Braveheart starts out with narration from Robert the Bruce, the future King of Scotland. The nobles of Scotland and England arranged peace talks in Scotland, where Edward I (Longshenks) has all of the Scottish nobles hanged. Now there's a quick start. Young William Wallace witnesses this and remembers it for the rest of his life. William's father and brother decide to stir up a rebellion against the English. They are both killed. At the funeral, a young girl hands William a thistle as he mourns the death of his family. His uncle shows up and they leave Scotland, heading to Rome and France on a pilgrimage of sorts (pilgrimage=journey to some sort of sacred place). Though Wallace actually had three uncles, there is a time limit on movies, after all.

At this time there is really no control over Scotland. Longshenks (King of England) is essentially in control due to his power. His son marries the princess of France, filler filler, yeah, Wallace needs time to grow up so he can kick some ass. Longshenks gets tired of the Scottish so he decides to attempt to breed them out with "prima nocte" or "first night." (Again for the slow, meaning the English lords get to bang the Scottish wives on the first night of their marriage). Anyway, Wallace comes back in the form of the mighty Mel Gibson, even though Wallace was extremely tall for the time.

They have a Scottish wedding festival, all the random "aye's" and other funny- sounding Scottish phrases are scattered everywhere. The wife is taken for prima nocte. This causes Wallace to think. He leaves with Murron (the girl who gave him the thistle) and takes her on some sort of Scottish date, against the will of her parents. After about two days (yeah, he's a pimp), he marries her in secret to avoid prima nocte. But the English lords discover this and attempt to take this prima nocte with Murron. Wallace won't have this, of course, and he kicks a little ass. Murron (based on Wallace's real wife Marian Braidfoot) is captured, though. She is taken to the center of town, where she is killed by the English lord.

So Wallace decides to kick some ass. He gets his Scottish pals together and they kill all of the soldiers. This begins a rebellion spurred by revenge for the death of his wife. Wallace and crew travel across Scotland, burning English garrisons and fighting minor battles. Edward II (who is actually gay, and was killed by having a hot poker shoved up his ass. Apparently people back then were also witty), is in charge at the time while Longshenks is on leave in France. Edward II sends the northern army to confront Wallace at Stirling Bridge. Wallace takes control of the army, who has no leadership through the feuding Scottish nobles. Through brilliant military tactics, Wallace and the army defeats the heavy horse charge and then they fucking beat down some English ass in the infantry charge, which is enough to get anybody's testosterone pumping.

After Stirling, Wallace decides to invade England. He sacks York and Longshenks takes him seriously. He sends Princess Isabella, Edward II's wife, to speak with Wallace. Isabella learns much about Wallace's cause and essentially sides with him while they speak. Wallace knows that he needs to defeat Longshenks for Scotland to gain its freedom. He attempts to unite the nobles, and trusts Robert the Bruce to unite the nobles. But he does not. Bruce listens to his father and sides with Longshenks for title and land, which is a recurring theme in the movie (freedom versus possession).

At Falkirk, Wallace is once again ready to defeat the English thanks to tactics. Again, he defeats the heavy horse. The infantry then fights and Wallace signals for the noble horsemen to come up and finish off the charge for freedom. But he was betrayed. The nobles leave the battlefield because Longshenks gave them possession. Worse, Wallace is speared by the Bruce and discovers that the Bruce betrayed him too. He escapes, though, and comes back to kill the nobles that betrayed him. The Bruce stays alive.

Wallace meets the Princess again and bangs her, because he is a pimp. She has helped him many times throughout the movie. This never actually happened historically, but who cares. Wallace is eventually captured by the English and is tortured, then killed. He has a vision of Murron and smiles at his death. After his death, Robert the Bruce unites Scotland and wins Scottish freedom from the English.

Besides all of the great things about the movie such as the music that I told you about, there are some issues in it that make you think. Is William Wallace really the main character? If you look at it closely, the main character is truly Robert the Bruce. Wallace has to make no decisions except to fight. He is almost superhuman and does not have any faults to overcome. The Bruce, on the other hand, is the one character that has to change by the end of the movie. He eventually understands that there are some things that are more important than posession.