Inspirational : Bible Studies : Youth : Successful Singleness

Successful Singleness - 6

TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE

After studying this whole dating game, and going through a few rounds of it myself, I realized that it must not be God's plan.

So, what IS His plan?

I think the devil tries to distract the youth from service to God By getting them to pay all their attention to one another.

The thought of marriage seems to have a bewitching power upon the minds of many youth. Two people get to know each other, and they start liking each other. Then they "fall in love." In other words, they are infatuated with each other. The don't even think straight any more.

They will not listen to any advice. Like some epidemic, or contagion, that must run its course, is the infatuation that possesses them; and there seems to be no such thing as putting a stop to it. Perhaps there are those around them who realize that, should the parties interested be united in marriage, it could only result in life-long unhappiness. But entreaties and exhortations are given in vain. Perhaps, by such a union, the usefulness of one whom God would bless in his service, will be crippled and destroyed; but reasoning and persuasion are alike unheeded. All that can be said by men and women of experience proves ineffectual; it is powerless to change the decision to which their desires have led them. They lose interest in the prayer-meeting, and in everything that pertains to religion. They are wholly infatuated with each other, and the duties of life are neglected, as if they were matters of little concern. Night after night, these young people burn the midnight oil to talk with each other,--in reference to subjects of serious and solemn interest?--O no. Rather of frivolous things, that are of no importance. Satan's angels are keeping watch with those who devote a large share of the night to courting. Could they have their eyes opened, they would see an angel making a record of their words and acts. The laws of health and modesty are violated. It would be more appropriate to let some of the hours of courtship before marriage run through the married life. But as a general thing, marriage ends all the devotion manifested during the days of courtship. These hours of midnight dissipation, in this age of depravity, frequently lead to the ruin of both parties thus engaged. Satan exults, and God is dishonored when men and women dishonor themselves. The good name of honor is sacrificed under the spell of this infatuation, and the marriage of such persons cannot be solemnized under the approval of God. They are married because passion moved them, and when the novelty of the affair is over, they will begin to realize what they have done. In six months after the vows are spoken, their sentiments toward each other have undergone a change. Each has learned in married life more of the character of the companion chosen. Each discovers imperfections that, during the blindness and folly of their former association, were not apparent. The promises at the altar do not bind them together. In consequence of hasty marriages, even among the professed people of God, there are separations, divorces, and great confusion in the church." Review and Herald, 09-25-88, par. 9.

