Book 3: Steve’s in Charge?

Written by: Al & Cari

Finished: August 2007

Author’s Note: This is the first bookstore story that we wrote that we really liked.

“You?” Joyce gasped. “They left you in charge?”

Raquel looked up from Are they real or fake? article in In Touch.

“That’s right.” Steve stuck out his chest and did a Tarzan impression. “You’ve got me for the next couple of hours.”

Raquel raised an eyebrow at Joyce. “Where’s Tracy?”

“She’s closing. Betty opened this morning, and Nate came in to have a long meeting with Betty and Shane about performance evaluations in the next two weeks.”

Steve gave a big sigh. “Well, let’s get to work. David will be in soon. Joyce, can you work in the kids section please? Raquel, can you watch registers for the next couple of hours?”

“And what are you going to do?” Raquel asked.

“Me? I’m going to run the info desk.”

Steve was hoping for an ominous silence, instead he got a worried blank stare and a sneer.

“Well, I’ll be there if you need me.”

Raquel and Joyce exchanged glances, and looked at the clock.

“A couple hours?” Joyce winced.

“Probably longer.” Raquel went back to her magazine. “They’re talking about employee reviews, and you know how Nate and Betty like to ramble.”

Joyce slid the magazine across the counter and flipped it around so she could look at it. “You alone would give them at least an hour’s worth of crap to talk about.”

“Give that back.”

“Do you really care if Jessica Simpson got implants?”

A middle-aged woman, large enough to have Raquel and Joyce glance at the bookcases to make sure nothing shook off as she walked, squeezed into the store. “I have a return,” her voice raspy and short, like her hair.

“Bye.” Joyce took off before Raquel could protest.

“Come back!” Raquel called.

The woman peeled her purse strap from her shoulder and shimmied it down her arm to a thunk on the counter. “I have it in here. Just a second.” The purse was the size of a duffle bag, and the woman’s arm disappeared up to the shoulder inside it.

“Is that where you keep your elephant?” Raquel asked.

The woman didn’t hear her over all the rummaging. “It was in here last week. I saw it when I was looking for my corndog.”

Raquel didn’t ask.

“Here.” The woman flipped her bag upside down. The contents of which splashed across the counter, dropped on the floor, or rolled under the displays. It was anything from makeup, mints, candy wrappers, pens, tampons, jewelry, loose change, and Raquel even thought she saw the corndog roll into the journal section, but maybe she was imagining it. The last thing to drop out was a white, plastic bag with the Borders logo on the front. “This is what I want to return.”

“I want you to return all that crap to your purse.”

“Excuse me?”

“What book is it?”

The lady picked through the plastic like she was peeling the wrapper off a greasy hamburger. “These.” She shook it out. It was a used and abused copy of Men Are From Mars Women are From Venus and a second in just as bad shape Dating for Dummies. “I bought them at some bookstore in the airport on my way to Nebraska.”

“Why are you returning them?”

“I don’t need them.”

Raquel eyed her. “You’re right. I think you’d have a better chance of getting laid if you read the South Beach Diet.”

The woman’s eyes bugged out. “How dare you!”

“Look, lady, I can’t return these. Not only are we not Borders, but we don’t take back used books.”

“These aren’t used. I didn’t read them.”

“Maybe not, but it looks like you tried to eat them.”

The woman slammed her fist on the counter. “How dare you treat me this way! What kind of customer service are they teaching you! I want to talk to your manager!”

“Gladly. Hey, Steve. I need you.”

Steve was in the middle of looking up a writing book for a skinny young man in blue jeans, a blue T-shirt, and glasses.

“I’ll take over this,” Joyce volunteered and pushed Steve out of the way. “She’s got a feisty one.”

“What?” Steve’s face turned white. “What do you mean by feisty?”

“You’ll see.”

Frightened, Steve made his way to the front desk where the large woman glared at Raquel. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. Shane had put him in charge for the night, and this was his chance to prove himself. “Can I be of some assistance here?” he asked, striding purposefully forward.

“Yes.” The woman snapped. “This young lady,” she spat, “refuses to return these books.”

Steve glanced at the books, then at Raquel, who arched her eyebrows, waiting to see how this would play out. “Why can’t she return them?”

“Hello! Are you blind? Look at the condition of them. Not to mention, they’re from Borders.” Raquel shoved them in Steve’s face.

