But let's dispel all of that. The Village was terrible. The plot idea, which lasts for about 80% of the movie and then is completely discarded, is simply not very good to begin with. (Then again, his name is still M. Night Shyamalan). Nobody is allowed to go into the woods because there are "monsters" in them, but a blind girl has to eventually get to the town to get medicine for her injured love interest. First of all, it takes quite some time to realize that the girl is seriously blind, as she appears to be able to still understand that certain things are red and still be able to walk perfectly fine, until of course she needs help. Then she stumbles around with her hands outward, looking for her man. What the fuck? It seems Shyamalan forgot she was supposed to be blind 75% of the time.
The romance is poorly developed anyway. The girl falls in love with a guy who speaks about five words to her and generally ignores her for unknown reasons. Then of course, there is a twist. The town retard (literally) is in love with the girl (Ivy) and stabs the guy (Lucius) apparently because he's retarded. That must have been an interesting brainstorming session by Shyamalan. "Hey, I've got it. I'll make the retarded guy be the killer for no apparent reason."
Now so far, only discussing about two events, I've basically narrated the first 90 minutes of this movie to you. Yes, it's that boring. Nothing happens; you simply wait for something that never actually comes. Then Shyamalan figures it's about time to make a point out of this movie for the last half hour, so he takes a completely different concept and decides to push that, practically creating a second movie (one that still sucks). All of the sudden, Ivy finds out that there are actually no monsters in the woods, and that the old people in the town simply dressed up as monsters and made up stories to keep the people out of the town.
The story is actually set in the present day, as you realize when Ivy reaches the outside world. The elders want the young people to never know of the towns because they want to live in a world without money; without greed. A small little subplot is developed as the movie turns into a lesson about corporate greed and the pains of money. (Rich relatives are murdered for their money and so on, from present-day newspaper clippings shown). So basically, all of the plot that is sort of developed for 90 minutes is just completely axed, and the movie now becomes a story of greed and how if we spend money, we will kill people. Yeah.
So Ivy gets the medicine from the outside world and brings it back, and then the movie is over. Yes, I'm serious. Nothing else happens. The Village is basically two movies of nothing but a beginning and some rising action. It is so fucking boring that you might be brought to tears. The acting is awful. Seriously. This is a talented cast, if you look through the credits. But the acting and screenplay is laughable. I laughed at many of the lines and how they were carried out. The Puritan-type language is incredibly forced, and I have never seen less emotion in words. Apparently they filmed the version where everyone was having a be like Ben Stein contest as opposed to the version where people are actually good actors. I'm pretty sure myself in a middle school play was better off. Will Malan would own their lives.
So if you haven't already guessed, I suggest you skip The Village, or maybe run from it at full speed. Nonetheless, I managed to get some self-provided entertainment out of it. I was with the right people to entertain myself (Terry, Tony, Dylan, Mike, Megan, Katie) and was sitting by a hyper and extremely bored Terry. I was in tears laughing because I crack myself up. Even if nobody else finds it funny. Terry did, though. We decided that the movie was bad enough; it needed more of us. We decided to do the Movie Preview voice; that deep, throaty growl.
Nate: One man...one village...one DESTINY!
Terry: One village...one testicle...
Nate: One Tony...one Dylan...one DESTINY!
It continued on in that way for a good ten to fifteen minutes, which I found simply hilarious for some reason. Most people thought it was funny, but a guy and his girlfriend (who was wearing a do-rag, much to my amusement) wasn't pleased. He turned around and said to us, "You guys really need to shut the fuck up." This was apparently the funniest thing myself, Terry, and the surrouding audience had ever heard. Terry starts crying tears of joy, I follow shortly thereafter. Naturally, this prompts Terry.
Terry: One dude...one movie...one shut the fuck up...
I couldn't take it anymore; I was dying. Terry kept mocking him, telling him how mad he was getting and how he was freaking out. We had more fun with the retarded killer and the mention of "magic rocks" in the movie, which apparently Shyamalan didn't realize was either A) corny or B) easily mistaken for crack. Either way, the moral is that there is always a way to entertain yourself at the expense of other people.