Phaser and shoots Pooh with it. The bear tumbles back. From behind Pooh, we see him fall back and smack into the camera. Screen goes blank.

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FADE IN

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ESTABLISHING SHOT:

We see the Trespassers W sign, and, as we swing the camera down to the door, we can hear Pooh explaining the incident in a muffled voice.

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INT PIGLETS HOUSE DAY

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Pooh and Piglet are sitting in the living room, having tea and crumpets. Piglet places his hand to his chest, aghast.

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PIGLET

You mean he came into your house without even knocking and without any hunny and just shot you?

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POOH.

And he stole all my money.

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PIGLET.

That bastard. He has been far too evil for far to long.

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Piglet walks out of the frame.

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POOH.

What are we going to do, Piglet?

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Piglet walks back into the frame wielding a mean looking phasor.

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PIGLET

Bust a cap in him.

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POOH.

I don't speak hoodlum.

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PIGLET

Where going to assassinate the fummer.

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FADE OUT

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EXT PIGLET'S JEEP DAY

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Pooh and Piglet are riding along, as the landscape speeds past.

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POOH

Piglet, don't you think we should go the speed limit?

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PIGLET.

Why?

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POOH

Traffic Laws apply to everyone. Even Animals.

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PIGLET

Who's diving this car, you or me?

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POOH.

Me?

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Piglet shakes his head.

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POOH

Oh, yeah. You.

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CUT TO shot wide shot of Pooh an Piglet speeding along.

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FADE OUT

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ESTABLISHING SHOT:

We see a lone Tigger standing in a field, swinging at the air with a baseball bat, muttering curses to himself.

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EXT FIELD DAY

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Pooh and Piglet come speeding up. Tigger walks to the car, but keeps his bat raised.

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TIGGER

Sure there aren't any Heffalumps following you?

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PIGLET

There were.

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POOH.

But we blew their heads off.

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Pooh shows Tigger his Phasor. Tigger lowers the bat.

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TIGGER

So, where are y'all off to?

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POOH.

We're gonna bust a cap in Christopher Robin!

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TIGGER.

Can I come?

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POOH.

That's why were here!

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Tigger climbs into the back of the Jeep.

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TIGGER

Let's roll.

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ESTABLISHING SHOT:

We see Christopher Robin marching in front of his Greek-temple-like mansion, wielding a mean looking dagger.

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EXT FAR AWAY FROM CHRISTOPHER ROBINS HOUSE DAY

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The jeep rolls to a halt behind a hill. Pooh, Piglet and Tigger get out, and lay on their stomachs on the hill, with they weapons aimed at Christopher Robin.

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TIGGER

What are we going to do?

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PIGLET.

We're gonna shoot him.

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TIGGER.

Cool. When?

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POOH

Now!

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Pooh jumps up and unloads a full clip of Phaser on Christopher Robin. We only see Pooh shooting.

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CUT TO Pooh rapids shot smacking up against a force field.

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CUT TO a close up of Christopher Robin laughing maniacally.

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CUT TO a slightly wider shot of Christopher Robin giving the animals the finger.

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CUT TO Pooh duck back underneath the hill.

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POOH.

I would have expected that to work.

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PIGLET.

He's got a forcefield around his house.

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TIGGER.

It's both Neat and Futuristic.

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PIGLET

No time for admiration now. We have to fry that Human.

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POOH

Maybe if we put Hunny on the force field.

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PIGLET.

That Wouldn't work. A force Field has a redundant intermix&emdash;

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TIGGER

Wait a minute. Shut Up. I have an Idea.

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POOH.

Does it involve hunny?

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TIGGER

No, but it involves a mild calisthenics.

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CUT TO a wide shot of Pooh walking out onto the field between the hill and Christopher Robin's House, from Christopher Robins point of view. Pooh has no weapons.

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POOH (obviously acting)

Oh look at the time. I have to do my mandatory Mild Calisthenics.

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Pooh begins his mild calisthenics.

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POOH

Up, down, turn a round. put me in the mood�for food.

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CUT TO Christopher Robin watching Pooh.

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CR.

This is convenient. He's walking right into the open.

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CUT TO a shot of Christopher Robin turning off the force field.

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CUT TO Tigger and Piglet, from behind, watching the force field fizzle out.

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PIGLET

This is convenient. He's walking right into the open.

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TIGGER

He's lowered the forcefield.

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CUT TO. Christopher Robin walking towards Pooh with his mean looking dagger raised. Pooh, apparently oblivious, continues his mild calisthenics.

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CUT TO Tigger and Piglet behind the hill.

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PIGLET

I'll take him.

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Tigger nods.

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CUT TO Christopher Robin standing over Pooh, who is still doing mild calisthenics, still oblivious.

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CUT TO Piglet standing up and aiming his Phaser.

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CUT TO Christopher Robin raising his dagger above his head. Just as he is about to bring it down on Pooh, he is drilled with a Phaser beam. Pooh stands up.

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POOH.

Don't mess with the Bear.

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Pooh turns and walks back towards the hill, where Piglet and Tigger are waiting.

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CAMERA PULLS OUT lazily.

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NARRATOR

And so, the animals of the Hundred Acre Woods were united in celebration. Their brutal overlord was dead�

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CUT TO a shot of Christopher Robin's hand twitching slightly.

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NARRATOR

�or so they thought.

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FADE OUT