Steve backed away, wrinkling his nose at the odd odor that drifted from the books. “Well…they’re a little used-“

“Ah hah,” the woman said triumphantly. “You see? Now, I want my money back for them.”

“Well…um…without the receipt-“

“I have the receipt.” The woman rummaged through the items spread out on the counter. Raquel backed away, glancing towards the back of the store. If she slipped away now…but on the other hand, if she did leave, she’d never be able to tell Tracy exactly how Steve’s first management job went. And that was too good to pass up.

“It’s in here somewhere.” The woman grabbed for a wad of papers that looked like it had been through the laundry. As she peeled them apart, Steve said,

“And…you do know that this isn’t a Borders-“

The woman’s eyes came up and cast a glare at Steve. “What’s the difference?”

“Well...they’re a corporate store. And we’re privately owned-“

“So what? You all sell the same thing. This is a book store, isn’t it? Everywhere I look, I see books. You have to return these.”

“Um…” Steve gave Raquel a distressed look as the woman continued searching for her receipt.

“Hey. You’re the manager.”

Steve swallowed, glancing over his shoulder towards the back room, as if Betty or Shane would walk out at any moment to give him a hand. No one appeared. The only other employee in the store was Joyce, but Steve spotted her in the non-fiction section of the store, showing Francis, the regular in the store, a book. She caught his glance and offered a grin.

“Well, I know I had it.” The woman tossed the papers over her shoulder and leaned her massive bulk across the counter. “I can tell you exactly who rang me up. I was at your SeaTac airport store.“

“We don’t have a SeaT-“

“And it was a bald man with glasses and a rather hoarse voice. You can call them, verify that I was there!”

“I’m sure you were, ma’am, but again, we’re not a Borders.“

“I purchased those books and have decided not to keep them! I demand my money back!”

Raquel hid a laugh inside a cough and wondered how much longer Steve would be able to handle this.

“I…I don’t know…” Steve stammered, facing turning red with anxiety. “There’s a Borders down at the mall-it’s only a few minutes-“

“I don’t want to go there-I’m already here!” The counter creaked as she leaned further over, as if she was going to make a grab for Steve. “What kind of manager are you!?”

Raquel watched in interest as the blood drained from Steve’s face.The bell over the front door chimed and she looked up to see Denae enter the store. She made her way quickly over to her. “What brings you here?”

“I heard shouting.” Denae winced when she saw the woman at the counter. Her eyes landed on the remains of a corndog not far from the woman’s feet. “I’m going to bet she doesn’t have a thyroid problem.” She saw Joyce, who was busy staring at the computer behind the Information Center. “Where’s all your managers?”

“Gone. They left Steve in charge.” Raquel said with a grin.

Denae choked on laughter. “I have to go get Collin. This is going to be way too much fun to miss.” She hurried out of the store and Raquel returned to the front desk.

“I demand that you call the store and verify that I am a loyal customer!”

“What’s the number?” Steve stammered.

“How should I know? I don’t call the place, I only go there when I fly.”

“Where’s the phone book?” Steve asked Raquel.

“I think Amber uses it as a step-stool.” Amber’s shortness was always the butt of some joke.

Steve heaved the phonebook off the floor, pushed aside all the woman’s accessories and garbage, and flipped it open on the counter.

“Look under Borders,” the woman reminded.

“Is that with an ‘a’?”

Raquel rolled her eyes and held up the plastic bag with the black and red logo. “Does it look like it has an ‘a’?”

Pause. “That can’t be right. That doesn’t even look like a real phone number.”

“Just dial, Steve.”

After a few rings, and cheerful lady answered the phone, “Good morning! Thank you for calling Borders at the SeaTac airport. How can I help you?”

“Hi, uh, I was told to call you.”

Pause. “Call me? Who is this?”

“I’m Steve.”

Another pause. “Well, how can I help you, Steve?”

“Do you get a lot of people flying to Nebraska buy things at your store?”

“What?”

“Specifically an elephant—I mean, a large woman. She said she bought a couple of books from your store, and she says that she’s a regular.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about. When did she buy them?”

Steve covered the mouthpiece. “When did you buy the books, ma’am?”

The woman shifted her wait to her other foot. Raquel grasped the counter. “I think last year sometime. I think it was in the spring. It was a rainy day.”

