Girlfriend: And are you sure you love no one and me else?
Boyfriend : Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Father: Abraham Lincoln studied very hard at your age, Son That is why he could be a great person.
Son : Dad, but he became the President of the United States at your age (52 years old)!


Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.


Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher : Can anybody give an example of "Coincidence"?
Student : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.

Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?


Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David : You just send a telegram : Result declared, past year's performance repeated.


Patient: What are the chances of me recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.

There is this Good Old Barber in some city in US.
One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door. An Indian Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies; 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there -A Dozen of Indian Software engineers waiting for a free haircut...


For a change we have a smart Sardar.......
Q : What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?...
A : Problem...
Q : What do you call 10 Pakis on the moon?...
A : Problem...
Q : What do you call 100 Pakis on the moon?...
A : Problem...
Q :What do you call all the Pakis on the moon?...
A : ................ Problem Solved!


A big Sardar walked into a bar with his pet tiger on a leash and asked the bartender, "Do you serve Pakistanis here?".Sure we do," replied the bartender. Good," said the Sardar Give me a beer, and one Pakistani for my tiger."
One day, as the taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied priest. No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in." The happy priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road . Suddenly the Sardar (Sikh gentleman) saw a Pakistani walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the Pakistani. However even though he was certain he missed the Paki , he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that Pakistani" okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"


Indian Brain

Three guys, a Pak, a Sri Lankan and an Indian are out walking together one day They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie. The Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming. The Paki was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall , so that no foreigners could come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan. The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out." The Indian says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."


Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his ticket back home to Rawalpindi . At the counter he found that he was 10 pence short of the fare. Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers and begged.." Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!" "Here" said a Sardarji , reaching into his wallet and handing him one Pound "..keep the change and take nine of your countrymen with you!"


There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were Pakis, and one was a Sardar . They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the Sardar said,"I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the Sardar saying he would get off, all of the Pakis started clapping.
Problem solved.


What happened when there was a power cut at the Karachi airport?
Thousands of Pakistanis were stuck on the escalator.



A Paki news editor got 20 years in prison for calling the Prime Minister a fool, 5 years for the scandal and 15 for revealing a state secret!

Did you hear about the 747 jets which Crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who asked to be buried at sea? Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.


What do you do if you run over a Paki ? Reverse and make sure

Santa Singh Jokes
Banta was in the army.
During the war with Pakistan, Banta used his intelligence to kill many Pakistani soldiers. He would hide behind the bushes and shout Pakistani names like -Imran Khan the soldier named Imran Khan would get up to say "I am here !"Then Banta would shoot him down. This went on till Banta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handedly! Suddenly the Pakistani commander realized that Banta was killing all his soldiers by fooling them. So he decides to use Banta's own method to kill him and starts calling him names like Banta etc. Banta realizing that the Pakistani was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the Commander gets up to say "I called you." Banta shoots him down!


A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi (India) found himself needing a toilet badly. After a long search he could not find any. And eventually couldn't control and chose a silent corner of a clean street to relieve himself Once he had just started, a police official approached him, Hey, What do you think you're doing here?
Pakistani tourist: sorry I have to"P"
Police: No PP here okay? Follow me... The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around....
Policeman: PP here.. have a nice day the policeman said
Pakistani tourist: Oh sir ... that is very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?
Policeman: No... this is Pakistani Embassy !!


Pakistan just got their new Chinese fighter planes and sent a squadron of pilots there for training. Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, even fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!" But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha Oh," said the Chinese "leave that the Indian Air Force!*


A brain tumor patient with terminal disease was informed that he needed an immediate brain transplant operation. The Doctor told him, "You can have an Indian brain for $10,000 dollars or an American's for $5,000 dollars or I can give you 10 gms. of a Paki's brain for 100,000 dollars." The patient asked, "Why is the Paki's brain so much more expensive than the others?" Well," replied the surgeon, "we have to go through a lot of Pakistanis to find 10 gms of brain."


And the grand inale! an exciting sher rewritten by Ghalib for Pakistan's soldiers:
Khud ko kar buland
itna Ki Kargil ki choti pe ja pahuche
Aur khuda tujhse pooche
Abey gadhey ab utrega kaise?




A good one for all Pardesi People......
1. Mother-in law
In Des - A women capable of making your life miserable.
In Pardes - A women you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free?
2. Husband
In Des - A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings.
In Pardes - Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed.
3. Friend
In Des - A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome.
In Pardes - A person who you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy.
4. Wife
In Des - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower.
In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath.
5. Son
In Des - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
6. Daughter
In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when her doli is about to leave.
In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any doli time.
8. Father
In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
In Pardes - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.
9. Desi Engineer
In Des - A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai.
In Pardes - A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
10. Desi Doctor
In Des - A respectable person with ok income.
In Pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called "doctor ki biwi".
11. Bhangra
In Des - A vigorous Punjabi festival dance.
In Pardes - A desi dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.
12. Software Engineer
In Des - A high-tech guy always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue consulate visa line.
In Pardes - The same hitech guy, who does Ganapati puja everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US (or wherever)' every year.



Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!


When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.


My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.


I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.


The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.


SIGNS.....
Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives Sign at a barber's saloon in juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business

A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they Will never be.

Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager

Seen in railway station at Patna:
Aana free, Jaana free, Pakde gaye to khana free

Advertisement in Pune Shop:
Guitar, for sale...cheap...........no strings attached.

Sign in Pune bar:
"Those...Drinking to forget... Please pay in advance."

Arjun being disillusioned & Krishna trying to clear that disillusionment...
Krishna : Try to respect the e-mails of your elders, Arjun.
Arjun : But Vasudev, how dare I send junk mails to my honourable elders who are logged on honourable domain?

Krishna : Paarth, at this moment they neither are your friend nor your foes. They are mere mail-users. So follow your Net-dharma. Logon and send dozens of junk mails. This is your Karma and this alone is your Dharma.

Arjun : Hey Murari ! After seeing all this I feel like resigning from Software Industry.

Krishna : Bandhu, it seems you are caught in a viscous circle of Maaya. In this material world you have none and you are committed to none. Junk mails have existed before you came to this world and shall remain long after you are gone. Rise above this Maaya and perform your duty. Just keep firing junk mails.

Arjun : But Devaki Nandan...........!

Krishna : .....Victory or failure is not in your hands. So stop pondering about results. Don't waste your knowledge on the junk shastra bestowed by your Guru Dronacharya.

Arjun : Hey Keshav, how is junk mail related to the system ?

Krishna : Junk mail is just junk mail. It has no connection with Hardware. However, it is another aspect that it overloads the system....fills up the hard disk.. but you are not supposed to worry about it. Listen Kunti putra, the way Aatma leaves one physical body and moves onto another, likewise these junk mails move system to system.

Arjun : How can one define junk mail ?

Krishna : Neither fire can burn it.., nor air can dry it. Neither it can be conquered nor it can be defeated. He who sends junk mails cannot be looked down upon even by Mahadev..Junk mails are Immortal.

Arjun : Hey Narayan ! Now all my fandaas on junk mail are crystal clear. You have opened my eyes Yashoda Nandan, else I would have lost myself in Maaya and read all the junk mails myself.