For those that know Jon and the "Jon Story," this is not the ordinary Jon Story (which usually involves a series of, "Dude... dude; it was so crazy this weekend. I walked to Barbs and I saw this crazy thing..."). This is the story that he should tell when he's out of 2/7 straights beating Pocket Aces stories. I am unsure of why we were at the Camp Hill Mall, because I'm not sure anyone would notice if there was some sort of alien satellite floating over it. This is the mall that everyone laughs at. Either way, being Jon, he wanted to go to the candy store. We walked into Yummy Gummy Zoo and meandered over to the Jelly Bellies.
"How much is it for one jelly bean?" Jon asks the teenage girl behind the counter.
"Er...well, you can just have it."
"How much for two jelly beans?"
"Well...that's okay, too..."
Apparently Jon has noticed a pattern. "How much for three jelly beans?"
"Look...just have some but don't take all of them!"
This satisfies him. He "samples" a bunch of jelly beans from just about every option. I join. We laugh.
A few days later, Jon convinced me to come back to the store, after he asked the girl when she would be working again at a different time. We strolled into the Zoo and chuckled as we noticed that the girl was working. After sampling again, Jon struck up a few conversations with the girl as I walked around and randomly entertained myself.
We leave the store when her boss comes in. "I think I'm gonna ask this girl out," Jon says.
"What the hell? She's the fucking Yummy Gummy Zoo girl," I reply.
"I need to have ONE girlfriend, so that Terry or Mark or anyone else can't call me gay anymore."
I LOLed. (Yes, that is a joke). We went back in and talked to her a bit. Let's get some facts about the girl. In all honesty, she wasn't that horrible. Better than anyone would have expected for Jon (this is a fact and not meant to be offensive and is actually a compliment). Sure, there was the whole lisp thing, but...right, anyway, if I had taken about ten shots of Jack I'd probably put it in her. I think that's the best way to describe it. She wasn't fat. In fact, we talked about the things she did with her boyfriends, which made me think for a split second that Jon would get some after all this. I then realized that it's still Jon, but that split second was a moment of humor. could you imagine...no, no. We're not getting into it.
When the girl (who we had realized was named Ashley) was out of earshot, Jon said he was going to do it; HE WAS GOING TO ASK THIS GIRL OUT. Now this may not seem phenomenal if you don't know Jon, but at the time I was trying to remain composed and "distracted" by looking at random candies. Jon walks up to her (insert heart pounding background music).
"So...do you wanna go out with me?" (My mental laughter is starting to come alive. A chuckle flies out).
She mumbles something incoherently.
"What's your number...here's mine." (I am starting to believe that this girl actually said Yes to the record-holder
of consecutive rejections. This is too much to bear, and I exit the store with a grin on my face).
He comes outside with a smile on his face and I say in disbelief, "Did she really say yes?"
"Yeah. Nobody can fucking call me gay anymore!"
The Retrospect: This was Jondy's first (and at the current time, only) girlfriend. There was a bit of an uproar when "love u ashley" appeared in his AIM profile. This amused me. He went back and took candy from her candy store and "borrowed" at least twenty bucks from her. Let's clarify this: this was the first girlfriend he had ever had and he used her for the money and the candy (no, not the cherry type of candy. Literal candy). After a week or two, he never talked to her again. While he didn't get any at all, he still made out pretty well (no pun intended). When I am with a girl, it seems like I'm the one losing money. When Jon is with a girl, he gets money. I never thought I'd say it, but Advantage: Jon. All of us can learn from his pimping strategy, and always remember that asking a girl how much one jelly bean costs is a surefire way to hook up.