“You bought these a year ago?”

“Or maybe it was fall. Does it rain a lot in the fall?”

Steve spoke back in the phone. “I don’t think you can help me. She spoke to a bald guy with glasses.”

“He’s not here. “

“Do you remember ever seeing a rather large woman in your store browsing the relationships section?”

“What do you mean by large? Like a basketball player?”

“Like, the plane couldn’t take off with her on it.”

“Why yes. I remember that nice woman. She flies up here from Nebraska every once in a while to visit her family. I think her children live here. She showed me pictures, they were adorable, look just like her.”

Steve glanced at the woman in front of her and wondered how anything adorable could possibly have come out of her. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same woman?”

“What do you need to know about her?”

“She bought a couple of books from your store, and she wants to return them here.”

“So…why don’t you return?”

“She choked on them and spit them out.”

“What?”

Steve covered the mouthpiece again. “Why am I calling this place?” He looked at Raquel for the answer.

“Because you’re a dimwit.”

This time into the phone. “I don’t know why I called. I hope you have a nice day.” And he hung up. He turned back to he woman. “She verifies you are a regular there, but I still can’t return the books. You can return them there next time you fly out.”

Out of the corner of Steve’s eye, he saw Denae and Collin walk in and browse the section nearby.

“I refuse to leave this store until I get my cash refund.”

At that moment, a car stopped out front and David got out. He swung his backpack over his shoulder, slammed the car door shut and marched in to start his shift.

“I’m sorry.”

“I want to speak to your manager. I’m going to file a complaint at the top of the corporate ladder and will get you fired!”

“This isn’t a corporation, ma’am.”

Raquel put her hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Don’t bother. She’s lost it. Call the cops.”

“What’s going on?” David asked. “It looks like JCPenney exploded in here.”

“Was that Tracy that dropped you off?” Raquel asked.

“This lady wants to return these books,” Steve explained.

David looked down at the two books. There was a brief silence. “So, why don’t you return them?”

“Look at them,” Steve insisted.

David looked back down at them. “They’re books.”

“Yes, I know they’re books.”

“We sell books here.”

“Yes, I know we sell books here.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“Argh!” Steve shouted.

“I’ll be in the back if you need me.” David left.

“You should listen to that guy. He’s smart. I’m going to get him promoted,” the woman said.

“David would rather poke his eyes out with a fork than be promoted,” Raquel said.

“What are you going to do about my books?”

Steve was beginning to cave-what would be the harm in returning the books? “Maybe…maybe I could return them-“

The woman’s eyes lit up. “That’s more like it!”

“In return for store credit…”

“Store credit?” The woman repeated, and judging from the look on her face, Steve knew that this would not end well. “I don’t want store credit. I want my cash back! I don’t even shop here!”

“Then why are you here now?” Raquel wanted to know.

“Was I talking to you?!”

Raquel caught Denae’s eye, and they shared a smile.

“An exchange?” Steve managed in a timid voice. “How about an exchange for some other books?“

“If they didn’t work for me in the first place, what makes you think they’ll work for me now!?”

“Maybe you should try some diet books.”

The woman whipped around to Raquel, her huge right arm knocking over a display of bookmarks. The bookmarks flew through the air, adding to the mess already all over the floor and counter. A beaded bookmark struck Steve in the face and in the relationship section, Denae and Collin burst into laughter.

“I could get you fired.” The woman ground out, her pig-like eyes glaring at Raquel, who shrugged.

“I heard there was an opening at Hot Topic. You might be doing me a favor.”

Frustrated, she turned back to Steve. “I want my money!”

“OK, OK!” Steve finally shouted, fed up with everything. “I’ll return them! For crying out loud!” He grabbed the books and began the return process in the computer. He withdrew a piece of paper and handed it to the woman, who was gloating. “I just need your name, address, phone number and reason why you-“

“Why?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why should I fill all that out? You don’t need that information. I just want my money back.”

“But…” Steve looked helplessly at Raquel, who tried to hold in her laughter. “It’s the paperwork that everyone who returns stuff has to fill out.”

“Where’s that young man that just came in here? I want to talk to him.” Joyce hurried from the Information Center to the backroom to retrieve David.

“But…but I’m the one in charge-!”