  • "This kind of marrying and giving in marriage is one of Satan's special devices, and he succeeds in his plans almost every time. I have the most painful sense of helplessness when parties come to me for counsel upon this subject. I may speak to them the words that God would have me; but they frequently question every point, and plead the wisdom of carrying out their own purposes; and eventually they do so. They seem to have no power to overcome their own wishes and inclinations, and will marry at all hazards. They do not consider the matter carefully and prayerfully, leaving themselves in the hands of God, to be guided and controlled by his Spirit. The fear of God does not seem to be before their eyes. They think they understand the matter fully, without wisdom from God, or counsel from man. When it is too late, they find that they have made a mistake, and have imperiled their happiness in this life and the salvation of their souls. They would not admit that any one knew anything about the matter but themselves, when if counsel had been received, they might have saved themselves years of anxiety and sorrow. But advice is only thrown away on those who are determined to have their own way. Passion carries such individuals over every barrier that reason and judgment can interpose." Review and Herald, 09-25-88, par. 10.
  • "Love is a plant of heavenly origin. It is not unreasonable; it is not blind. It is pure and holy. But the passion of the natural heart is another thing altogether, While pure love will take God into all its plans, and will be in perfect harmony with the Spirit of God, passion will be headstrong, rash, unreasonable, defiant of all restraint, and will make the object of its choice an idol. In all the deportment of one who possesses true love, the grace of God will be shown. Modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality, and religion will characterize every step toward an alliance in marriage. Those who are thus controlled, will not be absorbed in each other's society, at a loss of interest in the prayer-meeting and the religious service. Their fervor for the truth will not die on account of the neglect of the opportunities and privileges that God has graciously given to them." Review and Herald, 09-25-88, par. 11.
  • "Every faculty of those who become affected by this contagious disease--blind love--is brought in subjection to it. They seem to be devoid of good sense, and their course of action is disgusting to all who behold it. My brother, you have made yourself a subject of talk and have lowered yourself in the estimation of those whose approval you should prize. With many the crisis of the disease is reached in an immature marriage, and when the novelty is past and the bewitching power of love-making is over, one or both parties awake to their true situation. They then find themselves ill-mated, but united for life. Bound to each other by the most solemn vows, they look with sinking hearts upon the miserable life they must lead. They ought then to make the best of their situation, but many will not do this. They will either prove false to their marriage vows or make the yoke which they persisted in placing upon their own necks so very galling that not a few cowardly put an end to their existence." Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 110-111.
  • Instead of spending our time and energy in dating, we need to be preparing for the life that the Lord has in store for us.
  • WHAT DO WE DO?
    1. So, what DO we do?
    2. Looking back again at the story of Isaac, what do we see?
      1. He was busy fulfilling the duties of his home life.
        1. When he was ready for marriage, God provided.
      2. In the same way, Rebekah was fulfilling her duty at her home.
        1. She was not dreaming about getting married.
        2. But her kindness to Eleazer and his camels showed that she could well take care to the duties of a household.
    3. When I thought about these things
      1. I decided that I would continue to let God work out His plans for me.
      2. When I think about it honestly, I am not ready for marriage.
        1. I am not ready to take that responsibility.
      3. And I do not want to have an emotional relationship with someone I know I will not marry.
        1. I want to save all my heart for the special someone that God has for me.
        2. Since I don't know who it is yet, I have no reason to think about it.
  • WHAT TIME IS THE RIGHT TIME?
    1. First, to answer this, we should find out when is the wrong time.
      1. God will not call you to a marriage relationship while you are in school.
        1. "Some of those who attend the college do not properly improve their time. Full of the buoyancy of youth, they spurn the restraint that is brought to bear upon them. Especially do they rebel against the rules that will not allow young gentlemen to pay their attentions to young ladies. Full well is known the evil of such a course in this degenerate age. In a college where so many youth are associated, imitating the customs of the world in this respect would turn the thoughts in a channel that would hinder them in their pursuit of knowledge and in their interest in religious things. The infatuation on the part of both young men and women in thus placing the affections upon each other during school days shows a lack of good judgment. As in your own case, blind impulse controls reason and judgment. Under this bewitching delusion the momentous responsibility felt by every sincere Christian is laid aside, spirituality dies, and the judgment and eternity lose their awful significance." Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 110.
        2. You are not in school to find a mate!
      2. If you are in school, it is fitting that you should remain single, with your heart committed to the Lord, and to your studies, until He sees fit to let you share your love and dedication with another.
    2. I find a lot of direction from these verses:
      1. "But I would have you without carefulness [anxiety]. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.
      2. We must admit that a boyfriend or girlfriend takes up a lot of our thoughts. (I've had one or two in my past).
        1. And we are so busy, that we cannot afford this.
      3. That is why Paul brings up the point that you want to attend upon the Lord without distraction.
        1. It is not His will for any of us to have a series of "special" friends of the opposite gender throughout our youth.
          1. Yes, we can have many friends, and many of the opposite gender, but to always be seeking one on which to display special affection is not in His plan.
        2. He wants us to reserve those affections for the one that He has chosen for us. In the meantime, our whole heart is reserved for Him.
          1. "Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart." Psalm 119:2.
          2. "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13.
    3. Jeremiah 6:16 says, "Stand ye in the ways, and see: and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein."
      1. I have chosen the old path that I have found in the Word.
        1. I hope that you will too.
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