Planet of the Stupids

an Agnes O'bstreperous joint Take "the Matrix." Subtract plot, writing, originality and that oh-so-sexy Keanu Reeves. What are you left with? A remake of the classic "Planet of the Apes" with snowmen instead of apes and lawn gnomes instead of Charlton Heston. The Studio, which operates out of a bunker in Romania, maintains that the movie is not a remake, but rather a "regurgitation of a good movie in MTV form." In "Planet of the Snowmen," we follow the intrepid American astronaut "Buzz" Smith, played by the corpse of Alec Guiness, as he walks around with a hairdryer trying to free an enslaved humanity. Director Mort Lee has opted for a more high tech look for the film, choosing to run at things with a portable camera to give the movie a look nauseating in its pukiness. In the end, "Planet of the Snowmen" is kind of like an episode of "Seinfeld." It isn't entertaining at all, and it has no plot. If I were to choose between this movie and lighting myself on fire and jumping out of a 747 strapped to a red Volkswagen Beetle, I'd go with the plane and the Hitler mobile in a second.

Check out the trailer Planet of the Snowmen (.AVI format) Planet of the Snowmen (Quicktime) Planet of the Snowmen (.ZIP file) If these files don't work, your computer is a piece of shum. You probably need Quicktime 5. If that doesn't fix it, which would only happen if have a PC, use that mouse button you don't usally use to get a little pop-up menu. Click the thing that is to the effect of "Download Link" or someonething. If that doesn't work, you're screwed. Go out and buy a Mac.

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