The door opened, the bell rang, and two teenage girls walked in. They stopped when they heard shouting.

“What’s up?” Raquel called to them. Steve and the woman stopped arguing for a moment and turned to see who Raquel had greeted.

“Um…” The shorter of the two reached into her bag and extracted a book. “I have a return…my grandma said she got it here…” She glanced at the mess on the floor, then at the large woman. “But if there’s a problem…”

“Nope. Step on up. Watch out for the corndog-don’t wanna get that on your shoes.” Raquel glanced at the gaping woman. “Don’t be shy.” She told the girls. “She doesn’t bite. Well, maybe. I don’t know if she’s had dinner yet.”

The girls fled the store. It was then David showed up.

“I can’t fill this out,” the woman told David.

David looked at the piece of paper. “Did you forget your name address and phone number?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then why can’t you?”

The woman stared at him blankly for a moment. “It’s the principle of the thing.”

“What does that even mean?” Raquel snickered.

“Then don’t fill it out. Let me see it.” David picked up a pen.

Name: Jane Dick ________

Address: the Batcave________

Phone:an area code plus 7 numbers

Reason for Return: Batman doesn’t have

time to read

“That wasn’t so hard,” David said.

“Shane will freak!” Steve exclaimed. “We can’t turn that in.”

“Why not? It’s true,” Raquel observed. “The Batcave is probably the only place she’ll fit.”

David finished the return and handed the lady her money.

“You can’t give cash back without a receipt!” Steve grabbed his head.

“Thank you very much,” the woman said. With one swift swipe, she knocked everything on the counter back into her purse, and turned around to glare at Steve, “I won’t forget you.”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” Raquel called after her.

“I’m going to get fired!” Steve dropped his elbows onto the counter and then his face into his hands. “The first time they leave me in charge and I blow it!”

“Cheer up. I painted horns on Betty’s grandkids and didn’t get fired.”

“Why did you give her cash?”

David dropped the books back into the Borders bag. “If I gave her store credit she would have come back.”

“Good thinking,” Raquel nodded.

“I think you did a great job.” Denae set the book down she was flipping through and came to cheer him up. “Honeybunny, don’t you think he did a good job?”

“Yes, he did.” Collin was learning not to argue with her. “Real top-notch managing. I couldn’t have done better myself.”

“It’s great you should say that,” Raquel said, “’cause I think she wants coffee.”

The group turned to see the woman make a sharp right into the coffee shop where Denae and Collin worked. “Oh crap.”

“I’m not going over there,” Collin said.

“I’m not either.”

“Then who’s going to help her?”

“Not me.”

“Hey, maybe you should wait,” Raquel suggested. “If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll have a heart attack and die before she notices no one is there.”

“Let’s both go,” Denae compromised.

“Yes, both of you go,” David insisted.

“Good luck,” Raquel called after them.

“What about the paperwork for the return?” Steve whined.

“Here.” David pulled out another piece of paper and wrote:

Customer refused information and was uncooperative with staff. We gave her a cash refund instead of calling the cops at Steve’s discretion.

D.H.

“Staple this to the return slip and you’re home free.”

Steve read the note. “I’m a dead man.”

“Where’s our stapler?” Raquel asked suddenly. “It was here on the counter.”

A loud crash came from next door. “I said decaf! Are you deaf?!” came a shout through the wall.

“Nevermind. She can keep it.”

“Do you think she threw it at them?” David wondered.

“We have to get his place cleaned up!” Steve panicked. “The real managers cannot see it this way!”

“Is that a corndog?”

“AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!” Steve grasped his head and ran into the back room.

The remaining three looked at each other.

“Well, is it?” Joyce asked again.

“Look who’s back.” Raquel pointed to the door. Denae walked in soaked and reeking of coffee.

“She threw her drink on me when I didn’t give her decaf,” Denae sniffed.

“Where is she now?” Joyce peeked over Denae’s shoulder outside to the parking lot. The woman’s car sunk three inches closer to the ground when she sat down inside. “Whoa. I hope she doesn’t break her tailbone going over the speedbumps.”

“Why didn’t you give her decaf?” Raquel asked.

“She didn’t say she wanted decaf. Thank goodness she’s gone.” Denae wiped her nose with the back of her arm.

“Here comes loverboy.”

“Are you ok, babycakes?” he asked Denae.

“Hell no I’m not ok!” Denae screamed. “You left me up there alone with her! Look at me! She tried to kill me!”

“I think you’re exaggerating.”

“No, she’s not,” Raquel interjected.

“Raquel, zip it,” Joyce warned.

“I’m sorry, snookums, but the coffee needed to be rebrewed,” Collin explained.

“You two need to leave before you make more of a mess than we already have.” Joyce pushed between them, accidentally bumping into Denae who tripped backwards and knocked over the bookmark spinner, which in turn caused a domino effect of tables spilling down the cashwrap line. When the dust settled, Denae was on her butt in a sea of tassels. “Oops.”

“That’s not funny!” Denae snapped. She pushed herself up. “Come on, Collin, let’s go back to where we’re welcome.”

“We’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing near you,” Raquel quipped.

“What was that?!” Steve ran out of the back room in hysterics. “Did somebody die?”

“No, but I think we lost the corndog.”

“AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!” Steve screamed again.

“David, take him in the back room,” Joyce ordered. “Raquel and I will start cleaning up. Tracy and Amber should be in soon to help.”

“We won’t have enough time! They should be back any minute!” Steve shouted. “I’m going to get fired! How did you let this happen?”

“It wouldn’t have happened if you were out here supervising us,” Raquel said.

Steve looked faint.

“David, get him in the back, now,” Joyce took charge. “Calm him down anyway you can. Hose him down with the water cooler for all I care. Raquel, one more sarcastic remark, and I swear I’ll shove that corndog down your throat.”

…73 minutes later…

Amber stood at the registers, calmly helping a customer. Raquel leaned over the counter of the other register and flipped through Hello. Joyce had gone home, and David calmly helped a customer navigate the history section. Nate, Shane, and Betty came out of the back room with Steve.

“The store looks great, Steve,” Nate congratulated. “I knew you could do it. I can always count on you.”

“Thanks Nate. It was no problem. All smooth sailing,” Steve puffed himself up. He shook Nate’s hand vigorously.

“I want to work on your development. We’ll sit down and talk about your areas of opportunity, and I’ll make sure to utilize your strengths more than we have been in the past.”

“Thank you, Nate. I’ve got all sort of ideas I’m sure you’ll love to hear. I have a notebook I write them all down in. I’ll show it to you sometime.”

“My, what a great idea,” Betty cheered.

“What a way to show initiative,” Nate added. “You’re free to go home now. Thanks for your hard work.”

Steve walked out of the store with a smile on his face. It’s a good thing Raquel wasn’t there to see it.

“We were lucky to get him,” Nate mused.

“He’s such a nice boy,” Betty added.

“I don’t know,” Shane said. “I find it hard to believe we were gone for two hours and there’s wasn’t a single incident. Steve’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.”

“Nonsense,” Nate scoffed. “Once he gets onboard with management training he’ll show his full potential.”

Nate and Betty left soon afterwards. Shane had to stay until Tracy showed up, who called and said she’d be late. He wandered through the store casually checking things out.

“Whatcha looking for?” Raquel asked him.

Shane shrugged. “I don’t know. Something seems off.”

“The wiring in your brain?”

Shane glared at her.

“Sorry, I’m late.” Tracy set her purse down on the counter. “Is Nate still here? I wanted to talk to him.”

Raquel noticed David look up from his work to eye Tracy up and down.

“You’re boyfriend didn’t tell us you’d be late,” Raquel said.

“Huh?”

“No, Nate left,” Shane said.

“Hmm.” Tracy pulled her purse back over her shoulder. “I’ll go clock in so you can leave.”

“It looks like Steve did a good job running things while we were gone.”

“You mean that?” Amber asked Shane.

“Yeah,” Shane finally agreed. “I guess I was paranoid, but everything looks great, and you all are working.”

Raquel stifled a laugh.

“Something wrong?”

“No, but it’s time for me to go.” Raquel shut her magazine. “Good bye.”

“Maybe I underestimated Steve,” Shane pondered. “Maybe he does have what it takes.”

“I’m back. You can leave, Shane.” Tracy took Raquel’s spot behind the register. Shane went to grab his stuff. Once alone, Tracy turned to Amber. “Is that a corndog on the floor?”

“Shh!” Amber said. “You’ll give away the secret.”